Okay so here is another chapter and sorry no smut. I'm saving it for the next one which will practically be oozing with it. However, as I got a few comments from Shmellington I realized that for once I wanted Jonathan to win, and not just win...win beautifully. It's time he had a little fun at someone else's expense dontcha think?

Jonathan needed drugs. Things weren't going to stop looking bleak until he got some antidepressants and painkillers in his system. However, he couldn't use either of those if he planned to kill both Batman and Joker. True, it seemed a little harsh to want to end both their lives, but the way he saw it he'd be killing two birds with one stone. He would solve both his problems of being hunted by the Bat and being harassed by the Joker, win-win. He glanced down at his battered form and decided that the first matter would be to find clothes. He knew that in a hospital patients weren't allowed to wander alone in a state such as his, especially if they walked. He decided to find himself a wheelchair.

That's the big plan, find a wheelchair?

He shook his head and shot back inwardly,'It'll work trust me.'

If Scarecrow had facial features he would have scowled, instead he settled for roiling in Jonathan's mind angrily. Jonathan spotted a nurse coming down the hallway and he grimaced. He wasn't exactly known for his physical prowess, and the nurse was a buff looking man with several tattoos. In fact, he looked more suited to be an escaped convict. Without thinking Jonathan ducked into another patient's room and leaned against the wall. The patient he was with was a comatose patient. He sighed in relief, at least until the comatose's caretaker came out of the bathroom. He groaned and grabbed the nearest solid object, a flower vase, and slammed it against the person's head. It wasn't until afterwards he noted that the caregiver he had been so frightened of was in fact an elderly woman, looking to be about in her seventies.

Great knockin' out old ladies, told you this plan was a bad idea.

Jonathan sighed heavily and dragged the woman back into the bathroom. It wouldn't do for a nurse to come in and find a seventy year old woman lying unconscious in the middle of the floor. As he looked at her further Jonathan got an idea. It was only a half-notion in his mind before Scarecrow tried to shoot it down.

NO! I absolutely refuse!

Jonathan stepped out of the bathroom in shoes that were a size too small and a flowing flower print dress. His hair had a large ornate pin on it, and his lips and face were made up in a haphazard way. He stepped out saw the the convict nurse had vacated the hallway and sighed in relief. He was also pleased to hear the absence of people shouting and running. It meant that the guards had yet to realize he was missing. He saw a sign of directory on the wall and eyed it, it seemed that he was on the second floor and the elevator was down the hall and to the left. He shuffled, maintaining his elderly persona and also trying not to irritate the multiple wounds that graced his body. It was more the latter than the former. He made it to the elevator without incident and clicked the button. Cheery music burbled happily from the small speakers and Jonathan leaned up against the wall thinking about how to exact his revenge. He thought of going to his old hideout and getting some of the fear gas together, but that seemed too...nice. He thought of chaining Joker to a wall and perhaps beating him with a bladed cat-o'-nine-tails, but then he imagined that the Joker would like that and he inwardly cursed. He supposed he could try that on Batman, but knowing him he'd probably not even whimper under the beating. The elevator door dinged and Jonathan stepped out into the lobby area. It looked calm enough and Jonathan inwardly let out a sigh of relief, he should have know that his happiness would be short lived.

"Hey there," a congenial elder man said. Jonathan looked from side to side and then realized that the man was talking to him. He wasn't particularly sure how grand his make up looked up close, but he hoped that he didn't look crazed. He was definitely trying to go for the not-an-escaped-convict-really, look.

"Hi, I just noticed that you're wearin' a dress look's just like m' wife's. Even the same pin-"

"Ha, that's quite funny," Jonathan chuckled in a voice he hoped sounded feminine. He hadn't really thought anyone would talk to him and hadn't bothered to practice.

"Yeah, really is. So someone here, ya care about?"

Care about? Who the hell-oh right, this was a hospital.

"Oh, yes my, uh...nephew! My nephew James," Jonathan batted his eyelashes trying to appear more girly. He had no idea if it was working.

"Yeah it can be hard when the young'uns are sick. Well I'll let you get on your way then, uh-"

"Mimi," he blurted. The man raised an eyebrow but then smiled. "Mimi. Huh, well you have a great day then there Mimi."

Jonathan nodded fluttered his fingers in a light wave. He regretted it afterwards as the man caught sight of his hands. The man grasped his fingers and looked at them.

"Good Lord! You need to see a doctor about these miss!"

"Oh..oh no! I'm fine-really!"

"No, no I insist, we're in a hosp'tal shouldn't be too hard. Let's go find a nurse darlin'."

"Isn't your wife waiting?"

"Oh, she wouldn't mind me bein' late especially for somethin' like this."

We should just bonk him on the head and leave.

Jonathan grimaced at the thought, and the man assumed something else entirely. Then Jonathan felt his heart stop as he heard the familiar sound of flustered and angry cops. It was definitely time to leave. He patted the old man's arm gently and then pulled his fingers, painfully, from the elder man's grasp.

"Well, I uh, gotta go!"

He hobbled off, kept his head down and walked out the door.

"Wait!"

And then Jonathan turned against Scarecrow's better judgment. The cops looked up at the sound of the noise, their brains fired neurons left and right. Jonathan could literally see the truth hitting them between the eyes. He turned on his heels and ran.

. .. . .. . ..

Now, physical activity was never something that Jonathan excelled at. In fact, the only real activity he ever really did was swim and sadly there was no large body of water separating him from the cops. Every step against the pavement jolted his wounds. He could feel the beginnings of sweat gathering and the bitter salty liquid burned beneath his bandages.

"Stop right there," a cop yelled behind him.

He turned against his better judgment and saw that the cop had his hands on his hips. He stopped slightly confused by the cop's posture. He stopped running.

"Ma'am you look slightly familiar, like a friend o' my aunt's. You know, Gertrude Jenkins?"

"Ummm, no sorry I think that you have the wrong woman."

"Oh, okay, and a-be on the lookout 'kay ma'am there's word that a dangerous man is lurkin' around the hospital."

I feel like we're in a cartoon world where everyone has the IQ of a small rodent.

Jonathan smiled and fluttered his eyelashes in what he hoped to be a shocked manner.

"Oh, dear well thank you officer, I'll certainly be on the lookout."

Retard.

. .. . .. . ..

It took Jonathan the best part of an hour to find the location of the elderly woman's car, but when he did he couldn't help but grin. Imagining a woman looking to be about in her seventies driving an Audi R8 was nothing short of comical. He touched the sleek machine with a timid hand. The only downside to all of it was that the vehicle had the nerve to be a powdered blue color. It said something of the woman to paint something so beautiful with such a trashy color.

You gonna get in sometime today?

He glanced around took the key out and slid in the soft leather seat. He trifled through the purse and saw the driver's license. She was sixty tomorrow. He felt a little guilt but then rekindled his anger with the thought of Joker and Batman having sex together. Along with anger a flush of arousal quivered through him from top to bottom. Despite his hatred he could not deny the sheer animalistic pleasure of watching two such beautiful creatures attack one another. He shuddered not too unpleasantly and put the key in the ignition. He had to get a few things before meeting them directly but when he did...

We'll have our fun.