Letters to Rachel

by stuartandjeremy

Rachel, You know how I used to write letters to Max that I never sent and how they're now mountains of paper in a cardboard box in my attic? Yeah, well, it looks like that box's lonely days will be over soon, 'cause now you're gone too and what the fuck else can I do but write more letters I never plan on actually sending?

10. July 20, 2013

July 20, 2013

Rachel,

I fucking did it! I got a job doing something I actually enjoy! You should've seen me. I wasn't even trying not to look too eager anymore. After more than three months of feeling empty, this is the first time that I've felt … well, less empty. Which isn't much., but it's something. At least I can start feeling like less of a failure at everything in life than I really am. Maybe lying to yourself beats seeing the truth sometimes. You gotta do whatever it takes to survive, right? Anything that kills the pain …

I know all of this business of distracting myself can't be good in the long run and I'm gonna have to face the fact that you're not coming back

Fuck it. I'm sorry I even suggested that. I'll wait for you, Rachel. I'll wait no matter how long.

Chloe, the mechanic