A/N: I will be away for the weekend enjoying participating in a murder so I will not be posting again until probably Mon. or Tues. I really want to get over this hump of despair and begin some more pleasant chapters. I have them all ready so I can post them I just like to receive a few reviews before I post another chapter. Yes, I am greedy that way. Hey it is my only paycheck so cut me some slack. Erik and Pricilla will find their way through this current quagmire Erik has them in but only after he sinks a little deeper.

Chapter Ten

The Heart Will Go On

Erik had kept his eyes trained in the direction he knew would bring them home. He would not let himself think they, she, Pricilla would not return. The hours he had sat quietly waiting had afforded him some much needed time to sift through everything.

This half life Erik had forged for himself only felt slightly better than what he had previously. Erik had not spared himself anything when going over every fault he possessed. Not everything about him erred toward the negative. He did have a few redeeming qualities even if he rarely let them come to light.

Being a man of above average intelligence he knew that just because he had made the decision to rid himself of every physical reminder of Christine he would not overnight forget how he felt. Effort on his part would have to be diligently put forth if he was to win Pricilla's kind heart even if it must be as friends only.

He hoped for more as he still had no wish to remain celibate all the rest of his days. Things must change if he was to win her. He could not close himself off from everyone. He could still protect himself without keeping such an impregnable wall around his heart and feelings. He had to let her in even if only a little.

Naturally she would be curious about him. Well now she knew almost all there was to know. If that sent her running for the hills he had no one to blame but himself. He could have given her some bare facts to keep her happy. She would never have needed to know she had tied herself to a criminal and murderer, one who loved another woman.

Erik could see no reason any woman would want him, now even less than before. Pricilla had reason to fear him. In Erik's opinion he had committed a crime for which he could never really make amends. The deed once perpetrated was more hurtful than mere words carelessly spoken, they could not be unspoken just as his brutality could not be taken back. It would be a memory forever. Erik had committed both offenses against Pricilla.

When Erik saw the buggy coming down the road his heart jumped up into his throat. Every word he had rehearsed while waiting for them to return had been wiped away leaving him with nothing coherent to say. He could not say he liked this feeling of trepidation but he deserved every miserable moment of suffering and more.

Erik slowly walked down the steps feeling as if he were made of lead. He wiggled his fingers as he felt a strange numbness taking hold of him. The heavy thud of his heart felt like he might have an attack of some sort. From experience Erik knew this was the onset of a panic attack. If he did not get a grip he could hyperventilate and possibly pass out. What sort of way would that be to welcome his wife home?

Forcing calm while his inner self wanted to panic, Erik met the buggy on the drive. As he went to lift Pricilla from the seat Loretta put a hand on his arm stopping him from taking Pricilla into his arms. Pricilla looked so pale and fragile. Erik's guilt continued to eat at him as well it should.

"Erik I will not stand by and let you hurt her again. I don't know what happened between the two of you to bring this about but nothing she could have done deserved this sort of treatment. She is your wife not some woman of the streets who can expect this sort of thing from time to time.

This is the one and only time this will be put aside as Pricilla has asked me to keep silent on the matter. Well that part of my promise I shall only keep where it concerns those who would gossip. The next time, should there be a next time, you will not be dealing with this poor fragile woman. You will be dealing with me, a woman who has fended off drunken men all her life. I'll not go into the whys and where's of it, just know that I can be a formidable woman when my ire has been raised."

Erik swallowed not in fear but in admiration for this woman's bravery and loyalty to Pricilla. Erik had never had anyone who fought for him against all odds. Antoinette would have been the only one willing to lift a finger to defend him. He could not even say for sure if she would have as she had her own daughter to think of.

"I promise you Loretta on my honor, for what it's worth, that I will never raise a hand to her again. I cannot offer any explanation to you. Pricilla will be the first to hear anything from me. She deserves to know the man she married.

I…I have thought of little else since you left. It had occurred to me you might not come back."

"Well don't think I wouldn't have stayed in town if we could have found a place to go where you would not find us. Living out here does not give one a choice of where to go to get away from it all. Pricilla did not wish to involve her cousin in this. Should we have need to leave I would not be averse to sleeping on the train station's platform." Loretta had not as of yet regained her trust in Erik. She had known of men who treated their wives horribly then begged forgiveness all the while promising never to do such a thing again. The promise only held good until the next thing set the husband off.

Erik lifted Pricilla into his arms once again made aware just how delicate she was. He could break her so easily. Spying the tightly wrapped arm he thought he may already have broken her, the arm at least. Erik could not do anything to curb the tide of shame he felt. He had never harmed a woman to this degree in his life. He prayed he could hold back those dark forces within him so he would not ever lay a finger on Pricilla again. He would rather suffer all the agonies of his past than let her suffer one bruise he caused her.

Not stopping until he came to her room Erik opened the door then strode across to her bed. Carefully he placed her on top of her mattress. She stirred restlessly upon the cool covering of her bed. Blinking she tried to focus on the person hovering over her. When he came into focus at first she panicked to see Erik so close to her. He did not look as if he was a crazed maniac.

Croaking a little when she tried to speak Pricilla cleared her throat, "Erik? Are you…you won't hurt me again will you?" Pricilla hated the timidity lacing her words. The tremble in her voice did not speak of a confident, brave woman either.

Erik felt like sobbing to see such a shy, timid person nearly cringing in fear of him. It brought back too many images of Christine shrinking from him in fear. Reaching out his hand to touch her Erik felt another stab of guilt as Pricilla leaned away from him not trusting him not to hurt her in some way.

Tenderly Erik stroked his finger down her cheek, underneath her chin then on up her other cheek. His movements were slow, his touch as gentle as a butterfly's wings, his voice when he spoke was the one he used to calm terrified wild horses on the first day he tried to place a halter over their head.

"I promise you Pricilla I will never do anything like that again. I feel such shame for my actions. When you feel better we will talk. I think we should have had some conversation in the beginning. You have every right to know whatever you feel you need to know. Ask me any question and I will do my best to be as honest as I can be. I will not tell an untruth so you will see me in a good light. If you have read all that I wrote in my journal you will know most of my misdeeds but there are things that even I could not put into writing.

If I tell you everything perhaps you will understand the kind of man you married. I have never been a good or kind person Pricilla. Every day of my life was a struggle. That is no excuse but it formed the man you see before you. I have tried to change and I think I have in some respects. I found out today just how much more I have to go before I am suitable to be with anyone.

I'll do my best to win your trust back. I know I don't deserve it but I am asking for it. As I am professing all I must confess that what I said at Michael's and Charlotte's house was not the whole truth. It is hard for me to think of any woman being willing to be with me in any intimate way so I lied. I lied because I do find you attractive and I did want to take things further. My damn pride kept me from confessing the truth to you.

Forgive me for cursing but I am so angry with myself at the moment. In my journal…what I wrote about…about women, it is true. I am ashamed to admit it but I am no more experienced than you. I have never had anything more than a couple of kisses. Those too you would have read about.

I am a man like any other but my life did not give me the opportunity to explore those sorts of relationships as other men did. Now…now well…now I feel inadequate. I…I know the mechanics but have never put them into practice.

If…if ever you find you can forgive me perhaps we can learn together…that…that is if and only if you want it too. I will never force that on you. I hope I can rely on my honor as to that at least. I have already violated every other thing that is held in the highest regard by a gentleman. I won't fail again. On my life I will not fail either you or me again. If…if you can…would you…could you and I start fresh? Begin this minute as if we are just meeting?"

Tenderly Erik stroked his finger across the top of her hand. He dare not take any other liberties. He waited to see how she would react. She had remained silent through his whole confession with her lids covering her eyes so he could not read her reaction as her face remained unchanged.

Pricilla wanted to shout to the heavens that yes, yes, yes, she did forgive him, wanted him, even felt something for him that she had never felt for anyone else. When she had heard his confession about his attraction for her she had almost cast her resolution aside to make him suffer just a bit. He deserved that at least. She had held back her emotions.

"I too would like a fresh start. It will take time for me to be able to push what happened to the back of my mind. I do forgive you Erik. I can only imagine how difficult your life has been. I too have a confession. I…I do not find your face horrid Erik. I know I have not seen what you hide but what I do see is far better than many men have. I don't know what those people in your life told you, your journal hinted at some things but I am telling you the truth when I say you Erik Dante are an attractive man and I think myself one lucky woman to have you even if it was not entirely by your own choice. So yes, let us start fresh."

Sighing in relief Erik stood so he could leave her to get her rest. He had kept her long enough. She must be worn out by the day's emotional turmoil. When he had almost made it to the door Pricilla called him back, her voice so low he almost thought he had imagined it.

Turning back Erik waited expectantly to hear what else she had to say. What she did eventually said knocked the wind out of him she shocked him so badly.

"Erik will you kiss me?" Pricilla shocked even herself speaking aloud the words she had thought in the privacy of her mind. She had not been certain she had indeed spoken them until Erik had turned back toward her. The words had come tumbling out before she could check them.

Hesitantly Erik walked back to Pricilla's bed. He must curtail this impulse he had to kiss her fervently as he wanted. He must keep it gentle and without lust invading the gesture. She would not want that from him at the moment. That she asked him to kiss her had him in a whirlwind of confusion. Had he not given her reason to want to have him stay as far away from her as possible? Even if they had come to some tenuous understanding Erik had been prepared to wait months before anything so intimate as a kiss could be ventured. Now she asked him to kiss her.

Pricilla began to tremble with either fright or expectation. She could not be certain which had claimed her as Erik sat down gingerly on the bed. He did not look at her but merely sat beside her back straight, body stiff, with a look upon his face she could not read.

When his gaze lowered to hers Pricilla nearly retracted her request. Erik's eyes had come alive with some emotion that burned her with the heat of it. Lord above did he mean to ravish her? She could not say whether she would protest such an action or eagerly accept it. Inch by inch Erik lowered his head down to Pricilla expecting a rebuff at any second.

Initiating a kiss had not been something Erik had ever been called upon to do. How did one go about this process? Should he swoop in claiming the prize or move in slowly in case she had changed her mind? As Erik hovered over Pricilla indecisively she raised her head the few inches it took for their mouths to touch.

Pricilla felt the soft touch of Erik's lips all throughout her body. The tingling began where their mouths met then started a heated pathway making its way everywhere. At first they merely touched lip to lip. As they became accustomed to that Erik moved his mouth across Pricilla's in a warm moist caress. When she gasped with either pleasure or surprise Erik took advantage of her open mouth to insert his tongue. He had heard that gesture could illicit infinite pleasure and rouse ardor in both participants.

Not having any experience of any sort neither Erik nor Pricilla knew exactly what to do next. The building need for more had them both eager to do something, anything at this point to seek what would follow this new sensation. Tentatively Erik stroked her tongue with his own hoping he did not disgust her in any way.

Nothing could be further from that outcome judging by the fire Erik had lit in Pricilla. Every touch from him triggered some new sensation. Pricilla thought that if only a kiss could do this how frightening and wonderful would anything more be? The need to touch him overwhelmed her. Raising her hands she let them come to rest at the sides of his face.

The mask did not feel intrusive at all as she felt the silky glide of the material against the palm of her hand. Pricilla had her eyes clenched so tightly she could see spots of light flashing behind her lids. She forcibly relaxed wanting to enjoy every nuance Erik brought forth with the smallest movements of his lips and tongue.

Wanting to not merely be a silent bystander, Pricilla moved her own tongue along the side of Erik's. The loud groan coming from somewhere deep within him gave her a moment's pause. She felt frightened yet emboldened to hear such a reaction to something she had done. Pricilla felt Erik's shaking hand come to rest at her side. His fingers kneaded her skin. The flexing of his fingers seemed oddly erotic. Other places on her body craved to feel the same treatment Erik gave the flesh at her waist.

Her breasts tingled as the nipples budded in reaction to the mere thought of Erik touching them. Following the tingling reaction in her breast she felt the warm pooling between her thighs. She clenched them together to ease some unknown yearning. Pricilla unlike most young girls had not discovered the secrets of the flesh between the folds of her womanhood. Not once had she climbed the heights in ecstasy even with her own explorations.

Some inner warning told Erik to ease this torment before it went too far. He had only just got back into her good graces. His body and mind protested as Erik slowly ended the kiss. He leaned his forehead on hers until he could regain control of his runaway libido. A few more seconds and that kiss would have had him up in flames. He had felt his control slipping.

When Erik leaned away from Pricilla he felt gratified to see her face flushed as her lips remained slightly parted. Such a look of wanton pleasure emanated from her Erik could not help feeling some pride that it had been his ardor that had set the match to hers passion.

When she opened her eyes the evidence of her desire, desire for him, could clearly be seen. Erik could hardly believe this woman would allow him such latitude after what he had done. Such a forgiving heart Erik felt should be protected from further damage. He promised himself he would do everything within his power to protect Pricilla from others hurting her and above all keep him from hurting her ever again.

Softly Erik wished her goodnight then left her reluctantly. He went to his lonely bed to be greeted with the aftermath of his destructive rage earlier. He did not want Pricilla or Loretta to see just how violent he could be so he spent the next few hours putting his bedroom back into some semblance of normalcy. He could do nothing about those items he had broken. He gathered those things that could not be repaired and took them to the storage room of the stable. He'd need to build a fire out behind the stable to burn the evidence of his anger.

Burning those things would not erase what he had done but it would keep them from reinforcing in Pricilla how out of control he had been. He would not let this step they had taken tonight be tainted by anything. They had agreed on a fresh start and damn it a fresh start it would be.

Even as Erik made these new commitments to Pricilla he knew he lied to her and to himself. He could not give up someone who had held his heart for so long. Given the opportunity he would pursue Christine again. To acknowledge that only made Erik feel ashamed as well as a betrayer and liar. Knowing this he still felt he would want Christine on some level. All he could do would be to try to give his best to Pricilla.