Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me.

I got some requests for the guys POV when they got Steph's letters so I'm uploading this as a bonus chapter. I had no intention of writing this, but when multiple people ask for it then it's hard to ignore. I hope you enjoy reading them. The original chapter ten will be posted tomorrow. : )

None of this has been beta'd so please excuse my mistakes. I wrote it rather quickly today while watching Tombstone. LOL

Chapter 9.5

RPOV

I fucked up! I knew it the minute I saw Stephanie's face when I walked into her hospital room. She knew the truth and she was pissed. You might be asking why I did what I did, but I can't really explain it to you. I love her. I loved her the day I met her, BUT...my loving her put a target on her head. Something that I never wanted to happen.

The brief relationship that we shared will always stay with me as the best time of my life. I thought she could accept the no strings sex, but she couldn't and I was proud of her when she stood up for herself and told me to take a hike. Hearing her say that she loved me was equal parts heaven and hell. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and to take her to the closest church and marry her. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her by my side, but I couldn't. I couldn't put her in that much danger. She was better off without me.

My choices in the Alvarez situation will haunt me until I die. I know that I should have told her what was going on instead of hiding it from her. My lies and deception are what put her in danger. She would have never been at her apartment alone if she had known the truth. It was my fault that she was assaulted. Like I said before...I fucked up!

Seeing the hurt behind her eyes and hearing the emotion in her voice when she asked for space broke my heart. She no longer trusted me or the men that I employ. I could see that written all over her face. I knew the minute I got back to RangeMan, I would be getting multiple ass-kickings. It was policy after all.

When I walked out of her room that day, I knew that we had lost her. She wouldn't be coming back to RangeMan any time soon and it was all my fault. The broken expression on her face as I walked away would haunt me for a very long time. RangeMan wouldn't be the same with out her. It was her home, whether she knew it or not but she didn't come back.

Instead, she went home with Morelli. I knew that there was nothing sexual between them anymore, but it still hurt that he was the one comforting her when she was hurting. He was the one drying her tears and holding her close. Fucker was doing what I wanted to do, but I had to fuck everything up.

When Morelli came to pick up Stephanie's things from the office, he gave me a piece of his mind. I stood and took it like a man but hearing the words hurt come out of his mouth, tore at my soul. Hearing that she cried herself to sleep and that she had never felt so alone...DIOS, what a fool I was.

A few days after Joe picked up Steph's things, he came back holding three letters. The minute I saw him standing in my lobby, I knew that she was gone. We had been keeping an eye on her trackers and car and they all remained at Morelli's, so we didn't worry too much. Seeing him with those damn letters...it felt like my world was ending.

I took the letter addressed to me and went to my apartment to read it. I knew I would need privacy and then probably some bourbon. I locked myself into my cold, dark apartment and opened the envelope. My heart skipped a few beats seeing her beautiful handwriting that filled the paper. Tears filled my eyes as I read her parting words.

Dear Ranger,

If you're reading this, then you must know that I am gone. I asked Joe to give me a few days head start so I could get out of New Jersey before you sent the dogs after me. I'm asking you first and foremost to not look for me. Please honor my wish and my need to get away from Trenton for a while.

I'm not really sure why I felt I needed to write you at all because you damn sure don't deserve an explanation from me. I guess my love for you is still strong enough that I felt I owed you some type of goodbye. My brain is screaming to stop writing, but my heart is what is guiding this pen.

You hurt me, Ranger. You, the one person who had always made sure I had the strength to fly. You took away my ability to keep myself safe by lying to me, and YES...lies of omission are still lies. You put my life in danger by not informing me about the threat. You had always promised to protect me, so what happened this time? What changed?

I know that I hurt you when I ended our relationship, but I never thought you would intentionally harm me. I thought you understood why I had to walk away from you, I loved you too much to keep emotionally detached. My whole heart ached when I ended things. I had never been more alone in my life, until now. Now I really do have nothing left. At least after we ended things, I had the guys to lean on...but your deception took away my trust in them and I'm so lost.

I need time to think about what happened. I need time to forgive you for betraying me. I need to come to terms with everything and I need to think about who I am and who I want to be. I need space to accomplish those things. I'm asking you to give me that space. Please don't look for me because I know that you can and will find me if you do. I tried to make it as difficult as possible, but your resources are large and could probably find Jimmy Hoffa's body if you tried. I'm asking you not to.

Know that I am safe and will keep in touch with Joe. He's my link to Trenton so if you need to get me a message, it has to go through him. I hope that you can understand all of this and respect my decisions. There was a time when I know that you loved me. I'm not sure if you still do or if you hate me now; but either way, I'm asking you to let me go.

When or IF I come back to Trenton, I hope that we can go back to being friends. I know that I will eventually forgive you because you are too damn important to me. I hope that you are able to look past everything too. I truly do love you Ranger and I will miss you terribly.

Until we meet again,

Babe

Dios. What have I done?

Zero's POV

Have you ever felt like your soul died? Like your life was over simply because you lost something important? I felt that way the day I walked out of my love's hospital room. I had an amazing woman who loved me and that I loved more than life, and I fucked it all up.

Why didn't I just tell her the truth? Fuck the fact that Ranger ordered me not to. I could have gone against the order and done it anyway. The human part of me said to do just that. To tell Stephanie the truth, but the soldier part of me convinced me to follow my orders and to do what my CO said. I listened to the soldier and I was wrong.

Seeing the hurt on her face that day in the hospital tore at my very heart and soul. I knew that I did more damage to her than Ranger or Joe ever did. I did what I swore to myself that I would never do, I hurt the woman who I loved. I made her question my love and my feelings for her and it killed me. She doubted my feelings. I could see that written all over her face.

When Joe came to collect her things from RangeMan, Ranger and I both stood in the lobby and listened to him rip us a new asshole. Hearing that she cried herself to sleep and that she felt alone hurt more than I can tell you. I could see the same pain written on Ranger's face too but I didn't care about him. He was the reason that we were in this mess.

Joe came back to RangeMan a few days later holding three envelopes. I passed Ranger on the stairs with one addressed to him. His face was hard and I could feel the anger rolling off him in the brief time we were close. He continued up to the seventh floor.

Joe handed me my letter and then passed the third off to Tank. It was addressed to everyone at RangeMan. I held that damn envelope in my hand and my heart shattered. I knew that she was gone and I knew that I was the reason. I retreated to my apartment to read the letter that she wrote me. My heart wasn't prepared for her words.

Dear Noah,

By the time that you read this, I will already be gone. I told you in the hospital that I needed space to think about everything. Space, to me, means outside of Trenton and even out of New Jersey. I had to get away from everything because I no longer felt like I belonged there. I lost my entire support system in the matter of a few hours. I lost you, Ranger, and all my friends at RangeMan and I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure you know what that feels like.

Imagine being part of something so wonderful and amazing and then having everything you thought was real, ripped away from you. I wasn't lying when I told you that I loved you. I thought you were the one for me and that I would always have you in my life. Learning that everything was a lie and that it all started because you were ordered to protect me, hurt more than you can ever imagine. Was the sex all part of the lie too? Was that just to get closer to me?

I know that you may think that you love me and maybe in your own way, you do. But if it was true love, if it was the type of love that I felt for you, you would have had the honor to tell me the truth before I found out from someone else. We spent a lot of time together during this charade and not once did you think about coming clean. I would have understood and I would have trusted you to keep me safe, but you didn't give me that opportunity.

Instead you lied and hid things from me and I lost every ounce of respect and trust that I had for you. It hurts more because I still love you and probably always will, but I don't trust you now. I hope and pray that someday I will learn to forgive you and forget about what happened but that's not today and I'm not sure when it will happen.

They say that if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you then it's yours to cherish forever. If it doesn't then it never was yours to begin with. If you honestly love me, then let me go for now. Let me figure things out, please.

I've asked Ranger not to look for me and I'm asking the same of you. If you need to get a message to me, let Joe know. He's the only one who knows where I am. Please give me the space that I need and someday, maybe I'll come back to you. Until that day, live your life Noah. Be the man who I know you are; the man who I love.

Know that I am safe and that I will think about you every day that we are apart. I honestly believe that you are the other half of my soul and it kills me that we can't be together right now. We have so much to talk about when I'm ready and I hope and pray that you forgive me when the time is right. Until then...know that I love you.

Always yours,

Breá

I couldn't hold back the tears nor did I try. How could I just sit here and let her go? How could I just trust that she would come back to me? I felt like less than a man. I felt lower than dirt. I felt unworthy of the love that she so willing confessed to me. I needed to redeem myself. I needed to feel like I was in control of something, because at that moment, I felt helpless and that's not a good feeling for a soldier.

I did the only thing that I knew I could do. I called my handler and volunteered for any mission that I could. He told me that I needed to be ready to go the very next day so I informed Ranger and Tank that I was leaving and I never looked back.

Tank POV

Fucking great. Not only did Ranger and Zero fuck shit up, I had to be the one to inform all the other guys what happened. I was the one in charge of reading Stephanie's letter to them. Those two fuck heads fucked up the best thing that ever came into this building.

We're big scary guys. We're trained to kill and we don't have a problem taking a life. Most people cross the street when they see us coming and rightfully so, but not Stephanie. She didn't see us as anything except her friends. She accepted us for who and what we are and she never tried to change us. Everyone in this building loved her. Some of the guys loved her like a sister and some loved her a whole lot more. None of them were going to take the news of her leaving lightly.

When Morelli handed Zero and Ranger their letters, they both went to their separate apartments to lick their wounds. It was their fucking fault that we were in this spot so I had no sympathy for them. Their stupidity cost us our light.

I briefly read the letter before calling a company wide meeting. I called in two contract workers to man the monitors that day because I figured that none of the men were going to be in the mood to work after hearing what happened so everyone from RangeMan Trenton piled into the conference room that afternoon. Everyone except Ranger and Zero.

Zero informed us that he was heading out for a mission. There was no end date so he didn't know when he was due back. Pussy was just scared to get his ass kicked on the mats. Ranger at least had the balls to stick around. I knew what was coming for that man.

Once everyone was seated and quiet I briefed them on the Alvarez situation and the outcome of the failed operation. I could see the anger and rage bristling off some of them. Most of the men in the room had no idea about the protection detail that Zero was ordered to do or about his and Steph's relationship. They didn't know that Ranger didn't inform Steph about the threat either. WhenI finally told them about everything, they were beyond pissed. When it was time to read Stephanie's letter, I took a moment to clear my throat and then began reading the words of a broken woman.

Rangemen,

By now you probably have heard that I left and you probably even know the reasons why. I need you all to know that I am going to do my best to stay safe and I'm asking you all to honor my wishes for space and not look for me. I've asked the same of Ranger and Zero, but I know you all do your own things sometimes. I'm asking you not to do it now.

I love each and every one of you and I am going to miss my friends dearly, but my trust in you all was shattered. I'm not sure who all knew about what was going on and I don't really care. I know at least a few knew about the scheme and failed to tell me. Maybe you were just following orders or maybe you were too scared to stand up for what you thought was right. Either way, it was wrong and it broke the belief that I had in RangeMan as a company. I honestly don't know who I can and can't trust anymore.

Joe Morelli knows where I am and knows how to get in touch with me. If you need me for anything, let him know. He will get the messages to me. Please don't hound him about where I am either. He won't tell you and it will just piss me off.

I'm not sure when I will be back. I need some time to think about everything and to decide what I really want out of my life. I'm tired of being entertainment or just a pawn in a big game. I'm more than that and I deserve to be treated better.

Until I return, know that I will miss each of you and I will think of you daily. I will learn to forgive and I will eventually forget. Until then, I'm afraid that you won't see me. Stay safe and watch each others back. I'll need some friends when I return, that is if you all still want me around.

I love you all,

Bomber

Uncontrolled rage was the atmosphere in that conference room. The guys that knew about the deception looked down with regret and the guys that didn't looked at them with anger. I knew that the punching bags and mats were going to be full for the rest of the day. I dismissed the men and gave each of them the rest of the day off to work through their feelings. They had to stay close to the building, but none of them cared about that. They would all be in the gym beating each other senseless. Me included.

I read Steph's letter one last time and then folded it up and carried it to my office. I picked up my phone and dialed a number.

"Yo" His voice sounded distressed and maybe a little drunk.

"Mats, ten minutes." I hung up. I knew that he would understand exactly why he was getting his ass whooped. No one hurts our Bomber and gets away with it. Not even the boss.

A/N - So how did you like the bonus chapter? The next chapter will be Steph in Greenville starting the process of healing. Look for it tomorrow. : )