Chapter 10: Don't Trust Me
Disclaimer: I don't own Tekken or any of its characters
Lars amorously blanketed Hwoarang's body with his own as he kissed his way up the Korean's neck; before pulling up to gaze at the living beauty beneath him. "I love you. You know that, right?" he asked, his gaze penetrating his lover right down to his soul. "I know" was the soft reply before an unchastely kiss charged with eons of passion rendered the Korean's voice incoherent. Lars's head moved to the side and his teeth gently latched onto Hwoarang's earlobe. "So why did you leave?" Hwoarang shut his eyes and wrapped his hands around the Swede's neck, fearing that if his lover might evaporate if he let go. "You know why."
"Do you love me?" The question was soft and unchallenging, but the copper head still flinched at its existence. Lars gently kissed the spot underneath Hwoarang's ear. "Answer me please" he begged quietly. Hwoarang opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came forth. He tried again, but still his voice would not obey. Lars traced a silken trail back to Hwoarang's mouth with his lips and tenderly explored the warm cavern with his tongue. Hwoarang moaned as the kiss broke, raising his head to try and hold onto the lips he so craved. Lars looked at him again, this time with a knowing smirk frolicking on his face. "If you didn't love me, I wouldn't be here would I?"
Hwoarang's eyes flew open to a concerned Jin staring at him. It had only been a dream, but it had felt so real. He could still feel Lars on him, his kisses staining his skin and leaving marks of betrayal for Jin to see. Jin cupped Hwoarang's cheek in his palm. "You were moaning in your sleep. Are you OK?" Hwoarang looked away guiltily. "Yeah, I'm OK."
"You know this has been happening a lot lately."
"They're just dreams Jin. There's nothing to worry about." Jin withdrew his hand and looked at Hwoarang, analyzing his every feature in minute detail, trying to discover the cause of the copper head's subconscious worries. "I'm here for you now" he said softly. "You know that, right?" Hwoarang's eyes flew up sharply to meet Jin's. His turned cold inside to hear the exact same words that Lars had said in his dream. He stared at Jin momentarily before bowing his head to avoid anymore of the scrutinizing gaze. "Yeah, I know." Jin leaned in closer. "Do you still love him?" Hwoarang gave a defiant snort while keeping his eyes firmly fixed to his feet. "How can you even ask me that question?" Jin remained silent. Part of him was ashamed that he asked, but the other part wanted an answer. Of late, Hwoarang seemed to be lost in his own world, and seemed to withdraw from everything around him, including Jin. "You know why I'm asking." Hwoarang laughed hollowly, wounding Jin even more. "Why, because we haven't fucked in over two weeks?" The brusqueness took Jin by surprise. "That's not I meant."
"Then what did you mean?" Again, silence was conveyed as a response. Jin looked up, sadness lining his dark eyes. "What is it that you want from me?"
"I want you to stop being so damn paranoid and trust me for starters."
"I'm sorry-"
"Jin, if I was still in love with him, would I have left everything I had in that relationship to be with you? No I wouldn't. I'm here, with YOU. The trouble is you don't seem to fucking see that!" Hwoarang got up and headed for the door. "I'm going for a walk." With the slam of the door, Jin wondered where he had lost the Hwoarang he met those weeks ago. "Damn you Lars" he whispered to an audience that refused to listen.
Hwoarang stopped in the driveway before turning back to look at the house. He exhaled in frustration. It had been a surprise from Jin, a celebration of the next step in their relationship. "It makes a nice change from the hotels" he had said. Hwoarang had been perturbed more than anything else. To him, the house heralded the next inevitable foundation in their relationship, something which he wasn't sure he was ready to lay down; especially with Lars haunting his psyche. This was happening all to fast and he couldn't catch his breath. It was like being in a car with no brakes: he knew he was going to crash; it was only a matter of time.
As he walked down the cement pavement, his mind went back to the dream. Lars's mouth softly bruising his own with kisses, his tongue wantonly imploring for entrance into his mouth, his voice seductively flowing into his ear… it had all been so real. He could have been right there with him, making sweet love. "Amazing whenever I dream of him now, all I think of is sex" remarked Hwoarang cynically to himself. He unconsciously tugged the gold chain around his neck. The dreams had started two weeks ago when he and Jin first moved into the house. Initially they had been innocent enough – Lars smiling in the park where they had first met, or him in his apartment lying down on the couch whispering sweet nothings to Hwoarang. After that, they evolved into something akin to an aching fantasy, heavily punctuated with the physical neediness of his naked body. Hwoarang's nights had become a playground for the two of them to tear into each other and become one.
Yet, it wasn't just the sex that Hwoarang missed. His thoughts often wandered to Lars, wondering how he was or what he was doing. Each time he did, the guilt never failed to make an appearance. Lars had been good to him at a time where all he wanted to do was make the world go away, and how was he repaid? By five words that had hardly taken ten seconds to scribble down. Each night since he came back to Jin, he sought refuge in the fact that Lars would be moving on with his life – finding someone else who deserved his purity, someone who would make him happy in return for the sheer magnitude of the bliss he would give to them. It hurt like hell, but it did its part to sooth the burning shame that raged within the Korean. "I wonder what he'd say if I saw him again" was a melancholy thought that often made its presence known in his head. It was improbable, but what if there was another tournament? Or by some cruel twist of fate, they ran into each other? Each time, the answer was the same: "The sick thing is I want him to be mad at me. Nothing else." The penalties of 'anything else' would devastate the Korean and he knew it.
Hwoarang's gaze eventually landed on a lonely stone in front of him. Lifting his leg, he let the front of his shoe deliver a magnificent kick, and watched the stone's trajectory as it hurtled through the air and plummeted back to the ground. He felt a numb sense of irritation rise up inside of him. Jin had somehow picked up on all of this. Not surprisingly if Hwoarang had looked at it in retrospect: Jin had always been an exceptionally perceptive person, and Hwoarang didn't really make any attempt to cover up what he was thinking when he withdrew into his thoughts anyway. Today's altercation with Jin had been the result of many tense moments in the past fortnight, with potentially more to come. It wasn't that he didn't love Jin – he was just mad at his subtle attempts to make it seem as if he'd been here all along. His efforts had not gone unnoticed – the copper head had some inkling that Jin might ask of his feelings towards Lars. He was even more irate at himself for still having those feelings for Lars, but it was like an itch that refused to go away. The inner hurricane had manifested itself in a variety of ways, the most destructive of which lay in the bedroom: he couldn't be intimate with Jin anymore. To his credit, Jin had tried all the seduction techniques he knew, but Hwoarang coldly feigned fatigue or migraines to get rid of him. Lars had permanently embedded himself into Hwoarang, and clearly had no intention of letting go. He had made his mark on his mind and heart, and the Korean feared that if this kept up, his soul would be next.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do about you?" asked Hwoarang furiously to the fresh air. "I can't forget you; I can't be with you… I just don't know anymore." He hung his head in frustration. "You want to know the damn truth? I wouldn't have left if I knew it was going to be like this." The confession stung him, but he bitterly accepted the truth. This miasma of confusion was his own doing, and it seemed the more he tried to make it right, the more entangled he ended up. He hung his head in agony, his breathing deepening to try and calm himself. "I do love you" he replied, but the answer was too late for a lover that was far out of his reach.
As he headed back to the house that wasn't home, Hwoarang felt a strange feeling of audaciousness come over him. Instantly, his head cleared up, and he wondered why the solution had eluded him for so long. If he wasn't able to get rid of Lars from him, then there was only one option. It was a long shot, but a shot nonetheless, perhaps his only chance at ever getting his sanity back.
When he returned home, Hwoarang searched the entire house before finding Jin lying in bed, his eyes fixated on the ceiling. Hwoarang leaned into the doorway. He had never seen Jin so fragile before, so openly vulnerable and marred. "That fight must have really torn him up" thought the Korean forlornly. He entered the room and climbed up next to Jin, closing the distance between their bodies. He let a hand delicately reach up to the brunette's chin and turned it to face him. The hurt in his eyes glowed in the soft sunlight that penetrated the room. Hwoarang lifted his neck and pressed his lips against Jin's, catching the bottom lip in between his own. Jin turned his body to face the redhead, and pulled him closer so that their heads touched lightly. He brushed a strand of hair off the Korean's face and bathed solemnly in the beauty of his lover. "I'm sorry" breathed Hwoarang. Jin's eyes cast themselves downwards, unable to face the face of the only person who could ever hurt him. "What do you want from me Hwoarang?" he whispered hoarsely. Hwoarang brought his hand up and lightly brushed it through the dark forest of Jin's spikes. "I want you, only you."
"You have me, you always will." Hwoarang smiled slightly. "Then that's all that matters, isn't it?" He grabbed Jin and rolled on top of him, laying a kiss upon his wanting lips. He made his way down to his neck, while his hands skillfully undid the buttons of his shirt. Jin gently placed his hands on the Korean's tanned biceps and lifted him up to a straddling position. He then lifted himself up and stole a kiss from his lover while removing the undone shirt. Hwoarang pulled back and detached his own shirt before hastily returning to Jin's cupid bow lips. Jin moaned into Hwoarang's mouth, making his neediness known. The Korean moved lower and sinfully attacked Jin's neck, gently nibbling at the hollow. Jin closed his eyes in ecstasy. It had been too long since they'd done this. "I want you so badly" he growled. Hwoarang lifted his head so that their eyes met intensely. Jin's low voice showed that he didn't just want this, he needed it. This was what he wanted all along: for Hwoarang to show that he was the only one that mattered. "Your wish is my command," smirked the Korean, his hand reaching out to undo his pants. Jin grabbed his hands and gazed at him meaningfully. "I want to do this" he whispered, and rolled his lover onto his back. He swooped in for one more kiss before licking a trail down the redhead's delicious body, his head guided by Hwoarang's licentious grip. He savored the clean taste, before his hands reached their prize and rapidly undid the button on the Korean's pants. He teasingly gripped the zipper in between his teeth and slowly pulled it downwards. Hwoarang lifted his legs and Jin dispensed of the pants and underwear. Laying before him was his everything, bare and inviting. He felt a rush of passion surge through his body like electricity. "You belong to me," he said softly, "no one else."
"Jin, shut the fuck up and take your pants off." Jin obeyed the command and carelessly threw his pants on the floor. He lowered his body onto the Korean, their mouths colliding together, hungrily devouring the other. Hwoarang pulled up for a gasp of air and pressed his head against Jin's. "Do it now." Jin needed no further encouragement as he lubed up his erection generously. Hwoarang's body gracefully arched upwards as one of the brunette's fingers entered him. A profligate groan escaped his mouth as it was joined by another one. "Yes" he breathed as Jin slowly entered him. He bit on his lip as he started moving. Jin's pace was slow at first, but picked up. Their breaths were synchronized in moans and cries, as Jin continued to drive his length into the Korean. He looked down to see Hwoarang's hand tightly grip the sheets beneath him in pleasure. A moan that was heavily soaked in desire told him he had been wrong, that he was the only love that the copper head would ever have. With one final thrust, they both erupted in a single cry and were sent into carnal bliss.
Jin lay on top of Hwoarang as he came down from his high, his breathing still slow and deep. "God, have I missed that" he whispered before planting a kiss on Hwoarang's bare chest. Hwoarang let his hand absentmindedly stroke Jin's back as his gaze gradually focused into nothingness. The Swede entered his thoughts again, the errant trophy of his naked body rewarding him for the past couple minutes, but this time he was ready for it. "Don't worry," he thought. "I'm coming for you."
The next morning Hwoarang awoke to a fully dressed Jin in the kitchen and fuming at the coffee maker. He silently crept up to the brunette and wrapped his hands around his waist. "Troubles Kazama?" he asked, planting a kiss on the nape of his neck. "The damn thing won't work!" he said heatedly, throwing his hands up in desperation, before letting them land on the Korean's. Hwoarang took an interested look and picked up on the problem. "Well genius, did you try switching it on?
"Of course, I-" Hwoarang's hand reached over and switched the plug on. Immediately the coffee maker came to life and started to softly hiss before Jin could finish his sentence. He hung his head in mock shame. Hwoarang gently bit at Jin's earlobe. "Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look when you're mad?" Jin smiled as he stroked the copper head's hand. "Anyone ever tell you how sexy you look, period?" Hwoarang laughed softly. He let go of Jin's waist and allowed him to turn around. "I've been meaning to ask you something." Jin's lip lifted into a half smile. Hwoarang breathed out slowly. "You and I, we're gonna be together forever right?"
"Of course."
"So would you mind if I got rid of my stuff?" Jin raised an eyebrow quizzically. "I don't understand."
"I have some stuff back at my apartment in the city that I want to get rid of." If possible, Jin's gaze became even more penetrating. "You want to go back to the city?"
"Just for a couple of days to clear everything up." Jin breaths came in deep and gradual, as if trying to calm himself. Hwoarang immediately knew what was on his mind. It might be too much to risk but he had to try. "This has nothing to do with him."
"Do you want me to come with you?" Hwoarang moved closer. "What's the matter Kazama? You don't trust me?" he whispered seductively. Jin closed his eyes as the Korean's voice washed over him. "You're the only one in the world I do trust."
"Then let me do this alone. Please." Hwoarang pulled back and lightly brushed his fingertips over Jin's lips. Jin sighed and looked at him with every bit of affection he had. What Hwoarang was asking… was it too much? He would trust him with his life and more, but there was just that issue of Lars hanging over his head. He remembered yesterday's argument: how he mortified himself by asking Hwoarang about Lars, and remembering the reaction he had earned. He didn't feel easy about this, but he had to prove to himself that he really could trust Hwoarang. "Alright. But don't be gone for too long."
"I won't. You'd never make it without coffee for that long." Jin smiled as he leant in for a kiss, ignoring the prowling feeling of apprehension budding in his heart.
That afternoon, as Hwoarang entered the outskirts of the city, he felt that feeling of recklessness return to him. Even though he was doing this for purpose, he still got a heady rush out of it. The deception of it all seemed to get him excited for some reason. "I'm a sick bastard" he smiled cynically. He had to get Lars out of his system to ensure that he'd be even remotely happy with Jin. He couldn't stand seeing the Swede every time he closed his eyes; it was a slow death by torture. He knew he still loved him, there was no denying that. "Hopefully, this ends here."
He drove right past his apartment, not even giving it a second glance. He made a mental note to go back there at some point to get rid of his belongings. He'd have to ensure that this went off smoothly so as not to arouse Jin's suspicions. He turned into the familiar street that he had once called home. It had been so long, and yet it only seemed like yesterday. He parked the car off and slowly got out. His stomach did a nervous flip as he gazed up at the apartment. This was it, he was here. There was no turning back now - he'd come too far. He took a breath to calm himself, and then made his way into the building and up the stairs. With each step he took, he remembered each the day he left. "And now I'm back." Once he reached the door, his hand reached out and he looked longingly at it. How he missed this place. He had felt safe here, with him. His hand curled into a fist and gently knocked at the door. "Coming" came the familiar voice. It sent shudders rippling all over him. After some fumbling the door clicked open and Hwoarang came face to face with the man who had held his heart all this time and had never let it. "Hello Lars."
Uh oh… What is Hwoarang up to? :D Find out next time! Sorry for taking so long, but I've been suffering with exams and mild writer's block, but I'll be able to update a lot quicker from next week onwards. As always, your reviews and comments are always welcome, so please keep them coming in, they help me a lot.