Ugghhh, I'm so sorry for taking me so long to write this. I try to make at least one update weekly, but I got a bad cold last week, plus Atrin and Garrus refused to talk to me. Don't know what happened. Anyways, the updates should resume normally, unless they get rebellious again.

Chapter 10: Blame

No matter how hard he tried, Garrus couldn't get rid of the accusing voice whispering in his head. You did it. You did it all, it kept saying. He stepped down, allowing Ormelius to become primarch. He brought the salarian scientists to SRI, and even considered it to be a great diplomatic achievement. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. He got up from the medical bed he sat in and paced Atrin's lab. His hand clenched into a fist, without him noticing.

This is your fault, the voice kept accusing. It even managed to partially drown out Naduz, who was still on the telepathic connection, now explaining how the mostly salarian staff of Kellura-3 took the tech developed in Cipritine, and while they were supposed to be finding ways of its application in everyday life, they used it instead for their own, nefarious purposes. That got his attention.

"How come you didn't figure anything out?" Garrus stopped in the middle of a step and was quite sure that the voice of his mind was too sarcastic for his own good, but couldn't prevent it. "Things told me you stuck to Kellura mostly, to avoid upsetting the population of Cipritine. Couldn't you read their minds?"

"I didn't want to." Naduz' voice was as calm as ever. "Believe it or not, I wasn't happy with having to do it on Coesh. It reminds me of the time when I was just a tool of destruction, and I didn't want you to think I'm trying to control you or something. I did it only to help."

"If anyone's to blame, it's me," Atrin's voice finally echoed, sounding more composed. "It's my damn father, and I'm the damn director of the Institute. I should have seen it, not believe that everything's working magically, or that everyone agrees with my idea of the future."

"You're the director?" Garrus asked, surprised. "You said 'high position' before, but I didn't think…"

"Yeah," she looked embarrassed. "Dad pulled some strings to put me there. It's not like I'm not good enough, I'm probably the best biotechnology specialist in the galaxy, but I wanted to do it properly"

"You think he put you there because…?" Garrus trailed off. She suggested this earlier and didn't take it well, so he was worried how she will react now.

"I-I don't know," she stammered. "I hoped it was his stupid, barefaced way to make amends for… for our relations in the past, but now…" She took a deep breath. "I should've seen it. Spirits, how—"

"Atrin…" Naduz spoke gently. "Don't blame yourself. He counted on you to do exactly that. I also believe he counted on Garrus stepping down, giving him power to do what he wants.

"But that's what's worrying me. For all his reputation, father's never been that smart or cunning. This isn't like him. I'm afraid someone's pulling his strings."

"We can keep blaming ourselves and guessing," Garrus spoke again, "or we can do something about it." He was mildly proud of himself for managing to maintain telepathic connection for so long, and he didn't get a headache, either. Was he getting better at this? "Coesh said something about implementing their killing devices on a large scale and that's what worries me most."

"I noticed that, yes." Naduz made a pause. "They actually believed we would help them with that."

"Y-yes, Coesh said that too, but-but you wouldn't do that, right?" Garrus was less-than-convinced, and it showed.

"Never," Naduz said, the boom in his voice echoing with confidence. "Like I said, now that we have free will, we want to help the organics. All of them."

Atrin faced the wall while they spoke. Garrus could still feel her mental presence, but it was obvious she wasn't focusing on the conversation. In fact, it seemed like she was muttering something under her breath.

"They thought we're still the mindless machines that we were before the change," Naduz continued when no one else spoke for a while. "But we can't be controlled like we were then. These people are delusional."

"Delusional or not, they are dangerous," Garrus replied. "I'm sure they'll try something else when they figure out they can't control you."

"They actually had a plan B ready," Naduz replied, and the boom of his voice toned down a little, making Garrus feel alarmed, "but I ran into some… complications when I tried to uncover it."

"What kind of complications?" Garrus spoke a little faster than he usually does.

"He was trained to resist our mind – I guess they were still afraid of indoctrination. I kept pushing, looking for answers and…" Naduz hesitated. If he were organic, Garrus could swear he was taking a deep breath. "… and it killed him."

Silence followed. Garrus felt frustration welling up inside him, and with it rage he kept leashed until now. Now what?! He asked inwardly, trusting his recent better control of telepathy.

"We can't let them kill those people." Atrin was still facing the wall, but the echo of her mind sounded more confident than ever before. He felt her mind reach further, calling for someone else.

"Doc…?" Hackie's high pitched metallic voice echoed. "What have you f—?"

"Isn't this risky?" Garrus interjected, figuring out where this was going.

"There's no other way," Atrin replied quickly. "Now that Coesh's dead, they'll figure out their plans are in danger anyway. We have to hurry." Garrus had to agree this was true. "Hackie, you need to get into their systems again and find out anything you can about long range and large scale energy transmissions. We have to figure out how they're planning to kill the converted."

"Sure," Hackie downright chirped. "I didn't earn my name for nothing." She seemed to be eager to show off her skills.

Garrus was surprised at his reaction. He didn't want to see her get hurt. Maybe it was because she saved his life earlier with her hacking, or maybe, something told him, because he started regarding the geth sibling pair as persons and liking them both.

"Tell Circuits what happened and warn him to be careful," Atrin seem to be worried about them too. "We don't know how much time we have."

"No problem. We'll have the answers shortly." With that, Hackie broke off the mental connection.

Naduz and Atrin disappeared from his mind too, and Garrus was left alone with his thoughts again. The accusing voice inside his head returned now that his mind wasn't focused on maintaining the link anymore, and he began pacing the lab again.

"Now we wait," Atrin sighed. "Again." Garrus barely paid any attention to her as the voice in his head became louder and louder.

You sad, pathetic excuse for a leader. You did it again.

No matter what Liara might think about him and his leadership abilities, he screwed it up again.

Just like with Sidonis. You refused to see what was coming.

He trusted Sidonis, even considered him to be his best friend among the squad; after all they were the only turians. He believed he was doing something good with funding SRI and finding scientists to join, and instead…

There was a growl in his subharmonics now. He felt it resonating within his chest. The voice was ruthless and refused to stop accusing.

What would Shepard do in your place?

She'd… She'd figure out Sidonis was a liability and kick him out of her squad on his leathery ass. She'd see that SRI was just a front for something much darker. She'd… She'd—

Garrus arrived to the lab's wall in his incessant pacing. Not being able to contain his frustration anymore, he smacked his still-clenched fist against it full force. He felt a twisted pleasure when the wall cracked. It hurt like hell, but he raised his hand to do it again. Someone grabbed it, however, and prevented him. Breathing fast, he turned around to face Atrin Ormelius.

"You said yourself there's no point in blaming ourselves," she said gently. "That goes for you too."

He kept glaring at her, but she didn't relent. Finally, he gave up and let his body lose tension. She didn't let go of his hand as he hoped, but started to gently rub the sore spots he got from smacking the wall.

Any other time he would have withdrawn his hand immediately, with force if necessary. Right now, though, he was too hurt from many different things that kept piling up through the last two decades, and felt like he needed all the help he could get.

Even if it comes from a female that belonged to his own species.

One of her fingers touched a trace of the scar from the Harbinger's beam, and she stopped abruptly, releasing his hand. "I've… I've seen you have a lot of scars," she blurted out, avoiding his eyes. "You even had some on your face before the war. I've seen the vids. But… But these must've been bad."

"Harbinger's beam." To his own shock, Garrus heard his voice replying. He never spoke about this to anyone else except the Normandy's crew. "Got it when we ran to the Crucible. Wasn't hit directly, or I'd be disintegrated." It suddenly occurred to him that if he shared how exactly vulnerable he was, maybe people wouldn't see him like an invincible hero all the time. "A Mako took the brunt of it, but it hit me with enough heat to nearly melt my armor. Had third degree burns all over my body, plus damage from the exploded truck." He took a deep breath.

"H-How did you—" Atrin looked shocked. "I-I mean you're lucky you survived."

"I didn't," Garrus said seriously, and saw disbelief in her eyes. Talking about this felt really strange, but for some reason words just kept going. "I… flatlined. The Normandy's doc tried to revive me, but it wasn't working. Then… it happened. Shepard reached the Crucible and… did what she did. Somehow, it brought me back. The scars never healed completely."

Atrin fell silent. Her eyes got that dreamy look to them again when she finally spoke: "So, it is possible. Becoming immortal isn't just a dream." Then she winced, as if she remembered something and shook her head. "There I go again. If I spent less time dreaming—"

"Hey…" Garrus cut her off. "No blame, remember?"

She sighed. "I guess you're right." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper. She looked down and muttered to herself for several moments. "I still don't get what possessed Dad to join up with the salarians. He's old-fashioned – and I mean really old-fashioned, turians-at-the-top-of-the-galactic-society old-fashioned – just hides it well." She turned to Garrus again.

"From what Coesh told me," Garrus replied, "it isn't just about the turians and salarians. All Council races are included – humans too."

"Humans?!" Atrin looked more than shocked. "Then I'm sure someone's pulling Daddy's strings. He can't stand humans ever since… ever since Mom died in the war following the Relay 314 incident." The last part was nearly whispered again, with a careful look in her eyes.

Of course she'd be afraid how I'm going to take this, he thought. He's been known as a xenophile with a penchant for humans (and a bunch of more colorful names used by radical groups) ever since the war ended.

"She was a soldier," Atrin continued, and Garrus guessed she wanted to take it off her chest, just like he did a little while ago. "Fought with those who wanted to see humans exterminated. Died in an attack on a helpless colony, killed by a civilian shooting a gun with actual bullets. Didn't help the colony – they were all killed. She's been the real radical in our family, Dad followed along. His job wouldn't let him vocalize his true opinion, with the new winds blowing within the Hierarchy, but he'd never side with humans. I don't know how or why it happened, but I was a stranger in my family, wanting to see the galaxy without all the senseless violence and conflict."

Her rant left her with her mandibles very close to her jaw, and Garrus could see they were trembling visibly. He didn't know what to say, so she continued. "Then everything changes, and it looks like we can finally achieve it, and what happens? I find my father trying hard to sabotage it."

"And he will be only trying, as long as I have a say about it," Garrus said. "I made a mistake by stepping down, but I don't understand how did the Hierarchy not see that he's a bad apple?"

Atrin scoffed. "Please. Don't mention the Hierarchy. He had all the credentials he needed in their eyes. 'Comes from a diplomatic family' and 'has his way with words'. Dad always knew how to sell himself, I'll give him that. Didn't take much brain."

"You don't trust the Hierarchy?"

"Come on. It worked only superficially even before the war, like all of the governments in the old society. Scratch the surface just a little, and all you see is rotting. We can't expect to become a functional society if we keep sticking to the old ways."

"What do you mean?"

"The old systems, our Hierarchy included, will have to be replaced eventually." Atrin clicked her mandibles thoughtfully. "The way we keep doing things now, keeping our old governments and pretending like nothing happened can't hold for much longer."

"So, what do you suggest?" Garrus asked, now really intrigued. What she said made sense.

"Well," she hesitated, "there is one 'government' from before the war that's still functional. Geth consensus. Direct democracy in its purest form."

"What?!" That was the only thing Garrus managed to say, shocked.

"Well, if everyone's involved in making decisions, then no one can say they didn't know about it or feel left out." She seemed to be actually serious about this. "We already have telepathy – now if we find a way to work around its current short range, and make everyone connected to it all the time… It could work."

Garrus just raised his brow plates, still in disbelief.

"I know, I know," she said, her mandibles flexing in a knowing smirk. "Now I sound like a new radical, don't I? We still haven't found a way to increase the range, so you should be safe f— spirits help us all, how could I be so blind?"

She pressed the palm of her hand against her forehead and remained like that for several long moments.

"What?" Garrus asked again, now alarmed.

She wasn't paying attention to him anymore, and her eyes increased their green glow. "Hackie?" Garrus heard the mental echo.

"Nothing yet," her voice came as a reply. "I must admit that I'm stuck."

"Listen," Atrin said, "what happened to the Voices of the Old Ones project?"

There was silence for a while.

"Supposed to be shut down," the reply finally came, "but the files were kept by Matriarch Elerta." There was another pause. "You don't mean they're using it? It never actually worked."

"Check on it, please. If there was a way to transfer energy long distance this is it." Atrin took a deep breath. "I know it's a lot to ask for to break into private files of Thessia's most powerful matriarch, but I think we're on to something here."

"It might take a while." It was all that came through before the mental connection broke. Garrus thought that Hackie sound simply challenged, not worried.

"Voices of the Old Ones? Matriarch Elerta? I'm lost," he said when Atrin didn't provide any explanation.

"Circuits and his names," Atrin's mandibles fluttered in a small smile. "He was in charge of that project."

"But what was it about?"

"Remember the old ones Naduz talked about?" Atrin asked. Garrus nodded. "They used sphere-like things to communicate telepathically all over the galaxy. We thought the technology could be used by us, but couldn't crack it. Eventually it was abandoned – or so we thought."

"I see," Garrus nodded again.

"When we talk with our minds," Atrin continued, "we control energy particles to carry the voice of our thoughts. So imagine that someone figures out how to use them, but not for our thoughts—"

"Ah, I get it," Garrus interrupted, "but for circuits-erasing energy."

"Exactly," Atrin nodded. "The asari were helping us with it – they were the mental communication experts before the war, so to speak, but they were stumped too. Whatever was in those spheres was beyond us at the time."

"And now you think that the project hasn't been cancelled, but instead continued by this Matriarch Elerta."

"She climbed to the top among the matriarchs after the war; I'm sure she knows how to cover her tracks. We won't know for sure until Hackie gets solid proof, but yes, that's what I think." Atrin sighed; blame was clearly showing in her eyes again. "I should've seen it earlier."

"So we wait. Yet again." Garrus sighed too and sat on the medical bed. All this fumbling in the dark was killing him, but he had no choice.