Missing: Berri

"Right... so basically, what you're sayin' is that you don't give a discount to the king. Y'know, despite the fact that I could repossess your ass and such and such."

"I'm saying you've had far too much to drink and far too little cash. Now pay the $#% up and get the #%! out." Conker growled. He'd been thrown out of better bars than this and had killed burlier bartenders. After paying up exactly one hundred smackers and a bird, the squirrel stumbled out of the bar. It wasn't long before he started hitting on a rather cute-looking lamppost, but then his tendency to get a hangover excessively quickly took in.

"Argh... son of a $%#$, what was I supposed to be doin'... argh... I, uh, think I was calling Berri and... yeah that's it, those guys are 'going to war' tomorra and the drinks were on me. Haha, I'm such a good samaritan, I should be gettin' a medal from... uh... those guys who give you awards for stuff." And then Conker dialed the number of his dead girlfriend. Being the king, he didn't really have to make sense - he rarely ever did with all of his mumblings about 'programmers' and 'xenomorphs' and 'if I had only thought sooner'.

"Like, you've reached Berri. I'm, like, deceased at this point but if you're cute or, like, repent for the stupid thing you did, maybe I'll get channeled and call you back and stuff okay?" Conker slammed the phone in anger. Damn inanimate objects auto-correcting their messages. Why, he'll show that receiver that decided to be a jerk to him, he'll... wait a minute Berri isn't dead... is she? Well he called again just to make sure.

"Like, you've reached Berri. I'm, like, totally kidnapped at the moment so once my boyfriend rescues me I'll call you back, mmk? Goodbyyyye."

Conker proceeded to say unsavory things about the world he lived in before two watermelons appeared before him. And those watermelons were attached to a babe. And the watermelons were boobs!

"Um... Conker the Squirrel, right? Well, you have a challenge where you have to climb a tower, and then you can rescue your girlfriend!"

Conker scratched his head. "Well... is she dead or not? I mean the continuity's kinda $#% out all over the floor..."

"Ummmmm... retcon?"

This was a good enough answer for Conker.

"Okay I'll do it. On oooone condition." Conker's magic fingers homed in on their target.

Hitomi quickly roundhouse kicked the squirrel into a magical blue portal. "O-oops!" she exclaimed running after him.