Conflict

by Arcane-Boomeus

Samus leaves looking sickly, and comes back weakened after the events of Metroid: Fusion, shaking her rivalry with Zelda to its very core... Luckily for Samus, Zelda doesn't know any ice spells. Zelda/Samus Rated M for language. BE WARNED: HERE THERE BE YURI. CHAPTERS HAVE BEEN EDITED WITH LINE BREAKS THAT WORK. THEY MAKE SENSE NOW.

10. Chapter 10

Conflict:

Chapter Ten:

FTL

Luna happily absorbed the various upgrades to her new suit. The next room, she found, contained all sorts of upgrade capsules. Amongst them were quite a few 'classics'- she took the Speed Booster, Space Jump Boots, and Power Grip, all of which would increase her mobility considerably.

The Power Grip actually gave Luna some degree of concern. 'This suit is light enough that I don't need it,' she thought, 'unless I'm going to be hanging from ceilings or something...' She considered the ability to hold herself in place on the ceiling whilst cloaked. 'I guess it can't hurt...' she decided, figuring that a stronger grip couldn't hurt anything.

There were two Energy Tanks on a shelf with a capsule her Scan Visor identified as 'Unidentified Upgrade'. She couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Gee, thanks, Scan Visor," she droned, "I'm so glad you were able to let me in on the identity of that unidentified capsule."

Fine. You try identifying an ancient, featureless capsule made by three super-advanced cultures, one of which we don't know about yet.

"It's your job to do that. That's your purpose, function, reason for being here."

You're the one who blindly slapped on a new suit without so much as a scan- don't blame me for having scrambled databanks.

She collected the Energy Tanks, increasing her total to six. 'I can cast Magic Missile all day,' she thought.

She looked around the room- there were ten or so capsules left- only four registered with the suit as being 'compatible', but the Scan Visor had no clue what they actually were. She shrugged and absorbed the four capsules anyways, then headed through the corridor.

This corridor, she found, was extremely long- it was so long, in fact, that she decided to run to speed up the process.

After a few seconds, she noticed a building whirring sound. Yellow words flashed in the center of her visor.

Speed Booster Activated.

'That was a lot easier to activate than I thought it would be,' Luna thought as the whirring grew louder.

The sonic boom echoed behind her as she exceeded the speed of sound. 'I didn't realize I was running that fast,' she thought. She didn't hear the whirring sound anymore- it took her a moment to realize that she was outrunning it.

After several more seconds, her suit began to glow.

Standing by for Shinespark.

"Shinespark...? Is a Shinespark the thing where Samus stops, stores her momentum in her suit, and jumps?"

Yeah. That's the one. Just crouch and throw yourself forwards.

Luna did as the computer said, bending her knees and instantly coming to a complete stop, the glow around her suit intensifying drastically. She threw herself forward.

Activating Shinespark.

Luna became a blur. Her feet weren't even touching the ground. It wasn't five seconds before a message popped up.

Decelerating now. Brace for impact.

"Wait wha-" Luna's sentence was cut short as she crashed into the thick stone wall of the room Samus had discovered a few days ago. She stuck to it for a moment before collapsing into a crumpled heap on the floor.

"Ah, I thought I heard something," said the old man who sat by the stairs. "I didn't think you'd be coming along so fast, though." he chuckled, offering Luna a hand. She accepted it gratefully.

"Who..." She paused. "Why's the room all... spinny?"

Oh, right. Sorry. Regulating inner ear fluids. Restoring sense of balance.

She blinked. "Oh. That's better." She looked at the old man. "Who are you?"

He laughed heartily. "I'm the old man who sits here and points young ladies to the stairs right there," he said, indicating the staircase that lead to the surface.

"Oh... okay. Do you happen to know where we are, or which direction I need to go to get to the Ordon Province?"

The old man scratched his bald head. "Ordon?" He shook his head. "'Fraid not- ya might ask around on the surface, though. I haven't been out in quite some time." He chuckled.

Scans indicate Luminoth genetic engineering was used to extend this man's lifespan drastically.

"Thank you," Luna said, turning and heading up the stairs. Before she was out of earshot, she thought she heard the man mumble, "Ordon? What the hell is an 'Ordon'? Kids these days..."

That man was far older than he looked.

"I figured," Luna said. She paused. "Wait, since when do you do more than give little blips of information?"

Since around the same time that you recklessly combined two drastically different computers by absorbing a new suit without scanning and properly preparing it. Frankly, you're lucky nothing terrible happened- and that all you lost was Morph Ball functionality. I'm still trying to get everything sorted out, by the way.

"Oh... sorry."

It shouldn't take long. Don't worry your pretty little head. It's a real shame about the boobs, though. Those were a sight to behold.

Luna wasn't sure what to say to that. "Is there anything else?"

Oh, yeah. Communications are being jammed... all of them.

Luna paused. "Are you saying that it's not because of atmospheric conditions?"

The atmosphere as absolutely nothing to do with this- you couldn't establish comms with someone standing three feet away.

"Could it be the Space Pirates?"

Maybe, but it doesn't seem like a very pirate-y thing to do, does it?

"No... no, it doesn't." Luna swallowed the lump that had started to form in her throat. "I... er, we?"

Keep your pronouns to yourself.

Luna almost laughed at that one, but managed to rapidly regain her composure. "I need to get to Castle Town as soon as possible. Samus needs to know about this- she might be able to give some insight into all of this."

From here, Castle Town would be...

The suit's computer calculated the distance and direction based on previous travels. It took a few moments. An arrow appeared on Luna's HMD, pointing off to the side.

Over there. Just go towards the arrow.

"Thanks."

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Link breathed in the familiar air of Castle Town. He was glad to be wearing his 'Hero's Clothes' instead of the Zora armor- and being dry didn't hurt, either. 'I should stop by and let Zelda know that Prince Ralis agreed to help,' he decided, making his way towards the castle.

There was a slight crowd in and around the gate, and as Link got closer, he began to hear the Hyrulean Anthem being played by what sounded like a large band. 'Was there a parade or something today?'

A familiar voice caught Link's attention amongst the chatter of the crowd. "I need to see Samus!"

'That sounds like Luna,' Link thought, making his way to the source of the voice- indeed, Luna was talking with a castle guard. She had the white ponytail, gray skin, and black Zero Suit- she couldn't be anyone else. Link raised an eyebrow. 'I could have sworn her breasts were like four times bigger than they are...' He shrugged. 'I must be mistaken- that's definitely Luna.'

Luna crossed her arms. "Of course I know her! I'm her sister!"

Link paused. 'Wait a minute... did she just say "I'm"?' He squinted at her, feeling very suspicious. 'Maybe that isn't Luna after all... she sounds very emotional, too.'

Luna turned around, stormed away from the guard, and walked straight into Link- not only did she not trample him, she didn't even knock him over. Her face lit up with a smile. "Link!" She threw her arms around the green-clad hero.

'She's so... not super-heavy... what the fuck is going on?' He wasn't certain what to believe anymore. "Luna?"

Luna pouted. "What? Don't you recognize me?" She looked down at her chest. "Do the boobs really make that big a difference? I got a new suit- I'll show you later."

He shook his head. "You're using contractions..."

"I know! Aren't they great? I sound so much friendlier!"

Link had to admit- she didn't seem nearly as monotonous and creepy as she had before. "I guess you're right about that," he said, "do you mind if I ask what brought this about?"

Luna bit her lip and chewed on it thoughtfully. "I... I'm not really sure. It was a lot of things, I guess. I didn't sit around and do nothing while you were gone, after all."

Link nodded. "Right..." he looked around. "What's up with the crowd? Is something happening?"

Luna shrugged. "I don't know... I need to find Samus and tell her that it's not the atmosphere blocking our communications... someone- or something- is doing it on purpose, and I think she might have some idea as to who or what is doing it."

"And I was going to stop by and let Zelda know that the Zora have agreed to help before going to find you."

Luna looked at the guard. "Well, I don't think I'll be getting through the front gate," she said, a wry grin forming. "You see if you can't get in, and I'll take the fun route."

Link glanced at the guard. "Don't do anything reckless." He realized exactly what he'd said and rephrased it, "Don't get caught."

Luna winked. "That's not even a remote possibility."

He rolled his eyes and looked at the guard again. "At least you're humble," he said, spreading the sarcasm thick and heavy.

"I wasn't bragging," Luna said.

"I find that hard to-" Link didn't even bother finishing his sentence- he'd turned to face her again, only to see that she wasn't there. 'Why do I even doubt anyone anymore?'

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Samus whirled around- the shutter had just opened, and it wasn't windy. Her Power Suit had materialized before she'd fully rotated. "I heard that," she said, switching to the Thermal Visor... and seeing nothing.

Luna giggled and deactivated her stealth field. "You have good hearing."

"Nice suit," Samus said, switching to her Scan Visor, "I couldn't even see you on thermal." The Huntress looked the Dark Huntress up and down, circling her to get a better look. "Lightweight, no Arm Cannon, a remarkable computer... Those crystals remind me of Luminoth tech, but the suit is obviously of Chozo origin..." She paused. "Scan Visor says it's called the 'Shadowcaster Armor'... I suppose it allows you to use some sort of magical attacks?"

Luna nodded. "I like the name..." She held up a hand. "And, yeah, it lets me use magic- it's not as easy as I expected, but it seems like it's highly versatile."

Samus' Power Suit disintegrated as she walked around Luna again, stopping when she was behind her 'Dark' 'twin'. "Looks like you've got a Speed Booster, too..." Samus chuckled. "Let me give you some advice- if you're gonna Shinespark, put an arm in front of your head. I ran headfirst into a wall the first time I tried it, and I haven't made that mistake again."

Luna's suit disintegrated, too. "I did that earlier today," she said. "It wasn't fun."

Samus nodded thoughtfully. "I guess you stumbled onto some sort of Chozo laboratory, huh?"

Luna turned to face Samus. "Sort of... it seemed like it was a joint project between three different groups- the Chozo, the Luminoth, and a race referred to as the 'Ooccoo'. I found it when I stumbled across a stealthed variant of a Shrike-Class Skiff."

Samus nodded. "That just reinforces it- there are Space Pirates here- and they're here in numbers..." She chewed on her lip. "We'll find out more about those 'Ooccoo' later- there's too much going on right now to worry about it."

Luna cleared her throat. "Also, the atmosphere isn't to blame for our communications failing- we're being jammed."

Samus nodded again. "Which probably means the Feds are here, too- I really should have seen that coming..." she paused. "Okay, before I forget, I have questions" she said, addressing the issue, "have your boobs always been that small, and when did you start using contractions?"

Luna frowned. "Is everyone going to notice my breasts being smaller? The new suit doesn't seem to need the extra plating, so my breasts are smaller. I started using contractions because I've been feeling a lot of emotions lately, and it makes me seem like a person instead of a computer with boobs."

"Sorry," Samus said, offering a sheepish grin and nervously rubbing the back of her head, "but the boobs are drastically smaller. There's nothing wrong with it- I think you look nice- it's just a striking change. And... I'm a lot more comfortable talking to you now that you don't look and sound like a robot version of me."

Luna smiled. "Thank you. It's nice to be a bit more of an individual."

Samus headed to the window and closed the shutter. "Is there a reason you didn't take the front door?"

Luna nodded. "Oh, right! I almost forgot to ask- there's a big crowd at the gate, and Link and I were wondering why people are gathering there. Do you know anything about it?"

Samus' eyes lit up with realization. "Oh, of course! Zelda's coronation-thing is happening."

Luna seemed confused. "Coronation? I was under the impression that she was already the Crown Princess of Hyrule."

Samus grinned. "She was- she's being... promoted?" Samus paused for a moment, unsure what exactly she wanted to say. "She's going to be Queen Zelda, now."

"What's the occasion? Does she need to be a Queen to command her troops? Is she trying to raise morale? Is today some sort of holiday?"

"Her title has to change in accordance with her marital status."

Luna blinked a few times, then gasped. "You're getting married!" She threw her arms around her 'sister'. "When's the wedding?!"

Samus returned the hug. "Tomorrow."

"Wow," Luna commented, "you two didn't waste any time, did you?"

"That's just how it works here. I thought it would be months- apparently, I thought wrong."

Luna released Samus from her embrace. "So... what do we do now?"

Samus shrugged. "Wait, I suppose."

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Sheik looked up at the stars. She was alone- everyone, including Zelda, had fallen asleep. Link and Luna had been briefed on the situation, and warned of the battle that would come the day after the wedding- after that, they had gone elsewhere. Messengers had been sent out to spread the word- and bring instructions to the Gorons and the Zora.

The Sheikah turned away from the window to look at Samus. 'I hope she can protect my queen better than I have,' Sheik thought, 'but... if there's one benefit to this, it's that I don't have to pretend to love her.' Sheik felt a vague sense of remorse for deceiving Zelda, but she'd made the decision to keep her in the dark some time ago, and confessing at that point wouldn't have done any good- it would merely have caused Zelda to question who she was and where those memories had gone.

She hadn't told Zelda, but she could sense her death drawing nearer. She wasn't certain how or why, but she knew it. She was going to die- she wasn't certain how or why she would perish, but she was rather certain it would be during the battle. 'I don't think a wedding will kill me,' Sheik thought.

Sheik was concerned for Zelda's well-being moreso than her own- she didn't get the feeling that Zelda would die, but she had no idea how one of them could be killed without killing the other. 'It'll probably be some sort of magic,' she mused, 'one of those weird spells with almost no practical use.'

The thought almost made her laugh. 'I'm probably going to be killed by an almost-entirely-useless spell. One that non-physically kills you. Sounds like a good time.'

She sighed and climbed out the window. 'I need some air.'

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Luna sat across from Zelda, listening closely. They were in the castle's library, a massive archive filled with books of every sort. The previous night, they agreed to meet early in the morning so Zelda could help Luna with her magic- apparently, Zelda wanted to get everything out of the way before the wedding. Luna wasn't sure why Zelda was so intent on having no responsibilities to attend to after the wedding, but she didn't ask- for all she knew, it was some sort of tradition.

"Now," Zelda said, "since we don't have time to go over the spells you know, and therefore what types of spells you might benefit from learning, we'll just have to teach you a load of spells that might be of use to you..." Zelda grabbed a massive, leather-bound tome and placed it on the table. "We've got a lot to cover, and a short time to cover it. Are you ready?"

Luna nodded. "If you list the spells you want me to learn, I can tell you which ones- if any- I already know."

Zelda smiled. "Wonderful," she said, "that kind of thinking will serve a spellcaster well. You'll want powerful spells that can hit multiple enemies at once, as well as spells that can deal massive damage to a single target..." She pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "Fireball, Chain Lightning, Shocking Grasp, Cloud of Daggers, Frost Ray, Flaming Hands, Feather Fall..." She paused. "I suppose you'll need some spells that are a little more... dangerous."

Zelda grimaced. "Yes, you'll need to know spells with more power than that..." She looked Luna in the eyes. "These spells are incredibly powerful- most of them are known only to those spellcasters who I have trusted enough to allow them to learn... and most of them only know one of these spells." She nodded, as if needing to reassure herself, before continuing. "I think Touch of Death, Disintegrate, Ray of Destruction, Electrocute, and Detonate should be plenty powerful to kill anything you might find unpleasant enough to warrant their usage."

Luna swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. "I... I already know Fireball, Shocking Grasp, and Frost Ray. Additionally, I am familiar with the methods of casting 'Touch spells'."

"Is something bothering you, Luna? You've gone from being pleasant, eager, and helpful to holding back tears."

Luna couldn't meet Zelda's eyes. "That second set of spells... they all sound so... evil."

Zelda smiled understandingly. "While they're certainly not the type of spell one uses to entertain at a party, they're no more evil than the weaker ones- they are merely tools. A means to an end. They just happen to be far better at their jobs." She shook her head. "There are many evil spells out there, Luna," she said, "and they are far worse than these. These kill... and there are many fates that are far worse than death."

"But... I just learned magic yesterday- is it really a good idea to be teaching me these kinds of-"

"Yes," Zelda interrupted, "yes, it is. The fact that you are hesitant to receive this knowledge means that you will use it only it times of great need. You have a good heart, and you will not go astray."
"How can you be certain that you can trust me with so much power? I don't know how much you know about who- no, not who, what- I used to be, but I was evil."

Zelda nodded. "And you still regret it deeply, though it was no fault of your own. No matter how you argue this, I am correct. You can handle these spells. You must. If you do not, we could all end up dead- or worse. And when I say 'we', I mean all of the peoples of this world. If you hadn't noticed, we're almost certainly hopelessly outmatched. We face hordes of enemies led by an all-but-unkillable king of evil and an all-but-unkillable dragon- and they have access to that 'Phazon' substance. If that isn't enough to convince you, you must realize that we cannot lose a single skirmish, lest the forces of evil gain the upper hand- a single victory is all they need to win the war and bring about death and destruction the likes of which we have never seen before."

The mention of Phazon chilled Luna to the bone. She set her jaw. "Is there a spell that can completely remove organic material from existence?"

Zelda nodded. "There is- it is called 'Annihilate'."

Luna's suit formed around her body in a flash of light. "I am ready to learn."

"Very well. Let us begin."

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"So, Adam," Wolf said, refilling the canister of 'super-durable spacecraft (exterior) orange-paint' with more of the eponymous paint. "what's the plan? I know you have one- I can tell."

"You're going to take your fighter through the portal and into Hyrule. You'll leave the atmosphere long enough for us to locate you, and then you'll return to the surface and see if you can't rendezvous with your old 'friends'."

Wolf grimaced and crossed his arms. "And what's going to be waiting for me when I leave the atmosphere?"

Adam paused. "It's difficult to be certain, but I've postulated that the Federation and Space Pirates both have ships in orbit."

"And how will these ships react to a lone starfighter of unknown make and origin exiting the atmosphere of this planet that should be too primitive for electricity, let alone space travel?"

Adam chuckled. "I have no idea."

"I suppose I can handle whatever they might throw at me."

"Neither side has put much into developing their fighter-craft- there's not usually a reason to use fighters when nobody else does."

Wolf nodded, glad to hear that he wouldn't be swarmed by hostiles. "When's this all going down?"

"Slippy said that the upgrades to your Wolfen would be done in a few hours."

Wolf smirked. "So I'll be leaving in a few hours, then."

Adam let out a strange-sounding sigh- it was computerized based on his voice, and sounded a little odd as a result. "Good... I didn't want to ask you to leave so hastily, but I'm glad you want to."

Wolf covered up some purple paint with some red paint. "I don't wanna fuck around and risk people dying because I decided to take my time- honestly, I'm a little worried that we're already too late..."

"At this point, Wolf, all we can do is hope we aren't, and try our damnedest to make sure we keep it that way."

"At least the Pokemon are speeding the upgrading process along," Wolf mused.

"Especially Pikachu- who'd expect a little yellow mouse-thing to generate so much power?"

Wolf stepped back from the last panel as he finished giving it a good coating of red. "Well, if all else fails, you were right about one thing," he said with a chuckle.

"And what might that be?"

Wolf grinned. "The orange/yellow/red color scheme is very noticeable- and I can definitely tell whose ship it is now... in fact, you kind of look like Samus' helmet- especially since you had me stain the glass green."

"It's a bit iconic, isn't it?"

"Yeah..." Wolf paused. "I just wonder why you need to have so much firepower- it doesn't sound like you'd need it, if your enemies don't use fighter-craft..."

"I'm equipped to be able to take down a Space Pirate frigate without any support- you're looking at a Hunter-Class Gunship, based on the first of its kind- Samus' first ship."

Wolf's jaw dropped. "A frigate?! Isn't that a bit excessive?"

"Perhaps. We're all a 'bit excessive' here, aren't we? I've seen the specs on those 'Nova Bombs'. I mean, the 'Smart Bombs' were already a bit much, but... I can't see any practical reason for a starfighter to have such a weapon."

Wolf frowned. "What the hell's a 'Nova Bomb'?"

"It's a weapon designed to release a pulse of energy that would shut down the central nervous systems of any unshielded creature within its blast radius... which is untested, but could be up to several hundred meters in diameter."

Wolf shuddered. "That... that's pretty brutal."

"And there isn't much reason for a starfighter to use such a weapon, now is there?" Adam said accusingly.

"Don't go blaming me for it," Wolf said, "I never made weapons, especially not for Team StarFox. We didn't really get along that well."

"... Right. Sorry."

"Besides," Wolf said, "I saw a lot of troops when I was in Hyrule, and that bomb sounds far too useful to pass up... and, now that I think about it, a Landmaster armed with those would be devastating."

"I suppose I'll ask about them, then."

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Din watched patiently as Samus was 'prettied up' for the wedding. When she couldn't withhold her curiosity and confusion any longer, she turned to her sisters for answers."I knew Link was a man of many talents, but... why is he so good at grooming things?"

Nayru shrugged, not even bothering to look away from Zelda and Luna's magic lesson, and said, "I find that it's usually best not to question such things, sister dearest."

Farore whirled around without warning, locking eyes with the confused Goddess of Power. "Wait, you were serious?!"

Din raised an eyebrow. "In what context would I ask that in a way that wasn't serious?"

Farore brought a hand to her forehead in the most overly-dramatic way possible. "In what world is fashion not a passion for all of those who have a fire in their hearts?!"

Din blinked several times. "You know what? Nevermind."

Farore shook her head. She wasn't finished yet."What is more bold than making a statement through your appearance alone, tossing the norm aside, daring to be fabulous?! Nothing! There is no greater passion! No greater love! A world without fashion... I cannot begin to imagine such a drab place! It would truly be the worst possible thing!"

"Are you certain you're not exaggerating?" Nayru asked. "Just... just a little?"

Farore grabbed Nayru and spun her around to look her in the eyes. "THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!"

Din cleared her throat. "Shouldn't we be preparing the world for the fight? Making it rain for the Zoras and such?"

Farore grimaced, glaring at Din with the white-hot passion of a REALLY bright flashlight. Like, a bajillion candelas worth of brightness. Maybe even a bajillion-and-a-half candelas... at least a bajillion-and-three-eighths. "You make a good point... but... know this: THE LOVE FOR FASHION CANNOT BE SILENCED!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

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Damara entered the Captain's quarters nervously. She'd been summoned over the intercom, and wasn't quite certain what to expect. The room she entered was dark, and it only became darker as the fancy-autonomous-spaceship-door slid shut behind her. "C-Captain?"

The room was suddenly filled with light as the Captain... well, turned the lights on. His bath robe was white and fluffy- it was the whitest, fluffiest thing in the room, (with the exception of his mustache). "Specialist," he said. His voice was gruff- as gruff a voice as one might expect a starship captain with a white mustache to have.

Damara wasn't certain how she was supposed to react, so she kept a straight face and ignored how odd it all was. "Isn't this a little... informal, sir?"

"It most certainly is," he said, sitting down on his bed, which had bed-cover-y-things that were a very regal shade of purple and bore a repeating pattern of three shiny diamonds. "You were looking into the potentially-anomalous departure of the Delano 7, correct?"

Damara nodded, feeling relieved in spite of herself. "Yes, Captain, I was."

The captain began putting on some very large and intricate earrings. "And what were your findings?"

Damara cleared her throat, continuing to ignore the captain's strange behavior. "I have determined that the departure of the Delano 7 was, in fact, anomalous. Scans indicate that it did not make a jump to Hyperspace. Instead, it seems to have created- and subsequently traveled through- some sort of temporal anomaly."

"Do you think we should take Sylux's advice, Specialist?"

Damara nodded. "The database said that Sylux displayed extreme hatred of both the Federation and Samus Aran," she said, "but, given that she seems to have access to the ability to time-travel, and judging by her friendly disposition, she may not have developed this hatred yet. I think we should accept her advice and, as they say, 'Get the hell outta Dodge'... additionally, this planet, Cylosis, was listed as her homeworld."

The captain stroked his mustache. "Good- I was thinking along the same lines. I have nothing against Miss Aran, no desire to cause unnecessary deaths, no inclination to piss off a time-traveling hunter- mostly due to the former reason, and, most of all, I don't want to make my husband a widow."

'Holy shit,' Damara thought, 'he's gay. I guess that explains the earrings, the bathrobe, and the bed, but... holy shit, the captain's gay. I... I guess I can rest easy knowing that the door's not locked because he's going to molest me.'

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Ah, of course. You're surprised that I'm gay."

"N-no, of course not! It's just that... you seem a bit old, er masculine to be wearing earrings."

The captain chuckled. "It's the white hair, right? I'm actually only thirty-two. I've had white hair since I was eight."

Damara blushed, her embarrassment growing as the conversation progressed. "It's... it's just that you're the last person I'd expect... I mean, even your voice..."

"It's understandable. The vast majority of the human population is heterosexual, and I'm not particularly... flamboyant, or effeminate, or... whatever." He winked. "Of course, you're not particularly masculine."

Damara frowned. That last statement had confused her. "Am... am I supposed to be masculine? Is it because I'm serving on a military vessel or something? I'm afraid I don't understand what you're saying."

The captain gaped. "Oh. Really?" He patted the bed beside him. "Here, sit down, honey, this may come as a bit of a shock."

"O-okay..." Hesitantly, Damara sat down beside the manliest gay captain ever.

He put an arm over her shoulders. "I'm not sure how to tell you this, honey, but you're a lesbian."

"Wait, how can you tell me that I'm gay? I mean, I think I'd have noticed by now."

"Sweetie," he said, "you've never had a boyfriend- and you've turned down all of the offers, of which there were many. You don't know that you're not interested in men because you haven't noticed that you're interested in women yet."

'I have to admit, he has a point...' She thought.

"Also, you wear that drab uniform all the time- any straight girl I know would die if she had to wear that thing."

Damara made a face. "But... this is regulation! I'm supposed to be wearing it!"

"And you don't hate it at all."

"Maybe I just don't care about that kind of thing. That doesn't prove that I'm gay."

The captain snickered. "Perhaps, honey, but you staring at Sylux's sweet, armor-plated ass does."

"That-" Damara blushed. "I was merely..."

"Memorizing it for later? You should also remember that she all but said you two were/will be in a relationship in the future."

"I..."

The captain smiled. "I understand completely. You need some time to think about it. You're not going to believe it until you recognize it for yourself."

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'Okay,' Samus thought, 'I know this is my wedding, and I should be really excited, but... is this it? We approach the altar-thingie and the three priest-guys, meet in the middle, and listen to them say some shit before leaving down the main isle hand-in-hand? Couldn't it be a little more... romantic? Or at least less businesslike? I've been more intimate with corpses.' She shuddered at the thought, and at the loss of men and women she'd thought of as brothers and sisters in arms. 'That was for warmth, Aran. Survival. And they weren't dead when night fell...' She cringed at the memory, and blinked away tears. 'Fucking Space Pirates... this isn't helping anything, Aran. Relax. You're not going to be getting any rest anytime soon, if Zelda has anything to say about it. Consider the ceremony's brevity a godsend.'

Link sighed. "For Farore's sake, Samus, hold still! I'm trying to perform on-par with all of Zelda's beauticians, and... your... hair... must... be... perfect!" He tugged on Samus' ponytail- er, well, what used to be her ponytail- again, just like he had been for the past few hours.

Samus sighed right back. "Why does it even matter? The ceremony's gonna be really short anyways, right? And then Zelda's going to ruin all the hard work you've put into my hair. What's the point?"

"First off, the fact that the ceremony's short means that we can do over-the-top things with your hair and not have to worry about it lasting for long. We're doing these over-the-top things because you're marrying the Queen of Hyrule. By ancient traditions, she now rules over the whole world. And you're just a Jarl- and a fake one at that. You have to look amazing- second only to Zelda herself. The people should look upon you and see a great beauty and a master of war. Essentially, you are fulfilling the role of a King, and you must command awe and respect."

Samus blushed. 'I feel like a child, being scolded like that,' she thought. "Okay, okay," she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was such a big deal."

"As long as you understand now, it doesn't matter much what you thought before," Link mused. After a few more tugs, Link stepped back and let out a sigh of relief. "It's a good thing Zelda wanted you to wear your Zero Suit," Link said, "because this... this is my masterpiece... and it took so long that the wedding starts in a half-an-hour."

Samus rolled her eyes. 'It can't be that great,' she thought, 'after all, it's just-' she gasped as she saw herself in the mirror. "It... it's... holy shit."

Link nodded. "I know, I know. I'm glad you appreciate it. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to make triangles out of hair?"

"These... triangular 'buns'... they're a religious thing, right?"

"Yeah. It's called the Triforce, and it's the symbol of the three Golden Goddesses. You probably can't tell, but there's a third one on the back of your head." He gestured to the braids connecting the corners of the triforces on either side to the triforce in the back. "They're connected here and there."

He chuckled. "It's a good thing your ponytail was so long, and that you had those little bang-thingies on either side of your face. And your hair is the perfect golden color for it, too."

"Is it really alright for me to have religious symbols all over my head, though?" She paused and considered how to phrase the question in a way that would adequately convey her concerns. "I mean, are Nords religious at all?"

Link tilted his head back and laughed hysterically. "Samus, the Nords are more devout than anyone. Especially when it comes to Farore. They worship Farore like nobody's business."

"Oh, alright," Samus said, "I just wanted to make sure before going out there."

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Zelda beamed at Samus as the three Priests of the Goddesses, each one wearing a different color of robe according to the Goddess they specifically worshiped, finished their blessings. The blue-robed Priest of Nayru took a step forward. "Do you, Queen Zelda of Hyrule, claim Jarl Samus Aran of Clan Thundercrown as your wife?"

Zelda moved a little closer to Samus. "I do," she said, managing to maintain a cool and calm outer appearance.

The priest smiled approvingly and looked to Samus. "And do you, Jarl Samus Aran of Clan Thundercrown, claim Queen Zelda of Hyrule as your wife?"

Samus closed the distance between Zelda and herself. "I do," she said, pulling Zelda into a kiss that tactfully traded longevity for a lack of saliva drippage.

The priest chuckled quietly and stepped back in line with his fellow priests. Together, they said, "Then, by the powers vested in us by the three Golden Goddesses, I now pronounce you..." The priests exchanged confused looks- they weren't certain whether they were supposed to say 'wife and wife', or something else. After several moments of awkward, confused silence, the green-clad priest whispered something to the other two. They nodded, then acted like the whole thing had never happened. "...Married!"

The people in attendance cheered and laughed and clapped- and several 'fox whistles' were issued when the pair of newlyweds walked past.

Sheik, seeing that the important bits were over with, began to jabber like a monkey in a tree. A tree with lots of bananas and other stuff that monkeys like. 'Okay, now that that's over and done, can I just point out Samus' hair? How the hell did Link even do that? I mean, don't get me wrong, you're the image of beauty right now, what with your fancy purple queen dress and all, but how is that even possible?'

'I don't pretend to know, Sheik,' Zelda thought back, 'I'm still a bit thrown for a loop from that kiss. I didn't see it coming at all, but... it made the whole thing so much... better.'

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Wolf pointed the nose of his Wolfen at the full moon and hit the throttle, accelerating up though Cylosis' atmosphere- and beyond, into the vacuum of space. He guided the fighter into orbit and engaged the newly-installed stealth systems. With that done, he began to broadcast the signal.

It took less than an hour for Adam to reply. "Cylosis... that's... that's certainly very interesting. Good work, Wolf. Do you have anything else to report?"

"Yeah. It looks like you were right about there being two groups of ships waiting around here, Adam."

"Good, good. Anything else?"

Wolf, despite knowing that Adam couldn't see the gesture, nodded. "It's hard to be certain, but it looked like the, uh, opposition's forces were preparing to mobilize. I didn't stick around for a better look, though. I was pretty concerned that I might run into my former colleagues."

"I understand. The Great Fox is preparing for FTL travel. ETA is looking like twelve to fourteen hours."

Wolf rolled his Wolfen over so that the canopy was facing 'down' towards the surface of the planet 'below'. He grimaced. "Do you have a lock on the planet yet?"

"Affirmative."

"Good... I think I'm going in."

Adam paused briefly. "Good luck, Wolf... and godspeed."

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Jarl Testarossa laid her legendary pollaxe, Bardiche, across her shoulders (to allow her to hold the long, wooden shaft with one hand instead of two) and looked down onto Hyrule Field. Squinting against the rising sun and using a hand to shield her eyes from the cool winds that made her twin ponytails whip about, she could just barely make out the shapes of a Bulblin scouting party. She turned to her companions. "It seems we got here just in time," she said, "King Thundercrown should reach this crest just after noon, and the 'blins, assuming they came from the Desert Province, should be here just before noon..."

The Jarl chuckled. "That means that they'll be in place and busy fighting the Hyruleans when that he comes over the hill... and we all know how much ol' Thundercrown loves to make a dramatic entrance."

The men of the scouting party (Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, and Ori) laughed heartily and clapped like all manly viking men do- by slamming the flats of their axes against their big, round shields, all of which bore the banner of Jarl Testarossa- a streak of yellow lightning arcing down across a field of black.

"I place 'em at twenty-eight, my Jarl," Thorin said, "with two of them boars they ride- though the boars be unmounted... fer now."

Jarl Testarossa nodded. "Good." She turned to the man with a bald head and a red beard and smirked. "That's two apiece, Nori." The men laughed, and Nori grumbled something about being able to count, though the smile visible on his face (which was, admittedly, slightly obscured by his beard) detracted from his mock anger.

"Still," the Jarl said to herself as she turned to look at the 'blins again, "those boars could be a problem..." The boars were standing side-by-side and out of the way... and between the Nords and the Bulblins, who seemed to be trying to erect some sort of wooden tower out in the middle of the field. Unfortunately, though, the large, ugly pigs were too far away for her to be able to hit them with any of her spells- even her long-ranged Lightning Bolt. With these things in mind, she developed the 'plan' quickly.

"Alright, men," she said, not bothering to face them, "on my word, we charge. I'll kill the boars with magic when we reach the bottom of the hill."

She took a moment to compose herself, then shifted Bardiche onto her left shoulder, angling it upwards to make sure she didn't accidentally gore one of her own men. 'We will be the ones with the honor of spilling the first blood in this conflict.' She considered that thought for a few moments, then took a deep breath and gave the order. "Charge."

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Nayru sighed. "So it begins..."

"War," Din said, finishing Nayru's sentence for her.

Farore grunted. "And what are you two complaining about? All you two have to do is watch. They may look to gentle Nayru to end a war, and they may use Din's passions as an excuse to wage it, butthey wage war in my name. They call on me to guide them, to give them strength... in comparison, this 'war' is nothing. I don't have to watch as our creations take to slaughtering one another. I don't have to have both sides pray to me for help. No, this is not a war- it doesn't deserve that title. War is what men call it when they pit themselves against others and are simultaneously at their best and worst. No, this is nothing like war.

"This... this is the men and women of this world banding together to fight off evils the likes of which they have never known. The forces of darkness are marching on the world- and I fully intend to do everything within my power to engineer their timely demise. Woe unto the wolves who would dare threaten my flock, for I am Farore, shepherd of those beings to whom I gave hearts and souls... and to incur my wrath is to court death itself."

"What of Ganondorf, then?" Nayru asked, "And those who serve him? The Bulblins and those... things?"

Din glared at the Goddess of Wisdom. "Unless there's a Ganondorf that doesn't call himself the 'King of Evil', you're just trying to prevent Farore from going too far."

Farore scoffed. "Din's words ring true. Bulblins are the twisted results of Ganondorf's attempts to play god, and these invaders are no better. They embody all that is vile, and they will be crushed. Exterminated like the vermin they are."

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Link grimaced. Something was bothering Luna- and he suspected it had to do with the fight that was coming. "Luna? You alright?"

"My suit's computer has access to Samus' logbook entries, you know... all of them prior to my creation, anyways... she kept a journal, as a child, when the Chozo were training her." Luna paused. "Do you know what they told her, to help her cope with everything they expected her to do? The killing, the blowing up planets... genocide, extinction, methodical extermination... do you know what they told her? They told her to pretend that, when she was in the suit, when she was fighting to survive... they told her to pretend that she wasn't Samus Aran anymore. They told her to imagine that she was the most powerful weapon in the galaxy..." Tears fell down Luna's cheeks. "And do you know what the worst part is?"

Link's expression grew grim. "It worked."

Luna shook her head. "No, it didn't. The worst part is that they realized it wasn't working... and when they did, they realized that she had to figure it out herself. They captured a ship full of Space Pirates... then they locked Samus inside with them. Told her they couldn't get her out from the outside, and that she'd have to fight her way through everything on board and get herself out.

"It took her three days. On the first day, she killed one Pirate, and spent the rest of the day crying until she fell asleep. On the second day, she killed another... and then another... and by the third day, she'd killed every single one of them- she lost count after thirty. She even went into the medical bay and killed the sick and wounded. The log for the second day isn't even a complete sentence. It just says, "It's getting easier"..." Luna trailed off.

Link shuddered. Not only because the story chilled him to the bone, but because he knew the feeling. Every monster he killed made the next one easier. He never questioned it. It was a blessing, when you were slaughtering evildoers left and right, to not have to be troubled by every single one. "What else can you do? You can't show mercy to the bad guys. Because they'll keep on being evil. It's not pretty, but that's just how it is."

"She watched the Space Pirates come and kill everyone on her home-world- she was a little girl, and she only survived because of her mother's sacrifice and a lot of luck. She fights the Space Pirates because they're evil, and she's witnessed that firsthand... and the Space Pirates fear her for it. She's killed so many that nobody even knows how many she's killed anymore. To the Pirates, she's a weapon of mass destruction given human form... death incarnate- but to everyone else, she's the greatest hero ever. I understand that it's all necessary. I see that. But... I can't help but see it all as being evil. I don't see how doing evil to evil is the same as doing good... I just..." Luna buried her face in her hands and cried harder.

Link shook his head. "It isn't. People don't call me 'hero' because I kill monsters, Luna. People call me 'hero' because I saved the world. And I'm sure Samus isn't thought of as a hero because she kills, but because of the people she's saved. Destroying evil isn't good- it just happens to be the only way to protect good. And when you see all of the good things that you've saved... that's when you know it was all worth it."

Luna looked up. "I think... I'm reminded of the phrase, Si vis pacem, para bellum. It's an old adage from Earth. It means, 'if you wish for peace, prepare for war'."

"And that's just how it is. If one wants to wage war, nothing the other does is going to stop them. It becomes a matter of defending yourself or losing whatever it is the other wants. You can't win without fighting. Sometimes, violence is the only answer."

"Like with them?" Luna gestured at the bodies of the Bulblin scouting party they'd encountered- and subsequently destroyed.

Link nodded. "Exactly. If we hadn't killed them, they'd have killed us- and who knows how many others. It's their nature. You don't need to hate them for it. You shouldn't enjoy killing them. But you're going to have to. They're enough of a threat that they cannot be ignored."

Luna grimaced. "But... why is it that good people- people like you, and Samus, and Zelda... why is it that you're the ones who can't ignore it? Why do you have to be the ones to fight?"

Link smiled warmly. "Don't forget yourself, Luna- you're fighting, too... and you wanna know why? Because we can. And if we didn't... who would?"

Luna stared into Link's eyes. "...Very well," she said, after a time. "You have convinced me. I will give no quarter, take no prisoners, and show no mercy. I will not rest until all hostiles have been terminated with extreme prejudice, by any means necessary." She watched Link's horrified reaction. "I still fail to understand why it's a shock when the truth is told plainly, but not when it is hidden behind other words and innuendos. I summarized the directive of this mission as relayed to me by you yourself, and it shocked you..." She shrugged. "Regardless, I am ready for battle."

Link hesitated for a moment before giving a determined nod. "Right."

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End Chapter Ten

(FTL= FASHINABLE TRUE LIGHTNING)

Shit's about to go dooooooooooown!

Also, "Blah blah blah, war is bad and stuff, blah blah blah, Luna's a good person, blah blah blah, Samus had no childhood, blah blah blah, meow meow meow, blah blah blah, I don't have any idea what you're talking about there be no references here yar-har yo ho ho and a bottle of rum, blah blah blah, that is most certainly NOT Fate Testarossa and I don't care what you say, blah blah blah, I was totally lying about the references and Fate but you can't stop me lol, blah blah blah, author's notes, blah blah blah, when did Luna learn to troll, blah blah blah, murder time is fun time, blah blah blah, FASHION IS THE PASSION THAT BURNS WITHIN THE HEARTS OF THOSE WITH BURNING HEARTS THAT ARE FULL OF PASSION- PASSION FOR FASHION! TO MAKE A BOLD FASHION STATEMENT IS TO SHOW TRUE COURAGE!

…

Large ham? What's that?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Seriously.

Don't be ridiculous.

Everything I say is super cereal, gaiz.

Literally everything.

Even 'meow meow meow'.

In fact, 'meow meow meow' is the key to all things.

Don't believe me?

Fine.

I don't care.

It's not like I wanted you to believe me or anything, b-baka.

OH GOD WHAT IS GOING ON.

…

Gay captain is best plot twist.

No exceptions.

...Anyways, thanks for reading, guys/gals/robots/other. I'd really appreciate it if you left a comment letting me know what you thought.

If you think this is the best thing ever, favorite it, watch it, watch me, love me, or whatever- every time you say, "I don't believe in fairies," a fairy- wait, that's not right.

LOVE ME.

Like I occasionally say, "If it ain't broke, break it. And then learn how to speak fucking English, you douche-nugget."

~~Arcane-Boomeus~~