DISCLAIMER:: not mine. belong s to shonda rhimes and abc studios

A/N:: i know the wait between updates has been ridiculous. but who knew being a mom was such a full time job? i have updates for Matters of the Heart as well. however, that is on my home computer and i am currently on a business trip in the midwest with only my laptop in tow. i return to the west coast in a few days at which time i will post more updates for both stories.

-/-

Present Day- Seattle

Erica Hahn was not naturally a nervous person. She didn't crumble under pressure; she rose to the challenge. She prided herself on being cool, calm and collected in any situation. She was focused at all times. But when Addison and Mark vacated the room, Erica found herself growing apprehensive.

"Congratulations. I heard you're going to be chief. The last five years have obviously been good to you."

Erica nodded. "My career took off once I left Seattle." She laughed dryly. "My work seems so unimportant now."

Arizona nodded sadly, knowing exactly how Erica felt.

Erica fell into the seat Addison had occupied with a sigh.

Arizona took the other empty seat. "Can I ask you something?"

Erica shrugged. "I don't see how I can stop you."

"She told me she ended the affair because you betrayed her. She never gave me details. What exactly did you do?"

Erica was silent for a long time. Finally she ran a hand across her tired face. "I made a hard decision. She disagreed with it."

-/-

Two Years Ago- Baltimore

Erica leaned close to Callie's head as she laid there on the operating table. "You know the drill Cal, count back from ten."

"You'll be there when I wake up?" Callie's eyes locked on Erica's.

"I'll be right there, I promise."

Callie smiled and nodded as she began to count backwards from ten. The second her eyes closed Erica stepped away and the door to the scrub room opened. Preston Burke came in.

"Dr. Hahn."

"Dr. Burke."

The OR was silent.

Finally Burke looked around expectantly. "Let's go to work people. We got a life to save."

The surgery went smoothly enough. It was so routine Erica could have done it in her sleep. She knew every individual in that room questioned why she hadn't done the surgery herself. Even more confusing was why she had called in her arch nemesis, Dr. Burke, to do the job.

She stood next to Burke, scrubbing out, though her hands were as clean as when she'd gone in. They said nothing to each other. Finally Burke ceased the flow of water and dried his hands. He turned for the door.

"Preston."

He paused and glanced over his shoulder and then continued out the door.

-/-

Erica had been in Callie's room for over three hours as the younger doctor slept off her surgery. She used the time to think about her plan to tell Callie the truth. Callie wanted to spend forever with her and there was no room for lies in forever.

"Erica?"

Erica's head whipped to the bed where Callie was smiling weakly back at her.

"Hey." Erica crossed the distance between them in one second. "How are you feeling?" She pushed a strand of Callie's hair behind her ear.

"You're here," was what Callie offered as an answer.

Erica ran her thumb across Callie's bottom lip and then leaned in for a kiss. When they finally pulled apart they both smiled.

"I love you Cal."

"I'm not going back to Seattle."

Erica's breath caught. She knew what Callie had said several hours before, when she was in Erica's office begging her to do the surgery, but it had crossed her mind that Callie might have been using her desires to manipulate her into performing the surgery. "Are you sure you want to make a decision this big right now Callie?"

Callie nodded. "I love you. You're here in Baltimore. That means I need to be in Baltimore. If you ask me, it's the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. I want to be with you."

"Okay."

Callie pulled Erica in for another kiss.

-/-

"How are you feeling this morning, Ms. Torres?" The nurse checked her IV drip and surgical site.

"I get to go home today Natalie. Life is good."

Natalie smiled. "I'm sure Dr. Hahn's excited. I think she's been waiting for something to go wrong, like she doesn't trust Dr. Burke's skills."

Callie raised an eyebrow. "Dr. Preston Burke?"

Natalie nodded and headed for the door. "Yep. You think if she didn't trust his abilities she wouldn't have asked him to do the surgery in the first place."

-/-

Erica felt as if her heart was floating. Callie was coming home today. She already made preparations to take a couple weeks off until the brunette got situated. Once she was used to the city and well enough adjusted they would start searching for a more permanent setting than Erica's bachlorette pad.

"Dr. Hahn, I thought you'd be home with Dr. Torres." Natalie, Callie's day nurse, strolled up to her just as she was about to enter Callie's room.

"I was actually just about to swing by her room and collect her." Erica smiled, an action very few hospital personnel had ever seen.

"I thought you knew… she checked herself out about an hour ago."

After a half hour of searching the hospital, calling Callie's cell, calling her own apartment, and checking with the airport, she finally gave up. She returned to her office. Callie was sitting in one of the two chairs in front of her desk.

"Cal? Cal, baby, I've been searching for you everywhere. You had me worried sick." Erica came around and crouched in front of Callie's seat. She noticed the tear streaks instantly. "Cal, what's wrong? Are you in pain?"

"No, no pain. My surgery went great. Dr. Burke did a great job."

"Well, what are the tears…." It hit her then. "Cal, I was going to tell you."

"When? Next week? Next month? Next year?"

"I was waiting for the right time."

"You lied to me Erica." Callie closed her eyes. "I have to go back to Seattle."

Erica stood, backing away a step as if she'd been burned. "You'll come back though?"

"I don't think so."

"Because I didn't tell you that I let Burke operate on you?"

"I came to you! Not because you were my girlfriend but because you're the best cardiothoracic surgeon in the country! I knew I'd be safe with you! And you passed me off to someone else! Need I remind you how we met? You were called upon by my ex husband, may he rest in peace, to work on his father because Dr. Burke had an injury that had left him with an unsteady hand! You entrusted my life to the man my ex husband passed on. That's why I'm leaving." Callie shook her head. "I can't do this now."

Callie made her way to the door.

"Do you love me Callie?" Erica tried to keep the emotion out of her voice.

Callie turned around, tears in her eyes. "I do but that isn't enough anymore."

Erica was in front of Callie in a second. "Stay." She kissed her with an urgency, a desperation she always felt for the brunette, but hardly ever showed. She expected Callie to pull away but the younger surgeon didn't.

When the kiss finally broke some minutes later, Callie leaned her forehead against Erica's. "I wish you wouldn't try to change my mind."

Erica felt her heart lift. "Stay, Callie, please. At least for tonight."

Callie kissed her again, deeply. "Take me home."

Erica made a vow to herself right then that she would not betray Callie's trust ever again. She would love her like she deserved, for the rest of her life.

That night she fell asleep with Callie safely entangled in her arms.

The next morning when she woke up, Callie had gone.

-/-

Present Day- Seattle

Arizona stared at her, almost sympathetically as the memory faded out of Erica's mind.

"I know it may not be worth much but I think you did the right thing by calling Dr. Burke. He's a great surgeon. You were too invested in the situation. Calliope should have seen that and respected it."

Erica nodded. "I appreciate that. That's something I've been questioning for two years. It's worth more than you know."

They lapsed into a silence that surprisingly was not awkward.

"It was a Wednesday, nearly a year, almost exactly in fact, after she had returned from Baltimore, when she told me about the cancer."

Erica paled. She was torn between a desperation to know and a revulsion at the thought of it. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about this."

Arizona stared back at her with knowing eyes. "If you go back to Baltimore without knowing what happened, you'll regret it."

Erica nodded.

"She decided to stay with me, more because she was afraid of being alone and to fill the void of your absence than that she truly loved me more. We both had that Wednesday off. Calliope and I made plans to go out but we ended up staying in with pizza, just like the first time we…" Her eyes flashed to Erica's and she knew she needn't finish the sentence. "She'd been having coughing fits for weeks and she kept saying it was nothing. But that night, it wouldn't stop. The second I saw blood I told her we needed to go to the doctor. She told me everything, with the exception of going to see you for surgery. She never told me she had gone to Baltimore for the surgery. I always assumed she had gone for one last hoorah."

Erica tensed. Either Callie had been ashamed or she had just wanted to keep their last moments a secret.

Arizona's eyes swelled with pain. "She wanted to fight it and she did. But it was too advanced. Chemo and radiation weren't a possibility. They gave her three months, she lasted a year. She was quite strong through it all, even at the very end."

Erica felt tears stinging her eyes. "Cal was always brave."

"She faced death head on and she never asked for anything until the night before she passed."

"What did she ask for?" Erica wiped her eyes but it did nothing to help, fresh tears replacing every one she wiped away.

"She asked for you."