Burning Colons
"You feelin' better Icky?" asked Ralph.
Icky groaned and retched a little bit before he shook his head back and forth.
"Yeah I'm…I'm good."
"Okay, let's do this!"
"Yeah! ERRG! Oh…damnit…" groaned Boris.
"What's wrong now?" said Ralph in a frustrated voice.
"…I gotta use the bathroom."
"I told you Boris, only do that in the lake. Your rhino crap could gross out a skunk!" said Harley.
"I'm not gonna make it to a lake! I gotta go now!"
Everyone glanced left and right, looking for some sort of area that was large enough to contain Boris' excrement pile. Icky suddenly got an idea as his saw the Amir Tumir Museum with hundreds of pedestrians walking inside of it.
"Boris! Over here!" yelled Icky, running to the museum.
Boris groaned again as he held his fat belly, sustaining the various bursts of flatulence that was seeping out his anus. Icky grabbed the roof with both of his arms and grunted with effort as he tried to yank it off. Eventually, Icky tore off the roof, exposing all of the pedestrians to the sunlight.
"There ya go buddy. Just sit on top of that."
"You want him to poop inside a museum full of people???" asked Ralph.
"C'mon guys! You have any idea how funny this is gonna be?"
Everyone chuckled to themselves.
"Do it Boris!"
Boris sat down on the roof of the museum and began to wiggle his butt. Meanwhile, Ralph, Icky, and Harley blocked all the exits so that none of the tourists and Uzbekistanis would be able to get out. Boris' butthole began to expand and before he knew it, gallons of rhino fecal matter and smelly gas was raining down into the museum, gradually filling up by the second. Boris himself was grunting and farting repeatedly, trying to remove all the excrement from his bowels.
"Well, this sure makes a stink, don't it?!" laughed Harley.
"Hey, just be glad he's not pooping on us." said Icky.
It wasn't until about a minute later that Boris was done using the bathroom…or in this case, using the museum. Boris sighed and farted one last time before he hopped off the museum and stood on the ground. Looking back into the aftermath, Boris saw that the whole museum was filled to the brim with his poop, which was sloshing back and forth.
"Wow that must suck man! You just downed over 300 humans in over 20 tons of rhino shit!" laughed Ralph.
"Wanna take a whiff?" asked Boris.
"I'll do it!" shouted Harley happily.
"Okay, while you guys keep referring to fart jokes and scatology, I'm gonna go destroy some buildings." said Icky, extremely disgusted with the group.
"Oh, yeah. Let's get back to our objective here people! We gotta destroy Tashkent!" announced Boris.
And so, the four monsters split off in different directions to destroy the capital of Uzbekistan. Icky ran his way to the Tashkent International Airport and laughed to himself, watching all the foreign planes take off and land on the scattered runways. Hundreds of the crew members and people ready to board their planes began to scamper and run away, some of whom even jumped out the windows and injured their legs. Icky put hs right thumb in his mouth and blew a very hefty sum of air, like he was inflating a balloon. After his face began to turn red from the constant exhaling, the spikes around his body began to puff out and get spikier. Icky turned around and start to grunt very hard, waiting for something to happen. After some time, all of the spikes shot out of his back and flew right into the airport terminals and the planes taking off and landing. The planes that were hit by the spikes immediately exploded or were damaged so badly that it crashed into the ground and into some of the terminals, wrecking them both. As for the airport itself, that was pretty much ruined and mangled beyond recognition. Glass and dead bodies were everywhere and the giant pink spikes were lodged all over the ground. Amazingly, some of the terminals were still standing. Icky, feeling that he had successfully damaged the airport, walked away to find another valuable target.
Ralph was walking along the ground kicking camouflaged tanks with his feet and whacking his tail against large green Metro buses. Only a few tanks had managed to blast a missile at his back before he destroyed them and got his health back by eating more food and people. Ralph had been wandering around the city until he saw the Chorsu Bazaar. Inside of it was a store that sold hundreds of strange peppers and vegetables that Ralph really hated. Still, he punched a few holes into the building and exposed the store full of vegetables. He reached his large hand inside and dumped a whole box of red and purple spicy peppers into his mouth.
"Heh heh…I wonder…"
Ralph turned around to see that 10 tanks, two brown APCs and a few police cars were aiming all their weapons at the giant blue wolf. Some of them were shouting commands, but Ralph ignored them and deeply inhaled, puffing out his chest. Then he exhaled his bad breath onto the Bazaar, grossing out the market workers and buyers. After exhaling for five seconds, he passed fiery gas onto the law enforcement officials, setting all of them on fire and blowing up the vehicles. Ralph ate the peppers in order to perform the Fire Down Below move he learned from Harley.
"Wow that is handy!" said Ralph with amazement.
Boris was charging towards the Tashkent State Economic University on all fours, hitting the building with his horn and destroying the whole thing with one blow. He then turned around and kicked an APC as it began to fire hundreds of bullets at his back. Next to the college university was an office used for transporting electronic equipment to SCUM associations. Boris figured that since their main goal was to destroy SCUM labs, he might as well destroy any company affiliated with them as well. Boris picked up a tanker truck with the Shell logo on it and tossed it at the office building. The diesel fuel ignited and the building wound up plummeting to the ground. Boris sighed heavily, not knowing what to wreck next.
"Where to next?" said Boris to himself.
Boris' ears began to flap quickly as though they just heard something that pleased them and he began to drool. His voracious appetite began to come in when he saw a giant restaurant that had an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet…and it was only serving salads today. Boris began to laugh somewhat psychotically when he ran towards the restaurant and started to destroy it. Not caring too much about the humans, he dipped his hands inside and began to eat all the various types of salads. Sure, it was most likely going to give him even more gas, but he didn't care. He just enjoyed the crunchy plants that traveled down his throat.
"Hey guys! Look what I found!" shouted Harley, who had found another jail cell.
Icky, Boris, and Ralph stopped their destructive path and ran over to where Harley was, looking at the jail cell.
"Another monster perhaps?" asked Boris.
"Can't be. SCUM labs haven't established any jail cells in Uzbekistan." added Icky.
"Let's take a closer look--"
All the monsters walked towards the cell, only to groan loudly and cough after a horrible odor penetrated their nostrils.
"What the hell is that? Smells like George after he craps out a camel!"
"Hey, can any one of you guys let me outta here?" asked the monster.
"Um…who are you?"
"My name's Tavan. Look, I'm a mutant just like you guys so just break me outta here before they kill me!"
Harley charged up a punch and slammed his fist into the wall, but it violently shocked him when his skin made contact with the concrete.
"I don't get it! Why won't the building crack?!"
"You gotta get one of the guards to take the shockness out of the jail…unless this city hasn't been destroyed yet."
"I buried a museum in poop. Trust me, we're done with this city." said Boris.
The four monsters looked down to see a fleeing guard wearing a blue camouflage uniform and boots was running away beneath their feet, hoping they didn't spot him.
"Get him!" shouted Icky.
Boris bent over and grabbed the guard with his left hand, lifting the human guard to his head.
"Look what we got here guys!"
"Alright, let's ignore the sappy introductions and get to the point. You're gonna open up this cell or else we're gonna torture your ass." said Ralph.
"There's no way I'm helping monsters with breath as foul as yours!"
"We're monsters! Since when do monsters brush their teeth?!"
"I don't know! All I know is that I'm not turning off the electric current!"
Icky snatched the guard from Boris and looked directly into his eyes.
"Now…what should we do to a pathetic human like you? I know! How's about you scratch my ass until I feel better?"
"What?!"
Icky lowered the guard to his butt and violently began to rub his body back and forth, making sure he was satisfying him by scratching away the itch.
"Yeah, that feels gooood…I should be graceful your hair's prickly like a porcupine!"
Unfortunately, after some time, Icky got bored and stopped using the guard as an ass scratcher.
"Alright, this isn't working."
"That's cause your butt's clean! Mine still has poop smeared all over it! Give him to me; I'll make him cooperate." said Boris.
Boris took the guard and lowered him to his filthy behind, which was covered in brown poop and was attracting many flies.
"Don't…you…dare--"
Boris ignored him and started to slowly stroke the guard against his butt, sighing contently when the poop was starting to come off.
"You're right Icky. This does feel good!"
"OKAY! Okay, I'll-I'll turn it off! Just stop rubbing me on your butt!"
"Thank you."
Boris lowered the guard to the ground (who was now covered in stinky rhino dung) and watched as he walked over to the circuit box and switched it off. Then he stepped behind the guard and kicked him so hard in the back that he was launched into the air, disappearing into the clouds. Harley punched the jail cell three times and watched it crumble to the ground. As soon as the monster revealed himself, everybody quickly took many steps back and held their noses. The monster they just released was a blue skunk with a black stripe running down his back. The skunk got on all fours and shook himself like a wet dog, getting all of the dirt off his fur. Then he sniffed the air twice and walked over to the monsters.
"Thanks guys. Pleased to meet you!" said Tavan.
"No problem. Now we got five monsters to help us destroy this universe!" said Harley.
"You got any special powers?" asked Ralph.
Tavan laughed. "I'm a skunk! Do you really want to find out Stink Breath?"
Everyone chuckled to themselves while Ralph growled at Tavan.
"What is it with you monsters and my bad breath?"
"Ralph, we all have bad breath. Yours just smells the worst out of us five!" Icky pointed out.
"That's a good thing right? It brings out my monster-like qualities!"
"…Sure, let's go with that."