So I've really been looking forward to this chapter. This is something I've had in mind for a while. And I almost positive that my readers will love it too.
Time to put Norm's plan into motion. If he has his way, Amanda's parents will never break her heart again.
He went over the list on his notepad one more time, trying to determine if there was anything obvious he'd missed. Norm knew if he forgot something important, he could always use magic to fix it to an extent. But if he could take care of everything all at once, there would be less stress on Amanda in the long run. That was the important part. He wanted to make his plan as easy and pleasant for the child as possible. She'd suffered enough because of her parents. He didn't want to upset her while fixing it.
He could figure out most of it by himself. There would be a lot of paperwork and files all over the place he'd have to create or fill out so no one would kick up a fuss. He'd done that sort of thing before with wishes, smoothing out discrepancies so that someone's big second wish technically was granted. He'd just never done it for this specific circumstance and he didn't want things to fall apart in fifteen minutes.
Norm knew there would be a few things he wasn't an expert on and might miss. Since genies didn't have rules when it came to their wishes, he was aware that he didn't know all the relevant ones that applied for what he had in mind. And that would only cause problems if he forgot or messed up on a key part of his plan. He wasn't impulsive and stupid enough to jump straight in without doing everything possible to prepare. Norm knew that he had reached the point where he would need to consult an expert on his plan. And the only person who might know enough had no reason to do anything for him.
Norm couldn't threaten him very easily. Not anymore. His magical potential wasn't quite as strong after he was freed and the guy was in charge of an entire magical species. The genie was outnumbered and might even be overwhelmed if he approached aggressively. The odds weren't really skewed in his favor anymore, so Norm would have to be smart. Threats wouldn't work, so that left bribery and bargaining as his best options.
The eternal problem was how to bribe someone who had magic.
"Hey, Turner," Norm called, gonging into the boy's room. "I need to pick your brain a bit."
Screaming in surprise and flailing a bit, Timmy eventually settled back down and glared at the genie. A trio of goldfish joined in by adding their own unhappy expressions. Even the tiniest one looked grumpy about his unexpected arrival.
"Norm… It's three o'clock in the morning. I was sleeping. Couldn't you have waited?"
"Yes, but I've been working on this a lot recently and I want to get done faster. But I can't do much while Amanda's awake unless she's at school. And you've dealt with Major Monotone plenty of times. I need some information on how to get something from the Head Pixie when he probably still holds a grudge against me about trapping his species in a pocket dimension."
Rubbing his eyes tiredly, the boy mumbled, "I don't know. He never liked me. He doesn't do me favors usually."
"I know," said Cosmo, poofing out of his fishbowl. Yawning briefly, he continued, "I was his Rice President for a while when the pixies got Fairy World in a hostile takeover. I know what he likes."
Norm silently debated the merits of taking advice from the green-haired idiot. But Timmy's eyes kept losing focus and the other two disguised fairies were drifting back to sleep, clearly having decided they didn't need to worry about him or participate in the conversation at the early hour. So apparently Cosmo was the best he was going to get at the moment.
"Fine, what do you suggest?"
Groaning dramatically, Timmy flopped back on his bed. Then he shoved his head under his pillow and dragged the blanket over him, burying the kid out of sight.
The dull, bland, and boring meeting room made Norm's skin itch. How in the world did they survive all this grey and monotony with their sanity intact? He spent centuries at a time trapped in a lamp and yet five minutes in the meeting room was driving him mad from boredom.
"I was surprised you scheduled this appointment with me, Norman," said the Head Pixie in his dull voice. He sat at the end of a long table, his hands folded in front of him. "You have already called in your single favor. I can't help wondering what you want and how you intend to convince me to give it to you."
Gritting his teeth briefly at the incorrect address, Norm said, "Look, I get it. We're not buddies. You like order and I'm a chaotic guy. And my revenge on your pixies was pretty effective. But all that stuff is personal. This is business. And you love business."
"You still haven't answered my question. What do you want?"
"Yeah, I need someone who understands current human laws and can find the perfect loopholes to keep the fairies out of the way," he admitted. "Because we both know those wand-wavers love interfering in things that don't concern them. They have no reason to get involved with any of this, but we both know they will if I don't have something to block them with and I'm not up to date on any of their stuff that isn't about godparents, godchildren, and wishing." Norm shrugged. "I'd hire a lawyer to at least consult and see if I've forgotten anything major, but all the magical ones already hate me. Including the pixies lawyers. And even if you hate me, I know you can work with people you hate if the price is right and I know you have at least more recent knowledge than I do on this stuff. Business tycoons have to stay on top of developments. You're the best person for the job."
Not changing his expression, the Head Pixie said, "I'm always the best person for the job. But you have yet to describe what the job actually is."
Norm hesitated briefly. But this was why he showed up in the first place. He needed an expert who hadn't spent the majority of his existence stuck in a lamp and missing out of various changes, both magical and mundane. Shoving his sunglasses further up to hide his eyes, he quietly described exactly what he intended to do.
It was almost worth it just to see the Head Pixie actually look stunned.
"I see… That is quite an interesting goal. And certainly a long-term one. Relatively speaking." HP adjusted his glasses a little. "On the human end of proceedings, we have fairly accurate knowledge of the requirements due to a previous thirty-seven-year plan. Keeping an eye on Flappy Bob over the years as he grew and his eventual attendance of law school ensured that we became intimately familiar with certain aspects of human bureaucracy and other necessities. I can prepare you a list of what you will need if you truly intend to invest your time and energy in this project."
Remembering how many times he heard Amanda mention worrying about wasting her parents' time and energy, her tone calm and casual about something she believed in without question, Norm's hands tightened briefly into fists.
"This is worth it. All my energy and all the time in the universe. It's worth it. I want this to happen. And I want it to go smoothly."
Straightening his glasses again, HP said dully, "I haven't actually agreed yet. I have heard your demands and stated I can meet them. But you haven't explained what you are offering me in return. Why should I assist you with this proposal?"
"Two reasons," Norm said, holding up his fingers to count. "First, you get a challenge. You get to work on something that requires an experience and skilled businessman who knows how to cover all the issues and manipulate the system. Something that will take all your knowledge and my tricks to pull off." And just in case flattery wasn't enough to keep the pixie's attention, Norm added, "Something that is bound to toss all of Fairy World into a frenzy whenever they find out. If you can't conquer the place, you can at least drive them crazy."
The Head Pixie didn't immediately respond to his words. He just stared at the genie with a blank expression. Norm had to give the guy credit. The pixie had the best poker face in the universe. That's probably an asset in business.
"And the second reason?" asked the Head Pixie, his tone not revealing anything.
Norm snapped his fingers and his bribe appeared with a gong. The way HP instantly locked his eyes on the golf club, the best model on the market, proved that Cosmo's suggestion was right after all. Apparently even the idiot could be useful.
"I figure you might want some new competition for your golfing," he said. "It has to get dull playing the same people all the time. Where's the challenge in that? You help sort this out and I'll play you once a year for a century."
There was silence for a few moments until HP leaned forward, his fingers interlaced and his hands resting on the table. He narrowed his eyes slightly.
"Two centuries," countered the Head Pixie. "And I pick the golf courses we play on."
"One hundred fifty years, you can pick where we play even if the courses are outside your pocket dimension, and you leave your clone army behind. No reason to tempt them into giving you 'extra help' with the games."
HP's eye twitched briefly at the insinuation, but Norm didn't back down. Cosmo mentioned that the other pixies tended to ensure he won by cheating with magic. Maybe HP ordered it. Maybe they did it without his approval or knowledge. Regardless, Norm couldn't resist needling him a little about the subject. Even when asking for a favor, he couldn't go completely against his nature for long.
"Very well, Norman. You have a deal." Pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number to actually call someone on the thing, he said, "Mr. Sanderson, please start gathering the necessary materials to draw up a contract for my new client. I'll send you the specifics shortly. Once that is drafted, I'll need you to do some research for me."
"You know I'll read that document very closely before signing it," Norm said as soon as he hung up.
"I would expect nothing less," said HP, his voice as emotionless as ever. "And while we wait to formally sign this deal, I suppose we could begin your strategy for keeping the fairies at bay. Now, there are a few court cases that set precedents you can use to your advantage. Anti-Cosma v. Adelinda von Strangle and Pinewater v. Shadwell will be your best defense. The first established that neither the Keeper of Da Rules nor any fairy godparent holds any jurisdiction over non-fairy magical creatures interacting with humans on Earth and that they can neither forbid nor interfere with said interactions unless there is a deliberate attempt to be antagonistic. Mostly that is used by anti-fairies, pixies, and so on, but there is no reason why it should not apply for genies as well. The second prevents a fairy from purposefully antagonizing or interfering with a non-aggressive, neutral, non-fairy magical creature on Earth, the punishment for trying being a fine or possible jail time. And genies technically qualify as neutral non-fairy magical creatures. As long as they cannot definitively prove that your interactions are aggressive, the fairies cannot interfere directly with what you say or do to humanity. So keep a low profile and avoid their attention for as long as possible. While pixies and genies may be skilled when it comes to exploiting loopholes and fairies prefer to follow their rules to the letter, there will be those who will take any excuse they can find to prevent your goal. After all, any action a genie takes will be viewed as suspicious and possibly aggressive."
"To be fair, most of our actions aren't particularly friendly or helpful," Norm said with a shrug.
The tiniest smirk twitched briefly on the Head Pixie's face before he continued, "Now, the other important court case for what you intend to achieve would be Valleysky v. Geraldson. Granted, it only set a precedent for fairies and only when all other options have been exhausted. But combined with the previous two, it may be enough to force the fairies into a corner. As long as you have everything handled on the human end correctly, they have very few options available that would not be illegal. But if you are not thorough with the human half of proceedings, a clever lawyer will attempt to declare the entire thing null and void. From there, things would get messy and could take three hundred years to sort out."
"Yeah, that's the sort of thing I want to avoid," said Norm. "Hence the asking for expert advice."
He had to admit, though, that HP really was good at this. What the Head Pixie said before was true. Both pixies and genies excelled at exploiting loopholes, but genies were far better at twisting those loopholes to extreme results. But using rules to directly help wasn't exactly Norm's specialty. The Head Pixie, however, was clearly in his element. He could use the system rather than fight it.
"Then my advice is to use this legal defense only as a Plan B while your Plan A should be to avoid letting the fairies know what you are doing in the first place. Avoiding the issue entirely will be the easiest solution and you can always fall back on the court cases if it becomes necessary later on." The Head Pixie paused briefly in consideration. "It may also help your case if you are able to convince someone in a position of power to take your side ahead of time. A difficult prospect for a genie, but perhaps not impossible after your involvement in the 'Bob Incident.'"
Norm nodded thoughtfully and said, "Right. Get someone who can throw their weight around if the Fairy Council finds out and throws a tantrum. Okay, I have an idea on that. I might know the perfect guy who fits the criteria. And he might even like me by now."
"I don't like you," said Jorgen bluntly.
"Very few people do," Norm said without any hesitation or shame. "But you know I'm right. You wand-wavers might have ignored her before, but I suspect you've been looking closer at Amanda's home life since Christmas. Between me and her hanging around Turner, only an idiot wouldn't keep an eye on the kid. And if you have even a speck of a brain, you'll agree that those two people she calls parents are horrible creatures who should be given a one-way ticket to Mars. The kid deserves better. Tell me I'm wrong, Jarhead. I dare you."
The tall and muscular fairy didn't immediately respond, just staring at Norm instead. They were having the very uncomfortable conversation in the middle of a desert. It was a fairly neutral location and empty enough that it would be hard to hide any surprises. He had no intentions of tricking or trapping Jorgen currently and vaguely doubted the guy had the brain power to try anything, but the whole point of this was for Norm to think things through. He refused to end up like most of his former masters who were too impulsive to spot obvious pitfalls.
"I'll admit it. Adams could have benefitted from godparents in the past."
"Yeah, but that option is off the table, Muscle Man. She's mine. So I'm going to handle the situation my way. All I'm checking is if you're going to work with me or against me. Turner thinks you can be reasonable sometimes and this will help the kid in the long run."
"But have you considered the harm your plan will cause? Harm to those who don't deserve to suffer?"
Throwing his hands into the air, he asked, "What? Really? Still think I'm going to do something to the kid? This is to help her."
"Norm," said Jorgen, the use of his name making the genie pause. "I understand your motivation. There have been other children who deserve better. Others with parents who do little to deserve the title. We cannot save everyone completely. We just do what we can."
"I don't care about the others. I care about her. And I can fix it so those two never break her heart again. So that she'll never cry because of something they did or said. So they'll never cause her pain again."
"But there is a cost for what you're doing. One you've never worried about before. This plan of yours? There is a reason why fairies rarely do it and only when there are no other options. There are still other options for Adams."
"I'm not changing my mind, Jarhead."
Sighing tiredly, the fairy gave him a strange look. One that combined pride, approval, sadness and pity. It really made Norm uncomfortable.
"Very well. I will not stop you nor share this with the Fairy Council. While it is a bad idea in many ways, you are breaking no rules," he said solemnly. "But as someone who has observed countless children and the fairies who love them, may I offer some advice?"
Peering over his sunglasses, Norm asked, "And what kind of advice could you possibly have? Extra push-ups every other day?"
"Since you intend to remain with the girl for a while, erase her memories and leave when she's grown. That way you will not be as tempted to return to her later."
"Uh, I know you are a little trigger-happy when it comes to mind-wiping, but how about no?"
"Genie, be reasonable," he said, slamming his giant wand to the ground for emphasis. Hitting sand made the impact far less impressive though. "You are already extremely attached to the girl and your plan will only make it worse."
"I thought you fairies were all about caring for random human kids."
"The longer you spend with the child, the harder it'll be to leave her someday. And there is no one there to force you to separate. It's going to be bad enough when Turner and his fairies part ways. His secret wish extending things for an extra fifty years without anyone noticing means he's had his godparents longer than anyone."
"So that's his secret wish," shouted Norm triumphantly. "I was really starting to wonder about that. I probably would have stolen his file again in a month or so just to figure it out."
"Focus," Jorgen said. "One way or another, you should leave the girl once she's grown and has a life of her own. Wipe her memories or leave them intact. That is your choice. Just make sure that you go your separate ways."
Crossing his arms, he said, "I've yet to hear one reason why I should follow your lousy advice."
"Because Adams is human. She is mortal. And you are not."
The first thing that crossed his mind was to make a sarcastic statement congratulating Jorgen on identifying different species. Then the fairy's true meaning sunk in and Norm's mouth snapped shut. It was a warning, one that only mattered now that he took an interest in humanity.
"Go ahead with your plan if you desire. Cherish the child. Enjoy and treasure your time with her. But do not linger once she is grown," said Jorgen solemnly. "It'll only hurt you if you choose to stay too long. And that is one form of pain that does not amuse me."
And with that, he slammed his wand down again and vanished with an explosive poof. Norm was left floating alone in the desert, trying to shove all those thoughts to the back of his mind and bury them. It didn't matter. He had plenty of time to worry about the distant future later. He had more important stuff to take care of anyway.
Besides, this was not the day to start taking advice from Jorgen von Stupid.
"I'm not leaving her," he muttered under his breath, shoving his sunglasses up further. "Quite the opposite."
So yeah, this will be another two-parter. Norm is going down the list and making sure he's covering all the necessary details. He has a plan and he's going to make sure it works.
Regarding all the court cases that the Head Pixie mentions, those actually came from Fountainpenguin. We discuss things often and I've shared my ideas with them before, so they're loaning me some of their world-building details in return. I highly recommend their stories if you like pixies, world-building, or just really cool stuff.