Authors Note: The story behind the promise Legolas made to Elrohir is found in the oneshot The Last Time.
Elrohir.
He spent his time on the ride from the city watching Legolas, his eyes never leaving him. He rode with the dwarf at his back as he always did when the two of them were together. They had not spoken since the day before and he wished to desperately, to try to explain his loss of control, although he did not truly understand it himself. But whenever the opportunity arose to get near trepidation overtook him for what if he made things between them even worse.
He knew when fatigue began to creep up on Legolas, saw the small changes in his posture. The stooping of his shoulders and slight swaying in the saddle. The dwarf knew too and he was glad when he saw Gimli leaning forward, whispering in Legolas's ear, trying no doubt, to get him to confess to his need for rest. But he also knew Legolas would not do that. He would ride himself into the ground if necessary for he was desperate to e scape Minas Tirith and stubbornly determined not to show weakness, least of all amongst a company of Men.
He urged his horse forward to draw abreast of his brother.
"Aragorn, Legolas struggles. He needs to rest."
Aragorn glanced around across the men to where Legolas and Gimli rode and examined them with a knowing eye.
"Let him come to me and ask for it then." He said eventually and his tone was a bitter one.
"You know he will never do that. He is wilful and stubborn and will fall off the horse before he asks for aid. What will that achieve?"
Aragorn sighed.
"You are right of course, it will achieve nothing."
Aragorn raised his hand, stopping the company and swung his horse around riding towards Legolas. From where he stood Elrohir could hear their conversation of course, he knew he should not listen but if he could not speak to Leoglas himself he also could not resist the chance for a glimpse into his thoughts. It should be him who went to speak to him of his struggle to keep going but he could not.
"You need rest. We will stop at the next appropriate place for food and drink." Aragorn sounded tired and weary.
"I am well, Aragorn. I do not need to rest." He had expected Legolas to deny it.
"Do not listen to him Aragorn! I fear he will tumble off this horse and leave me to deal with it." That was Gimli, who well knew Legolas was nearing his limits.
He could hear the small smile, the imperceptible lightening of Aragorns voice. Gimli was the master of defusing tension.
"I will not listen to him of course Gimli. It is non negotiable, we stop regardless of whether or not Legolas believes he needs it."
"I could continue without you." Legolas was sullen and miserable.
"And yet you will not, because what would that gain you? Do not force me to drag you from your horse Legolas. Believe me I will do. You were attacked in my realm, by my people. This IS my responsibility and I WILL see you home safely. Do not make me have to restrain you to achieve that."
As Aragorn swung his horse around again and rode back towards him Elrohir felt despondence at the frustration and guilt he heard in his brothers voice. He wished he could ease his pain. For all the bitterness towards him he carried he did not want to watch him tear himself apart over this. Lately, with the pain of Legolas building a bridge of understanding between them, his long held anger had been fading from its usual place in forefront of his thoughts. He looked at Aragorn beside him again and felt sorrow, not resentment. He felt a sudden need to comfort and reached out to try and ease the pain.
"He is always stubborn about recieving aid when he needs it. I have lost count of the times he has pushed me aside when he needed help over the years."
Aragorn looked at him and smiled but it was forced and soon faded. He looked overburdened and Elrohir wished Arwen was here to give him the silent support he obviously needed. A rush of brotherly love enfolded itself around his heart. He spoke without thinking.
"You have my support always, Estel."
He didn't notice the use of the childhood name he had for so long spurned but Aragorn did and his eyes widened in surprise, that, Elrohir did notice. Why was he surprised at that statement? Surely his brother had not doubted that whatever their differences he was always there for him? He was anxious to assuage that doubt.
"Tell me you do not doubt that. Tell me you know I always, always will be there when you need me. You are my brother Aragorn!"
Aragorn simply looked at him, tears glistening in his eyes.
"You used my name." He said simply. " You called me Estel. I thought never to hear that again."
And when Aragorn turned his head from him, he knew it was to prevent him from seeing the tears fall.
He was ashamed then because he had known everytime he had refused to utter his brothers elven name, everytime he had made it obvious he would not, was a wound to his brothers heart and he had rejoiced in that. Perhaps he had not realised just how deep those wounds had gone.
When they stopped he watched as Gimli argued with Legolas speaking urgently under his breath. He could well imagine the frustration of trying to bend Legolas's stubborn will so he intercepted him as he came towards him carrying a plate of food.
"Problems?" He said with the slightest of smiles.
"He refuses to eat. He is a foolish, stubborn creature who would not know common sense if it hit him in the face. He does this to prove a point to Aragorn but it will be I who has to try and keep him upright on that dratted horse."
He took the plate from Gimli's hand.
"Let me try."
"Huh!" Gimli exclaimed, "Do you honestly think that would be wise?"
" Can it make things any worse?" He said, if only he had known...
Gimli shrugged his shoulders.
" I suppose not. Try if you must. I do not hold out any hope you will succeed."
He approached Legoas with caution, as if he were stalking a wounded animal, and he recieved the welcome he expected, a rigid back turned to him.
" Legolas, will you not eat? The road ahead of us is long."
Legolas turned to face him, his eyes unreadable.
" Elrohir, why now do you come to me? Where were you last night?"
" I thought...I thought it would be best to stay away...let us both calm down." He felt terribly uncertain and unsure of what to say. It hurt him that the echoing space between them was so large.
" It was not best." Legolas said bluntly, he pushed the food away, " I do not want this."
Elrohir let out a sigh, he was disheartened and the burden of working through this seemed unbearable.
"If I annoy you why do you bother spending time with me?" Legolas snapped.
"You do not annoy me." once again he attempted to explain the tangle of his feelings.
"I do not know how to help you. I do not know what to do, I am trying Legolas...everything I do is the wrong thing." He dropped his head in his hands.
"I am ashamed," he raised his head to look his lover in the eye, "I am ashamed of my lack of control yesterday. It should not have happened. I hurt you."
"I hurt you also -"
Legolas stopped mid sentance as his eyes caught sight of the darkening bruise on Elrohir's jaw and he tentatively reached out and brushed his fingers along it.
"I am sorry for this..." He said quietly.
The touch of Legolas's fingers on his skin was like lighting a fire within him and he yearned for more. He wished to grab the hand cupping his face and hold it there, and never let it go. He did not though for to do so was to ensure Legolas took flight.
He needed to explain his loss of control, his anger and so he made what was a poor attempt.
"It was my fault, I was...I was upset. You said you needed to leave. I did not want it."
"I DO need to." Legolas reaffirmed it and it still hurt. "It feels wrong between us Elrohir, and that hurts, I do not want to feel it...I do not want us to be together when it is all so...different."
"It is not wrong!" He was desperate to get the message across and in his desperation grasped Legolas's hand in his but it was quickly withdrawn, "It is not wrong, I am still here, I love you. I always will."
Legolas shook his head.
"It feels wrong, it feels wrong to me."
He felt as if a well of despair was opening up and swallowing him whole.
"But I need to be with you," he cried. "I need it! I cannot be apart any longer. Do you not remember your promise? You promised me we would not be parted. You promised me it would be the last time!"
He was truly anguished to be able to speak of this, he had often thought of it but never raised it, frightened as he was of the answers to his questions.
Legolas looked at him cooly,
"I remember it. How could I not?"
"But you never kept it! You threw it in my face, you choose to be here with Aragorn...Aragorn, my brother, instead of with me. Am I not enough? Am I not good enough for you?"
"I do not choose it." Legolas rose to his feet. " I have no choice. I cannot come to you. You know of Galadriel's words to me. No longer will I find peace under the trees, in the wood. I cannot bear it Elrohir, I cannot bear to return to my home. Do you not think I want to be there after all the years I fought to free it from the shadow? Do you not wonder why I remain so far away? It is too painful, too painful there and in Imladris! At least here it is not really home, I have no memories here that are without the restlessness of the sea. I can forget...forget it ever was different than this. My father understands this why can't you?!"
He was astonished. He had never thought, never even begun to understand the depths of this.
"You have never told me!"
"Because you do not want to hear it! You never have. It enrages you, and so I keep it to myself. Do not accuse me of breaking a promise for where are you? It is YOU who chooses to stay away from me."
"I cannot come here." He was confused, "You know that. I must be in Imladris...I have responsibilities...I cannot leave Elladan alone..."
It was the wrong thing to say.
In his rage Legolas kicked the food he had bought into the dirt.
"And there it is," his voice rose in anger. "Elladan, as it always is and always has been. You put Elladan before me in all things. You choose him over me. I always knew you would!"
"That is not true!" He tried to protest...but was it?
His protest was too late, it fell on deaf ears as Legolas had spun on his heals and stalked away.
"Do not follow me!" His last angry words to him echoing in his ears.
And so he let him go.