Chapter 10

Rita woke with a start, for a moment, wondering where she was. The silent room was a complete contrast to the busy hospital ward where she'd spent the last few nights. The room was not quite completely dark enabling Rita to make out various features of the room. It was then that she realised that she was still nestled into Connie, who still had her arm draped over Rita's. She felt her body stiffen slightly for a moment as panic began to set in; she wasn't sure how to react to the knowledge that Connie was still there – still lying beside her. They'd obviously fallen asleep side by side as tiredness had succumbed them: Rita safe in the knowledge that someone cared and was there for her and Connie providing the warm and comforting embrace that pretty blonde needed so much. Rita felt Connie rise from her slumber a little in order to readjust her position in the sofa slightly. As she did so, she took Rita into her arms once more and held her tighter, held her safer. Rita gradually relaxed into her embrace and drifted off to sleep once more.

The morning sun shone brightly through the small gap in the curtains. Connie squinted as she woke up to the blinding light. She glanced down to take a look at the sleeping blonde who lay alongside her. Rita looked so peaceful and relaxed; her breathing was regular and relaxed, and her face was calm and without worry. Connie wished that she could keep it this way: for Rita to worry about nothing; for her to be so relaxed and peaceful without any stresses in the world. As she watched her sleep, Connie took the opportunity to marvel at just how beautiful her clinical nurse manager was: her delicate cheekbones that caught the early morning light; her pale pink lips that twitched every so often in her deep slumber, and her perfectly formed chin that she just ached to reach out and touch. Connie shifted her body slightly on the sofa in order to make herself more comfortable; her back stiff and aching from spending the night sleeping on Rita's sofa. She didn't dare complain though – she just felt herself so lucky that she'd spent the night with Rita at all.

Rita's right hand suddenly began to twitch. Connie took this as a sign that Rita would be waking up quite soon. As gently as she could, she tried to ease Rita from her fitful slumber and bring her slowly back to the here and now.

"Morning," said Connie as softly and as gently as she could. She took hold of Rita's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Rita's body lunged forward suddenly. She stumbled as she took the first few steps before making her way towards the stairs.

"Rita, what's wrong?" Connie asked. She was concerned for the frail blonde, who one minute was sleeping peacefully on the sofa and was dashing off upstairs the next.

Rita continued rushing up the stairs as fast as she could, just about making it in time to kneel in front of the toilet as the limited contents of her stomach rapidly emptied into the bowl. Connie dashed up the stairs behind her, just in time to see her vomiting into the toilet. She paused for a moment before placing her hand on Rita's back and rubbing small circles in order to provide reassurance.

Rita sat back on her heels momentarily before retching into the toilet bowl once more. Never had she felt so vulnerable, so helpless. Even when she was taken into the ED in her unconscious state, she didn't think she felt as defenceless as she did now. She wasn't sure if she wanted Connie's reassuring hand upon her back. Part of her wanted her to keep it there forever and to always be there for her, while the other part of her wanted to run a mile and to be nowhere near her boss' gentle embrace.

Satisfied that she had nothing more to bring up, Rita stood up slowly before making her way into the bedroom. She pulled herself to her feet using the sink for support, shrugging off Connie's kindness and concern. As she climbed into bed she pulled the duvet up to her chin, hiding as much of her body as she could from the world. Even with her eyes closed tightly shut, she could sense that Connie had followed her into the room. She kept her eyes tightly closed as she willed herself to be alone in the room.

"Rita, please, let me help you," came the quiet voice from doorway. "I want nothing more than to support you through this."

"I don't need your help," came the choked sobs that emanated from under the duvet, "I don't want your help." Rita forced the words out. Somehow she'd managed to find the courage to stand up and say what she needed to say. She needed to push Connie away before she got too close; before Rita began to trust her and began to get close to her. She couldn't let anyone get too close again; she knew it would all end in tears. Just like all the other times.

"Please, just go." Rita's voice was no more than a whisper.

"If you need anything, just let me know. I'll always be there for you," came the stilted reply. She could hear in Connie's voice that she was starting to break down. As she glanced up at her from beneath the duvet, she saw the tears silently tracking down the brunette's cheeks. She looked away quickly so that her own tears did not start to fall. She hated doing this to Connie. After all, she'd only cared. She knew she had to do this though; she couldn't afford to let anyone in. Especially not Connie. She knew as soon as she let her in it wouldn't be long until she let her down, and failed yet again. As hard as she found this, and as much as she wanted Connie, she had to be strong and do what was for the best.

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