Author's Note: Okay, I pretty much got this in my reviews: That's what James' problem is about, isn't it? He and Lily had sex. Well, you haven't solved the mystery quite yet. Yes, it is certainly a contributor, but it is not everything. James is having one hell of a bad life right now. Don't kill Lily. Okay? She'll have her say later on. Enjoy and please review!

Remus waited a long time before he even attempted to voice his confusion. "You—" But he still couldn't get it out right.

"Yes, spread it to the world," said Lily. "One stupid mistake, and I'm forever known as some slut."

Before Remus could reply, Lily stomped up the stairs.

Remus was left standing, stunned, in the common room.

Lily had slept with James? It was unbelievable. He could not fathom what would have possessed Lily to cheat on the love of her life with—with a sworn enemy.

Remus knew that staying where he was, just thinking, was not going to get him anywhere. He walked up the same staircase everyone else had, in less of a hurry than the others, and he cautiously opened the door to his room.

"Oh, why did I bother?" he asked himself, knowing he would be ignored by James and Sirius.

"Oh, you're here," said Frank. "Does that mean all is calm downstairs?"

"Uh…yeah," said Remus.

Frank quickly took off.

"We only came up here not to get involved with Lily and the others," said Peter. He looked up from his Potions textbook to watch James and Sirius with a frightened look on his face. "But maybe we made the wrong choice."

Remus sighed, taking a seat on his bed. It was amazing how he and Peter had gotten so used to their fights that they were able to sit on separate beds, cheat, and do homework while the fight was going on in the background.

This time, however, Remus tuned in.

"I didn't think you would care!" James shouted.

"Is he serious?" Remus asked Peter.

Peter groaned. "Lately, Moony, he is always serious."

For Peter, that was the hardest thing to adjust to. He, like Sirius, missed James' care-free, happy, everything's- a- joke way of life."

"Why wouldn't I care? Two of my best friends having sex, and you—"

"It was one time," said James desperately.

Sirius smashed his fist into the wall, frustrated. "Who the bloody hell cares how many times it happened? That is something you tell your friend."

James scoffed, crossing his arms. "Like you would have approved."

"I wouldn't have approved; you're right," said Sirius. "But you don't just hide it!"

"What about Lily? She didn't tell you, and you're not yelling at her," said James.

"Don't change the subject," said Sirius, annoyed. "What did you do? Get her drunk? Threaten her?"

"What!" James exclaimed, looking extremely hurt. "I would never do that!"

"Then, tell me how this event ended up occurring."

"I don't know," said James honestly, collapsing lazily onto his bed. "She started it."

"Are you six?" Sirius asked, pacing the room furiously. "You should have told her no—you know you're not really…allowed to…well… but more importantly, why would Lily come to you for sex?" (1)

James was looking smaller and smaller by the minute. "I told you that I don't know! Why do you think I never said anything about all this?"

Remus sympathized with James. He knew how hard it had to be for James to get Lily to come to him, probably being so much nicer than normal, doing something unmentionable with him, and then hurting him by leaving him afterwards and avoiding him and never mentioning it again.

It was as if a piece of chocolate had been dangling over James' head for six years, and when he was finally tall enough to grab it, it disappeared in the palm of his hand. It must have crushed him.

Remus decided to jump in, even though he was pretty sure his opinion wouldn't matter.

"Sirius," he said.

Sirius turned to him, glaring. "What?"

"Sirius," said Remus, trying to keep from further angering his friend, "I can understand that you're angry with James for not telling you, but James knows he was wrong. Don't you?"

"Yes," said James mechanically, but he did not apologize.

"There's no use crying over spilled milk," Peter added.

"Exactly," said Remus.

"He shouldn't have even done it!" said Sirius. As Remus had expected, Sirius did not take his opinion to heart.

"But, why do you care?" asked James.

"Because Lily has a boyfriend."

James rolled his eyes. "Please! Like you give a damn about him!"

"Maybe not, but I care about you," said Sirius. "And your life is going to be hell when Gavin decides to get revenge or something."

Remus did not believe that was the full truth, but he kept his mouth firmly shut.

"Please," said James again. Apparently, he did not believe Sirius, either.

James swung his legs over the side of his bed, standing up again. He grabbed one of the posts on his bed to steady himself, hoping no one had seen his almost fall. Sirius was too pre-occupied with their argument to notice.

"James," said Remus, making sure he was okay.

James waved his hand to say he was fine. He walked closer to Sirius.

"What?" asked Sirius. They were now close enough to bump noses.

"Call me crazy…" said James, "but I think you're jealous."

"Oh, sweet Merlin," said Remus, putting his head in his hands. "Tell me he did not just say that."

"Tell me when it's over," said Peter, hiding behind his textbook.

"How long has it been since a discussion about…well, you know?"

"Not since second or, maybe once in third year," said Peter.

Sirius adopted James' new line. "Please."

"I can see it in your eyes," said James, stepping way over the boundary lines of two male friends, mostly to torture Sirius. He smirked. "I can't believe I didn't think about this."

"You are so arrogant," said Sirius, stepping backward.

James looked down after that comment, losing some of his power. He quickly raised his head. "But you are still jealous!"

Sirius, previously determined to continue the fight at all costs, was now backing out of it because James had suddenly caught the upper hand.

"So, I get it," said James. "You're mad because you wish it could have been you."

"Stop," Remus demanded.

A few more words between them, and Remus felt it was possible their friendship—rocky as it had become—would be over.

James ignored Remus, laughing cynically. "You're still not over me, huh?"

Sirius did not find this conversation amusing. "Like I said before, you're so self-obsessed. I—"

"We end this now," said Remus. He spoke more strongly than he had before, but it wouldn't have mattered because Sirius was now willing to give up; James wasn't.

"No, we do not," said James. "He gets to push me around, and I just—"

Remus gave James a meaningful look, begging him to stop before he went too far, and he seriously hoped that only minimal damage had been done.

James sighed.

"Good," said Remus. "Go to bed."

For a moment, James looked as if there were absolutely nothing wrong with that command, but then he shook his head. "Maybe I don't want to go to bed."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Fine. Don't."

Remus was slowing running out of patience for that boy.

"You can't tell me what to do," said James crossly, but he climbed into his bed. "Besides, I have to patrol with Evans later."

Peter looked astonished. "You're still going to go? After all that?"

Remus had to agree with his sentiments.

"It might not be the best idea," said Remus slowly.

"Backing out on Evans' orders is a bad idea," said James. "Besides, she already asked me before if I was going to cancel for sleep or something."

"She'll understand," said Peter.

"I'm going. Just let me rest for a while."

"He's so weird," Peter mouthed in Remus' direction.

Remus shook his head, not willing to take a chance that James would see anything.

The room was peacefully silent, so Remus opened his book, and he took advantage of this pleasant reading time. Peter did the same with his Potions textbook.

Sirius was lying on his stomach, regretting his choice six years ago of choosing a bed right near James', and he was avoiding James' eyes completely.

"I can't believe, after all this time, you are still in love with me," said James after a good long while. "It's kind of…pathetic."

James wanted his head cut off. It was very obvious. Maybe he thought that if Sirius would just kill him and get it over with, all of his eating disorder pain would leave him, so it would be worth it. Whatever the reason was, James must have had a death wish to have brought that topic back up…and so harshly.

Sirius did not get up, yell, scream, hit him, or something along those lines. He stayed exactly where he was, but turned his head to face James.

"Look who's talking. I forget the name of the third child you're going to have with Lily… What was it again?"

James took the hint.

………………………………………………………………………………….

"Are you going to just sit there?"

Lily looked up at Alice. "What did you want me to do? Dance?"

Alice wasn't amused. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, and you told her," said Alice, pointing to Gabriella. They had a sneaking suspicion that she wasn't really asleep.

Lily turned away from Alice to look out the window. It was dark out, and she wondered how many stars she could count before Alice would ask for her attention again.

"Lily, I thought…I thought I was your friend."

Lily turned away from the window. "You are, Alice. You know you are."

Alice sat down on the edge of Lily's bed, twisting the loose strands of her shirt in her hands. "This is a big thing you kept from me."

"I know," said Lily, looking down at her lap. "I'm sorry."

"For a long time," said Alice.

"I know," Lily repeated. She knew that she had done a terrible thing, but she had no idea what else to say. There was nothing she could do to change the fact that she had screwed up.

"You think there's any chance Gavin will forgive and forget by the morning?" asked Lily.

"Oh, yeah," Alice replied sarcastically. She sighed and shook her head slowly. "Umm, no. Probably not, actually."

"Thanks," said Lily. "Listen, I'm going to take a walk."

"Okay," said Alice, watching her walk to the door. "I'll forgive and forget, but…in the future…?"

"If James Potter and I ever do the deed again," said Lily, surprised at her ability to joke around at a time like this, "I'll let you know."

"After the fact," said Alice. "Don't compose a letter right in the middle."

Lily actually laughed loudly at that. "Yeah," said Lily. "It won't happen again, so we don't have to worry about that."

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"So, I'm just some huge burden on your life?" James asked, trying to keep his face free of emotion.

"That," said Remus, "is not what I said."

"It's what you meant!" said James, putting on his shoes to go patrolling with Evans.

"No," said Remus. "Please, James."

Remus looked to Sirius for help, but he looked like he wanted to avoid being yelled at for the first time in weeks.

"It's fine; I get that."

"James," said Remus, grabbing his arm. "James, I want to help you. You're not a burden."

"I don't need help!" James cried, wrenching his arm out of Remus' grip.

Remus admitted to himself that he might have gone about the conversation wrong, but his intentions had been good. He had tried to explain to James how worried they all were, and that they wanted to help him, but he had ended up talking mostly about what it was doing to their schedules.

James wasn't listening to him. He was tying his shoes, and Remus needed something, some way to get him to stay. This was the last time he would be brave enough to talk to him about it all.

James opened the door.

"I heard you throwing up in the bathroom," said Remus.

James turned around. "You probably heard someone else," he said. Then, he slammed the door.

Remus was more interested in talking to James than answering questions from Sirius and Peter that were sure to come, so he followed James out.

"James, I'm sorry," he said.

James turned around to face him before walking down the stairs. He looked at him with loathing shining in his eyes.

"Thank you," he said sarcastically.

"Wait," said Remus. "Look, I didn't—I was never planning on telling them about that. I wanted to talk to you about it first, but I—"

"So that you could fix your life again?"

"James—"

"Am I cutting into your homework time? Are your thoughts focused on me and my problems during a test? I'll apologize in advance if you don't do so well."

"James, you know that's not true!"

"Just give up on me, Remus. Go back to bed, damnit. I'm Head Boy!"

"Oh, I'm scared," said Remus, taking a moment to roll his eyes. "Look, just talk to me."

"I hate you," said James. "That's all I have to say. You just caused me so many more problems by telling them you—you heard me doing something that, by the way, isn't illegal. My stomach hurt."

"Oh, the hell it did!"

"And now you sound like him," said James, referring to Sirius. ".You. And I don't need your pity and your time. I'm out. I'm done."

"With what?" Remus asked.

"Just everything. You, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Snape, my family, quidditch. Done."

"Right, considering you're going to patrol with her right now," said Remus, rolling his eyes skyward.

James glared. "Fine. I take back everything after Peter. Bye."

Remus went back into the dormitory, and it was only after he had closed the door that James felt safe to go down to the common room.

Lily was already waiting for him when he arrived. She was sitting on an armchair, her head on her knees, looking as miserable as he felt.

"Let's skip patrolling," said Lily.

James almost fell. "Are—are you serious?"

"I need air and stars," Lily said, leading the way.

James also needed some air and stars.

"I can't believe little goody Miss Evans decided to cut patrolling," said James.

They were lying down on the quidditch field, looking up at the sky. It was relatively cold, and James had to hide the fact that he was shivering. Lily looked fine.

"Hey," said Lily. "I can't believe you'd want to be anywhere with me after what happened today."

James cleared his throat.

"Different topic now…" said Lily. "During the summer, my cousin and I used to sit out in my backyard and do this for hours. We'd even sleep here."

"Well, we're not doing that," said James, laughing.

"No, of course not," said Lily.

They both stopped talking for a while, enjoying the peace and quiet. The only sound that could be heard was Lily drumming her fingers on her knees.

"I think that you know I know," said Lily, turning to face him, "about your dilemma."

"I have no dilemma," James denied, albeit weakly.

"Your sickness," Lily corrected.

"I'm not sick."

Lily sighed. "Go ahead hiding it. It only makes you look stupid, though, hiding something we all know is there."

"Is that why you asked me to come out here?" asked James, furiously standing up. "I came out here because I thought this meant I could finally relax, but no! More interrogations!"

"James…James, sit down. I may not know exactly what you're dealing with, but I do understand—"

"—Lily, don't even…" James shoved his hands into his pockets. "You have absolutely no idea."

Lily had never seen him look so upset. "James," she said softly, reaching out for him.

James pulled back as if he had been burned. "I'm going inside."

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"So, what does he mean he's done with us?" asked Sirius. "What is he talking about?"

Remus shrugged. "How should I know? He hates me now."

"Oh, don't take it personally," said Peter. "He hates everybody now."