Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush
"Logan? What are you doing?" I heard a voice.
I looked up to find Carlos with a face of horror.
"Close the door and come in or leave," I said.
Just as I tought what Carlos would do he did, Carlos was closing the door. I got up and started to wash my arm. I took out medical supplies and went to fix my arm without look up at Carlos, who was siting on the floor. When I finished I saw some blood on the floor which Carlos was staring at. I took some toilet paper wiped it up and threw in the toilet then flushed it. I sat across from Carlos. Carlos head was down.
"Can you at least look at me?" I begged.
Carlos looked up at me and there was tears run down his face.
"Why?" Carlos asked.
"It's noting Carlos," I said.
"What do you mean nothing? Your hurting yourself."
"Carlos it's not so bad,"
"What do you mean it's not that bad? You can kill yourself. Logie please just tell me."
"Fine it's because I feel worthless. It's because I hate the way I am. I hate who I am. I need a to get relaxed and cutting gives me it."
"Oh Logie you have me, the guys our, parents and your d-"
"He wouldn't care."
'Danny knows, he sees them,' I thought.
"Carlos were are you?" Mrs G yelled.
"Bathroom," Carlos yelled back.
"Go to bed it's."
"Mom it's 10 on a saturday."
"Remember your grounded."
"Oh okay."
"Logan we're going to finish talking about this tomorrow." Carlos said to me.
I nodded my head. Carlos got up and went to the sink. I got up and went to our room. My suitcase was on my bed.
'Mrs G must have done that,' I thought.
I started to change and crawled into bed. I heard Carlos come in, he then turned off the lights and went to bed. Not long after I went to sleep.
~the next day~
I was eating pancakes, bacon and eggs, when Carlos came in.
"Hey Carlos," I greeted him.
"Hey Logan, where's my mom and dad?" Carlos asked.
"Your dad is at work and your mom went to buy more food."
"Good so we're alone."
Carlos got a plate and fork, and then his food. Carlos sat across from me.
"Logan I want to see them," Carlos said.
"Not now your eating," I told Carlos.
'There was no point in fighting I'll just lose,` I thought.
"You can ask me questions if you want," I suggested to Carlos.
"Why didn't you tell anyone or get help?" Carlos asked me.
"I don't know, maybe I didn't want you guys to know how weak I am."
"Logan you're not weak."
"How do you know that?"
"Because I know you."
"Do you really?"
"I think so, yea."
"Okay then."
"Am I the only one that knows?" Carlos asked.
"Yes," I lied.
"Logan you know that we have to tell someone, right?"
"No no no,"
"Logan you're hurting yourself."
"You and only you can check my wrist everyday."
"And your chest?"
"My chest?"
"I found you cutting your upper arm and I bet you cut your chest too."
"Once a month."
"No way, everyday"
"No and be happy that I'll you check my wrist everyday and let you check my chest once a month. I could have said no or something."
"Fine."
"Promise that you will tell no one."
"I promise but if it gets worst I will tell."
"Okay."
"When did you start cutting?"
"I was 13."
"Why?"
I looked down at my empty plate.
"I don't know," I lied
'Because of him and his beer.`
"Do you think you could stop?" Carlos asked.
"Maybe but it's less likely," I said.
"You know that you can call me, right?"
"Are you sure. I mean at three in the morning?"
"Did you really think that no one would care if you went to deep? That you died of blood loss?"
"Maybe," I said in a little voice.
Carlos got up and sat in the chair next to me.
"Logan look at me," Carlos demand grabbing my face (not in a hard way)
I looked Carlos in the eyes and he looked back.
"Don't you dare think that we wouldn't cry our eyes out, that we would cry ourself to sleep, that we would feel guilty that we didn't notices. You have no clue on how much pain we all would be in. Me, Kendall and James would lose a brother, a best friend, our genius, our rock. We would blame ourself guilt eating us, how did we not see your cuts when we change? Oh yea because we never see you with out a shirt. How did we not think? Katie would lose a brother she would cry and cry tell she can't any more. Mama Knight would have a strong front with Kendall and Katie around but I bet she would just want to break down crying. My mom and dad would also blame themself they lived with you they saw that you were sad for a week. Yea they would put on a strong front but at night my mom would hold my dad till he cried him self to sleep, because he loss a son, you know he's more close to you. And I know you may not think it but your dad would cry too because your all he haves. Logie we all love you more than you would ever know." Carlos told me
Tears were running down my face. Carlos pulled me in a hug.
"Do you really think that?" I asked.
"No," Carlos said with no emotion
My heart broke.
'Stupid why would you let down you walls?` I scowled at myself. 'You let Carlos gave you hope then he took it all right back and laughed in your face. You let your self cry-`
"Logan I think we all would be in more pain," Carlos said cut in my thoughts.
"Really you're not lying?" I had to ask. I turned to look at his face.
"Why would I lie?"
Right then and there I felt hope for the first time in about 7 years. I pulled Carlos closer. We sat like that for a few minutes, when Carlos said something.
"Logan can you show me now?" Carlos asked.
I pulled away from him, and pulled up my both of my shirt sleeves up to my elbow. Carlos took my both of my wrist he gently moved his hand around my cuts, Carlos then kissed some of them.
"Let me see the others," Carlos said looking at me.
I took off my shirt. Carlos gently touched them, then pulled me in hug.
"Please stop," Carlos begged in my ear.
"I will try," I whisper in his ear.
I wasn't lying. Not to Carlos or myself I can call someone, someone who I love and loves be back. I will try to stop.
SORRY I didn't write in a long time. I really am. Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading
Ps: I'm thinking about making Logan Bisexual. *wink wink* That may mean someone new... or not.