Getting Into You

AN: So, I know that this is a short chapter. After this one, I'm taking the story somewhere again. I did love the first moment, some quality Quinnchel (screw Finnchel! XD) /Faberry/Fabrerry time. I really saw it happening before my mind's eye. And of course, another look into Quinn's mind :)

Enjoy the chapter, read, review. I know you want to. And you do too.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I own any of the numerous things I refer to this chapter.

"Quinn," Rachel said nonchalantly, "Can I ask you something?
"You can always ask." She was lying down on Rachel's bed, reading some horrifying Roald Dahl story.

"When did you decide that you liked me that way? This way? Was it the kiss? Or the moment after? The morning after? Before?"

"I'm not sure." Quinn thought of a way to express how she felt.

"I didn't think about it, it just felt... natural. Like we'd been heading this way all along, ever since we became friends. The natural thing to happen, to do. Like if it wouldn't have happened that specific night, it would have happened another night, soon after that, you know?"
She seemed to like that.

"That's good." She kicked back like she was ready to relapse into silence, but Quinn wasn't about to let her off the hook.

"Your turn."
"I didn't ask it as a return question. This is not a question to be returned."
"You're not making any sense, and it doesn't matter. Your turn."
"I've been having mixed feelings about you for some time." Rachel confessed, vaguely, reluctantly.

"Oh come on, Rach, don't underestimate me. That's not going to cut it, and you know it. I told you the truth."
"I'm not lying! But maybe I'm the one with the embarrassing answer here. One that you don't really want to know."
"I'll brace myself."
Rachel took a deep breath, as an indication she was giving in.

"I'm not sure either. At first, when we weren't on talking-base but you had already stopped hating on me, I felt a strange desire to be your friend. I don't just lend my expertise of unslushie-ing to anybody. I wanted to be someone you'd go to. On the other hand, I wanted to break you and Finn up. Part of me did, I won't deny it. I didn't have trouble convincing myself it was because of Finn, but something inside of me wanted to spend time with you as well. Somehow, the other part, the romance part, snuck in between there somewhere. I mean, you're obviously incredibly beautiful, but the more I saw of your personality, the more I liked it, and the more I wanted. I just kept getting closer to you, and kept wanting to grow even closer. This close."
"See, that really wasn't that bad!" Quinn smiled, then continued.

"With me, it's hard to tell. Because I denied it, mostly. Told myself that I thought you were beautiful out of jealousy or insecurity. That it were just all the hormones. That I thought about kissing you out of curiosity, and wanted to keep getting closer out of friendship. I didn't let my feelings loose like now. It feels so much better."

It was so true. She felt relieved, being honest with herself had made everything better.
"You've been reading a lot here." Rachel said, changing the subject.
"Making up for lost time. I used to love books and stories. I couldn't sleep without an audio book playing in the background when I was little, I've always loved being read to."

"What did you listen to?"
"Lots of things, but my favorites were Winnie the Pooh, The Chronicles of Narnia and Roald Dahl's books."
"What happened to it?"
"Somewhere along the line I switched books for magazines, just like I switched piano for cheerleading, following after my big sister, she was my role model and that was how we were raised. With make-up and dancing or cheerleading instead of books and music."

She'd been so different once. But the cheerleader, 'the new Quinn' as her mother had said - at least avoiding the word "improved" - had destroyed all that. No, not really destroyed, just stuffed it away. It was coming back now. It was strange, but she felt more at home here, with Rachel and the wonderful Jim and Sam, than at her actual home with her parents, where everything was just stuffed away. Anything to avoid confrontation. So many things had been boiling under the surface, without ever exploding. The only time she'd been honest with her parents ended with her getting out of a place that she couldn't think of as home now. Not with this to compare. It never had the feeling of a safe harbor, a place to go to, the vibe that home's supposed to have. She had that with Glee. With Rachel. And here.

"Would you like me to read to you?" Rachel asked unexpectedly. Quinn's face first went blank with surprise, but then a smile broke through and her face lit up with excitement. Rachel had the most beautiful voice.

"Would you?"
"Of course, make yourself comfortable."
Rachel pulled her closer, positioning them so that Quinn's head was resting in Rachel's lap. She started stroking Quinn's blonde locks, while her expressive voice read to Quinn of stories of Roald Dahl. That moment, a thought broke through Quinn's mind.

"This," she thought, "This is how home is supposed to feel."

It was the night before school was going to take off again, and Quinn felt on edge. As much as she wished it would, the vacation couldn't last forever. Nothing could distract her. She'd tried several books, playing the keyboard, listening to at first the soft emotion behind Bon Iver's songs, then trying instrumental piano music of Yiruma and ultimately seeking diversion in a loud Foo Fighters' track. Then, she found a track by a band her sister liked. Christian, of course, but they had some good songs and some nice lyrics. Her iPod said the song was called "Getting Into You", and she found herself listening to the chorus, listening to what the male's voice was singing.

"I'm getting into you

Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe

I'm getting into you

Because I've got to be

You're essential to survive

I'm going to love you with my life"

Maybe a little dramatic, but she felt the lyrics. She closed her eyes, and let images of Rachel pass her mind's eye, but her mind sprung back to her original train of thought way too soon. She went over the possibilities of tomorrow. Would everyone already know? Finn wasn't that kind of person, but painful experiences had taught her that Brittany and Santana were. But since the vacation, probably nobody knew yet. It would go slowly. People would start finding out, and suddenly you turn around and everyone would know. That's the way things went on McKinley High. Then she'd get a slushie facial everyday. Rachel already had promised her she would always clean her up, a comforting thought. At least she wouldn't be alone. It would be hard to have her guard up all the time again. Strange. Before, she'd only let her guard down the rare times when she'd been sure she was alone. Now, for weeks, she had had her guard down all the time. And she'd have to be careful with Rachel tomorrow. People might start noticing if she'd stare adoringly to Rachel throughout the whole class. It couldn't damage her reputation anymore, but this was not the right time. Not until the drama was over. She wondered when that would be.

Her thoughts drifted to a subject she'd been trying to push out of her mind for weeks. Her kid. Her baby girl. She knew that - since she wasn't giving her girl up to mr. Shue's crazy wife - she had to arrange something different. She couldn't put it off for much longer. She knew why she kept doing it anyway. It was already hard to think about giving her child away. She didn't think she'd have the strength. Her baby bump was going in a high tempo now, and she knew that she loved the girl inside her. Truth? She wanted to keep her. But she knew there was no way. It was unreasonable. She had told no-one, who would understand this but a mother? She barely understand herself, as so often. Things are going to get hard soon. But not tonight, she decided.

She got up and walked to Rachel's door. The lights were out, and Rachel was half asleep.

"I can't sleep. I'm anxious for tomorrow."

"Do you need to talk?"
"Not really."
"Do you need a fervent midnight make-out session?"
Quinn smiled. "Tempting, but no. I need to lie next to you, and just be close to you tonight."
Rachel rolled over, creating more space in the large bed. Quinn lied herself down, and felt immediate relief overflowing her body, and peace overflowing her mind, causing her to fall asleep.

AN: (Yes, another one) So, I know I called out a lot of songs in the second half, but don't you know that feeling? When you're searching for a song, but you don't know what you're in the mood for? That was what I was trying to capture. Of course, they're all songs that I absolutely love. In my mind, the 4 songs are:

- Bon Iver - Skinny Love

- Yiruma - Kiss The Rain

- Foo Fighter's - Best of You

- Relient K - Getting Into You

But that is just for the rare idiot who wants to know. I like references in stories, it makes the character more like a real person. You know, now we know what Quinn's iPod might have looked like if we'd pick it up. It makes Quinn more like a real person. So that's another reason for all the songs and books. Don't forget to push the pretty green button you see here :)