Chapter 10

Keep Your Mouth Shut!

[Jade's POV]

16 Years Old

"Jadeeeeeee!"

"What Valentine!?" I yell as I snap my head toward her.

"The movie is over." She says with her head down. "You didn't watch it at all with me like you promised." She pouts as she stands from her seat and steps on me in the process of getting out of our roll.

I watch her before turning to the big screen seeing credits roll up slowly as I sigh. "Cat…" Quickly I stand and follow her out into the hall where she has now slid down the wall with her face in her hands sobbing quietly.

I don't have time for this….

"Cat….Cat get the hell up and come on. It's just a movie. We can watch movies anytime." I say as I cross my arms.

"You always do this to me! Why do you hate me so much Jadey!?"

I sigh loudly as I stomp my foot. Cat can be so damn aggravating! She over exaggerates about every little thing, and I mean every little damn thing. She never shuts up about me never spending time with her when clearly I am, and she's just…ugh sometimes. Cat hasn't always been this way. We were great, even best friends at a point in time. I mean don't get me wrong, she's still my best friend, it's just….it's either I can't deal with her like I use to or she's changed a whole fucking lot. It's like she's always there. Every time I turn around Cat's up my ass and it's annoying the heck out of me! I can't even go to the damn bathroom without her following me.

I know the right and good thing to do would be to talk to her about it, but Cat doesn't know how to talk. Her feelings are just bunched up emotions she doesn't know how to control or deal with so now she's all over the place. I personally think Cat needs some personal help, but when I mentioned that to Vegas, she got all mad saying how I was wrong about her sister but I'm not wrong. Cat needs helps, she always has and she always will. She's messed up no matter what anyone thinks.

"Cat, tomorrow I will take you to the park and we can have lunch together right after my doctor's appointment? How about it?" I say with a sigh and absolutely no motivation in my tone, but she clearly doesn't catch onto that.

"Really?" She looks up to me as she wipes her tears.

I slurp the rest of my drink as I take my time to answer her, but surely enough she gets her "yes" and that's all it takes for her to throw herself onto me with arms wrapped around my body tight and "yays" bouncing off the walls.

God I hope tomorrow kills me….

I hate doctors. I hate nurses. I hate hospitals. You know the worst thing about hospitals? It's a place where you take your hurt loved ones to be healed. You bring them here in all hopes that these trained professionals know exactly what they are doing and that they will be able to fix whatever it may be that's wrong with your loved one, but when they can't, and when they die, people scream and yell like it's the doctor's fault. They say they didn't "try hard enough" or "they didn't know what they were doing".

Hospitals shouldn't even exist. They are scams, scams making you believe that they'll be okay, but they won't. Everyone dies. Everything happens for a reason. Even if little Jonny gets shot, if it's his time to die there's nothing a doctor can do. He'll die. If Little Sarah is choking, she must be choking for a good ass reason because she deserved it. If she's not supposed to die, she'll be okay. Same for sick people. If they are sick they are sick for a reason. Don't fix them. Let them die when they are supposed to. That's why we don't need hospitals. Fuck hospitals. They don't help anyone. All they cause is heartache. They give so much hope for you to be let down. I hate them! Everyone I ever knew that came to this hospital died or is mentally ill in some form. Doctors did and do no shit. Fuck hospitals. You scandalous jerk.

Knock, Knock

I quickly take the locket of my mother and snap it shut before tossing it over to the small heap my clothes are in over in a corner of the small white room. I turn my head to the door without speaking before watching it open slightly and the head of my doctor peak in.

"Hey there, are you ready?" Doctor Valarie asks as she walks all the way into the room and shuts the door behind her.

"Well if you had of given me a chance to answer before you opened the door, you would know that answer."

God I hate that. Why even knock?

She gives me a side smile already being use to my forward personality.

Today I have a stupid doctor's appointment for my first pap-smear. I don't even know what the heck that is and I've never bothered to ask. Doctor Valarie has been my doctor since I turned 13 and I have to say I actually take a small liking to her. If you know me you know I don't accept very many and she's a small exception. Why you ask? Because…I don't really know. I guess it's something about the way she tolerates me without putting me into the category of teens who just hates life even though that's exactly me. She's not the type to preach to me about what I should and shouldn't be doing in my life and everyone seems to do that with me, but she doesn't and I like that I can talk to her without all that extra input. She's knows me pretty well, enough to know how I do in school, (which is failing by the way) and about my friends and my mother. She only knows what I tell her and even though I do take liking in her, telling her any personal secrets are a no-no. One person knowing a secret about me is enough, and that person being Cat is wayyyyy more than enough.

"Alright Jade, before we start do you have any questions or concerns about anything at all?" Dr. Valarie smiles at me as she starts to put on gloves.

I just shake my head before I stop mid-shake. "Well…what exactly is a pap-smear?" I ask as I tilt my head to the side. It's not that I'm stupid or anything. It's just I never really heard of it and didn't bother to look it up before the appointment rolled around.

She keeps her smile as she walks over to a drawer and pulls out one of the many plastic wrapped tools that I'm guessing she'll be using today. She opens the pack and pulls out an all silver solid tool that looked like wanna-be tongs but way more smooth and leveled out. "A pap smear is all about checking for changes in the cells of your cervix." She says as she pulls out an oversized q-tip from another drawer. "Your cervix is the lower part of the uterus that opens into the vagina which is your birth canal. A pap test can tell if you have an infection, abnormal/unhealthy cervical cells, or cervical cancer. Don't let that scare you, it's just to check to make sure everything is going fine and if there is a worry we can catch it quick so it doesn't spread." She places her tools onto one of those cliché silver pan type desk before she tells me to lay back.

"…How is this done?" I ask as I rest my head on the very uncomfortable bed/table.

"Well I'm going to have you put your feet here and I'll have a sheet covering you up right here." She says as she points to different things. "This is called a speculum.I'm going to use it to open you up a bit and I'm going to use this brush and q-tip here to take some samples, then it'll go into this glass, and then we're all done." She smiles as she puts everything back.

I just nod as I close and eyes and…wait. "Whaoooo what!?" I say as I sit back up. "You mean you're going to like…stick that thing inside of my….me?"

She chuckled as she took a seat in a rolling chair. "Yes Jade. It'll be really quick. It might hurt a bit since you're a virgin, but it's a quick process I promise."

I bite my lower lip as I sit back. Well that explains why I had to remove my underwear….but still. Okay, yes I told her I am a virgin because technically I am right? Well…I never chosen to do it, so yes…I am a virgin.

I don't want to do this.

I sit back up as she turns on a really bright light that made me flinch as I put my hand up to block it. "I changed my mind. I don't want to do this today okay? Maybe next time."

She chuckles again as she shakes her head. "It's okay to be nervous or scared, but there's nothing to fear. You'll be fine. It'll be over before you know it. Now lay back down." She says as she stands to her feet and puts a sheet over my thighs. "Put your feet here." She taps on the metal feet petals that sits up high so that if I do chose to put my feet on them everything I own will be spread open for the world to see.

I shake my head. "No. Really I just want to leave."

"Jade West. You aren't giving me a hard time today and I'm not letting you leave until this is finished. So we can sit here all day, or you can do this and get it over with. Either way I win." She side smiles as she lifts a brow and crosses her arms mimicking my same moves I gave to her the last time I was here and refused to get a shot. No I'm not a baby, I just don't like fucking needles.

I huff knowing I won't win. She always does and she's right. Valarie is always someone I don't put up an argue with after she's made her point. I'm the type of person that if I say I'm not going to do something that means I'm not going to fucking do it, and that's that, but something about Dr. Valarie just makes me give in sometimes. She makes me smile when no one else can and it's just…when I see her anything that's going wrong…I just….I kind of feel safe around her…like she's a mother. Like she can save me, but I just don't know. I was going to tell her, but then I got afraid things would go so wrong. They'd put me in foster care and I'd never see anyone again. Or worse they'd put me with a family who hates me even more. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not telling her shit. I like her, I really do, but I can't. She's my doctor, she'll call the police, child services, everyone. No. Keep it to yourself Jade. Keep it to yourself.

Knowing I'm not going to win, I go ahead and lay back down and put my feet where I was told. Closing my eyes tight, I pretend I'm anywhere but here. This is uncomfortable, but not nearly as uncomfortable as at home, so I can take this. It should be nothing.

I hear her chair roll close to me before I hear a small noise escape her mouth. I feel her thumb pulling on skin around my inner thighs before her hand disappears completely. Peeking through one of my eyes, I see her looking at me with what looked to be confusion and sadness as she sighs and turns to grab onto the applies some type of gel to it as she turns back to me. "This is going to be a little cold. Just relax. Don't tense up, or it'll make it a little hard for the both of us okay?"

I just nod as I close my eyes again as I feel her start to slide the cold hard metal tool inside me. I gasp, not at pain, but as a flash of Ron filled my mind. Quickly I opened my eyes as I felt like the air in the room was being sucked away little by little.

"…Jade…."

My eyes close again as my body tenses and the room becomes an almost unbearable hot. I feel her slide the tool in me the rest of the way as I take my hands and cover my eyes when I feel them start to water.

I….what is going on with me?

Her actions below start to become a numb as sounds of his panting and groaning fill my ears while the air supply in the room is down to 5%. I feel like I'm drowning, but there's not water and I can't stop. I can't stop this….episode that's taking over me that I didn't even start. I have no control of myself as I pant and sweat and suck in air as if I'm in the middle of an asthma attack.

Before I know it, I feel warm, tight, loving arms wrap themselves around me.

"Jade! Honey, it's okay! I'm done, I'm done, it's over."

Immediately, and I mean immediately everything that was happening to me came to a complete stop. The 5% air returned to 100%. The tenseness turned calm. The hot air turned winter cold. And my eyes dried as I opened them to see Valarie looking into my eyes with bewilderment.

"…I…." I look at her and shake my head before looking down at myself. I don't even remember taking my feet off the metal. I don't remember sitting up and wrapping my arms back around her just as tight. I don't remember, I don't know what just happened.

"…Are you alright?" Valarie asks in a concerned, confused voice.

I just nod because that's all I can do. I don't even know what the hell that was about.

She was quiet for a moment as she pulls herself away from me and starts to mess with all that crap she just used on me.

"…Do you always have panic attacks like that?" She asks over her shoulder.

Panic attack?

I don't answer her as she walks back over to me and takes a seat in front of me as she grabs both my hands. "Jade….I know you think it's none of my business, but...I've been watching you over the years and….is there something…something you want to talk about or anything at all?"

I bite my bottom lip as I shake my head without thoughts.

She grabs my hands tighter as she leans a little closer. "Jade, I care about you so, so much. I love you. And…." She shakes her head as she sides smiles with furrowed brows. "You may think I'm worthless, stupid, whatever you think, but I'm not stupid babygirl."

I just stare at her for a moment without words. Maybe if I don't speak, she'll go away.

"…What's going on?" She asks as she looks me directly in my eyes.

I suck in a gallon of air before letting it out slowly as I just shake my head. She doesn't need to know anything. She'll make it worse. I'm not doing it. I'm not. I'll be just fine without her or anyone's help for that matter. I'm almost 18. Then I can move out on my own and Ron can't mess with me anymore. I mean I've dealt with him for this long, what's two more years?

"….Jade do you know we don't give pap smears to people who don't have sex."

I know where this is going, and I don't want to fucking hear it. She's wrong about anything she says. Tell her she's wrong Jade! Tell her she's fucking wrong before she says anymore!

"…You're wrong." I say in a much weaker voice than I intended making myself look like I'm lying, making myself look fucking weak. I'm not weak, and I'm much stronger than her and her words. I am.

She gives an aggravated sigh as she removes one of her hands from my hand and moves it to grip my wrist gently.

"I'm wrong about what Jade? I haven't even said anything. I'm wrong because you know what I'm going to say because what I'm going to say is true and you know it is, so you're saying I'm wrong. Am I right?"

I just shake my head not trusting how tough my voice is anymore.

"…You have bruises all over your thighs. How did they get there?"

"I ride horses." I say using the first lie that popped into my mind.

"Bullshit Jade. You told me you hate horses last year, so now you ride them?"

My eyes widen at her use of language. I mean not that I am surprised that it's toward me, but just surprised that it's coming from her.

I just look at her without a word.

"That man….the one who used to bring you, he hurts you doesn't he?"

I look into her eyes as I felt myself start to nod but immediately stopped myself.

Jade what the hell are you doing!? In here letting her question you like you're some kind of helpless child! You're not helpless! You have everything under control! How the hell would you let yourself get to this level of, of, of fucking weakness!? You weak ass bitch! Stand the fuck up and get the hell out! This is none of her business Jade! NONE! She'll ruin everything! YOU'RE LIFE!

Nobody has the best in life and I can handle where I am! I've always had! All she needs is my confirmation and I'll be out of my own hands. Next thing I know I'll be eating government cheese.

Keep your mouth shut Jade West and leave. NOW!

I close my eyes as I shake my head hard and stand before running over to snatch up my clothes as she grabs my wrist to stop me. "Jade I can't help you if you don't talk to me." She says in a very calm voice, but I can hear it deep down she wants to scream. Tears form in her hazel eyes as she gently lets go of my wrist with a shake of her head. "You have to talk to me."

I bite my bottom lip as I look at her and then back at the door.

LEAVE NOW!

I nod to myself before grabbing up my clothes and walking out of the room.

[Jade's & Tori's Text]

Tori: Jade?

Jade: What could you possibly want Vegas? My never ending love?

Tori: No, just to hang out possibly?

Jade: What makes you think that I, Jade West, would want to hang out with you, Vegas Vega?

Tori: Will it kill you to say my name for once?

Jade:…lemme think…yes.

Tori: Why?

Jade: Because I hate it. It's stupid.

Tori: You know…..I don't think for all these years I've known you that you ever called me Tori. Not once.

Jade: Don't think I'll start now.

Tori: But why? I don't call you West?

Jade: Good for you.

Tori: Can you call me by my name….please?

Jade: Okay.

Tori: Seriously?

Jade: Yep.

Tori: Say it then.

Jade: Jori.

Tori: That's not my name.

Jade: Opps, I accidently hit J. Which is a great letter by the way. I think Jori sounds better.

Tori: Well cause it's the letter of your name! You just combined our names.

Jade: You wish I combined our names.

Tori: What does that mean?

Jade: Admit it Vegas. You love me. Just kiss me in the moon light when no one is watching.

Tori: ….Jade?

Jade: Let me kiss you back with so much force as I throw you against the wall letting my kiss fall from your lips to your neck.

Tori: JADE!

Jade: rotflmao….you like that don't you Vegas?

Tori: NO!

Jade: Haha whatever. Well I'm going to out. No I'm not hanging with you. I already told Cat I'd go to the park with her. We're actually leaving here soon. She's like obsessed with me these days. Might as well cherish a fan. Maybe tonight we can do something….

Tori: I know! And okay, like what?

Jade: We can fuck?

Tori: JADE!

Jade: (laughing emoticon) you're so stupid Tori. I'll see you later.

Tori: See you.

Tori: WAITTTT YOU CALLED ME TORI! OMGGGGGG!

Jade: No I didn't.

Tori: Yes you did go look at your text!

Jade:…well fuck. Take your ass to sleep or something VEGAS!

Tori: awwwwww you called me Toriiiiiiiiiii !

Jade: GOODBYE VEGAS!

Tori: Awwww Lol, see you Jade.

Thanks for reading! Please Review! ;)