10.

I walked into the apartement casually and looked around. Watari told me she moved in here to live on her own in Tokyo. She became very independent and he didn't want to restrict her. It'd been some time since I last saw her. Well, when I thought about it, it'd been almost a year. Maybe she had forgotten about me?

I almost smiled at the thought. She surely had changed. The missions Watari was giving her started to resemble the ones I used to do in her age. Who knows, maybe she would be the one to succeed me…

I shook my head.

No, I didn't come here for this kind of thoughts. I came here to see the little girl I'd watched growing up. Even if she forgets about me, I know I never will…

My chain of thoughts was interrupted by a sixteen-year-old girl walking out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee. I managed not to widen my eyes in surprise at her mature beauty. Her long dark blue hair lazily lied on her shoulders and her green deep eyes stared blankly as she walked tiredly to the couch.

She stopped abruptly as she saw me, the cup of coffee falling to the ground.

Well… I did wanted to surprise her, but I guess I could have at least knocked on the door.

I smiled both amusedly at her surprise and warmly at seeing her after such a long time.

"Hey, Aru." I used the nickname she made up herself: the japanesse pronunciation of the initial letter of her name.

She lifted her hand to her mouth, her eyes still widened in disbelief.

"…Eru…" she whispered almost inaudibly, using the nickname she made up for me at the same time she made up hers. My smile widened a bit. She remembered me well.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to invade your flat so rudely, I just wanted to see you… since it's been such a long time..."

Yes, my mind had to fail me at that particular moment and I didn't have any idea what to say to her. She didn't respond, which made me feel all the more uneasy. Even so, I didn't want to evade her surprised gaze. She didn't move at all, which made the empression she froze. And I… I just patiently waited for her to respond… to tell me anything… even if she would chase me out of her flat, I was already glad, that I could see her at least for the moment. That I could make sure she was alright.

Then she moved abruptly, closing the distance between us in a few steps and before I realized what she wanted to do, she slapped my cheek hard.

Her wrist sure have gotten stronger. The impact made my head turn to one side and my eyes widen in amazement. It took me a while to finally look back at her and my eyes widened even more. She was biting her lower lip fighting the tears that started welling up in her eyes.

"Stupid…" she mumbled. "You think I didn't want to see you as well?"

She sobbed and looked at out feet sullenly.
"You've never left for such a long time… Even Watari didn't know where you've been the whole time… I was afraid… that something might have happened to you…"

I supressed a smile. It wasn't very nice of me to leave and not contact neither her nor Watari. I guess I'm not very responsible when it comes down to this kind of stuff.

I put my hands on her shoulders to calm her down a bit.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you worry. I just worked on a case and didn't have the opportunities to contact you…"

She shoved me away harshly and crossed her arms sullenly. She didn't have to say anything for me to understand. I came to her again and hugged her tightly despite her struggle.

"I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

She stopped struggling. I knew she didn't want to hear excuses, but reasurance that I won't let her experience the same thing again. She returned my hug and whispered into my chest. "I missed you, you know?"

I patted her back calmingly. "I missed you, too."

…

I walked casually into the same apartement. I kept returning here every week or so. It was a relaxing place for me… almost like home.

Tina was lying on the couch lazily.

"Hey, Tina, how is it going?"

She sat up abruptly and glared at me. I stopped halfway from the couch and looked at her a bit confused. "Is something the matter?"

"You gave me this mission just to find out Matt is my brother, didn't you?"

I smiled and walked to the couch to sit next to her.

"You're bright as always."

She punched my shoulder. "There are other ways you could have told me that!" She kept glaring at me sullenly.

I lifted one eyebrow. "But doesn't it feel better to find it out by yourself?"

She frowned and turned her gaze in fornt of herself, still with a sullen face.

So she finally found out she has a family… I thought happily.

"Doesn't it feel better? That you're not alone…"

She bit her lip nervously, the sullen face completely gone. "Well… of course."

"Something is bothering you." I stated calmly.

She looked at me a bit surprised and probably wanted to retort something, but then she closed her mouth and evaded my gaze. "It's just… you know I can't really trust anybody from that time…"

I frowned a bit at the memory. "But you know you can trust me."

She bit her lip again. I moved closer to her and put my arm around her shoulders. She stiffened for a while, but then relaxed and layed her head on my shoulder. I caressed her cheek. She seemed so confused… All I could do was to be there for her… and hope that would be enough.

"You know you can tell me anything." I said silently.

She suddenly grabbed my shirt and nuzzled her face into my chest… just as a little girl seeking support.

I embraced her tightly, letting her know I'm with her in the simple touch. I remembered the first time I hugged her like this… and I wondered whether she was thinking about the same experience.

"I was… afraid…" she mumbled into my chest quietly.

"Hm…?" I wasn't sure what she was talking about, but I wanted her to continue without any interruptive questions.

"I was always afraid to talk about it… my past… it was something I was afraid people would use against me, so I kept it inside me…"

I pulled her slightly away, took her chin and lifted her head to look into my eyes. Her green uncertain eyes.
"Are you still afraid?"

She bit her lip and nodded slightly. She lowered her gaze and stared at her hands, which kept cluthing at my shirt. "I am… but I realized that… if I'm not able to speak about those memories to you… then to whom?"

I caressed her hair and made her lift her gaze again.

"You're right about that. After a painful experience, it's difficult to trust people again… But if you're able to trust just one, suddenly the whole world seems brighter."

Her eyes lit up a bit and an uncertain smile appeared on her face. I gave her a reasuring smile and she started to speak.

She told me almost everything from the time before I met her. She'd lived in London since she remembered. Together with her parents, uncle and six siblings they were a part of the British mafia. They'd made her solve all sorts of complicated missions. Her family had often helped her… She even said she'd been happy even though she had started to slowly realized that what they'd been doing wasn't very good. But then… they'd found out someone'd been chasing them for a while. Her uncle took the iniciative and moved the whole family to Italy. From then on, it'd been tough for the whole mafia. Her uncle'd commanded them all the time, telling everyone what to do. Her worst memory was about the lab he secretly constructed…

"…when I failed a mission or simply made a mistake he took me back there…" she even started to tremble at this particular memory.
"…I didn't know what it was… he always tied me on a strange table and attached a lot of strange wires on me. He then said with his atrocious grin that I was a bad girl… that I needed punishment…" Tears started to stream down her cheeks. I kept holding her tightly and caressing her back reassuringly.

"…and then all I remember is the black light blinding me… and an unendurable pain striking my whole body…" she started to sob into my chest, unable to continue speaking.

I held her shivering form firmly. I'd had no idea how much pain she had to endure just because I hadn't succeed in catching the mafia the first time. However, I realized it was too late to think about things I can't change. All I could do was to be there for here… to protect her from this harmful experiences from then on…

"… I usually lost consciousness and woke up in my bed… When I tried to speak of those things to someone from family, my uncle stopped me and punished me again… I sometimes woke up with bruises I didn't remember at all…

I felt hopeless… I just wished for everything to end…"

Her sobs stopped her speech again. She kept grasping my shirt and burying her head into my chest.

"…At the night you found me, my uncle had punished me again… but this time it was worse than ever before. He was saying something about my parents and siblings having to go away. I didn't understand… and then I woke up standing in that room… the whole family dead… and my hands grasping at a gun…"

She threw her hands around my neck again and buried her face into my neck… just as at that night… I kept patting her back and repeating those meaningless words of comfort.

"It's alright… I'm here, you're not alone… I won't let it happen again…"

It took a while, but she eventually calmed down, her sobs turning into a happy silent laughter of joy.

"L, I'm now so happy. It's as if a huge stone disappeared from my chest."

She pulled away to look into my eyes. "Thank you for being here for me."

…

I walked into the apartement casually. I kept returning here almost everyday. Of course Mello and Matt spent a lot of their time in here, too. But tonight Tina was here alone, sitting on the couch and staring at the turned off TV. I sat next to her and also stared at the TV. Hm? Who knows what she was thinking about.

"Hey, Tina. How is it going?"

She looked at me, her face unusually expressionless. "Fine, thanks." her voice was also strangely neutral.

I looked at her as well. "Is something bothering you?"

She frowned instantly. "No… but something is bothering you!"

My eyes widened. "Me?"

She stood up and walked in front of me. "You think I am that stupid? I noticed something's been off with you lately. And don't try to fool me, I know you too well!"

I frowned, evading her gaze.

Shit, she really does know me too well…

I kept my calm as always. "Why do you think so?"

That was it. She slapped me hard again.

"I told you not to fool me!"

I sighed surrenderingly. "How did you find out?"

She snickered humourlessly. "Come on! I've seen how you tried to stay calm everytime you looked at me! You always act as if you're completely alright, but I can see something's on your mind, so stop fooling around and tell me finally! I thought you trusted me!"

Damn, she really knew me well… I stood up determined and looked at the girl before me. She was the one who taught me real courage… and it was time to show her, I was a good student.

"So you really want to know what's on my mind lately?"

She crossed her arms, her look also determined. "Yes, I do."

"Even though there might be a reason I haven't told you so far?"

"Even though."

I put my hand on her shoulder. She didn't move at all, her stubborn stare fixed solely on my eyes. She probably wanted to make sure I'm honest with her.

I looked into her eyes. "Rhoditina, I love you."

She blinked and her eyes widened in surprise. "What?"

…

end of all flashbacks… and we're back on the start ^^

All these memories flew through my head as I was lying on the bed motionlessly. The first time I met her… the time she started to trust me completely five years later… when I confessed to her… when she gave herself to me…

I didn't regret anything… and I hoped my life had some meaning to her as well.

I almost laughed at myself… so pitiful. I was really dying, huh?

Somebody entered the room.

It took a lot of my energy to turn my head to the doors. Tina… I thought sadly as I saw her eyes… her green eyes full of sadness and fear.

"L!" She ran towards the bed I was lying on and kneeled beside it, looking worriedly into my eyes. I smiled reassuringly.

"Tina…" my voice was so sore.

Few tears streamed down her face. I didn't want her to cry… at least not for me.

I lifted my hand to her cheek and tried to wipe the tears. She nuzzled into my palm and held my hand with hers. Her hands were so warm…

She closed her eyes as more tears streamed down. I tried to wipe them, but they just kept streaming down her cheeks.

"Why…?" her voice was now as weak as mine. "Why did you do that?"

I smiled both amusedly and sadly. "You know why I did that."

She looked at me again, her gaze stained with undescribable pain.

"The shot was aimed at me… You shouldn't have…"

I put my finger on her lips to hush her gently. "I had to… I can't imagine my life without you."

She frowned a bit. "That's too selfish… How am I supposed to live without you?"

I caressed her cheek again. "You know I did it for you… It wouldn't have been a very nice gesture if it had been in vain… Please, promise me you'll live on strongly."

"Promise me you'll be strong…"

"How am I supposed to do that?!" she started sobbing heavily, but kept her strong gaze on my eyes. I smiled. "There's still so many things ahead of you… I guess I gave you what I could… and now it's time for you to slowly move on without me."

"I-I can't! You're the one who brought me back to life! How am I supposed to move on?"

I shook my head. "No… I am just someone who helped you a bit, but it's you who stood up on your own legs. You're strong Rhoditina… Use that strength to keep on moving forward…"

She hurled herself around my neck and cried very agonizingly. Even though there was no strength left in me, I managed to keep patting her back reassuringly.

I didn't want to cause her pain… and if she wasn't able to move forward, all I've done would lose its meaning.

I kissed her hair and whispered weakly. "Please, promise me you'll keep moving on strongly… as you always did."

She pulled away to look at me. She was fighting the tears not very successfully. I smiled warmly, because I knew… she would stay strong, just as always… She was the one who taught me strength.

She slowly nodded. "Yes… yes I'll be strong."

I sighed relieved. "Thanks…"

The strength started to leave me rapidly. My vision was slowly getting blurry. My breathing got shallow… I knew I wouldn't last for long. This was it… my last breath…

Tina leaned towards me and kissed me softly, her warm soft lips reassuring me in my last moments. The salty taste of her tears filled my mind and reminded me of everything Tina did for me… She gave me so much…

"I love you…"

My last words left my lips…

"I love you, too…"

Everything went dark and I felt pleasant warmth surrounding me…