Painful Memories
At remembering there fight Sesshomaru lowered his head not wanting to think anymore. No matter how hard he tried the images of that night came back to him. He couldn't see how he could have said the things he did .
FLASHBACK
They where walking back to his camp after walking by the lake in the moonlight. Sesshomaru stop. Kagome turned and looked at him with a smile on her face. "Is something wrong Sesshomaru?" she asked. He pulled her into his arms looking down at her a smile on his face. "Kagome I want you to come live with me and Rin. Be a real mother for Rin. I Love You , I need you."
The smile on her face went wider and she threw her arms around his neck holding him close. "I'm So happy. I have wanted to be your mate for so long ." "Kagome, I'm not asking you to be my mate." he said. She pulled back her arms and looked at him as she took a step back from him. He watched as her smile slowly vanished. "Then what are you say?" she asked. Looking her straight in the face not even blinking he said " Someday I will take a mate but she will not be a human. But I will have a human complabine. As my complabine you will have almost ever right my mate would have. In the house and you will live and be in my bed each night."
Kagome felt her heart stop and shatter with what he had said. She felt as if she was going to be sick. She froze in the spot she stood. She went numb. She could only think one thing. "Why can I not be your mate Sesshomaru? Is it because I am human?" She ask almost scared to hear his answer. "Yes" He replied at that moment he saw Kagome's chest and shoulders lung forward about 6 inches as if she was going to collapse or be sick he heard a gush of air come from her. She went to her knees as her hand went up to her chest above her heart. With one simply word from his lips her world just ended.
He took a step forward toward her she yelled at him. "NO STAY AWAY." He stopped. She looked at the ground her eyes filled with tears she was breathing hard. She caught her breath so she could talk and stood back up. Wiping her tears with one hand and still holding her chest with the other. Kagome took a deep breath and slowly let it out and began to speak.
"You asked me to give up my honor and my duties of completing the Jewel. Then you call me a whore by wanting me not as your mate but a complabine and to make it even worse you inform me you will have a mate but not me. Then you tell me I can't be your mate because I am human." Kagome took deep breath to finish what she needed to say. Willing herself not to let him see her cry." I am not a whore. I am Kagome and until a couple minutes ago I thought you love me. But it is very clear to me now that you do not. I am not a play thing for you or any other living creature. I never want to see you again. You have just hurt me more than I have ever been hurt in my whole life."
Kagome turned and started to walk away as soon as she took a step she felt him move. She made her Miko powers flair up to cover her whole body until she was covered in a shimming blue white light. "Don't." She yelled. she went silent for a second then finished in her normal voice full of pain "You are just as bad as Naraku." As soon as Kagome had said her last statement they both heard a thump sound. Kagome and Sesshomaru both turned to look. They saw Jaken standing there Glaring at his Lord. "Good Bye Jaken" Kagome said. As Jaken looked at Kagome his eyes softened. You could see in his eyes that he felt bad for her. "Good-Bye Kagome" Jaken replied with that Kagome walked off into the trees. As soon as she reached the trees she allowed herself to cry but she never stopped walking.
After she was out of sight Jaken walked up to Sesshomaru. Jaken looked at him for a minute then spoke. " My Lord forgive this lowly servant. I have never questioned your word or thought badly of you. I have always been proud to serve you My Lord. You may kill me but, for the first time I wish to speak. I do not see how you could have been so cruel to such a kind and loving creature as she is. I feel sorry for your lose. You will never find another such as she." With that Jaken turned around and walked away back to the camp sitting next to Rin. Leaving His Lord alone.
END FLASHBACK
Sesshomaru was pulled from his thoughts as he felt the auras of 2 approaching demons. He knew who it was and was grateful for the distraction. As they got closer he jumped down and added wood to the campfire to bring it back. As UhUn and Jaken landed Sesshomaru greeted them. "Jaken I hope your trip went well." Jaken bowed to His Lord " Yes My Lord. Everything have been taken care of as you said."
" Very well. Come there are things you need to know. Much has happened since you have been gone." With that said they both went over to the fire and Sesshomaru informed him of everything that had happened. After hearing everything Jaken wanted to ask him a few things but wasn't sure if he really should or not.
In the last weeks his Lord had been acting rather different than he had before and since the night that Kagome had left he acted even more different. He had seen him walking in the wood talking to himself. Looking into space at nothing at all lost in thought. Fighting with his demon allot. He had started showing more emotions to him and to Rin. All these things had Jaken worried for his Lord.
Jaken heard Sesshomaru make a noice. He looked at him. "Jaken if you wish to say something you may." Sesshomaru had a feeling that Jaken had something on his mind due to the way he was acting. Knowing Jaken as he did he would rather know what it was then not. "If I may speak forward My Lord?" He nodded his head for Jaken to go on so he did.
"My Lord. With what you said of your dreams, the scent and the well. Then perhaps she has not given up on you yet. Are you going to try to win he back My Lord?" Sesshomaru looked at Jaken for a minute before answering him. He didn't think that one simple question could both hurt and make someone feel the way he was now.
Sesshomaru turned his gaze from Jaken to the fire in front of him before he answered him. " I don't know if I have hurt her to much for such a thing. I truly have realized in the last days how only words can harm someone. But if she can find even a little of forgiveness for me I am going to do whatever it takes to regain my mate."
Hearing his Lords statement pleased Jaken. He was hoping that he would try to win her back. All the times she had been to the camp he had acted as if he didn't like her but truth be told he did. He had decided in the time he had traveled back to the Manor that night if he ever saw her again he was going to tell her the truth and set things right.
"Jaken you have had a long journey and you have a mission tomorrow you need rest." said Sesshomaru. Jaken stood and bowed to his Lord , turned and laid down by UhUn and soon was asleep. He knew the group would be getting up in a few hours. He returned to the tree and feel into a light sleep. But was still a wear of everything around him.
Kagome was once again woke from her sleep. As she looked at the clock by her bed she thought well at least I slept 2 hours this time. Every time Kagome would manage to fall asleep she would wake within an hour. She had managed to sleep a total of 4 hours so far and she was tired. As she looked out her window for what seemed the 100th time she looked at the tree once again.
She looked back and forth from the tree to her bed. Then she grinned and grabbed the extra sleeping bag from the floor and her pillow left a note on her bed and walked out the front door. It felt so good to be outside. It wasn't what she really wanted but it was better than being inside and feeling like she was suffocating. She walked over under The Tree Of Ages set out the sleeping bag and pillow and laid down.
Kagome laid looking up through the branches of the old tree she loved so much. When she would close her eyes she would remember times she and her friends would be at this tree. There was some good and some sad but she didn't mind that. The time she had climbed the tree to the top and then fell out but was saved by Miroku who caught her. The girl talks she and Sango had. The first time Shippo called her momma. The times that Inuyasha told her of his secrets. The time she had found Rin along and scared after getting lost from Jaken. Her and Sesshomaru's first kiss. As Kagome remembered all these things with a soft sigh and she slowly drifted into sleep with a smile on her face.
Kagome's mother knocked on Kagome's door after making breakfast but got no answer. With being worried she opened the door to look in. Only to see the room empty. As she looked around she saw the note on her bed. When she went to reach for the note her eyes wondered out the window and she saw Kagome sleeping under the old tree in the court yard. Her mother softy smiled as she read the note she had found. She went out to wake her to come to eat.
Her mother set on the bench watching Kagome for a few minutes. It was nice to see her resting and a smile. It was the first time she had smiled that she had seen since her return. She bent down setting on her knees by her daughters side. "Kagome Dear it is time to get up." As she softy touched and shook her shoulder. After a few more shakes Kagome opened her eyes and looked at her mom. The smile on her face had vanished as she woke.
Her mother softy sighed. "Good morning Dear. It is time to come eat." She said as she placed a smile on her face. Kagome sat up looking at her mother."I'm not really hungry mom." Her mother sighed again. "But Kagome if you do not eat you might get sick. You haven't eaten anything since you came back. Please come eat." Her mother was worried with Kagome not eating. Kagome shoulders slumped and she sighed in defeat. Her mother knew she had won as she stood and waited on her daughter to do the same.
After returning to the house Kagome took her things to her room and joined her family in the kitchen to eat. After she finished eating she placed her dishes in the sink kissed her mom and went out to the court yard. She set under the tree looking into space. Soon her brother came out walking to her. "Hey sis. Umm can I talk to you?" He asked as he sat down beside her. Kagome still didn't want to talk about everything but she knew he was worried about her and it was making him sad. For that she blamed herself. She didn't want her family here to be sad because of something she was doing.
"Sure. What's wrong Souta?" She tried to put on her best smile to help make her little brother feel better. Kagome loved her little brother. They where closer than most siblings where. They had a special bond between them.
Souta looked at the ground in front of him. "Sis I don't know why you came back like you did. But we can all tell it's different than all the times before when you came home and was upset. Your so sad and you don't smile and your not talking. You didn't bring you pack back with you this time. Like you left real fast. I heard mom and grandpa talking. They are bother really worried about you. More than I have ever seen them before. Maybe if you talk to mom it would help you feel better and her too. That's what you have always told me to do. Right?" With his last statement Souta looked at Kagome. He saw tears in her eyes. He wanted to cry too to see them there. He hugged his sister. "Sis please don't be so sad. I love you and it hurts us all to see you like this."
Kagome hugged her brother tighter. "Souta there are just allot of things going on that is really hard to talk about. But I'll try not to be so sad okay." She pulled back from their hug. Souta nodded to her. Souta was hoping that she would have talked to him or something but she didn't. He couldn't help but wonder what was going on. But he knew she wasn't going to say anything else. So he just told her he was going to go play and left her to her sitting under the tree.
Unknown to either of the two who had been talking under the tree. Kagome's mother had been watching and listening to her children talk. She decided that she would give Kagome till the afternoon to come to her. If she didn't then she would go to her and try again to get her daughter to talk to her. Until that time she would leave her in peace with her thoughts.
Sesshomaru had already gone and hunted for there morning meal and readied it for cooking. As the group woke up each person started there morning duties. Readying things for the day ahead. When Rin woke Jaken had given her a new kimono. Sesshomaru had already bathed and changed himself. After Sango and Kikyo made the meal and everyone was done. They broke camp and was getting ready to go.