Nope you are not hallucinating. Nuther update…though it is short again. I think Shawn is going to come in soon. He said he was going to take Chris out when Raw came to Canada and I feel that coming on very soon. So stay tuned!!! And thanks for the reviews as always, reviews=my drugs! Lol…CM Punk is not happy. XD

The night was warm and wet from the earlier thunderstorm. Grace had gone to bed early, claiming a migraine. Chris had put the kids to bed after they watched wrestling and cheered for their various favorites—Maddie complaining that her Dad was the only one that deserved to be champion. Tyler and Livy launched into a wrestling match which ended when Olivia crashed into the coffee table, splitting her eyebrow. Chris carried her into the bathroom and joked with her to try and get her mind off the pain, and cleaned up the thin trail of blood that ran down her face. He found some butterfly bandages and used them to pull the cut together, then kissed her forehead and put her to bed, followed by Tyler and Maddie.

After they were all tucked away Chris trudged to the kitchen. He was exhausted from the weight of the day and the constant arguments and conflicts. He wanted his own bed but couldn't bear the coldness Grace would most likely show him if he crept into the room and ducked next to her under the covers. He could almost hear the rustle of blankets as she pulled away and turned her back to him, weeping softly into her pillow. He sighed, wishing he didn't have to feel guilty about his true self, but he always did—and now even more so than ever before. His mother had been the first to plant that seed into him, but it had only had time to grow and grow over the years, and now that his children were involved there was no way he could not feel the guilt. They were wrapped up in all of it, anything he did would directly affect them.

Chris opened a cabinet and moved bottles until he reached the one in the very back—a nearly full bottle of Grey Goose. That's how he had ended up on the back porch steps as the night closed in around him, hugging him with its wet heat, as his eyes glazed over with tears and the stars in the sky became nothing but blurs. He raised the bottle to his lips and drank, the strong liquid blooming in his mouth and burning with tingling hotness as he swallowed it.

He looked down at his bare feet, curling and uncurling them against the wet grass. He wished they were smaller and daintier instead of big and ugly. They'd never look quite right in heels. Stop thinking stupid things. He half heartedly chastised himself. He clutched the bottle and swirled it around looking down the neck at the clear liquid at the bottom. He wasn't sure now how long he'd been outside contemplating and hurting, but most of the bottle was emptied. If he stood up he'd probably be dizzy. Oh well, it didn't matter. He took a long drink of it, finishing off what was left and tossing the glass bottle into the yard where it landed somewhere amongst the tall grass.

Behind him, a little worried face pressed to the glass doors, her nose smooshing against it as she watched her Dads' shoulders slump and start to tremble. She unlatched the lock and slid the door open padding out over the damp wood on the deck, wetting her socks. When a tiny hand fell feather light onto his shoulder, Chris quickly shut off his tears and wiped quickly at his eyes before turning.

"Hey little bitty." Chris wrapped his arms around the little girl and pulled her down into his lap. Her corn-silk colored hair was tangled around her face from sleep and it caught the moonlight, almost seeming to glow. Her wide, blue eyes, moved over her fathers face in the darkness, long, nearly white lashes fluttering over them when she blinked. "Why aren't you asleep?" Chris asked, smiling and tweaking her button nose. She giggled and wiggled.

"Daddy, you don't got my nose." She uncurled his hand. "It's just your thumb!"

"You're too observant, you know that?" He said, drawing her close to him. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

"You were cryin'…how come you're upsest?" She tilted her head up to look at him again.

"I wasn't crying." Chris answered looking out over the dark yard. He spotted the Grey Goose bottle in the grass, the neck of the bottle barely visible but the round lip of it was catching the light from the starry heavens and winking it back at the two of them as they sat on the steps.

"Your breath smells yucky too." She wrinkled her nose as Chris' vodka laced breath puffed against it.

"Way too observant." Chris repeated petting her soft hair.

"What does ab-sor-bent mean?"

Chris laughed.

"Not absorbent, observant. It means you notice everything."

"Yup. Like Daddy, you came in the kitchen earlier and you had lipsticks on. Were you kissin' Mommy?" She puckered her lips and made kissy faces at him, tilting his head down so her lips touched his. She giggled. Chris heart sank.

"Yeah…yeah I was kissing Mommy." Chris stated sadly, wishing that was all it was.

"I dunno Mommy didn't look like she wanted kissed. She looked mad. Daddy do you kiss bad?"

Chris smiled in that lopsided way of his. This little girl was too smart for her own good, not to mention rather entertaining. Where did she get that from? He ruffled her hair and shifted her on his lap and he pointed at the night sky.

"See that really bright star up there?"

The little girl peered into the darkness, her eyes wide in childish wonder. She grinned and nodded her head excitedly, pointing her own little finger.

"That really, really huge pretty one!"

"Uh-huh. You know what kind of star that is? It's a wishing star."

She gasped and chewed on her lip wiggling in Chris' lap as she kept her eyes trained, fascinated, on the dazzling ball of light somewhere far, far away.

"How many wishes!"

"One."

She slipped her finger into her mouth, chewing at the end of the nail for a few moments. They were both just quiet, taking in the sounds of the night, the chirping of crickets, the way the leaves of the trees rustled wetly against the tepid breeze. After a bit of time, Maddie slid from Chris' lap and climbed up the steps, stopping to tug at her Dads long hair.

"C'mon Daddy lets go to bed!"

He got to his feet, wobbling a little, and she wrapped her hand around his fingers leading him back to the sliding doors. They slipped inside and she asked him for a drink before he put her back to bed. He gave her some chocolate milk and they sat at the table, Chris watching her as she drank it and pulled the plastic cup away with a brown mustache dripping from her lip. Laughing, he swept her up from the chair and wiped her mouth against his shirt sleeve, flying her up the stairs as though she was an airplane, and into her room as though it was the hanger. He sat at the edge of her bed, tucking the covers up under her chin.

"Daddy?" She asked as he straightened up, having kissed her forehead.

"What Maddie?" Chris asked, brushing some of her hair out of her face.

"Know what I wished? I wished…I wished that you would be happy. Cause lots of the time you don't look very happy." She added quietly, her pretty lips turning down into a saddened frown. Tears hung on her lashes, and she sniffled. Chris enveloped her in his arms, at a loss for what to say.

"Honey, don't you worry about Daddy." He said as he rubbed her back, hoping that she hadn't noticed the crack in his voice but she always noticed everything so most likely she'd heard it. He sighed and laid her back on her pillow, picking up a stuffed animal that was on the floor and tucking it in next to her.

"You goin' to sleep with Mommy tonight?" She asked as he rose from her bed. He stopped in the doorway and turned back to her.

"Don't worry about Daddy." He repeated, flashing her a smile.

"You can sleeps with me." She said quietly holding the plushie to her face. "Please?"

He was going to say no, but her huge pretty eyes were pleading with him, the blue depths glittering as she held her gaze to his. He went back to her and slid under the Hannah Montana covers. She turned towards him and curled up into his chest, sighing contently as he stroked her hair.