Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, unfortunately. Merlin's POV.

No tears to cry, to ease my pain
No way to heel, I'm going insane
Will darkness be left forever behind?
Will light ever shine in heart and mind

Hope - Myrath

Merlin heard his name being called out but only hummed softly in acknowledgement, more focused on the images invading his mind, trying to understand every loose end, every riddle. Seeing the future shouldn't be this difficult, and yet he struggled to comprehend what had been shown him. His magic ringed on his ears, frightfully content with his effort, but his mind refused to fall too deep into the dreadful visions of a fate that seemed close at hand. He couldn't even remember the last time he slept for more than a couple of hours.

Maybe he shouldn't have stepped into that bloody Cave at all.

Once more he ignored Uther's worried voice, blindly pacing around the hut, too lost in his thoughts to care about anything else. The older man was almost fully recovered by now, able to take care of himself very well thank you. Couldn't he see Merlin was trying to understand? No, of course not. How could he talk to the King of bloody Camelot about magic visions? The young warlock bit his lip, allowing himself to concentrate on the dark images for a moment, pushing the fear aside even if he didn't want to.

And there was Morgause, wild and untamed as the fire roaring loud behind her, dangerous and powerful as always. Deadly beautiful as a poisoning flower. A lady standing by her side, as pretty as the high priestess, yet her beauty had been tainted by the madness and hatred hidding behind her eyes. A word floated among them countless times, a soft pray, a safe heaven. Sister sister sister, it sang endlessly, filled with a twisted love that was slowly turning into an insane kind of addiction. I love you sister, I'll burn the world only to see you happy.

Cenred, the brute King, hesitating in send his men into battle. He cared. Merlin needed all his shaken willpower to ignore the clench on his stomach. Morgause and the other lady whispering poisoned words into his ear, convincing him. Camelot is weak, it has no King. It'll be ours, all ours. No need to be afraid, love. Soon you'll have all you desire. It was a lie but the man didn't reply, simply allowing the women to play him around as he always did. His army marched towards Camelot with no fear or hesitation.

And then Merlin found himself standing in the middle of pure chaos and horror. Camelot, crumbling into dust. There was so much blood everywhere that even the skies seemed to burn red. He saw Morgause again, following the dark-haired lady through the grotesque halls painted in red. Fallen knights and soldiers, burning and screaming and crying. But of all things, the only thing that made Merlin feel so sick was the glimpse of Uther's lifeless body, bleeding at his feet helplessly.

Not even when he saw himself tied up to a pyre (by Morgause's orders, he should recall later) his body burning and his pointless cries of help filling the courtyard Merlin felt so lost, empty and desperated. Uther is dead it's my fault all my fault I'm sorry I'm sorry. In that moment Merlin really wanted to cry out, to push himself off of that cruel but oh so real nightmare. Uther's death was his fault and it was overwhelming.

Since they kissed, Merlin decided to allow his feelings to flow freely, to grow more and more everyday now that he knew he wasn't the only one stepping into that dangerous path. Uther was an attractive, kind gentleman when he wasn't in pain, and his manners were simply endearing. There was no measure for Merlin's stupidity, indeed. He should know better than trust Uther, to give himself so easily but there was no turning back now.

It was painful to remember that once they were in Camelot he'd be thrown in a dungeon or worse. He wanted to trust, and every inch of his body fought against his unfair logic but he just couldn't ignore years of fear and repulsion. He wanted to love Uther freely, to put his life and faith into the King's hands, to trust the other man wholeheartedly but the feeling of betrayal was always there, provoking him. How could've he changed so much in half a year?

A calloused, strong hand gripped his shoulder too tightly, snapping him from his cruel stupor, and relief washed over his trembling body, the images from the crystal fading away quickly as Uther's face came into focus. Merlin sighed happily, barely noticing as the grey-haired man pulled him into a too warm, too welcomed embrace. He needed comfort, eager for some kind of compassion.

He was looking awful, wasn't he? There was no other reason for Uther to approach him and hug him so openly, even with their growing intimacy. Too late Merlin noticed how wet his cheeks felt… He had been crying for heaven knows how long. Oh gods, and he had thought things couldn't get any worse.

"If you wish to talk about it…"

"I don't-"

"I'll be eager to listen." Uther simply rolled his eyes in exasperation at the boy's indulgence, and Merlin felt a strangled chuckle leave him. "And I mean it, Merlin. You've been too stressed the past days, and I must say I miss your idiotic chattering sometimes."

"Then I won't shut up on our way to Camelot, Sire."

"God help me."

And when they laughed together, Merlin felt himself relaxing, forgetting about the Crystal Cave and the horrific visions almost completely. He could worry about them later. A soft, quite embarrassing purr escaped him as Uther's fingers brushed his hair, pulling their bodies closer and closer. Merlin felt his heart pumping a little faster with the sudden approach. It felt good to be locked on those strong arms… Now that he thought about it, Uther's muscles had finally started to build up again. By that point the senior knight was way physically stronger than Merlin, and the warlock couldn't help but smile widely, proud of himself for the first time in a long time.

He had done it. He truly did. He saved a man's life.

Oh well, falling in love with said man wasn't included on the original plans but at least his feelings weren't unrequited as Merlin had feared for so long.

Uther was so close now, his eyes full of affection and mild concern. How difficult it was to believe by now that man had killed and hunted so many of his kin mercilessly, blinded by rage and grief, and as Winter slipped away just too quickly, it was getting harder and harded to find good excuses not to go to Camelot and maybe, just maybe stay for a little while. Futile thoughts as "getting executed" didn't work anymore, and now that he knew about Morgause's plans there was no way he'd stay still and pretend he knew nothing.

He could picture himself in Camelot, sometimes.

But he couldn't ignore years of fear just yet. He couldn't ignore what he had seen - himself, being burned in a pyre. An unsettling feeling bumped at his chest. It was Morgause, not Uther, giving the order. He should remember that. Uther had changed so much over the months, he learned to accept Merlin's magic and never ordered the boy to stop. Sometimes Merlin felt the King enjoyed his little tricks, and there was no denying that his magic was the only thing that helped Uther to sleep through an entire night without having a nightmare.

Maybe he could do it, after all. Maybe he could stay in Camelot for some time…

"You've already informed that we'll be traveling together." Uther said suddenly, as if reading Merlin's mind or just noticing the confused doubt on his face, and stepped away from the younger man only to start pacing around, just as Merlin had done before, lost in thoughts. "But I'm still uncertain of what you're planning to do next. You do not intend to come back to… this place, do you?"

"I have nowhere else to go." Merlin frowned. Uther couldn't be considering… The warlock felt panic rising and he needed all his nerve not to get sick in that moment. "Uther…"

"You've saved my life. You deserve a high reward in return." The dark-haired boy tried to reply but Uther simply shushed him with a wave, still too concentrated on whatever he was planning to do - and Merlin didn't like it at all. "There's no possibly way I'll allow you to keep living in such pathetic conditions. You've proven himself to be a trustful ally."

Oh Merlin knew he wouldn't like it in the end. A sigh escaped his lips, but Uther paid little attention to him.

"So I'm willing to offer you royal pardon if you give me your word that, once in Camelot, you'll make no more use of sorcery…"

"No."

The warlock didn't move as Uther stared at him as he had seen a ghost, and a shiver of antecipated fear ran down his spine. He could pretend to give up on magic, but it was wrong. Uther had placed so much trust on him already. How could he do something so cruel like shattering such faith? After what seemed to be an eternity, Merlin took a deep breath, trying to find the proper words.

"I won't lie to you. No, it's my turn and you'll listen to me." He shushed the King the same way he had been silenced before, and he couldn't say he wasn't surprise to see that Uther had just nodded, grey eyes locked on his face as if studying him carefully. "I never choose magic. I was born with it. Since I was a baby I could move things with my mind. I can't..."

Merlin closed his eyes for a second, trying to picture himself without his magic and it made him shudder pitifully. The idea of living as a normal person was beyond terrifying. He hated hidding day after day, the constant fear of being found by Morgause or Knights of Camelot but giving up on his magic, on that special part of him that made him whole… He'd rather die first. When he opened his eyes again, he couldn't read through Uther's blank expression so Merlin allowed his gaze to get fixed on the dirty floor.

"I can't promise you I'll never use magic again. So, if you've being nice to me the past weeks because you…" A painful feeling got stuck on his throat. "You believed I'd agree with such conditions of yours, I'm sorry to... disappoint you. Once we arrive Camelot, you can order my execution. I won't run and I won't fight. I'm guilty of using magic, and I'll never deny it."

Their eyes got locked once more, and Merlin waited.

He just didn't know exactly what he was waiting for.

First of all, thank you so much for your lovely reviews! I'm so glad to see my work being enjoyed, it truly means a lot to me! Now, I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I wanted this chapter to be really nice and I worked hard on this one. This one will be two parts as well the last chapters.

Thank you so much for taking your time to read and leave reviews because they truly make me so so happy and eager to write more! Requests, questions, leave me all of them and you'll get it!