So this is it every one! The last chapter of (Embry) Call of the Wild. I really hope you enjoyed the story! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

A HUGE thank you to ajtotheeds who gave me much needed advice on this final chapter! THANK YOU!

Also just a reminder that this story as well as myself are nominated for some Tomato Soup Awards, so if you'll save the handy dandy URL I post below and check the site out (voting begins in September) I would very much appreciate it! Save and VOTE =)

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Chapter title taken from the song "Free" by VAST from the album "Music for People"

"I'm gonna run from everything

Everything that holds me down

Nothing to win, nothing to lose

It's time to be what I need to be."

-VAST

"Yes, I assure you he's going to be just fine. I was able to remove both bullets. He's already beginning to heal."

"You're really sure?" Seth's voice had a tremble as he spoke.

"I'm positive," Dr. Cullen reassured him.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room.

"He's awake," Quil announced, leaning over me. "Dude, you scared the hell out of us."

Well, so sorry to cause you pain, I grumbled. It was then I remembered I was still in my wolf form and he couldn't hear the acerbity in my tone anyway.

"Embry. I'm glad you're awake. I was able to remove both bullets. The one that struck you in the back merely hit muscle and was easy enough to remove. The other bullet nicked your lung and the lung partially collapsed. I was able to get the bullet out and the lung had already begun to heal itself by the time I was finished extracting the bullet. You might feel some pain when taking deep breaths for a few hours, but overall I believe you're already on your way to a speedy recovery," Dr. Cullen said with a smile.

Thank you, I said. Then remembered again that I was still a wolf and he couldn't understand me, so I attempted to convey my gratitude with a look. It's kind of hard to make a grateful face with a wolf muzzle so I ended up just sort of sneering at him. Hopefully he got the picture.

"Now, Embry, I need to ask you some questions. Would you mind terribly talking through Edward?" Dr. Cullen asked.

Do I have a choice?

"Not really," Edward responded as he walked into the room. "I mean you could talk to one of the pack, but I'd have to translate anyway, so you might as well just talk to me directly."

True, I thought resignedly.

"All right then," Edward said.

"How are you feeling, Embry?" Dr. Cullen asked. He glanced over at Edward.

Well, I feel like I got shot a couple of times. I can honestly say I don't recommend it.

"He wants to know how you're feeling physically," Edward stated.

I know that I said. I gave my legs a test move. They felt stiff, but otherwise moved without much issue. Hey, check it out. I'm not paralyzed, thank God.

"He was concerned that he was paralyzed," Edward said.

"No, Embry you're not paralyzed. You were having trouble moving from the blood loss and shock. I don't see any lasting effects from the gunshot wounds," Dr. Cullen assured me.

Well at least there's that. I'm pretty stiff though.

"He feels stiff," Edward relayed.

"Do you have a lot of pain?" Dr. Cullen inquired.

Not much. The morphine's pretty sweet. Do I get one of those buttons like in the hospital that I can push to self-medicate?

"No," Edward told me, annoyance creeping into his voice. "The morphine is working," he informed Dr. Cullen.

Dr. Cullen nodded. "Well expect the stiffness for several days. Even with your accelerated healing, I think you'll be out of commission for a little while."

Yippee I muttered. So how soon before I can phase back. I really don't want to be a wolf twenty four seven, you know what I'm saying?

"He wants to know when you think he might be able to phase back to human form," Edward said.

"Soon enough, I should expect. You'll be back on two feet before you know it."

I gave a sigh of relief. Thanks Doc. So can I go home?

Edward gave Dr. Cullen a wary glance. "He wants to go home."

"I figured as much, but Embry I think it would be best if you stay here for the night. We can reassess the situation in the morning."

I gave a low growl. Did they really think I was going to spend the night in a house with a bunch of bloodsuckers? No offense I added when I saw Edward's frown.

"You don't have a choice," he grumbled. "Neither do we."

Point taken.

I lifted my head again and tried to check out Dr. Cullen's work. I took in the two large bald patches covered with tiny criss-crossing stiches. They had shaved one of my hind legs as well to place a second IV.

Wow, that's attractive. I nosed at the closest bald patch and sighed. I dropped my head back onto the table with a mournful whimper. Bald and incapacitated. Awesome.

Edward gave a low chuckle.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but was distracted when Dr. Cullen took a syringe and pushed it into the IV on my front leg.

What's he doing? I looked at Edward.

"He wants to know what that is," Edward said.

"It's just a little something to help you sleep," Dr. Cullen informed me. "You need rest. Yes you're healing quickly, but I don't want you getting restless and popping any stiches."

Well I don't want to…..whoa. I felt my muzzle stretch into a goofy sort of grin. That's pretty nice.

"He likes the drugs," Edward informed the room.

"That's typical," Quil snarked. "Embry used to be a total pot head."

I tried to think screw you I only did it a few times at him but my mind was suddenly a jumble of unconnected thoughts. I felt my whole body relax and gave into the feeling. My eyes became lead weights and before I knew it, I was once again in the dark.

My eyes cracked open and I blinked rapidly several times against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. I took in my surroundings, a little confused. They must have moved me to a spare bedroom sometime during the night because I was now lying on the floor next to a large bed. I looked down at myself, somewhat dismayed that I was still a wolf. I didn't suppose some miracle phasing would have happened during the night, but a guy can dream. I heaved a sigh. I wondered if I would be able to phase back now. I closed my eyes and concentrated. Just when I felt the first shiver start to run through my body, Dr. Cullen and Edward burst into the room.

"WAIT!" Dr. Cullen shouted.

I snapped my eyes open and stared at them both, confused.

"I want to take the IVs out before you try phasing," Dr. Cullen explained.

I nodded that I understood and waited patiently while Dr. Cullen removed the needles from my legs. Once the IVs were out, I closed my eyes again. After a moment they flew open.

Ummm, some privacy please? I mean I'm naked under this fur you know.

Edward grinned. "Sure thing. Jake brought some clothes from your place. They're over there." He pointed to a chair across the room.

Ahh, yes good. Clothes are always a good thing.

"No kidding," Edward replied. "Your buddy Quil walked around naked for half an hour yesterday because he used his pants on one of your wounds." Edward gave a sort of half disgusted, half amused laugh, then followed Dr. Cullen out of the room.

Once I was alone again, I concentrated on phasing. It took longer than usual, but my whole body flooded with relief when I felt myself return to human form. I managed to stand up and quickly had to place my hand on the wall for support. I groaned as just that little bit of movement caused fresh waves of pain. The wallpaper swam in front of my eyes and my head felt like it was filled with slush. I closed my eyes against the sudden onset of nausea and took several deeps breaths to ward the sickness off. I was surprised about how much pain I was still having. I thought I would be healing faster than this. Once my stomach settled I opened my eyes and pushed myself off the wall stiffly, stumbling my way over to the full length mirror hanging on the wall next to a large closet. I checked out my stiches, groaning again when I saw how bad the gunshot wounds looked. Not good at all. I wondered if they would scar. I wondered if it was even possible for me to scar. I hoped not because the wounds looked ugly as sin.

I shuffled slowly over towards the chair, feeling like I was around ninety years old. I reached for the clothes Jake had left for me and winced as the movement of bending over to pull my shorts on caused another blast of pain to hit me. I felt worse in human form and I began to think I should have waited a little longer to phase. After I managed to get dressed with much moaning and groaning, I laid down on the bed, totally wiped. I was panting from the effort and could feel sweat making my thin t-shirt cling to my chest and back. This really sucked.

There was a knock on the door and I heard Jake call out my name.

"Come in," I croaked, not moving from my position on the bed.

Jacob walked slowly into the room followed by Edward, Bella, and Dr. Cullen.

"Wow," Jake breathed. "You look like hell."

I gave him a dirty look. "Well let's see how pretty you look after you've been shot," I snapped.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"I don't like this. No wait, let me clarify. I do NOT like this. I feel like shit, pardon my French. I don't get it, why am I not healing faster?"

"Well, it's only been about twenty four hours. I told you that your recovery might take a little longer than usual. I want to keep you here for just another day if that's okay."

I frowned. "Really? I can't go home? Not that I don't appreciate everything you've done for me," I added hastily.

Dr. Cullen smiled. "I would really like to make sure that everything is going well for you in human form before I give you the okay to go home. It's just easier for me to keep an eye on you here where I have my supplies as opposed to making either of us travel back and forth between the reservation and Forks."

I pouted, but nodded my assent.

"I'll give you something for the pain now, but I want to wean you off the painkillers as soon as possible."

Dr. Cullen prepared a shot and after he administered it, I immediately began to feel some relief.

"I'll check back on you in a little while, okay?"

"Sure thing, Doc."

Dr. Cullen gave me a reassuring pat on the arm and left the room.

My stomach suddenly growled loudly, and I looked hopefully at the bowl Bella was holding in her hands. It smelled so good I didn't even care that a bloodsucker had made it. I was starving.

Edward frowned at me.

I shrugged, but made a silent promise to try and refrain from referring to the Cullen's as bloodsuckers. Or leeches. Or anything else derogatory.

Bella stepped forward holding the bowl out towards me. "It's beef stew. Esme made it," she said. "Can you sit up to eat? If not Jake could help you."

I tried not to let the disgust at that thought show on my face. I managed to drag myself into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard of the bed. "I can do it myself," I told her.

She held the bowl out towards me and I eagerly grabbed it as well as the spoon she proffered and took a large mouthful. It was good, but for beef stew there wasn't much meat in it.

"Beef stew," I grumbled. "Where's the beef?"

Edward snorted.

"Where's the beef…" He broke off in another snort. At our confused looks he muttered, "It was a commercial back in the….never mind."

I nodded my head. "Ahh yes. Eighties humor. How it's fallen and can't get up."

Jacob, Bella, and Edward all chuckled.

"Well thanks anyway," I said. "It's good despite the lack of meat."

Bella grinned. "Sorry, we don't keep much in the house and what we do have Jake usually consumes."

"Yeah, well, Jake is a pig," I said around another mouthful of stew.

"Look who's talking!" Jacob retorted.

"Well, we'll leave you two alone," Bella said. She grabbed Edward's hand and led him from the room, leaving me and Jake by ourselves.

I nodded towards the door. "I can see why she picked him over you," I said casually.

Jacob narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well I mean you know….." I let my sentence hang in the air.

"No I don't know," Jacob snarled.

Even though Jacob had imprinted on Renesmee, he was still a little sensitive when it came to the subject of Bella, which was something we loved to torture him about.

"Well, it's just that he's you know. And you're…..you know." I looked down at my bowl of stew and grinned.

"What are you talking about!" Jake shouted.

I glanced up quickly, trying very hard to hide my smile at his annoyance. "Oh, don't worry Jake. I mean you're a decent looking guy. Plus you have totally normal hair….oh wait a second…." I trailed off, a snicker threatening to burst from my throat.

Jacob's hands flew up to his head. "What's wrong with my hair?" He asked worriedly. He stepped over to the mirror and fussed with his black locks.

"Oh nothing, nothing," I tried really hard to sound sincere.

Jake turned back to look at me. "You're an ass," he snapped.

I laughed quietly to myself and finished off the rest of my stew.

After a few moments of silence, Jacob spoke. "You know I'm really pissed at you."

I looked up at him, surprised. "Me? What for?"

Jacob began pacing around the room as he spoke. "Because you scared the hell out of me. You could have died, Embry. You're my best friend and you could have died. And it's all your fault."

"My fault! How is it my fault?"

"Because this never should have happened. You don't pay attention on patrol, your mind is always a million miles away, you try to turn everything into a joke, I know you're upset about Jill, and I feel for you I really do but it's like-"He tossed his hands helplessly into the air. "-it's like you don't even care about the job anymore."

I set my bowl to the side and stared guiltily down at my hands. "Maybe I don't," I said softly.

Jacob snorted in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me."

I snapped my head up to look at him. "Well what do you want from me, man? I mean I'm twenty years old. I'm supposed to off living my life right now and instead, I'm stuck here. Doing this." I could almost taste how bitter my words sounded.

"Embry, you may not understand it, but it's your duty. It's a sacred obligation." Jacob said.

"You know what my sacred obligation has gotten me? Nothing! That's what. Other than wrecking my relationship with my mother and my girlfriend and oh yeah let's not forget it got me SHOT!" I knew I was being harsh, but I couldn't help myself.

"Embry, I know how you feel-"

I interrupted him. "I'm sorry man, but you really don't. I don't have a Nessie or a Claire. I don't have anything keeping me here….other than you making me stay." My voice broke and I had to turn my head to the side so Jacob wouldn't see the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes.

After a moment I managed to regain a little bit of my composure and looked back at Jake. "For the record, this isn't even about Jill…..well not all of it at any rate. The real kicker is that I got accepted to Caltech. Do you have any idea how hard it is to even get into Caltech let alone when you graduated from a Tribal school? Did you see that little tidbit of information in my mind? I try to keep that thought from popping up in my head every two minutes because you know what I did with my acceptance letter? I threw it out. I threw it out because of who? YOU! Do you have any idea how degrading it is to have to ask your permission to make decisions about my own life? DO YOU? No you don't because you're in charge and I'm just your minion here to do your bidding. So yes I've been distracted and I have to keep my mind constantly occupied with stupid shit so that I don't think about any of it. I have to be distracted so that I don't hate you for ruining my life! It makes me so angry that I had to throw my one opportunity to get out of this place away. So don't you dare stand there all self-righteously and tell me that I don't understand anything. I sacrificed my whole future for my God damn duty and obligation."

Jacob looked taken aback by my outburst. "Embry, that's not fair. How could I have had any idea if you didn't tell me?" He said quietly. "I asked you flat out, directly to your face 'have you applied anywhere' and you said no. Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't lie, I'm not a liar. I just sometimes don't always… you know…get into the truth until I'm actually…..in it. Besides I flat out asked you if it would matter if I got accepted to an out of state college and you said no. So don't rewrite history here." I sighed and closed my eyes. "Look, I'm tired and I'm in pain and I really don't want to talk anymore. All I want to do right now is get some sleep. Can you just….go away? Please?"

I heard Jacob take a shuddering breath, but he didn't speak. I was thankful when I heard him shamble out the door and close it behind him because I couldn't hold in my tears any longer. I hate crying, but at that point I don't think I had ever felt worse in my whole life. Sure a lot of it was feeling sorry for myself, for getting shot, for throwing away my future, for losing Jill, but most of all I cried because I wasn't sure that Jacob and I would ever be friends the same way again. He was my best friend in the world and I had just told him that he ruined my life. I wondered if he would ever forgive me for the horrible things I had said to him and the thought that he might not forgive me made me feel worse than anything else ever could.

I could hear Dr. Cullen and Bella talking quietly with Jacob out in the hallway.

"Jacob, he's in pain, he's not thinking clearly and-"

"Yeah, well his vocal cords are in perfect working order!" Jacob snapped.

"He's on a lot of pain medication. I'm sure once he's feeling better you'll be able to sort this whole thing out."

"I don't know about that," Jacob muttered.

I heard him pound down the stairs and out of the house. I winced when the front door slammed.

I slumped back onto the pillows and angrily rubbed my eyes. I really had to hand it to myself. Within a span of a few weeks I managed to chase off not only my girlfriend, but my best friend as well. God I sucked at relationships. It's no wonder people think I'm such a jackass.

"He'll get over it," Edward said quietly from the doorway.

I started. I had been so wrapped up in my own thoughts I hadn't even noticed him come into the room.

"I'm very sneaky. It's a vampire thing," he said.

I gave a heavy sigh. "With detection skills like mine, it's a wonder I didn't get shot before this."

Edward pushed himself off the door frame and stepped fully into the room. "Look, just give Jacob a chance to cool down and he'll realize that you were only telling him the truth. He can't be mad at you for that."

"We'll see about that," I muttered.

"All right, let's have this out."

I opened my eyes and sat up straighter on the bed at Jacob's words. I hadn't seen him since our blowout yesterday, so I had had plenty of time to think up an exceptional apology.

"Look, Jake, let me just start by saying-"

Jacob held up a hand to stop me. "No. I'm going first."

I dropped my gaze to my lap and nodded. "Okay."

Jacob took a deep breath. "I've been really selfish-"

I shook my head vehemently. "No Jake, you-"

"Can you shut up for once? Please? Just let me finish."

"Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I've been so selfish. I've only been thinking of myself and that's not right. I knew you haven't been in the right mindset lately and I ignored it. I blamed you for something that, as your Alpha, was my fault. I'm supposed to take care of you guys….look out for you….and I didn't. I'm really sorry. I've been a terrible leader."

"No you haven't. I've just let all this crap build up and build up and I take full responsibility for what happened. For everything."

"Embry, you're my best friend, but even more importantly, you're my brother and I've ignored how much pain you've been in the last few weeks, hell the last few months. I put my own needs before everyone else's. I'm glad you laid it out on the table for me. Now I just need to fix it."

"Jake, I'm sorry too. I sort of took all my anger about everything and kind of sublimated it in your direction."

"No, no apology necessary." Jacob said. He rubbed his head and sighed. "Look, you need rest. Esme is making you lunch and Carlisle is going to come check on you too. After that I think he's going to let you go home."

"Good, I'm glad," I said quietly.

Jacob gave me a small nod. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

At the door, Jacob turned back to look at me again. "I'm really glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if something worse had happened to you."

As Jacob walked out of the room, I almost called him back, but the words died on my lips. I didn't know how to tell him everything I needed to say, such as why I felt so trapped, why I couldn't ever talk to him about how I felt. At a time when I needed it the most, my articulation failed me completely.

I should have been clued in by the ridiculous amount of sniggering that was going on from the back of the house, but I honestly just hadn't felt like getting off the couch to see what the moron twins were up to. When they came down the hallway, Quil trying valiantly to hide behind Seth's back, I narrowed my eyes.

"Why do I get the feeling that something I won't like is afoot," I said cautiously.

Seth and Quil both tried to look innocent, but the puckish grins they kept giving each other were sort of blowing their cover.

"Guess what I have in my hands right now," Quil snickered from his position behind Seth.

I made a face. "I'm quite sure I don't want to know, but can't you go do it in your own room like all the other degenerates?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "Quil, just show him."

Quil stepped out from behind Seth and with a flourish, brandished a light colored suit.

"ACK! It's a suit," I said sardonically. I eyed the suit closer. "It's my suit. What are you doing with my suit?"

Quil tittered. "You're going to put it on."

I shook my head. "No I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Seth stated. "We're going to a party."

"Nope, I'm not in the mood for a party. Especially a party that requires me to wear a suit."

Quil smiled. "But you look so pretty when you're all dressed up. Come on Em; let the world see what I see."

"Oh, so you're funny now." I looked at Seth. "Did you know that Quil is funny now?"

Seth strode over to the couch and pulled me up by the arm.

"Hey, hey, watch it. Gunshot victim here," I groused.

"You healed fully days ago," Seth said. "Now get your ass up, get in the shower, put the suit on, and come with us to this party."

I pouted. "I don't feel like going to a party," I whined.

"You're going," Quil said.

"Do I need to elucidate any further? I said I'm not going and that means I'm not going."

"To late, we already told everyone that you'd be there. You have to go," Seth said.

"Why'd you do that?" I shouted. "And in case you couldn't tell from my tone, there was an interrobang at the end of that sentence!"

"What's an interr-"Quil began.

"LOOK IT UP!" I roared. "In the interim I'd recommend you both to get away from me posthaste before something very unpleasant happens."

"No, for once we won't allow your use of big words as blatant intimidation to scare us away," Seth said. "You're going and that's final. Now get ready and put the suit on otherwise we'll hold you down and dress you ourselves. Quil's really big. He won't have any trouble keeping you still."

"You realize that unequivocally that is an abysmal idea, right? See it's an idea that you come up with, but then you throw it out because it's just that horrible. Then you come up with something better."

Seth shrugged. "Well, I don't have anything better."

"Come on man, a party is just what the doctor ordered," Quil said.

"No, actually the doctor told me to take it easy this week. Ergo, I believe that means I shouldn't go to any parties."

"Carlisle said you were perfectly fine. In fact he's going to be at the party and he's expecting you to show up," Seth informed me.

I narrowed my eyes. "My nascent blazing hatred of you both is only going to make this whole situation turn into something that will be in the realm of horrific."

"Hate us all you want, we don't care. We're used to your condensation anyway," Quil said.

"Oh my God, it's condescension! Don't wield it if you can't say it."

"Whatever dude, just get in the shower and get dressed. Like Seth said, I will use force," Quil retorted.

I'm sure there were any number of aphorisms I could throw at them, but I just wasn't in the mood to argue anymore. "Fine!" I snapped. "I'll go to your stupid party. But just know that I will hate every single second of it."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," Seth said with a grin.

"You know, when you said we were going to a party, I didn't envision it to be halfway across the globe," I growled at Seth.

"Dude, it's Port Angeles. You come here almost every day. Now stop bitching and start having fun."

I made a face at him. "Make me."

Seth rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get some food. You can stay here and sulk."

Seth took off and left me sitting alone at our table in the banquet hall at the Port Angeles Grand Hotel. It was the strangest party I'd been to lately. Not only were both packs here, but all the Cullen's as well. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the whole situation other than it meant I was dealing with two things I hated. Wearing a suit and being surrounded by vampires. I sighed and picked absently at the white linen table cloth.

"You having fun?" Emily asked as she joined me.

I shrugged. "It's all right I guess."

Emily reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," I replied somewhat despondently.

"You should try to enjoy yourself. For all you know this is the last time we'll all get together like this…..for a long time at least."

I frowned. "I think it's weird that we're all together like this now. I mean what in the hell is this party even for?"

Emily gave me a knowing smile. "You'll find out soon enough, I imagine."

"Way to be all cryptic," I said.

Emily just smiled again. "I'm going to go call my sister to check on Logan. Maybe you should try mingling a little bit."

"Yes because we both know how great I am at socializing," I muttered as she walked away.

I leaned back in my chair and took in the gathered groups. It was almost funny the way the wolves had set up camp on one side of the room, the vampires on the other. The only wolves hanging out on the vampire side of the room were Seth and Jacob. They were engaged in what appeared to be an uproarious conversation with Edward and Bella. Renesmee stood by placidly, one of her small hands clinging to the bottom of Jacob's suit jacket.

I blew out an irritated breath and headed for the bar set up at the back of the large room. I approached and slapped both hands down on the mahogany bar top.

"Open bar I presume?"

The bartender nodded. "Yep, what's your poison?"

"You have Everclear?"

The bartender made a face. "Serious tonight are we?"

I shrugged. "I'm wearing a suit at a party that is in celebration of what, I have no idea. Besides I'm a big guy, I need something with some potency."

"Unfortunately we don't stock Everclear. However I do have a lovely vodka that's 120 proof. Will that suffice?"

I waved my hand at him. "That'll do. Put it in a beer mug will you."

The bartender hesitated.

"Come on man, do I look like a lightweight? I'll be lucky if I even catch a buzz."

The bartender shrugged and poured out a healthy serving of vodka into a large beer mug. "Enjoy, sir."

I threw a couple of singles onto the bar and took my drink. From across the room I could see Edward eyeing me and knew he was reading my mind. I sneered in his direction and headed out onto one of the banquet hall's many balconies. I leaned my elbows against the cold marble of the balcony wall and stared out over the city. It was a cool night and a chilly mist of rain began to fall as I stood, the small droplets making dark marks on my light colored suit. I took a swig of my drink and enjoyed the burning sensation as the alcohol ran down my throat. I watched the lights of the boats moving in and out of the harbor, their movements like ghost lights in the inky blackness of the Strait of Juan de Fuca. I inhaled deeply and my nose wrinkled as I was hit with the smell of vampire.

"Embry?"

I jumped and spilled some of my drink on the front of my shirt and pants. I sighed and turned around to face Bella.

"So you came," she said.

I shook my head and brushed at my pants. "No, I just spilled my drink," I replied absently.

Bella ignored my salacious comment. "We weren't sure if you would make it. Seth said it took nothing short of threatening bodily harm to get you here."

I shrugged and turned back towards the water. Bella stepped out onto the balcony and joined me in leaning on the wall. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly.

I nodded and chugged what was left of my drink. Nothing. I really wish the bar would have had Everclear.

"Well, you don't seem okay," Bella said, her musical voice still very low.

I grunted. "That's because I'm lying," I said.

Bella gave me a small smile. "This is about the conversation you had with Jacob a few days ago, isn't it?"

I made a face but didn't respond.

"I thought you guys worked everything out, did something else happen?"

I turned to look at her. I opened my mouth to reply that it was none of her business, and that her freak of a husband should stay out of my mind, but I just sighed instead. "No, nothing else happened."

Bella reached out to touch my shoulder and I instinctively flinched away from her hand.

"Sorry," she said, quickly withdrawing her hand.

"No, I'm sorry. I don't mean to react that way to you, especially after everything you guys did for me, it's just….nature."

"I understand," she said.

I sighed again. "I just feel bad, you know? I feel bad all the time. I want to be happy, believe me. It is not fun being this miserable constantly. I think I could talk until I'm blue in the face about my feelings, about everything that's happened the last few months, and I'd still feel just as wretched as I would had I not said anything at all. Does that make any sense?"

Bella nodded. "Sure it makes sense. I think we all feel that way sometimes."

I bit my lip and nodded. "Maybe," I muttered. "I think I'm just a total poser. I mean I act all superior, like I'm so much better than everyone else….but I'm not. At the end of the day I'm just a mechanic who lives in the same town I was born in, who's going nowhere. That's nothing to feel superior about."

Bella stared at me thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't believe that."

"No?" I gave a rueful snort. "Well what do you know anyway?"

Bella laughed. "A lot more than you might think," she said.

"Okay since you're such a font of wisdom, tell me this: Why can't I ever just tell someone what I'm actually feeling? Why do I have to hide behind my extensive vocabulary and innate self -importance? Why am I so inexorable? I'm worse than the most horrible nosferatu that I'm supposed to defend my people against. I give off this effluvium that just affects everyone around me. Why am I like that? Why couldn't I just say: Jake, you're my best friend, but I'm drowning here. I barely feel alive. I never wanted any of this. I just wanted to be a normal guy. I didn't want to become a wolf. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's so hard for me to be happy because every time I phase, I'm in my own personal hell. I don't want this life. I just feel like I'm on this cataclysmic path towards self-destruction and I can't seem to stop it. I'm in a maelstrom of despair and self-pity and if I don't do something about it soon I'm going to implode. Why can't I just say that?"

"You did just say it," Bella said gently. "Do you feel better?"

"Not really," I replied.

"Why not?"

"Well because no offense, but you really don't count."

Bella arched an eyebrow at me. "Gee, thanks."

"No, that's not what I meant. I just meant…you aren't the person I should be saying this to. But knowing me, I won't have the guts to say it to Jake."

"Oh, I think you have more guts than you realize."

"Doubtful. I've perfected the art of Clark Kenting my way through any situation that requires me to be an actual…you know…person."

"Well, when the time is right, I'm sure you'll rip off your disguise and get it all out in the open," Bella said, with a perceptive smile. "I'm going to go back to my husband. Try to enjoy yourself tonight, Embry." She turned and headed back towards the banquet hall.

"Hey, Bella?"

She turned in one fluid motion and gazed at me, her topaz eyes curious.

"Tell your husband to stay out of my head."

Bella grinned. "He said to stop having such loud, depressing thoughts," she replied. She turned to leave again.

"Hey, Bella?"

She laughed and turned once again to face me.

I gave her a small nod. "Thanks for listening to my bitching."

She inclined her head towards me gracefully. "You're welcome."

After Bella walked away, I resumed staring at the water.

"I heard all that, you know."

I spun around to look at Jacob. "You did?"

Jacob nodded. "Yeah." He stuffed his hands into his pants pockets and shuffled his feet.

"So how much do I suck right now in your mind then?"

"Not at all."

I sighed and gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry I feel that way….but I do."

"I know. That's why we're having this party," Jacob said.

I frowned. "You're having a party because I'm a self-centered jerk?"

"Nope. We're having a going away party. Umm….surprise." Jacob pulled his hands from his pockets and tossed a small handful of multi colored confetti in the air.

I watched the small bits of paper fall slowly down then said, "Wait, what?"

Jacob swept his hands towards the banquet hall. "It's your going away party. Since you're going away to Caltech, we thought we would throw you a little party in celebration."

I gawped at him. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I called that weird teacher at Peninsula. You know, the one you're always talking about-"

"Dr. Rybecki?"

"Yeah. Anyway I called him and between the two of us, we managed to get everything at Caltech sorted out. I would like to say for the record that I do a very convincing father impression."

"Huh?" For once I was the one who was completely bewildered.

"You're going to Caltech. Dr. Rybecki signed you up for all your classes, we bought all your books over the phone – those are being held at the bookstore by the way – and we got you a dorm assignment. All you have to do is get your ass to California by next Tuesday for orientation."

"Huh?"

"For someone who thinks he's an eloquent speaker, I kind of expected more from you," Jacob said.

"But, I don't, umm, I-" I finally just shook my head, at a loss for words.

"What's that mush mouth? I can't understand a word you're saying," Jacob grinned.

"What about the pack?" I managed to get out.

Jacob made a negative gesture. "We took a vote. We don't need you. Quil, Seth, Leah, and I can take care of things while you're gone."

"Jake, I just….I don't even know what to say. I can't believe you did this for me….after the way I acted-"

"Hey, it's what brothers do." Jacob clapped me on the shoulder. "Just promise that you'll kick ass down there."

"Dude, look who you're talking to."

Jacob turned and looked at all our friends gathered in the banquet hall. "So what do you say, Call? You ready to start celebrating the beginning of the rest of your life?"

I stared at everyone in the hall, wolves and vampires alike. They had been such a huge part of my life for so long, I knew I would miss them all….even the Cullen's. But I couldn't contain the huge smile that broke out on my face when I realized that I was finally getting what I always wanted – a chance to live my life on my own terms.

I looked at Jacob and said, "I was born ready."

Fin.