Captivated by a Jacket

When I woke up, I wasn't alone. To be honest I was surprised to see that he had stayed. Sam was asleep next to me. I could tell by his deep, regular breathing. It was comforting. My head was still on his shoulder and I knew that if I went to move, I would probably get a crick in it. I shifted slowly to look up at him. His hair looked so soft and silky. I'd never really paid much attention before. Usually it was his eyes that I noticed the color of milk chocolate. His sun bronzed skin, well-muscled body… He was appealing to look at.

I wondered what it would be like to touch his hair. I could feel my hands twitching to run through his soft hair. Would it be as silky as it looked? Would it be soft or coarse? Feather-light and baby fine or thick and straw like? I wanted to know. And it was a healthy curiosity here. I was probably feeling better.

I would never forget that he'd stayed here with me, for who knows how long. I'd never forget that he listened to me, that he supported and comforted me. He had my trust. He had trust more complete than I'd ever given to anyone else. I was afraid they'd turn on me, calling me crazy and ostracizing me like my family who disowned me. Facts were one thing, the feelings that accompanied them another entirely.

I wondered if Sam knew how much I appreciated what he had done. How much I trusted him? I hoped that he would understand how much this all meant to me. I would have to tell him sometime, thank him maybe? Nah, it seemed too useless and weak. It wasn't like that at all. I just…

Impulse took hold of me, and I leaned in towards him. My lips brushed against his cheek in a ghostly kiss. I felt his arm spasm and with a blush I slowly pulled away from him. He would probably be in agony when he woke up. If I'd slept for any substantial length of time his arm would be numb at the very least.

He stirred and I looked away. It would be creepy if he woke up and I was looking at him… That was just creepy behavior and I didn't want to be taking part in it. I felt him inhale deeply, and I shuffled over to give him some more space. He was tall enough to require some room. "Carissa?"

I looked over at him, smiling, "Morning?" I didn't even know if that was the appropriate time of day outside, but it was suitable seeing as he had just woken up.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked, covering a yawn.

"I dunno," I replied. "I just woke up."

He pulled his sleeve back, revealing a wristwatch. "It's ten in the morning," he replied, pushing his jacket back down.

"When… when did I fall asleep?" I asked hesitantly.

"About three, four, hours ago."

I swallowed tightly, "And where… where are we?" I hoped that he wouldn't say those words. The ones that would distress me. But he didn't know that they would, and I asked. I deserved the answer I got.

"Winston, North Carolina. Cas said that the other angel had left you here…" he trailed off, probably at the expression on my face. "What's wrong?"

"This is my home town," I told him quietly. "I haven't been here since…" I was glad that I didn't have to finish that sentence for him.

"We can leave here soon," he assured me.

"I hope so," I whispered. I wished that I hadn't been here first. Couldn't I have just been sent someplace else? Someplace that maybe looked exactly like my hometown, but wasn't it. I could have handled that much. This I couldn't take! Being made a prisoner to these horrible memories and this even worse place.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his large hand settling against my shoulder. I wondered absently if he felt any pain from me having slept on it.

I nodded weakly, "I'm holding it together." For the moment.

"Carissa…?"

I looked away from his caring gaze. "I'm starving," I remarked instead, "aren't you?"

"Yes," he said, standing up and stretching. I could see his muscles flexing. "Meet at the lobby in twenty?"

"Definitely," I said. He made it as far as the door before I decided to say anything. "Thank you… for staying."

He looked back at me, flashing a dimpled grin. He turned the doorknob and left the room, closing the door firmly behind him. I was left in brief confusion and it took me a moment to locate my bags. I stood up, wincing at the stiffness in my body. I slowly undressed, grabbing out a pair of jeans and pointedly ignoring the skirt. I wasn't fond of them at the best of times, but after remembering my encounter with Baba Yaga and having tripped because of it, I was less fond of them. I pulled the tight black jeans on, and changed into a faded blue-gray quarter sleeve shirt. I yanked on a pair of ankle socks before slipping into my worn sneakers.

I untied my hair which had already practically fallen out from the elastic and ran a comb through it several times. It fell neatly around my shoulders, testament to how well-cared for it was. I glanced at the mirror opposite me and closed my eyes from my reflection. My complexion was pale, my features drawn and wary. I looked like I'd been through hell, pardon the expression. I felt like it too. I walked towards the large mirror above the vanity and I flicked a finger along my eyelashes, curling them upwards. I could faintly see that my eyes were red from crying and there were tear streaks down my cheeks.

I glanced around the room and caught sight of the bathroom. I entered it and flicked the light switch on. I turned on the tap and cupped the water in my hands, trying to look more decent and presentable. It also helped me wake up. I grabbed some toilet paper, drying my face gently before disposing it. I made my way out, turning the light off and heading to the lobby.

I realized belatedly that I still had to tell Sam that I wanted to be a hunter. God I had to be one of the stupidest people on this planet. I'd just suffered insanity again and that wretched disbelief. I knew what losing could do to me. I didn't want to lose either of the Winchesters. A tie to my sanity. I was willing to go through that again and even worse to be with them, helping them and other people. Maybe even saving some girl from what I'd suffered. I wanted to do this. Would they be alright with it though? Sam hadn't seemed too… happy when I'd brought it up with him. But he understood why the sanity part mattered to me. And even if I wasn't out there fighting monsters with them, I could surely do something to help them.

That was all I wanted to do. Something simple, something useful to these two. Maybe I didn't like Dean, but it didn't mean that I disrespected him and what he did. If anything I congratulated it. I liked what he did. He saved people. Day in and day out, that perverted hunter stopped people from dying. He'd probably saved some from being diagnosed as crazy. Sam had too. It was admirable and strong and brave.

I didn't have any other options. I wouldn't accept them to deny my desire to help them. Tagging along had already brought me this much suffering, they could at least let me feel like I'd done something to deserve this. Not that I did deserve it, and not that I blamed them for it. I chose to accompany them last time and I didn't regret it. Not at all. I mean the memories were awful, but how could I regret something I'd already been through? I'd gotten over it; I'd locked it all up. Now I had Sam at least who knew about it and who knew that it wasn't a hallucination that I'd seen.

Sam was waiting in the lobby already, his hair combed back and wearing fresh clothes. A tan jacket over a white shirt with faded blue jeans and runners. He smiled upon seeing me. I smiled back, slightly nervous about my appearance. We let the hotel, and he held the door for me. I could see the Impala parked in the lot, with Dean sitting in the driver's seat, looking at us impatiently. He honked his horn. I glanced at Sam, apparently we were expected.

He shrugged and opened the back door of the Impala for me, I slid in, smiling gratefully at him and he then got into the passenger seat. "You two take forever," Dean growled.

"Forgive me for sleeping," I drawled. "Where are we going?" I wasn't sure if Dean was still up for breakfast and everything seeing as how he'd been since earlier.

"Ihop," he replied, pulling out of the parking lot. "So Sammy… ya make your move?"

"Unlike you I prefer my girls awake and functioning."

I looked at Dean suspiciously and then I glanced at Sam. Had Dean suggested something to Sam about me while I was asleep? I almost felt like I needed to start sleeping with an eye open. This perverted bastard was not to be trusted. Not that I trusted him as far as I could throw him previously, but now I would trust him no further than I could see him.

"Why does it matter if he makes a move or not?"

"He's too girly and I raised 'im to be a man."

"If you raised him it's a wonder that he's still a gentleman."

"I obviously raised him damn fine and you don't know nothin' –"

"Dean," Sam said warningly. It was a moment before he turned to look back at me, probably making sure that his brother was composed. "Our, uh, past can be a little touchy."

"Sorry." I didn't know what could make someone that touchy about their past. I wasn't one to talk either though, with the fact that my past could make me burst into tears. Even being in this godforsaken place was torture enough.

Silence elapsed, slightly contemplative on my part and scared as well. I was pretty sure that for Dean it had to be an angry one, and Sam likely had an uncomfortable one. I looked out the window at scenery once familiar, now slightly aged and time distorted. I closed my eyes again, forcing the string of memories back. I'd grown up here. I went to school there. I'd learned baseball just over that street. Oh and here, here I'd gotten in my first fist fight which I won.

Dean pulled into the parking lot of Ihop and I cheered. I loved pancakes for breakfast. They were the best thing to satisfy a sweet tooth. We got out of the Impala and entered the restaurant. A hostess greeted us and handed us our menus once we were seated. Oddly enough we were crammed in a small booth, Sam sitting beside me and Dean across from us. I skimmed my menu, and knew almost instantly what I would order. Strawberry pancakes with chocolate milk. Mm. A waitress came by to take our orders, and we all knew what we were getting. Black coffee, tea and chocolate milk. I loved my sweets so.

Once the waitress had left, I finally looked up at Dean, realizing that I had a crystal clear opportunity to tell them about wanting to be a hunter. Well… There wasn't any way to possibly make saying this any easier. So I blurted it out, effectively. "I want to be a hunter."

Dean's green eyes narrowed skeptically at me. I met his gaze seriously and he turned to Sam, who just shrugged. I had told him first, as per Dean's orders. "If you die it's your own fault," he said gruffly.

"She won't die," Sam interjected.

"Your girlfriend, your responsibility to train. I'll only help if you really need it."

We weren't dating or anything… Did he have to say it like that? Sam nodded and before anything else could be said, the waitress returned with out breakfast. It was a welcoming speed that she used to get us our food. She deserved a tip for it at the very least.

I took a small bite of mine. I noticed then that Dean was waving to someone. I glanced over a table to see that it was a young woman waving at him. She flicked her pen back and forth idly, contemplating something. I looked away. Our meal was again disturbed when a paper airplane made its way through the air and landed in Sam's tea with a wet plop. The napkin started to absorb the water; Dean quickly snatched it to save its contents. Which I could clearly see featured a name and numbers. Dean smiled at the girl.

Sam sighed, and rose to his feet, taking his cup with him. I assumed that he didn't want to wait for the waitress to return; she seemed busy with the other tables that she was waiting for. As Sam headed to the counter for a refill, the woman who had just thrown the napkin over for Dean, stopped him and talked to him. I wondered what she had to say to Sam, after having just given his brother her number. It seemed odd to me.

I continued eating my breakfast in quiet contemplation. Dean had no issues about me being a hunter and Sam knew why I wanted to be one. I still didn't know what I could do. I suspected that either of the brothers would tell me when things came down to it. I caught sight of Sam and noticed that again on his way back, the young woman had stopped to talk with him. I was beginning to feel on edge. What had she wanted to talk to him about? Probably about Dean but not necessarily.

Sam then returned, sitting beside me again and turning to his breakfast. "What'd she ask?" Dean inquired, intrigued.

"She uh asked for our names and then if we would be interested in uh, hanging out sometime." I looked at him, curious to hear what he had said in response to her. "I told her that Dean would be happy to spend time with her, but that I had someone in my life," at that point he turned to look at me. I was too stunned to say anything. It kinda felt like someone had just bashed my face in with a frying pan. A unique sort of stunned silence. "Or was I wrong to think that we could ever be more than just friends…?"

"No!" I said too loudly, with too much vehemence. Dean, if he had been trying to ignore this, was forced to acknowledge that it was happening. I knew that my cheeks were flaming and in an attempt to seem normal I went to take a drink. Unfortunately, I swallowed too much and ended up choking on it.

And damn the both of them, sitting there with smiles on their faces. Well Sam had reason. But Dean certainly did not. I glared at him, trying to compose myself. "Way to go Sammy," he said with a grin.

That… I almost wanted to slap him right then and there. My chokes finally died down and I was able to breathe. I hoped the flush in my cheeks was due to the choking by now. Angrily I flung the piece of pancake on my fork at him, and it stuck to his cheek. Before I could say anything else however, the young woman from the other table had walked over. Dean shifted so she could sit down if she wanted to and he wiped off the pancake.

"Why do you have that stuck to your face?" she asked.

"She's abusive," he said gesturing towards me. She glared.

"I'm Lyn Ecric," she said with a big grin at Dean. I couldn't help but think of how terrible it would be to have a last name like that.

"Dean Winchester. My brother Sam and his girlfriend Carissa."

She looked at me a moment, her dark auburn hair hanging around her in voluminous waves. "Why stay with someone abusive like her?" she asked Sam.

"She's only abusive to pigs ergo the pancake stuck to his face."

Lyn looked up at Dean, batting her eyelashes, "Good looks make up for a man's flaws."

I felt like gagging. Their shallowness perfectly offset the other. He smiled at her, "You've got great taste."

The sensation one feels when they're about to throw up, struck me at that moment. "It's a shame your brother doesn't have the same appreciation for beauty."

Dean laughed at that. I was getting ready to leave. I didn't want to have to listen to this. I was done with it and I just wanted to get out of Winston as soon as I could. She glanced back at me and her eyes widened suddenly.

"I know you!"

I tensed abruptly looking up at her, "I'm afraid we've never met before."

"You're Beatrice's sister," she insisted. "We went to high school together. Not that I'm surprised you don't remember me. Last time I saw you, or even heard you mentioned was at least thirteen years ago. They said you'd been shipped off to a madhouse."

I shook my head, fighting my instinct to run, putting it on hold just a little longer. "No, that's not me. You've got the wrong person." But Beatrice was my older sister, four years older than me and in every way a spoiled and doted upon daughter. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see my family. And hopefully this wouldn't get back to them.

"You look so much like your family though. You and Bea have the same eyes, and your father's nose… mother's smile. You've got to be kidding me. You have to be one of the Corwins."

"No," I told her tightly. "I'm Carissa Hart. You have the wrong person," I glanced at Sam hopefully.

"She's a Hart girl for sure."

Lyn looked down thoughtfully and then shrugged. "Well alright, if you guys say so."

I pushed my half finished meal away from me. "Excuse me please," I told Sam.

I knew that I was shaking. I was afraid that she might tell Beatrice that she'd seen me. And my older sister knew the gossip lines. She could be on my trail any moment to find out if it was me. It was highly unlikely that she had changed much in thirteen years. She was a flirtatious, attractive woman who knew that she had that power over men and she loved to exert it. She would adore them one moment and drop them in the next, whichever suited her best.

Sam stood up and moved for me, and I made my way out of the restaurant. I didn't want this to be going on. Outside I took a deep breath of air. I didn't remember Beatrice having any friends by that name before but then again I didn't bother to recall who her friends were. I was rather unconcerned with it all. I took another deep breath of the fresh air, trying to compose myself. I had two sisters and a brother. Beatrice was the oldest, I was second born, Eli was the middle child and Daniella was the baby.

Sam joined me outside not long after, and Dean followed behind him. I didn't see Lyn with either of them. "I need Sammy to get doing some research on the case I'm working on," Dean informed me gruffly. "And in the meantime, I get to outfit you because apparently, I've nothin' better to do."

I looked at Sam pleadingly, "Can't he research it himself?"

Sam shook his head vehemently, "I don't trust him with my laptop. And he wouldn't do it anyways." He saw my expression and softened his, "Oh come on, it's not like he'll kill you."

"She'd probably kill me if she could," Dean muttered.

"Hey, does outfitting include weaponry?" Sam nodded. "Hm. This suddenly seems a more appealing prospect than I thought."

"No," Dean said quickly. "Sam gets to outfit you with the weapons."

"I'm not letting you near my computer."

I walked over to the Impala and looked back at the two brothers. "What are we waiting for?"

Dean slowly made his way towards the Impala, grumbling about something. He seemed to unlock it at an agonizingly slow pace and I got into the back as had become habit. Sam started to walk back to the motel that we'd stayed at. I didn't decide to move up to the vacated passenger seat. I figured it would probably scare Dean a little too much with my vicinity. Also I just didn't want to be that close to him.

"What happened to Lyn?"

"She gave me her number," he said, patting his pocket.

"No I mean… well how'd you leave her?"

"Sam told her we had shopping to do and he wouldn't drop it. So we left."

"What items do I need anyways?"

"You need a duffle bag to haul your crap around in. Carrying forty bags just takes up too much space."

"Knives?" I asked hopefully. I would need some sort of a weapon.

"Yes, those would probably do you some good. A cell phone to keep in contact with. Fake ID… credit cards…"

"How do you get the money for all this?"

He shrugged, "This and that. We mostly hustle pool."

I knew what that was like. It made for some… entertainment. And you did end up with a little extra cash in your pocket which was always a benefit. Though sometimes the other players could be awfully grouchy about the whole thing. I had fun with it on the few times I'd been short on cash. No one had skinned me alive when they heard it was for a daycare and to pay rent. Anyways they'd betted fairly –maybe I hadn't won fairly but still.

We drove in silence before Dean parked outside a hunting/camping store. I followed him in and we bought a suitably sized duffle bag. I knew that once it was full of my belongings that it would be a pain to haul around. Dean shoved it into the trunk and we continued on to one store after another. Buying a good set of knives was hard enough but Dean said that he thought I'd do better with a throwing knife.

Most places had a sample knife out in case there were people who wanted to try them out, but the store workers accompanied them to the back where they had some targets set up. It took me about until the last sample knife before I found one that was perfect for me. Dean bought the set the sample knife had come from and stowed it away in my duffle bag and we headed to find me a toothbrush and toothpaste as well as a cell phone. Motels and hotels supplied shampoo and soaps but they didn't provide toothbrushes.

We stopped at the mall in Winston and we didn't leave with just those items. I saw hairdresser stand and I dragged Dean with me. I was done with being a blonde. I asked for my hair to be dyed red. I told her that I didn't care what shade, just so long as it wasn't black and it got rid of the red. I was ecstatic to have gotten rid of the bleach in my hair. I never wanted to be blonde again. Dean rolled his eyes when he saw me with my hair. He paid for it too, and I beamed at him. Of course that also wasn't all that I had him buy for me.

On our way out from the mall, I saw a white leather jacket in a store. I stopped Dean and stared adoringly at the thing before turning to look at him pleadingly. "Oh you –you can't be serious."

"I'm very," I told him, my eyes glued to the jacket.

He sighed, "I know a losing battle when I see one," he grumbled. "Sam's gonna be payin' for this."

"Oh thank you!" I threw my arms around him happily. And then I pulled back immediately, realizing who I had just hugged. I cleared my throat. "Thank you," I repeated more calmly.

He looked down at me in confusion and then shrugged, walking silently into the leather store. I tried on the jacket and found one that fit me and Dean bought it for me. I hoped Sam didn't mind… Well if he did I could always pay them back. Through hustling pool most likely considering it was these two did. I clutched the jacket to me happily, realizing that that was the last clothing article I was in need of. When we were in Broxton I'd gotten everything aside from a jacket, figuring that I would be left behind or something.

At first the drive back to the motel was rather quiet. "Dean?"

"Mm?"

I paused, finding it awkward to phrase the question. "Are you… fine with Sam and I dating?" I wasn't even sure why I was asking him this. It just felt… appropriate seeing as how we were all going to be stuck together for a while. If he had any issues it would be nice to have some sort of a warning.

He burst out laughing at that and it took him a while to adequately calm down in time to respond to me. "I'm happy for him. I mean, you're the first normal girl he's been with. Well… closer to normal than the others."

I frowned at him. "I'm perfectly normal. I'm an individual."

"With anger management issues."

"I have those knives now," I informed him.

"They're in the trunk."

"You have to stop eventually. For gas, for Sam, or food. I could find a way into it. Eventually."

He rolled his eyes but said nothing. I smiled in satisfaction. So we didn't get along, but it was nice to know that he was fine with me dating his brother. I looked out the window, idly wondering if that was what I had been concerned with. Our dislike of each other getting in the way with my relationship.

Updating twice today so that I'm not writing four chapters ahead anymore. Only about two now I think. Eventually my beta will get caught up ;)

And it doesn't help that I've been soooo busy looking after my cousin.

He's an annoying brat. And it's only for two weeks _ Great. I'm running myself ragged staying up until 2 in the morning to write this and getting up at 8. I function on six hours but not when I have to be tolerant enough that it's more than my usual tolerance.

Next chapter might be a let down for those of you waiting to see some more supernatural creatures. I mean to start bringing that back after the chapter that I'm working on is finished.

I don't want to over update them either. Today's was done because Trust is a Beautiful Thing was fairly short.

I hope you're all having a great day! Enjoy!