June 17: Lab
Grandmere is getting on my nerves!
Even though it is obvious that I have a boyfriend, and I have mentioned him to her on more than a few occasions (more, recently, as she's become even more frustrating about it) she has taken it into her head she must set me up.
And on those numerous occasions when I mention him to her and remind her that I am perfectly happy in my own relationship, she just...
It's as if she's seen through me completely. It's as if she knows I'm just holding on to him until he's unnecessary.
And it makes me feel horrible.
Yesterday night, Lord and Lady Delacroix and their eligible, handsome son Henri dined with us. At Grandmere's invitation.
I am proud to say that even IF I'm keeping up a pretense with Moscovitz I was quite faithful to him. Henri was handsome, charming, and actually quite a wonderful person to be around.
But I did not feel one bit of attraction for him. In fact, when Henri smiled his beautiful perfect grin, I thought of Moscovitz's smile. Not the sarcastic one he usually gives me, or the amused one he gives the cameras when we're together, but the lopsided one that shows that dimple. I hate it because it makes me feel stupid. And I also hate it because....
It makes him look quite handsome really. Adorable. Dare I even say sexy.
And I mused on my boyfriend's adorable smile and even his other ones...and completely lost track of the conversation.
And so, I inadvertently agreed that I loved golf when I hate the horrid sport. I was almost trapped into a golf date but I managed to regain my senses at that point.
I send this grievance directly onto Moscovitz's head for having too many smiles.
June 19: Home
I called Lilly tonight, after my dinner with Baron Andover, his wife, and his son (also eligible, surprise surprise) Gregory.
Gregory is also studying in America at Stanford. As we happened to both be in the States, there was a great deal of ridiculous carrying on about how we ought to get together for lunch. Do they forget that the States are hardly the size of Genovia?
Gregory studies economics. When he discovered I was also an economics major, he started spewing all these theories and papers that I had read and studied months ago (and promptly forgot) and so I spent the rest of the evening feeling ashamed at myself for not knowing half the things he does even though he is the same year as I am.
And so, while I nodded at appropriate intervals and provided inane generic remarks to his enthusiastic monologue, my mind wandered again.
First I wondered what the hell I was doing in economics.
After finding that this question was not exactly a comfortable topic, I shifted onto my boyfriend. Also not a comfortable topic, I suppose, but...well.
Having chosen to go to MIT for computer science, I surmised that he probably majored in computer science at Columbia. But sometimes I'd see him studying a French text or two. Was he also learning French for the humanities requirement? Did he major in anything else?
He seemed the type to. But not overachieving. It'd probably be some random major, like...history. So I thought about that for a while.
Why do I keep on thinking of him?
June 23: Home
I wish Grandmere would stop setting me up with people.
It makes me think of him too often. In fact, I'd venture to say that even though she set me up with the goal in mind to distract me from my current boyfriend, she's actually succeeded in doing the opposite: only around these...these TOOLS, do I actually think of him.
One will be shorter than him.
Another too blonde compared to him.
Another too stupid.
Another too talkative.
They're just...not him.
And it's disturbing! I did not think of him THIS often before, but now it's happening NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, the minute my prospective suitor and I shake hands.
Maybe it's a girlfriend thing.
I think I'll start working my evenings in lab. I'm getting sick of this.
June 25: Lab
I wish Lilly were here already. It's so lonely here.
June 26: Lab
Weakness!
I know I don't have any peers here; I've never had other people my age here before. So I don't know what the big deal is.
I've spent summers at home before from boarding school, so I don't understand what the big deal is.
But I miss Lilly. I am having a dreadful time with a product that JUST WON'T BE PURE!!!!!!!! (stupid stupid stupid!!!) and I just think that if Lilly were around I could just...eat ice cream with her for a while and have her tell me that things will be all right.
But instead, I just hang around the kitchens, moping into pints of rocky road by myself.
June 28: Home
I'm going back to New York for the Fourth of July!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to see Lilly!!!!!!!
I called her yesterday just to see how she was and she TOLD me that she MISSED ME!!!!!!!!
And so now I'm going back to New York, not only to visit Helen, but to also see Lilly!!!!!
And afterwards, what do you think? She's going to return to Genovia with me!
I've told Genevieve that I can't be in lab for three weeks starting the First of July, with my trip to America and Lilly and the Moscovitzs and the Summer Ball. I felt really guilty, but really, my project was getting nowhere and I just want a break from it for a little bit. Andre told me not to get impatient and that the distance would help me gain some perspective on how to approach the purification next.
With all this to look forward to, I don't even mind that I have another two setups (care of Grandmere) to deal with!
July 2: New York! Helen's!
We're just taking a break from a gorge fest and chick flicks. Helen's making smoothies, and Lilly is calling her parents.
Oh, it's wonderful to be back! I know I love Genovia, and it's home, but really, there's no Fat Louie or Helen or Lilly there and it gets so lonely even if I do have Grandmere and Andrea and Genevieve. I always feel like I'm...at a job while I'm there.
It's relaxing to be here. The minute I got off the plane and saw Lilly and Helen and Franklin there waiting for me I just completely forgot about all the painful stresses of Genovia: the subcommittee meetings for Parliament, the purification, the suitors.
Lilly had a laugh when I described my suitors to her. It felt awkward at first, telling her that Grandmere was not pleased with my choice of boyfriend, who is, after all, her brother. Helen had quite an angry expression on her face, but kept quiet at that part.
They both sympathized with me through my stories, after which Lilly concluded that Michael was obviously the one for me being neither too tall, too short, too round, too thin, too geeky, too slick, too talkative, too taciturn, too stupid, too smart, too social, nor too shy.
I'm starting to realize that Lilly's really hoping that this works out between me and her brother...that our staying together this long (apparently longer than any relationship her brother has had before) indicates some potential, despite our inauspicious beginning.
And I don't have the heart tell her otherwise.
Oooh! Smoothies are ready!
July 3: Helen's
Helen cornered me today and made me feel very uncomfortable. I know she didn't mean to and I know she doesn't know how...in fact, I highly doubt she even knows that she's MADE me uncomfortable.
She told me today to follow my heart and not to let Grandmere dictate who I should and should not, can or cannot date. That suitability in a Prince Consort is a trait that only I can determine.
Which is a lie, of course. I can't just marry anyone.
But that wasn't what made me uncomfortable.
She told me that Moscovitz's suitability is not as important as my feelings, and that if I love him, then I ought to stick up for him.
And this bothered me on more than a few levels:
1) She didn't know the truth about me and Moscovitz. If she did, maybe she wouldn't have felt this bad about what Grandmere was doing. After all, we aren't a really couple and while I like to present ourselves as one to everyone, I thought that at least Helen knew that Moscovitz was only hanging around until it was "safe" for us to break up.
2) Did she feel this way because of Father? Did she want to marry him? What if she had? What would my life be now? Would I ever have gone to New York? And what about Franklin? Oh god, what if she is still in love with Father?
3) What if I do make that mistake and fall for someone completely unsuitable to be a Prince Consort? What if I do have to make that choice? I've already had to make my first difficult decision, in choosing my major, but when it comes down to...I just hope I never fall in love.
4) I know Moscovitz COULD dress better, act more courteous, and just be altogether more pleasant, but what makes him unsuitable anyhow? It's not as if he's a stupid bum who doesn't understand how a country works. In fact, he's quite intelligent, more intelligent than half the men Grandmere has set me up with.
The Helen concern has me the most worried.
July 4: Helen's...rooftop
It's been an exhausting day with tons of barbecue and heat. Helen, Franklin and I are lazing away on the rooftop, waiting for the sun to go down so that the fireworks can start.
I love fireworks.
Today was an...enlightening, tiring day.
As Helen and I were preparing a salad, I finally caved and told her that what she said about the Consort and suitability distressed me, and I told her my worries about her and my Father.
She laughed and informed me that while the suitability was an issue, it was not the reason why she and Father decided NOT to get married; it was because they simply didn't want to.
They loved, but were not in love.
That immediately made me feel better...and in many ways, I am better by a lot.
I was conceived in love. My parents DO love each other.
And while they were not IN love, that doesn't make much of a difference to me: I'm not asking for a mended family...but rather...a loving one. And I have one.
And so now, as I'm waiting for the fireworks, writing by the light of the sunset and candles that Helen's brought out ("You'll ruin your eyes if you write in the dark" she told me), I can't help but...celebrate. Helen loves Father, but she's in love with Franklin. And they're happy, sitting by each other in the darkness in silence.
And while this would not have made sense to me when I first moved to New York, it does now.
What makes the difference between then and now?
July 5: Lilly's
My heart is beating so loudly right now I'm sure that Genovians can hear it across the ocean.
And I can't explain why.
I got to the Moscovitz's this morning to get Lilly for shopping. As soon as the door opened, Lilly smiled. She was on the phone, and said, "Wait, here's Mia..."
She must have heard Helen calling me that a few days ago. I had no time to decide whether or not I liked it because she shoved the phone into my hand.
OH GOD.
What followed: (including my thoughts)
Me: Hello?
MOSCOVITZ!!!!!: Hello? Mia?
Me: (swallow) Yes?
Moscovitz: Who's Mia?
Me: Um...it's me, Amelia. Your Girlfriend, the Princess of Genovia. Lilly's taken to calling me Mia now.
(STUPID! Of course he knows you're his girlfriend!)
Moscovitz: Oh...well...hello Mia.
(Oh NO. I can see the way he's smiling...it's the lopsided one, and my heart picks up now...it doesn't stop beating this hard or fast until...well until now, as I'm writing and reliving this...)
Me: Um...yeah. So how's Europe? Where are you now?
Moscovitz: Portugal. It's been pretty good. Lots of fun. Different people. You know, Europe.
(I HATE him.)
Me: Well, that's nice.
Moscovitz: So you're back in New York?
Me: Yeah...I missed Lilly and Helen. And I wanted to be around for the True American Holiday.
Moscovitz: Neat.
(Yeah right.)
Moscovtiz: Look I gotta go.
Me: Oh should I get your parents or Lilly?
Moscovitz: Nah. Talked with them already.
Me: So I'll see you in nine days?
(He's grinning again, I know he is! Nine days? Good one, Amelia.)
Moscovitz: If I didn't know any better, Your Highness, I'd think you miss me.
Me: Like I miss calculus, I assure you.
(At least a riposte!)
Moscovitz: In nine days, then.
Me: Yeah, whatever.
(Yeah, whatever?!?!?)
So now, well, I can't really kill Lilly, even though I want to, because now I know I'd miss her if she died.
But I very much want to...kick something.
July 7: Plane en route to Genovia
It's still on my mind. Of course it is.
It was the first time I'd spoken with him since...his graduation, when I said congratulations and left.
I know I'm going to see him again. It's going to happen in a week.
Gah! Lilly's looking over my sh-
July 8: Home in Genovia
Lilly was trying to read over my shoulder.
She should respect my privacy, but she said she saw her name and the word "kill" which naturally piqued her curiosity.
So now I only have six days. It's not like I'm looking forward to it or anything. Just...get it over with.
I set up a schedule with Hannah today detailing what was to happen when Moscovitz arrived. We have a number of appearances here and there and of course I have to take him around and we have to look happy together.
Lilly's to come around with us, but...well...
I suppose we're going to have to go out for a date or something. On our own. Once or twice. After all, we've been going out for a little over four months and we've been away from each other for a little over one...of course we're going to have missed each other...all that absence makes the heart grow fonder stuff.
So...I'm just going to have to get used to it. Get used to seeing him. And stop acting all weird around him. I've been magnificently indifferent with him before. I can do so again. Nothing's changed. It's just that I haven't seen him in a while.
But that's it. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything.
July 10: Home
Exhausting. Simply exhausting. Lilly and I have driven all over Genovia in the past few days...and it's been great!
I've shown her my favorite vantage point of the sunset, I've taken her horseback riding, I've taken her to the Parliamentary buildings, and I've even brought her by the lab and introduced her to Genevieve, Andre and my labmates.
She realizes that she's going to have to see a lot of these sights again when her family arrives in a few days, but doesn't mind. She loves it, and she's been asking me all sorts of odd questions, about how I spent my childhood, and my favorite teachers and subjects at the Academie, where I brought her today.
It's a refreshing, different perspective. I feel exciting and mysterious and quite interesting!
I was explaining my project to her today when I realized a way out for my purification!!!!!!!!! I told Andre, and he was so happy for me and told me that really, it was only the distance that I needed!
Tonight, even though Grandmere had guests planned for tonight (and yes, a suitor), Lilly made it a lot more fun. Paul was actually a pretty sweet person (too sweet for my tastes) and Lilly's presence took the pressure off of me to keep him completely enthralled and entertained, so that I had more time to decide whether sweetness was an attribute desirable in a Consort. (I concluded that while it had its merits, it's just not my style. I prefer a stronger, more confident type.
July 12: Home
He called today.
Here!
I was in the middle of tea with the Duchess Bridgerton, her cousin Lady Kent, and Lilly when Hannah came into the room.
She doesn't normally interrupt my schedule and she looked a bit confused. Appropriately so, I suppose, now that I've realized that she's never met or talked to my boyfriend, and before a week ago never heard me speak of him.
So after her confused message that Michael Moscovitz was on the phone for me, I left the room to take the call in another room.
Our conversation:
Me: Yes, this is Amelia. Hello?
Moscovitz: Hello?
Me: Yes, Michael.
Moscovitz: Look, there's been a strike here in Italy. It's going to take me a bit longer to get to Genovia than I thought.
Silence.
Me: Oh?
Moscovitz: Yeah. So uh...don't wait up.
Me: Should I do something? Where exactly are you now? I suppose I could send someone...
Moscovitz: Nah, Princess. This is part of the fun. I'll figure something out.
Me: Um...ok. Then I'll see you when I see you?
Moscovitz: Sure thing. Later, Princess.
Me: Um...maybe you shouldn't call me that.
Moscovitz: Hm?
Me: Well, I mean, once you get here. If you call me that in that sarcastic way you do, well, it'll be a little...anyway. Just...don't call me that.
Moscovitz: Sure. Later...Mia.
I KNOW he was smiling that annoying lopsided grin at the end, just as he was calling me Mia.
It makes me hate being called Mia.
I mean, I'm just getting used to Helen's calling me Mia. Lilly's own obsession with the name, well, I suppose I can get used to that.
But now it'll become one of those strange details that everyone remembers. The say way they'll remember Di or Wills. I'll be Princess Mia.
But he'd already hung up, so I have no choice.
So now my boyfriend stuck somewhere in Italy, and rather than taking the obvious solution...you know, asking his girlfriend, the princess of a neighboring country, to help out, he's shrugged off my assistance.
Ingrate!
July 13: Home
Just how does he plan on getting here? And when?
He didn't even say where in Italy he was.
I thought of him today. I worried.
I mean, he's twenty-three years old, so I'm sure he knows how to handle himself. But, well, I'm a Princess. I can easily take care of those details. And I have connections.
He's just doing this to be difficult. You know, I bet he's drunk on some streetcorner somewhere and doesn't care whether or not he ever arrives in Genovia.
So forget him. Let him get drunk and avoid responsibilities. Forget the whales that need my money.
July 14: Home
He was supposed to arrive today. This morning. I was supposed to help him get situated, and take him around the palace and introduce him to the staff and show him the grounds.
There's a small dinner party tonight to welcome him. I invited the prime minister, the American Embassy and Consulate (yes, the entirety) a handful of cabinet members, Rene, and one or two nobility. I agonized over the guest list.
And he's not here to appreciate my efforts.
So tonight I'm just going to have to stand there stupidly and explain that my boyfriend refused my assistance (I've decided to charmingly smile and call it his "admirable sense of American Independence").
I could not very well cancel...I mean, our lives shouldn't and don't revolve around him.
It's stormy outside, and I have to say it suits my mood. Hannah tried to send me out on a last minute hospital visit but I'd much rather hide in the palace and pout.
Lilly's somewhere about, but I don't care.
I just...I'm frustrated.
Later
Oh GOD.
This is absolutely terrible.
I'm in love.
With MOSCOVITZ.
Grandmere is getting on my nerves!
Even though it is obvious that I have a boyfriend, and I have mentioned him to her on more than a few occasions (more, recently, as she's become even more frustrating about it) she has taken it into her head she must set me up.
And on those numerous occasions when I mention him to her and remind her that I am perfectly happy in my own relationship, she just...
It's as if she's seen through me completely. It's as if she knows I'm just holding on to him until he's unnecessary.
And it makes me feel horrible.
Yesterday night, Lord and Lady Delacroix and their eligible, handsome son Henri dined with us. At Grandmere's invitation.
I am proud to say that even IF I'm keeping up a pretense with Moscovitz I was quite faithful to him. Henri was handsome, charming, and actually quite a wonderful person to be around.
But I did not feel one bit of attraction for him. In fact, when Henri smiled his beautiful perfect grin, I thought of Moscovitz's smile. Not the sarcastic one he usually gives me, or the amused one he gives the cameras when we're together, but the lopsided one that shows that dimple. I hate it because it makes me feel stupid. And I also hate it because....
It makes him look quite handsome really. Adorable. Dare I even say sexy.
And I mused on my boyfriend's adorable smile and even his other ones...and completely lost track of the conversation.
And so, I inadvertently agreed that I loved golf when I hate the horrid sport. I was almost trapped into a golf date but I managed to regain my senses at that point.
I send this grievance directly onto Moscovitz's head for having too many smiles.
June 19: Home
I called Lilly tonight, after my dinner with Baron Andover, his wife, and his son (also eligible, surprise surprise) Gregory.
Gregory is also studying in America at Stanford. As we happened to both be in the States, there was a great deal of ridiculous carrying on about how we ought to get together for lunch. Do they forget that the States are hardly the size of Genovia?
Gregory studies economics. When he discovered I was also an economics major, he started spewing all these theories and papers that I had read and studied months ago (and promptly forgot) and so I spent the rest of the evening feeling ashamed at myself for not knowing half the things he does even though he is the same year as I am.
And so, while I nodded at appropriate intervals and provided inane generic remarks to his enthusiastic monologue, my mind wandered again.
First I wondered what the hell I was doing in economics.
After finding that this question was not exactly a comfortable topic, I shifted onto my boyfriend. Also not a comfortable topic, I suppose, but...well.
Having chosen to go to MIT for computer science, I surmised that he probably majored in computer science at Columbia. But sometimes I'd see him studying a French text or two. Was he also learning French for the humanities requirement? Did he major in anything else?
He seemed the type to. But not overachieving. It'd probably be some random major, like...history. So I thought about that for a while.
Why do I keep on thinking of him?
June 23: Home
I wish Grandmere would stop setting me up with people.
It makes me think of him too often. In fact, I'd venture to say that even though she set me up with the goal in mind to distract me from my current boyfriend, she's actually succeeded in doing the opposite: only around these...these TOOLS, do I actually think of him.
One will be shorter than him.
Another too blonde compared to him.
Another too stupid.
Another too talkative.
They're just...not him.
And it's disturbing! I did not think of him THIS often before, but now it's happening NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, the minute my prospective suitor and I shake hands.
Maybe it's a girlfriend thing.
I think I'll start working my evenings in lab. I'm getting sick of this.
June 25: Lab
I wish Lilly were here already. It's so lonely here.
June 26: Lab
Weakness!
I know I don't have any peers here; I've never had other people my age here before. So I don't know what the big deal is.
I've spent summers at home before from boarding school, so I don't understand what the big deal is.
But I miss Lilly. I am having a dreadful time with a product that JUST WON'T BE PURE!!!!!!!! (stupid stupid stupid!!!) and I just think that if Lilly were around I could just...eat ice cream with her for a while and have her tell me that things will be all right.
But instead, I just hang around the kitchens, moping into pints of rocky road by myself.
June 28: Home
I'm going back to New York for the Fourth of July!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to see Lilly!!!!!!!
I called her yesterday just to see how she was and she TOLD me that she MISSED ME!!!!!!!!
And so now I'm going back to New York, not only to visit Helen, but to also see Lilly!!!!!
And afterwards, what do you think? She's going to return to Genovia with me!
I've told Genevieve that I can't be in lab for three weeks starting the First of July, with my trip to America and Lilly and the Moscovitzs and the Summer Ball. I felt really guilty, but really, my project was getting nowhere and I just want a break from it for a little bit. Andre told me not to get impatient and that the distance would help me gain some perspective on how to approach the purification next.
With all this to look forward to, I don't even mind that I have another two setups (care of Grandmere) to deal with!
July 2: New York! Helen's!
We're just taking a break from a gorge fest and chick flicks. Helen's making smoothies, and Lilly is calling her parents.
Oh, it's wonderful to be back! I know I love Genovia, and it's home, but really, there's no Fat Louie or Helen or Lilly there and it gets so lonely even if I do have Grandmere and Andrea and Genevieve. I always feel like I'm...at a job while I'm there.
It's relaxing to be here. The minute I got off the plane and saw Lilly and Helen and Franklin there waiting for me I just completely forgot about all the painful stresses of Genovia: the subcommittee meetings for Parliament, the purification, the suitors.
Lilly had a laugh when I described my suitors to her. It felt awkward at first, telling her that Grandmere was not pleased with my choice of boyfriend, who is, after all, her brother. Helen had quite an angry expression on her face, but kept quiet at that part.
They both sympathized with me through my stories, after which Lilly concluded that Michael was obviously the one for me being neither too tall, too short, too round, too thin, too geeky, too slick, too talkative, too taciturn, too stupid, too smart, too social, nor too shy.
I'm starting to realize that Lilly's really hoping that this works out between me and her brother...that our staying together this long (apparently longer than any relationship her brother has had before) indicates some potential, despite our inauspicious beginning.
And I don't have the heart tell her otherwise.
Oooh! Smoothies are ready!
July 3: Helen's
Helen cornered me today and made me feel very uncomfortable. I know she didn't mean to and I know she doesn't know how...in fact, I highly doubt she even knows that she's MADE me uncomfortable.
She told me today to follow my heart and not to let Grandmere dictate who I should and should not, can or cannot date. That suitability in a Prince Consort is a trait that only I can determine.
Which is a lie, of course. I can't just marry anyone.
But that wasn't what made me uncomfortable.
She told me that Moscovitz's suitability is not as important as my feelings, and that if I love him, then I ought to stick up for him.
And this bothered me on more than a few levels:
1) She didn't know the truth about me and Moscovitz. If she did, maybe she wouldn't have felt this bad about what Grandmere was doing. After all, we aren't a really couple and while I like to present ourselves as one to everyone, I thought that at least Helen knew that Moscovitz was only hanging around until it was "safe" for us to break up.
2) Did she feel this way because of Father? Did she want to marry him? What if she had? What would my life be now? Would I ever have gone to New York? And what about Franklin? Oh god, what if she is still in love with Father?
3) What if I do make that mistake and fall for someone completely unsuitable to be a Prince Consort? What if I do have to make that choice? I've already had to make my first difficult decision, in choosing my major, but when it comes down to...I just hope I never fall in love.
4) I know Moscovitz COULD dress better, act more courteous, and just be altogether more pleasant, but what makes him unsuitable anyhow? It's not as if he's a stupid bum who doesn't understand how a country works. In fact, he's quite intelligent, more intelligent than half the men Grandmere has set me up with.
The Helen concern has me the most worried.
July 4: Helen's...rooftop
It's been an exhausting day with tons of barbecue and heat. Helen, Franklin and I are lazing away on the rooftop, waiting for the sun to go down so that the fireworks can start.
I love fireworks.
Today was an...enlightening, tiring day.
As Helen and I were preparing a salad, I finally caved and told her that what she said about the Consort and suitability distressed me, and I told her my worries about her and my Father.
She laughed and informed me that while the suitability was an issue, it was not the reason why she and Father decided NOT to get married; it was because they simply didn't want to.
They loved, but were not in love.
That immediately made me feel better...and in many ways, I am better by a lot.
I was conceived in love. My parents DO love each other.
And while they were not IN love, that doesn't make much of a difference to me: I'm not asking for a mended family...but rather...a loving one. And I have one.
And so now, as I'm waiting for the fireworks, writing by the light of the sunset and candles that Helen's brought out ("You'll ruin your eyes if you write in the dark" she told me), I can't help but...celebrate. Helen loves Father, but she's in love with Franklin. And they're happy, sitting by each other in the darkness in silence.
And while this would not have made sense to me when I first moved to New York, it does now.
What makes the difference between then and now?
July 5: Lilly's
My heart is beating so loudly right now I'm sure that Genovians can hear it across the ocean.
And I can't explain why.
I got to the Moscovitz's this morning to get Lilly for shopping. As soon as the door opened, Lilly smiled. She was on the phone, and said, "Wait, here's Mia..."
She must have heard Helen calling me that a few days ago. I had no time to decide whether or not I liked it because she shoved the phone into my hand.
OH GOD.
What followed: (including my thoughts)
Me: Hello?
MOSCOVITZ!!!!!: Hello? Mia?
Me: (swallow) Yes?
Moscovitz: Who's Mia?
Me: Um...it's me, Amelia. Your Girlfriend, the Princess of Genovia. Lilly's taken to calling me Mia now.
(STUPID! Of course he knows you're his girlfriend!)
Moscovitz: Oh...well...hello Mia.
(Oh NO. I can see the way he's smiling...it's the lopsided one, and my heart picks up now...it doesn't stop beating this hard or fast until...well until now, as I'm writing and reliving this...)
Me: Um...yeah. So how's Europe? Where are you now?
Moscovitz: Portugal. It's been pretty good. Lots of fun. Different people. You know, Europe.
(I HATE him.)
Me: Well, that's nice.
Moscovitz: So you're back in New York?
Me: Yeah...I missed Lilly and Helen. And I wanted to be around for the True American Holiday.
Moscovitz: Neat.
(Yeah right.)
Moscovtiz: Look I gotta go.
Me: Oh should I get your parents or Lilly?
Moscovitz: Nah. Talked with them already.
Me: So I'll see you in nine days?
(He's grinning again, I know he is! Nine days? Good one, Amelia.)
Moscovitz: If I didn't know any better, Your Highness, I'd think you miss me.
Me: Like I miss calculus, I assure you.
(At least a riposte!)
Moscovitz: In nine days, then.
Me: Yeah, whatever.
(Yeah, whatever?!?!?)
So now, well, I can't really kill Lilly, even though I want to, because now I know I'd miss her if she died.
But I very much want to...kick something.
July 7: Plane en route to Genovia
It's still on my mind. Of course it is.
It was the first time I'd spoken with him since...his graduation, when I said congratulations and left.
I know I'm going to see him again. It's going to happen in a week.
Gah! Lilly's looking over my sh-
July 8: Home in Genovia
Lilly was trying to read over my shoulder.
She should respect my privacy, but she said she saw her name and the word "kill" which naturally piqued her curiosity.
So now I only have six days. It's not like I'm looking forward to it or anything. Just...get it over with.
I set up a schedule with Hannah today detailing what was to happen when Moscovitz arrived. We have a number of appearances here and there and of course I have to take him around and we have to look happy together.
Lilly's to come around with us, but...well...
I suppose we're going to have to go out for a date or something. On our own. Once or twice. After all, we've been going out for a little over four months and we've been away from each other for a little over one...of course we're going to have missed each other...all that absence makes the heart grow fonder stuff.
So...I'm just going to have to get used to it. Get used to seeing him. And stop acting all weird around him. I've been magnificently indifferent with him before. I can do so again. Nothing's changed. It's just that I haven't seen him in a while.
But that's it. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything.
July 10: Home
Exhausting. Simply exhausting. Lilly and I have driven all over Genovia in the past few days...and it's been great!
I've shown her my favorite vantage point of the sunset, I've taken her horseback riding, I've taken her to the Parliamentary buildings, and I've even brought her by the lab and introduced her to Genevieve, Andre and my labmates.
She realizes that she's going to have to see a lot of these sights again when her family arrives in a few days, but doesn't mind. She loves it, and she's been asking me all sorts of odd questions, about how I spent my childhood, and my favorite teachers and subjects at the Academie, where I brought her today.
It's a refreshing, different perspective. I feel exciting and mysterious and quite interesting!
I was explaining my project to her today when I realized a way out for my purification!!!!!!!!! I told Andre, and he was so happy for me and told me that really, it was only the distance that I needed!
Tonight, even though Grandmere had guests planned for tonight (and yes, a suitor), Lilly made it a lot more fun. Paul was actually a pretty sweet person (too sweet for my tastes) and Lilly's presence took the pressure off of me to keep him completely enthralled and entertained, so that I had more time to decide whether sweetness was an attribute desirable in a Consort. (I concluded that while it had its merits, it's just not my style. I prefer a stronger, more confident type.
July 12: Home
He called today.
Here!
I was in the middle of tea with the Duchess Bridgerton, her cousin Lady Kent, and Lilly when Hannah came into the room.
She doesn't normally interrupt my schedule and she looked a bit confused. Appropriately so, I suppose, now that I've realized that she's never met or talked to my boyfriend, and before a week ago never heard me speak of him.
So after her confused message that Michael Moscovitz was on the phone for me, I left the room to take the call in another room.
Our conversation:
Me: Yes, this is Amelia. Hello?
Moscovitz: Hello?
Me: Yes, Michael.
Moscovitz: Look, there's been a strike here in Italy. It's going to take me a bit longer to get to Genovia than I thought.
Silence.
Me: Oh?
Moscovitz: Yeah. So uh...don't wait up.
Me: Should I do something? Where exactly are you now? I suppose I could send someone...
Moscovitz: Nah, Princess. This is part of the fun. I'll figure something out.
Me: Um...ok. Then I'll see you when I see you?
Moscovitz: Sure thing. Later, Princess.
Me: Um...maybe you shouldn't call me that.
Moscovitz: Hm?
Me: Well, I mean, once you get here. If you call me that in that sarcastic way you do, well, it'll be a little...anyway. Just...don't call me that.
Moscovitz: Sure. Later...Mia.
I KNOW he was smiling that annoying lopsided grin at the end, just as he was calling me Mia.
It makes me hate being called Mia.
I mean, I'm just getting used to Helen's calling me Mia. Lilly's own obsession with the name, well, I suppose I can get used to that.
But now it'll become one of those strange details that everyone remembers. The say way they'll remember Di or Wills. I'll be Princess Mia.
But he'd already hung up, so I have no choice.
So now my boyfriend stuck somewhere in Italy, and rather than taking the obvious solution...you know, asking his girlfriend, the princess of a neighboring country, to help out, he's shrugged off my assistance.
Ingrate!
July 13: Home
Just how does he plan on getting here? And when?
He didn't even say where in Italy he was.
I thought of him today. I worried.
I mean, he's twenty-three years old, so I'm sure he knows how to handle himself. But, well, I'm a Princess. I can easily take care of those details. And I have connections.
He's just doing this to be difficult. You know, I bet he's drunk on some streetcorner somewhere and doesn't care whether or not he ever arrives in Genovia.
So forget him. Let him get drunk and avoid responsibilities. Forget the whales that need my money.
July 14: Home
He was supposed to arrive today. This morning. I was supposed to help him get situated, and take him around the palace and introduce him to the staff and show him the grounds.
There's a small dinner party tonight to welcome him. I invited the prime minister, the American Embassy and Consulate (yes, the entirety) a handful of cabinet members, Rene, and one or two nobility. I agonized over the guest list.
And he's not here to appreciate my efforts.
So tonight I'm just going to have to stand there stupidly and explain that my boyfriend refused my assistance (I've decided to charmingly smile and call it his "admirable sense of American Independence").
I could not very well cancel...I mean, our lives shouldn't and don't revolve around him.
It's stormy outside, and I have to say it suits my mood. Hannah tried to send me out on a last minute hospital visit but I'd much rather hide in the palace and pout.
Lilly's somewhere about, but I don't care.
I just...I'm frustrated.
Later
Oh GOD.
This is absolutely terrible.
I'm in love.
With MOSCOVITZ.