Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto.
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Sadness feels like something that can slowly grab hold of your soul, taking control and becoming everything you are. Soon enough those things you feel on the inside start to show on the outside. Hearts can bend, bleed, and break apart. Naruto learned that lesson the hard way many times throughout his life. When a heart breaks, it can be for many different reasons, not just because of an old lover or any other romantic cliché.
"I don't want to turn into some mopey little fucker who is still whining about things that happened nearly ten years ago, but I think that's inevitable," Naruto laughs sadly. "I can see that it's already happening."
"Shhh," Ino soothes.
They agreed to meet after work since they both got off early, to talk about things the both of them needed to get off their chests. So now here they are: sitting in Ino's living room each holding a can of soda. No alcohol tonight.
"I can't handle it when Minato starts to ask about her," Naruto chokes out, shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. "I can't even bring myself to say her name…" He gets like this every so often, when he grows tired of holding it down.
"You'll need to speak about it with him someday," she says gently. "He deserves to know about his mother."
"I can't get the picture of her after the crash out of my head," Naruto rubs at his eyes and takes a deep breath. "She was just… lyin' there. She didn't even look like herself anymore, she was all… mangled… broken." He sniffs and lets out a raspy sigh. "God… I couldn't even do anything but scream and you wanna know what the most fucked up part is? She knew that car was coming. She knew it was heading straight for her but she didn't move. She wanted to die! She knew I was watching, too. She turned, and she smiled at me seconds before it happened, as Sai was running to her…"
"Naruto…"
He sniffs again. "You know what I ask myself every night before I go to sleep? I ask myself, 'Was it my fault she wanted to kill herself? Did I push her to suicide?' Shit, maybe I did."
"Naruto, maybe you should see someone about these dreams. It's been such a long time, you shouldn't still be dwelling on it this much."
"I'm no baby. I can handle myself," Naruto says defensively.
"That isn't what I'm saying," Ino puts a hand on his arm. "We all just think that… it might help to see someone about your dreams. We're your friends and we're all concerned for your well-being."
"I need you guys to stop treating me like I'm some fragile little kid."
"Naruto, she wouldn't have wanted this, that's all I'm saying," Ino sighs before simply relenting, knowing she probably isn't going to get anywhere with the stubborn blonde man. No one ever does. He is too set in his own ways. No matter how much it starts to hurt, he won't change.
Sasuke's breath comes out in short, frantic puffs as he runs through the streets in dizzy desperation. Minutes earlier, he found himself in an all too familiar position. Orochimaru had him. He pulled Sasuke's head back, exposing his pale neck and licking a long strip up his throat with his abnormally long tongue before biting down. Sasuke shudders at the memory, unconsciously rubbing at the spot where saliva had trailed just moments earlier.
"So you actually want him?" Orochimaru had asked, "That scruffy idiot?"
"How do you know about him?" Sasuke rasped.
"I watch you… It's so pathetic, the way you cling to him… Can't you see he doesn't want you? He only pities you."
"Stop it," Sasuke whispered before leaving the room. 'So maybe I do,' he thought to himself before wondering why. Why did it have to be the blond idiot? Why was it always Naruto?
Maybe all of this was inevitable.
Sasuke can't help but be reminded of all those silly teen dramas that are all over television these days. There's always a little something between the characters who claim to hate each other. Maybe that's because the line between love and hate is so fine when it comes to romance. Maybe it doesn't exist at all.
Sasuke closes his eyes, as if he is trying to will away the memory. He can still feel the man's breath on the back of his neck though he was quick to recoil as goose bumps appeared on his flesh.
Disgusting…
'Where am I?' Sasuke wonders, finally stopping and taking a moment to figure out where he is.
He's on Naruto's street.
"Of course," he says aloud, frowning at the coincidence. But maybe this isn't a coincidence. Maybe the world is trying to tell him something, trying to give him a little push in the right direction.
He lets out a sign, walking towards Naruto's crappy, little townhouse and knocking on the door. Minato answers, grinning as he greets Sasuke.
"Who is it?" Naruto calls.
"Sasuke!" Minato yells back as Naruto appears.
"Yo," he holds up a hand, greeting the brunet.
"Hey…" Sasuke does the same.
"Wanna come in?"
"Sure," he says, stepping inside.
"I was just cooking dinner," Naruto explains, gesturing to the apron he's wearing.
"You can cook?" Sasuke asks airily.
"Yeah, of course," the blond laughs.
"Daddy's a good cook!" Minato adds his two cents and Sasuke forces a smile.
"The things you learn when you've been alone for most of your life, right?" Naruto snorts.
"I suppose…" he admits. "Sorry."
"It's cool. Old news," Naruto shrugs, watching his son scamper off. "So, what's up? You look a little down."
"I'm okay," Sasuke says, taking his coat off before following the blond into the kitchen.
"Oi, what's that on your neck?" Naruto asks, jerking a thumb toward his own neck for reference.
The dark haired male slaps a hand over the bite-mark before saying, "It's nothing."
"You're not in trouble or anything, are you?"
"No."
Naruto frowns, but doesn't pry and Sasuke finds himself thankful for that; however, another part of him wishes he would pry. Naruto can be so damned determined at times, and it's impossible to refuse to answer his questions once he's asked you a hundred times. Where's the annoying-as-hell Naruto when he's needed?
"If you ever wanna talk…" Naruto says, trailing off.
Sasuke smiles to himself, albeit bitterly. 'That isn't the way to get me to open my mouth,' he finds himself thinking. He isn't the type of person to open up, especially not by choice. "Do you remember what happened to Neji?" he asks in a whisper, taking a seat at the table.
"Yes," Naruto bites out, a mix of sadness and anger boiling up at the memory.
"It was my fault."
"What the hell are you talking about…?" the blond turns around and raises an eyebrow.
"The man I signed a contract with…" Sasuke pauses. "He's the leader of Otogakure."
Naruto's eyes widen. "That means…"
Sasuke nods. "One of his men killed Neji. One of his men was driving the car your son's mother got hit by."
Naruto's fingers tighten around the ladle he's holding. "… And you knew the whole time?" he asks in a harsh whisper. "Is that where you were when you were late… the day it happened? You were with him?"
"Yes."
Naruto turns back around, stirring the pot on the stove and not saying another word.
"I'm…" Sasuke trails off, staring at the blond's back.
"You're what?" he sighs.
"Shut up," Sasuke says, but what he's really trying to say is that he's sorry.
"It's okay," Naruto smiles to himself, because he knows. For some reason, he knows.
"Is it?"
He sighs audibly. "It's not like you were driving the fucking car… Kabuto Yakushi was."
"I still… knew about what was happening… and I kept it to myself."
Naruto shrugs. "Honestly… I don't blame you for it. You were hopped up on drugs and I mean… we were never close. Yeah, I'm not justifying your actions. It was a pretty shitty thing to do, fucking the enemy… but what can I say about it? I've done some shitty things before, too."
"Hn," Sasuke grunts, staring down at his clammy hands.
"You always have a choice. Sometimes it's just easier to think that you don't."
"Oh, shove it up your ass," Sasuke murmurs.
Naruto snorts. That wasn't a typical Sasuke thing to say. "Is this why you're here right now Sasuke?" he asks. "You wanted to clear your conscience?"
"Maybe…"
"Well, either way, thank you for finally telling me."
"Aren't you angry?"
"Yeah… but not at you," Naruto admits. "I feel like this is something I'll never completely get over, but it's not your fault. Like I said, you weren't driving the car." Besides, Naruto knows that Sasuke doesn't need yet another thing to feel guilty about. He already has enough guilt. The last thing he needs is more blame.
Sasuke laughs bitterly, causing it to sound like a string of harsh sobs. "You're too nice…"
Naruto chuckles. "Well, what do you expect from me?"
"You should want to hit me or something."
"Do you want me to?"
"Yes."
"Well, I'm not going to."
"I don't understand why."
"Because," Naruto says simply, "it wouldn't solve a damn thing."
With each passing day, Naruto and Sasuke spend more time together. It's mostly Minato's idea. Due to his fondness of Sasuke, the two men have been seeing a lot of each other. With each passing day, Sasuke is beginning to understand why so many people love Naruto. It's like he's full of light, and everyone who is around him can't help but feel it, too. Naruto, on the other hand, is also beginning to realize that Sasuke isn't so bad.