A/N: Sorry for the delay, folks. I've been unmotivated lately. I think I've told you that already. Thanks to all of those who had reviewed and OHMYFRUCKINGGAWD QUEEN IS ON THE RADIO! Sorry. Queen is one of my favorite bands and Bohemian Rhapsody is my favorite song and it's playing right now! Wheee! And what's this… I think I smell Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. I do! I do! Can this day get any better!
Disclaimer: Follows as usual. I don't own anything, blah, blah, blah. Mmm… this cinnamon roll is yummmmmy.
Chapter Something… Ten.
"Let's see…" Charlie was muttering to herself again as she surfed the net. "Need something… Faramir… the others…." There was a knock on her office door and without looking away from her laptop, she said, "Enter," in a faux misty kind of voice.
"Um… Mommy," said Aragorn hesitantly as he poked his once-again dirty head into the room.
"Yes, Aragorn," Charlie asked, still not looking away from the monitor.
"Have you seen the hobbits? We're playing hide 'n seek and Legolas and I can't find them."
As he spoke, he glanced around the office which Charlie had decorated to look exactly like the President's Oval Office. The only difference was the fact that on Charlie's blue carpet there was a golden ring with "Lord of the Rings" written in the middle of it. She loved her rug.
"Have you tried looking outside," Charlie asked. Aragorn nodded. "The kitchen?" He nodded again. "How about the pools, or the theatre, or one of the bedrooms?" Again he nodded. "Well, what about the bell tower?"
"There's a bell tower," asked Aragorn, surprised.
"Yeah. Go outside and near the mushroom patch you'll see doors going down into the basement. Go down there and look around until you see a portrait of an old man with a Groucho Marx moustache. It's on hinges so it swings out to reveal a secret passage. Go in there and take a right. Eventually you'll come to a replica of a fireplace. Stand on the hearth and pull the mantle clock forward. The entire fireplace with spin so you'll be in the library. Climb the stairs to the second level of the library and look for a large green book titled 'The Book To Pull To Open The Secret Passage' and pull it forward. The bookshelf will slide away. Go through that secret passage and keep following it until you find a ladder. Climb it and when you get to the platform, open the door and you'll be backstage in the home theatre."
Charlie took a deep breath. "Find seat 22F and sit down. Under the left armrest is a small red button. Push it and the seat will tip you forward, landing you in the pool. Get out and go into the locker room and open locker number 5 and step inside. Slide down the fire pole and then carefully cross the pond via the stepping stones. Don't step on the thirteenth stone because if you step on the thirteenth stone, the bat will come out and get you. Once you've gotten to the other side, climb up the ladder and open the trap door. Be careful not to hit your head on the piano. You'll come up right underneath it in the ballroom. Then go over to the suit of armor to the right of the door and pull his axe arm down. Another trap door will open and it'll bring you right to the threshold of the bell tower. Got all that?"
For a short moment, Aragorn looked confused. "Yes… but why do I have to go through all that? Can't I just go straight to the ballroom and…"
"No, you cannot," interrupted Charlie. "If you do that, you won't fully appreciate what you find up there."
"What will I find," questioned the ranger.
"Go find out," Charlie said, pointing to the door. "Oh and while you're at it, tell the twins to leave my secretaries alone for awhile. They're starting to fall behind in their secretarial duties."
Aragorn nodded and slipped out the door. Charlie waited a moment and listened to the fading sound of his footsteps as he hurried off to find the bell tower.
"It's alright my dears, he's gone," she said at last.
"'Bout time," Sam muttered, crawling out from under Charlie's desk along with the three other hobbits.
"I thought he'd never leave," said Frodo, rubbing a kink in his neck.
"Are there really all those secret passages," asked Merry.
Nodding, Charlie said, "Of course. This is my dream house and who doesn't dream of having secret passages and portraits where you can look out the eyes and spy on people?"
"What will Aragorn find," Pippin asked.
"You'll find out the next time you see him," said Charlie with a smirk. "In the mean time, I have work to do. So you four vamoose and let me do my work."
Once the four hobbits had left Charlie's Oval Office, she turned back to her laptop and continued her research. "Hm…" She clicked a few random links before doing a Google search. Charlie clicked a link and scrolled through some rubbish. "Eurika, I've found it!" she cried before smiling wickedly. "Oooh, this will be good."
Down in the basement, Aragorn edged his way through mountains upon mountains of junk. He peered around boxes and various unidentifiable objects. Finding a portrait of an old man with a Groucho Marx moustache, or any portrait for that matter, was near impossible. He couldn't even see the walls! Sighing, he picked up a large box of broken dishes and moved it. If he wanted to get anywhere, he was going to have to clean up the basement.
Back in Middle Earth, once again, Charlie turned to Burly in her jeep. "Okay. Here's the dealio. I'm going in there alone." She pointed to the woods before her. "When I give the signal, I want you to hit play on the CD player. Everything's already hooked up so make sure you have the ear plugs in before you turn it on. Otherwise these bad boys," she reached into the back seat and patted the massive speakers, "will make you go deaf."
"Right-o, Miss Willows," said Burly, nodding to show is understanding.
"Holy crap," Charlie said, breathlessly. "How many times can the Nauthorator's radio play Queen?" She shook her head to clear her thoughts and focused on the task at hand. "Anyway, I'm off."
"Good luck, Miss Willows," called Burly to Charlie's retreating back.
Once she was deep in the woods of Ithilien, Charlie looked around. "Well, here goes nothing," she said to herself. Taking a deep breath she screamed and ran about, crashing through the underbrush and making as much noise as humanly possible and making an overall idiot of herself.. Charlie stopped short when an arrow whizzed by her head and embedded itself into a tree. The shaft was mere inches from her nose.
"Who goes," called a deep voice from somewhere nearby.
"Uh… I go," she replied weakly. Charlie looked at the arrow in front of her and swallowed a lump in her throat. She had been very lucky. "I'm unarmed, I mean no harm, and I am very ill at ease at the moment."
"Who are you," barked a new voice somewhere to Charlie's left. "Why are you dressed so strangely? Why are you here? Who sent you?"
Charlie got the feeling that the man would have continued if another man hadn't called out to him. "Oh, shut up!"
"He has a point," commented the first speaker. "We know nothing about her. We should interrogate her."
"I say we kill her," said another voice.
"Whoa! Wait a minute," Charlie called. "Don't I get a say in this?"
"No," all the men chorused.
"Damn," muttered Charlie.
Five minutes later, the men were still arguing. Charlie had settled down on the ground and began drawing patterns in the dirt with a stick.
"Someone go get Faramir and we'll ask him," one man said, causing Charlie to perk up a bit.
"That's the smartest thin you've said all day," another man called. "I'll go get him. You lot might get lost."
Exactly seven minutes, and fifty-two point six seconds later, the man came back with another man in tow. Of course, Charlie didn't know this until they spoke because they were all very well hidden and she had no idea where they were.
"I'm back," called the man to the others. "And Faramir is here as well."
"What is going on here," asked a voice Charlie recognized as Faramir's.
"We found that girl and couldn't decide whether we should kill her or interrogate her," someone called from behind Charlie.
There was a pause as if Faramir was looking at Charlie and trying to make a decision. Amazingly enough, that's exactly what he was doing.
"She looks like she might come from the same world as those two crazed girls we saw earlier," commented the man who had brought Faramir to see Charlie. This comment earned a shudder from Faramir.
"Perhaps we should kill her," muttered Faramir.
"Ah, wait," Charlie said desperately, standing up from her spot on the ground. "I have a neat trick to show you before I die."
There were some eyebrow raises which Charlie couldn't see because all the men were still hidden. "Go on then," Faramir said.
"You asked for it," she said with a grin. From her belt, she pulled out a flare gun and fired it. The flare rocketed into the sky and exploded into fireworks which clearly read, 'The Signal.'
There was a slight pause as the fireworks display faded away and the embers died and showered the forest. Then with deafening volume that shook the ground, Greensleeves blared thought the forest.
"ARGH!" Faramir dropped to his knees and covered his ears. "Not again! Not this song!" He rolled about on the ground while the other men scattered and ran, fearing for their lives.
"Let's vamoose," one of them cried over the music.
Putting away the flare gun, Charlie walked among the underbrush, looking for Faramir. She found him cowering on the ground, clutching his ears, trying to block out the music.
"The girls," muttered, curling into the fetal position and rocking back and forth. "The girls… dance… made me… this song… no… no more… not again…"
"Come on," Charlie said, hoisting him up and sagging under his weight as she tried to support him.. "Let's get you to the jeep."
A/N: I'm going to end it here.Vamoose is most definitely my new favorite word.
Next week… er… whenever the nauthorator decides to update… on Hunting LOTR, Charlie goes after Boromir, Gandalf, and Gimli. Possibly Gollum too. And The big question on everybody's mind.. WILL ARAGORN MAKE IT TO THE BELL TOWER AND IF SO, WHAT WILL HE FIND? Find out in chapter eleven of Hunting LOTR.
Okay, I took some of the advice given and I went to a LOTR forum and asked people who they would rent and what they would do to the character(s), I got some interesting responses… along with usual pervy ones (which I was expecting to get a lot more of). Now. I'm asking you, dear readers, other than Boromir, Gandalf, Gimli, Gollum, Eomer, and Eowyn, who should be dragged from their home in Middle Earth and forced to suffer the tortures of whatever my mind creates for them? Have a nice day!
Oh, and I got the Greensleeves idea from a website. I can't remember the URL but it was a great site, describing all kinds of Sues and what not and there was something about Sues getting injured and Faramir healing them before dancing with them to Greensleeves…. Yeah.
REVIEW! Please?