AN: Thank you for reading to the end. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it (it probably says a lot about me that I DID enjoy writing this).

Chapter 10 – We'll kiss as just before

'Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.' -
George Eliot

He was dimly aware of the deep throbbing pain in his knee that intensified with every beat of his heart. Moments ago it had nearly consumed him but now… now it was nothing. Nothing compared to this.

"Oh g-god." He could feel hot blood dribbling across his palm where he cradled the back of the others head, his fingers slipping against the deep groove the bullet had left behind. Mike's head was a dead weight in his hand.

Mike's head was resting on his shoulder. He'd been sleeping that way for about half an hour now, his fingers tangled with Harvey's, and even though Harvey's shoulder had gone numb, he made no move to rouse him. He could bear the burden of being a human pillow a while longer.

Mirrors lined the studios four walls, each reflecting the evidence of his failure back at him from every angle. Screaming voices echoed dully about the room, threats and taunts; Harvey couldn't hear it though, the raging of his own mind drowning out everything else. How had they come to this?

No. No. Mike couldn't leave him here, alone.

"P-please… please – Mike?" blue eyes stirred, but they weren't the eyes Harvey knew and loved. They were glassy and dim. At the sight of him, a vague and disconnected smile threatened on Mike's lips, a far cry from the fearful grimace that had sat there moments before.

Pink lips formed a perfect 'o' shape. Mike's head was thrown back and Harvey couldn't help himself but lick at the long neck that was inadvertently made available to him. Mike's surprised laugh was interrupted by his own throaty moan.

"H-harder…Please!... Harvey…"

"Harv…"

Harvey didn't know what he had expected to happen – for them to ride off into the sunset together? Even if they had gotten out of the city, then what would have they done? There was no Eden waiting for them just beyond New York City. He should have known better. As bitter as the admission was in his mouth, he had been a fool. There was no room for happy endings here.

"God this is all my fault – all my fault. If we'd just left before, if- if-," the words caught in his throat. Mike didn't seem to hear, his eyes sliding to the side, "I'm so sorry M-Mike. I…I-,"

"Annie? Whe-?" confused eyes turned to Harvey, "Harvey?" his speech was muddled and quiet but Harvey understood. Understood and could not bring himself to tell the truth.

A dog lay on its side, stretched out and adding to the pool of blood she lay in with every drip of red off of her snout. She could have been sleeping. Except Harvey knew she wasn't.

Annie was asleep on the grass again, her tail twitching in her sleep. Mike gave him a small smile as he slipped out into the garden to bring her inside. Annie's eyes blinked awake at the sound of the door opening and they quickly found Mike. Her tail began to wag.

Harvey fought to smile despite his tears, tracing a reverent finger down Mike's nose – he would be strong for Mike, even now "She's fine baby, she's fine," his voice was hoarse and thin. Mike was quick to believe, nodding and ceasing to search the room for her. His eyes met Harvey's. The brightness that had captivated Harvey from the moment they had met was little more than a lingering memory now. Knowing it would be the last chance he'd ever have to say it, Harvey pressed their foreheads together and whispered against Mike's lips, "I love you." He felt Mike's lips twitch when he kissed him; he imagined him trying to smile.

Mike did not answer and did not stir again.

He drew back to stare into Mike's still face.

A grief filled scream tore from Harvey's throat. No. No. This wasn't happening. It was a nightmare, it had to be. Soon, he would wake to Mike's elbow in his side and Annie's tongue rudely invading his ear. He would wake to his family pressing against him on all sides, warm and intimate. He wanted Mike – not this shell in his arms. But the shell was all he had left to him so he hung on and stroked its cheeks and kissed its mouth, willing it to kiss back.

"Mmm," Harvey smiled, his eyes closed, enjoying the feel of warm lips on his: he spoke despite the contact, lips dragging against Mike's, "You should wake me like this more often."

"Please don't leave me. Please. Please come back. Don't leave me here alone. Please. Please. Don't do this to me. I- I need you. I love you. Please, you can't leave. NonononoNO GOD please Mike. God please." His hoarse pleadings dissolved into desperate sobs, "No."

The revolver Harvey had given Mike lay by his limp hand. Harvey's blood slick fingers closed around it. He considered the weapon in his hands, readjusting Mike in his arms to cradle him closer.

"Mike? Wha-," Harvey let out an undignified 'oof' when Mike suddenly wrapped an arm around his neck and swung himself up so that Harvey had little choice but to catch him, arms coming under his knees and around his back. Harvey rolled his eyes but couldn't help smiling at Mike's laughter, "You're a bit big for this, don't you think?"

He sat back, staring at the reflected images of his ruined family and willing them to change. They did not and he could take no more.

It was okay though. It was okay. He'd made a promise that they would always be together and he had never made a promise that he could not keep.

He closed his eyes.

"I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there." –

'Cloud Atlas' – David Mitchell

A Better World

Harvey grumbled, petulantly pulling his quilt up over his head to block out the sunlight that pierced his eyelids. He was pleasantly warm and sleepy, swaddled up like a child in his bed. The ghost of a dream lingered on the edge of his memory – he frowned as he tried to recall it but found the harder he tried, the faster is slipped away, dissolving into meaningless snippets and images until he wasn't sure if there had ever been something to be remembered.

He slid a hand across the sheets, seeking the warm body that should be beside him. He frowned when he found only empty sheets though the heat permeating from them told him they hadn't long been vacated. Frustrated at finding himself alone, he fisted his fingers in the sheets and slid across to occupy the empty space and bury his face into the pillows. He drew in a deep breath.

He couldn't help but smile at the aroma that permeated through his senses: soft and familiar. He couldn't attach a name to it – how could you describe the unique scent of another human being? But he could attach a name to the warmth that curled low in his stomach in reaction to its presence: affection, love, desire, want, contentment and so many other words. None did the feeling justice, but they were all he had.

Finally giving up his attempts to drift back off to sleep, Harvey ventured out from the den he had made himself. Lazily freeing his head into the open air, he grimaced against the orange that flared up behind his eye lids. Stretching in a way that was distinctly feline, Harvey's arms escaped from under the covers and he finally opened his eyes. He spared the New York skyline a fleeting glance – it was as awe inspiring as usual, framed by the low winter sun. He was pleasantly surprised when he looked at the clock – it was nine am, the longest he'd managed to sleep in for months. He wanted to bask in the Sunday sun, safe in the knowledge he had nowhere he needed to be, but he found himself dissatisfied with his state of abandonment.

Smothering a yawn, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, bracing himself to stand. A laugh drifted through the door, light and warm. Harvey didn't try to hide his smile, finding the motivation he needed to force himself to his feet. He shuffled out of his room and into the hall. Another laugh and an incredulous exclamation of:

"Grammy!"

The living room came into view and so did the back of his black leather couch where a blonde head of hair peaked out over the top. Mike chuckled and Harvey didn't think he'd ever heard a more wonderful sound in all his life.

"Yes… yes, I promise. I promise! … Harvey as well, yes…" Harvey reached out a hand, anticipating the feel of soft hair threading through his fingers. Mike's fingers wrapped around his wrist, holding him in place but otherwise not acknowledging his presence, "I'll see you next week then… yes I'll tell him, I promise. I love you, bye!" he heard the beep of a phone being rung off. Mike shifted, craning his neck around.

Blue eyes met his.

'One by one their seats were empties,
And one by one they went away,
Now the family is parted,
Will it be complete one day?' –

Will the Circle be Unbroken?

AN: This story originally had a happy ending, but then I got rejected from my first choice of University and I suddenly realised (for the first time in my eighteen years) that my life might not work out how I want it too.

Things have worked out for me now, and in a way, things worked out for Mike and Harvey too: they're together and they don't have to be afraid anymore and considering the world they were living in, I think that that is the best they could hope for.

Thank you for reading.