Kyle kicked Steve into the cell by the seat of his pants. Steve landed on the ground butt first, and turned around just as Kyle shut the door to Steve's cell. Steve was immediately furious, but Kyle stood at the cell door smirking.
"What the heck, Kyle? What is your problem?!"
"Guards, leave me with this slime. I think I should teach him a lesson."
The guards accompanying Kyle nodded their heads and left the dungeon. When they did, Kyle couldn't help but let out a giggle. "Man," Kyle said, "NPC's are so stupid!"
"I…I don't follow."
"I climbed my way up the entire chain of command just because nobody keeps track of which guard is which! Within a couple of hours, I went from cleaning the lavatory to being offered the position of personal guard to the king himself!"
Steve was furious up until he heard that last part. He then hatched an idea. "Kyle, you know by now that the king takes his nap at midday, and then has his milk afterwards, right?"
"Well, duh! That's required for every guard to know," Kyle scoffed.
"Well, an inmate gave me the idea to put poison in his drink, and I think that you would be in a perfect position to do it."
"Okay…do you have the poison?"
"…no."
"Well, where am I supposed to find it?"
"I HAVE SOME!" the Testificate in the other cell yelled, shocking Steve and Kyle out of their conversation. Kyle walked over to the Testificate and took a bottle of poison that the Testificate held.
"How do you get these things?" Steve questioned keenly.
"What? It's easy to ferment spider eyes when you're sentenced to life in jail."
"Dang man. You're good."
Kyle walked up to the king's chambers carrying some milk. He knocked on the door, requesting to come in.
"Yes yes, very good," the king lazily said. The king had just finished taking his nap, and was still a little dazed. Kyle handed the king a bucket of milk.
"Oh guard! Come hither," the king said. As he did, a guard entered the room and saluted to the king. "Guard, please test this milk to see if it holds any toxins."
The guard nodded and grabbed the bucket. Kyle quickly became anxious, and just as the guard was about to take a sip of the poisoned milk, Kyle intervened.
"WAIT!" Kyle shouted. The guard and the king looked at Kyle with confusion. Kyle, regaining his composure, simply said, "Allow me, your majesty."
"Oh my! How wonderful it is to have such loyal guards!" The king dismissed the other guard and Kyle picked up the bucket of milk. Kyle quickly took another bucket that he had and poured more milk into that bucket in order to fool the king. Kyle slurped down the milk and looked at the king. The king, seeing that Kyle hadn't died grotesquely, impatiently asked for his milk back. Kyle slyly replaced the bucket of regular milk in his hand with the bucket of poisoned milk, and handed it to the king.
"*sluuuuuurrrrpslurpslurpslurp slurpGULP* Ahhhh…that was deli-" The king suddenly stopped talking. The milk fell out of his hands and on to the floor, quickly followed by the king himself. The king then looked up at Kyle in agony. Kyle felt the need to say something, so in the coolest tone he could muster, he stated:
"Tell your mom I said 'hi.'"
The king's eyes glazed over and soon the king stopped breathing. Kyle picked up the king and dragged him over to the trash chute, and then promptly tossed him into the hole and closed the lid.
Kyle assembled all of the guards in the king's throne room. "My fellow guards," he began, "I have some disheartening news. Our beloved king…was assassinated this afternoon." Kyle held back crocodile tears as all of the guards looked at one another. One at the back of the room shouted.
"Thank Notch!"
All of the other guards began to laugh and whoop. Kyle was now extremely confused.
"We hated working for that guy! Maybe now we can actually guard someone worth protecting," one guard said to Kyle. Kyle, still a little confused, remembered Steve down in the dungeon.
"Someone needs to go down and-"
"What, you don't think I can pick a lock?" Steve entered the room accompanied by the other Testificate. As they walked to the throne, Steve began to speak, "My fellow guards, you need a ruler who is going to think of your needs before the needs of himself. You need a ruler who will not greedily withhold your pay and valuable resources just to suit his needs. You need…" Steve walked the Testificate over to the throne and sat him down. He placed a gold helmet on the Testificates head. "…this man. He was the one behind the grand plan to assassinate the king. His resourcefulness in his time of despair will surely prove to be invaluable to him as a ruler. Does anyone oppose this new king?"
The guards, silently, began to fall to their knees and bow. The Testificate in the throne smiled.
"Long live Testifiking!" Steve shouted.
"HUUZAH!"