"You need to pull yourself together Catnip."

Chapter 9 – Sunset

Katniss wondered what it feels like to go insane.

She knew she had come close to the breaking point a few times before, but this one was different.

This one felt special.

Peeta had always rescued her from the brink of insanity.

When her father had died, Peeta had managed to save her by tossing her that burned bread.

After the games, when she suffered from nightmares, he would hold her and whisper soft words in her ears and recite stories of how he fell in love with her.

He loved her voice, especially when she sang, he said. He loved the way her braid swished as she walked. He enjoyed watching Rye squirm when she would toss the dead squirrel on the bakery counter and demand to see his father.

When Prim had died, the only hope she had left was Peeta. She would never admit it, but she was grateful that she drew blood from his hand when she tried to free the nightlock capsule from her sleeve after she murdered Coin because otherwise… she would have never realize how much he really meant to her.

How much she truly loved him.

That's why this one felt different. That's why it was special.

Peeta always rescued her from the brink… pulling her back to reality... to sanity. This time he had tossed her right into the black hole himself.

She smiled as she twirled her fingers through her messy hair, wondering if anyone would judge her if they saw her today. Would people pity her? Or would they think she got what she deserved?

She wondered if Peeta would come to visit.

Katniss crawled carefully to her window and saw a reflection. She began to play hide and seek with the imaginary girl who looked an awful lot like herself.

When she heard a gentle knock on her door, she bolted.

Thinking, hoping, believing that it was Peeta.

Her feet wobbled under her, and she fell flat on her face but she didn't care because he was here.

She remembers she can crawl, so she does, and turns the knob, gently, a goofy smile on her face.

The person is not who she was expecting, not at all. Not wanting to be rude she practically claws her way up using the door frame to face her visitor.

Peeta's future wife is stunning. She has perfect blonde hair that flows down her back, sparkling blue eyes that are kind, and milky white skin that puts her olive one to shame.

Instantly she curses herself for not taking Sae's advice and changing out of her orange dress or showering since the day she went to visit Peeta.

Katniss leans heavily on the door frame and subconsciously blocks Elena's view from inside her dark and lifeless house. She feels like Elena is judging her. She knows she's judging her. She must be wondering what Peeta ever saw in her to want to spend the rest of his beautiful life with her. Did she think I was trash? Did she think I was worthless and disgusting? Does she think–

"Hello Ms. Everdeen, I–"

"You can't come in!" Katniss practically yells, causing Elena to jerk back slightly at her sudden outburst. She curses herself for being so hostile but immediately realizes she doesn't particularly give a fuck. Elena was not allowed to step inside her house and judge her. She had already taken Peeta from her with her perfect 'merchant' looks and now she was here to judge her, to rub it all over her face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just hoping to converse with you, that's all."

Go away.

Elena's voice was soft, her skin, her hair, her features; everything she stood for was the complete opposite of Katniss.

Katniss' voice was deeper, her skin scarred and burned, her hair was dull and limp.

She wonders what would happen if she were to just retreat back into her house and gently shut the door. Would Elena leave her alone? Would her house suddenly come crashing down, trapping her until her eyes only saw black for eternity?

"I just wanted to tell you that I really admire you, and what you did for our country." Elena blushes, as she forces herself to make eye contact with Katniss' dead eyes.

Katniss wonders if she intimidated her or if she was simply frightening this perfect little wallflower.

How was a girl like this ever going to understand what Peeta went through during the games or the revolution? Would she be able to draw him back to reality when he had a violent episode?

"I have grown to respect you, and I want you to know that I truly love Peeta and I will be the best wife a man could ever ask for." Elena begins fidgeting with the sleeve of her long white shirt.

Katniss' knees began to wobble as her legs feel weak. She spends most of her time either sitting or lying down so the muscles must have weakened she realizes.

"And I came here to tell you that I promise to be good to him, to give him beautiful children, and to raise them as kind as Peeta and support him in every possible way."

Elena's hair begins to change color. Her back was facing the sunset.

"I love him Ms. Everdeen, and I wanted your blessing, that's why I came here today."

Sunset.

Orange.

Peeta.

Elena realized that Katniss was no longer paying any attention to her and was staring directly into the sunset behind her. She pitied Katniss. She may be only twenty, but she knows what the revolution entailed and what role Katniss and Peeta played. How they were the star-crossed lovers that ignited the revolution. How she owes her freedom from the Capitol because of their courage.

Peeta had assured her that there was nothing left between Katniss and himself. She loves Peeta from the bottom of her heart. She wants to get Katniss' approval because she is the closest thing to family Peeta has left.

Katniss watches as Elena slowly makes her way down her front porch, walking towards the beautiful sunset that Peeta admires so much. She remembers the day she spent with Peeta on the roof of the training center, when he played with her hair and woke her up to see the sunset. "I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever," he had said, and she should have let him.

She opens her mouth and before she can stop herself, she calls out to Elena.

"He never takes sugar in his tea."

Then she slams the front door shut and slides down with her back against the door as tears begin to flow down her already soiled face.

Thoughts?