There was a certain comfort that I took in the numbness I felt over the next week or two that even Carlisle's concerned looks couldn't breach; he was still angry that I wouldn't tell him what Peter and I talked about. I let Jane be my filter to the world while I took care of the other bottles on my shelf; one being the bar exam. It was easy enough to arrange and write in private as even judges have lawyers that they use and with it being observed by a few assistants there would be no issue of cheating. Cheating for me is a cowardly act, one of pride mixed with desperation that wants to satisfy self image at the cost of integrity. Lawyers had a rough enough time as it was getting rid of that image; I didn't want to perpetuate it one bit. It felt freeing to toss away -that- bottle that had been bothering me, I realized that I had been avoiding closure, not wanting to finally be titled and settled on a path in life...it meant I was moving on from the past.
"Why was that an issue for you, I want you to dig deep Charlotte." Rose was heartless, she was exactly what I needed to heal and I knew that despite hating her for making me uncomfortable.
"It feels like it's me wanting to forget my parents and aunt by moving on with my life, like I want to leave them behind by changing who I am from who they knew I was...that sounds so stupid." I shook my head.
There was a snort from the woman, "You're finally making sense. I could have told you just that when you first started coming to me but it's more significant that you have figured it out on your own by an action. Perhaps now you will face your issues head on and not skirt around them?"
My head bobbed, she was right, I was too stubborn to have anyone tell me anything over the last few years.
"So is there anything else happening, any new bottles get shoved on that shelf of yours?" Rose asked.
Rose should have been a lawyer with how direct and precise she was. I shifted around in my seat, I wanted to say no, all bottles were neatly stacked away with no new additions but that would be a lie and I hated lies. "I'm pregnant." She pushed her pencil on the pad of paper in front of her. "It was that one night, I had attended that funeral that I couldn't get out of and I broke down pretty hard." I sighed. "We are still friends, I think, he said he thought things would be easier if I loved him back but after I told him about the baby and mentioned to him I heard what he said while he thought I was sleeping I wasn't sure if he felt the same way so I asked…" A hard stare from my therapist made me realize I was jumbled mess of words. "Right, clarity. Funeral, we had sex. Met up with him after at a party a few weeks after, he stayed the night, no sex, he said things would be easier.." I waved my hand for the excetra part. "Woke up the next morning, morning sickness hit, he figured it out and at dinner last week I told him I heard him and asked if he still felt the same but we were interrupted. Oh and he got me a gift to commemorate finding out and said he'd be glad to be a part of the baby's life at the very least."
Rose's eyes narrowed in thought, she knew exactly who I was talking about, I had told her all about Peter and Alice and where I was while I was hiding. "Let's go back here, you mentioned this before so I am I to assume this would not be a bottle IF you weren't pregnant or had sex with him?"
I shrugged, I didn't know. "I thought, I thought when he said it before he knew about the baby that it went away after he found out and when I brought it up after dinner when we were alone." I felt drained again, empty but not that secure kind of numbness I was drawing strength from. "He said, we agreed after when we woke up that night that we didn't regret it, and I told him after dinner last week I wasn't ashamed of him or the baby, I just wanted my privacy."
"Men," Rose smirked. "are not quick as we are to change their feelings. They feel deeply and it takes them more time to dismiss things because they aren't as free to vent. Peter has it far worse if you think about it, he has who, his mom, his manager to talk things out with? I don't think he would be so quick to open up to them but then there's you, and how I see it, that gift he gave you was an open door Charlotte. He wanted in to your life, to not need to keep his feelings about being a new father again to himself and you might not want to keep yourself so private that you alienate that child's father." My head was nodding, I agreed with her and now regretted not making a point of calling him. "He's also your best person to lean on, he's been through this before and even if you don't feel anything for him he still needs to be a part of your life." I gave Rose a nod as the buzzer sounded; I had a meeting to be at soon so I left.
Did I feel anything for him? I asked myself several times and I left her office, and then I asked if he felt anything for me; he never had a chance to say anything. 'Open door.' it made sense, that gift was like a peace offering, an expensive one; he was appealing to the new woman who emerged from the one he only knew as a nanny to his son. I wasn't as sophisticated as he thought I was, the high class lifestyle that is perceived by being who I was isn't me at all; if anything it was mostly Carlisle that built that firm who enjoyed the fruits of his labour. Peter was hurting as badly as I was that night, no we didn't regret anything we did because we needed to heal that severed connection Alice had left us with. It was that connection that consumed me now, the status of it. It was the elevator door opening to the reception of my firm that woke me up from my daze; I didn't recall one step I took from Rose's office to mine.
"Ms Cullen, Mr Cullen would like to see you in his office ASAP." I gave Chels a nod and wandered down the hall to where he was; I got a dreadful feeling and I hoped it wasn't a new kind of 'sickness' because I was loathing the morning ones quite a bit. I gave a gentle tap on his door and heard him say enter before I proceeded in. He looked angry; his fingers were rapping on the edge of his desk. "Is there something wrong Uncle?"
His brow raised in disbelieve at my question; I was in trouble and I didn't have a clue what I did to set him off. I was racking my brain for any minute detail I might have made a mistake on when he answered me "You have a bit of explaining to do but not here. Your office, now." He walked behind me down the hall and set his hand on my shoulder as I set my hand on the handle to open the door. I was scared and he should have known better to make me feel so in my condition. The door opened and I was covered in confetti and party trumpets sounded as a choir of voices sang 'Congratulations'. I almost fainted. Did they know about the baby? I was going to be sick but then I saw Jane holding a framed document. "Your licence to practice law Charlotte." Carlisle voice came from behind me. "I can't tell you how proud I am of you."
I turned around and hugged him as everyone clapped.
—
Yes I know... let me know you are still out there ~winks~