Tears of the Hopeful
A new day was beginning. The sun crested over the horizon, bringing with it bright rays of warming grace to spill out over the land. The chill from the night still rested upon the world, but with the promise of coming day, life began stirring again, moving out to greet the morn. Songbirds called happily from their perches, their happy twittering floating on the air to ring in the ears of sleeping creatures, telling them to wake and to greet the morn.
But in the small grove at the base of the volcanic mountain, the creature stirring there was not awoken by the happy calls of the birds. Ah-Un woke from his sleep in a startled daze. He could feel the unrest in the air around him, and he knew that there was something approaching that meant harm. The beast stood and took up a guarding stance beside the sleeping miko. Un stood on watchful guard, scanning the trees around him for whatever it was that was coming their way, and Ah reached down to nudge the sleeping girl from her slumber.
"Five more minutes," Kagome grumbled sleepily as she pushed the head of the dragon away and pulled her blankets further over her head.
Ah snorted loudly and tried again to rouse the girl, but he was pulled away from his task when Un began rumbling a low growl of warning. Ah lifted his head to join his counterpart, and together they waited for whatever it was that was coming. The dragon moved its heavy body to stand above the sleeping girl. She had been so kind to them that they could not leave her so unprotected with such a threat approaching. A low rumbling started in the demon's chest as it brought its powers to surface, and from within the turbulent light of dancing thunder began to build.
A tremendous burst of restless winds burst through the trees, bringing with it a wave of fearsome power and energy. The dragon braced against the onslaught, lowering its heads to lessen the impact of such a blast and allowing much of it to pass over its large frame. When the wave of energy had finally passed, the dragon looked up again to confront its opponent.
When they looked up, they saw the mighty youkai. He stood tall and proud, his stance relaxed but poised for ready movement. His fine garments rustled in the currents of energy being released from his body, and his long mane of hair whipped around him in a frightening dace of fury. He locked the burning gold of his eyes onto the dragon, in them conveying the message that certain death was what awaited the beast.
Ah-Un was no fool, and he knew that to face such an opponent was foolishness. But he could not abandon the girl. He would not leave her alone and helpless to face such a being. If anything, the dragon knew loyalty, and he would not break faith with the young woman after she had shown him kindness he had not seen in his long life from any creature. So he readied himself for what was to come, using his body as best he could to hide the girl from the demon they stood against.
But before any move could be made on either side, a loud yawn and a rustling of fabric brought attention to the young miko as she finally woke. Kagome sat up lazily, stretching her hands up above her head and yawning again as though she had no knowledge or care as to what was going on around her. She blinked a few times to clear her eyes of sleep, then, finally, took a look around.
She saw Ah-Un first, and took passing notice of the way he had set his large body above her and the aggressive nature of his stance, then she turned slightly to look at the other demonic presence; not being even slightly surprised when she set her eyes on Sesshomaru.
"Morning," she mumbled groggily as she moved to get out of her sleeping bag.
Ah growled loudly as he bent down to try and keep the young miko beneath him, but Kagome just giggled lightly and patted the dragon's nose.
"Don't worry about him," she told him with a wink. "He's all bark and no bite."
That comment nearly had Sesshomaru growling, but rather than allowing such open disrespect get the better of him, he settled on narrowing his eyes disapprovingly at the troublesome girl. "Woman," he bit out coldly, "What do you think you are doing here?"
"Ummm…" Kagome scratched her head a bit as she took a look around. "Isn't this where we're supposed to be?"
Sesshomaru fought against the urge to roll his eyes at the girl's stupidity before he regained his composure and spoke again. "This is the correct location; however, you are even more foolish than I had assumed if you believed that you would be able to climb the mountain without myself."
"But I didn't," Kagome replied as she made her way over to the deadened fire and began poking at the ashes with a small stick to uncover the still-glowing ambers underneath. "I knew you'd sniff me out sooner or later." She paused for a moment to add a few sticks to the ambers and restart the small fire, then looked up to Sesshomaru curiously. "I didn't think it'd take you so long though." She giggled lightly and stood, giving Ah and Un a pat as she passed them on the way to her bag. "Don't tell me Ah-Un gave you the slip."
"Woman." Sesshomaru's voice was filled with warning.
He had spent hours putting up with Tsukuyomaru and his continual and completely un-based insinuations as to his relationship with the young miko, and when he finally managed to rid himself of the annoying bat he found that the blasted miko had managed to get herself captured by a low-level youkai, which was made even worse when that youkai happened to be capable of flight and of concealing its path by burning away its scent as it passed, then when he finally managed to locate the confounded miko he finds her sleeping peacefully with the beast that she had obviously connived into bringing her here; the LAST thing he needed was for that miko to start throwing out insults at him.
"Oh, all right," Kagome sighed as she started sorting through her supplies to find new clothes and breakfast. "Just keep you pants on."
Sesshomaru lifted an eyebrow at the girl's ridiculous statement. His apparel was hardly the issue they were discussing, but since the miko didn't seem to care to elaborate on what she had said, he decided that it was best left that way. He had no desire to know what would make the girl say such a thing anyways. He watched her silently for a moment as she sifted through the supplies of her great pack, but since doing such a thing was only serving to give him an uninhibited view of her swaying backside, he decided his attention would be served better elsewhere. So he settled on glaring at the unfortunate dragon that happened to be the only other thing living that he could focus his anger on.
But Ah-Un was not about to take Sesshomaru's glare lying down…well…actually, he was. He trotted over to the young miko, and lowered himself to the ground by her feet, releasing a low grunt as he did so that gave Sesshomaru the distinct impression he had just been snubbed. Sesshomaru growled softly in his chest, wondering when exactly it was that the whole world had turned against him. The answer to that question though was answered for him with the sound of something being thrown in his direction: it was all that damn miko's fault.
Sesshomaru snatched the object out of the air, his displeased rumblings growing in volume when he discovered that the miko had offered him another of her 'treats'.
"Woman…"
But Kagome cut off his growling warning. "To say I'm sorry for taking off on you like that, even though you did sort of abandon me to do whatever it was that you were doing with the bat." She shrugged and smiled brightly as she gathered her supplies into her arms and stood. "Now, would you kindly point me in the direction of the nearest water?"
Sesshomaru scowled slightly at the miko, but eventually gave into her request and pointed her towards a small stream nearby flowing down from the mountain. Kagome's smile brightened even more, she chirped her thanks to him quickly and then darted off towards her morning bath.
As soon as the girl was out of sight, Sesshomaru allowed himself a long sigh of aggravation. He had never been more right than when he presumed that his time with the miko would be trying. Still…his sight wandered down to the small treat in his hand. He knew that he probably shouldn't…but it had been so long. One little taste couldn't hurt, could it?
He lifted his hand hesitantly, allowing the scent of the treat to play in his sensitive nose. There was simply nothing that could describe how absolutely wonderful that scent was. It brought him back to the times in his youth where he had no cares and no worries, where image and appearance had no meaning, where he could live and play with no thought as to consequences or repercussions; a time where he had been free to be the youkai that he was.
But those times had long since past. The time for fun and games had gone along with the innocence of his youth. The world was not a place for joy or for laughter, it was a place in which only the strong could survive; and it was his strength that would lead him to his destiny. No temptation, no matter how sweet in its lull, could divert him from his path of conquest.
The treat fell from his hand, landing forgotten and abandoned; buried in the dirt as the memories of his youth would stay buried in his mind.
TTTTTTTTTT
Kagome finished strapping her gear to Ah-Un's back, allowing her hand to brush soothingly through the beast's thick mane before she stepped away. Things had been unsettlingly silent since she had returned from her bath, and the tension in the air was becoming so thick she didn't even need her miko powers to know that Sesshomaru's mood spelled danger for everyone in his company. He hadn't moved since she had returned, he remained a statue; staring off into the distance at the mountain's summit, never once acknowledging her presence, not even to order her to get ready. He simply stood there, distant and removed from everything around him, and Kagome feared that anything she had gained from him, any respect or glimmer of friendship, had somehow been lost to her.
"I'm ready," she said quietly, knowing that even a whisper could be heard by his sensitive ears.
Sesshomaru didn't even turn to acknowledge the fact that she spoke. He reached into his robes, pulling the enchanted amulet from where he had been keeping it, and tossed it back to over his shoulder. Then without even a word, he started walking towards the mountain.
Kagome caught the amulet clumsily as she stared after Sesshomaru. Something had happened to him while she was gone, and she couldn't even begin to fathom what could make him retreat into himself so deeply. Where he was normally a block of ice, cold and sharp around the edges; now he was an ice-burg, an island unto himself, monstrous and deadly to any who dared to approach him.
She drew in an unsteady breath, but then steeled her resolve, donned the enchanted necklace, and mounted the twin-headed dragon. She soothed Ah-Un gently when he grunted in warning of her chosen course, and managed to coax the beast forward to begin the ascent up the volcanic mountain.
TTTTTTTTTT
"I seek the fang. Tell me where it is located, old man."
"Sesshomaru! Let him go!"
Kagome jumped off of Ah-Un as soon as the dragon had gotten her close enough. The minute her feet hit the ground of the mountain, the barrier of her amulet surged up around her, wrapping her in a blanket of crimson fires. But the fires of her barrier had no heat; instead they served to drive away the threat of the burning ground on which she walked, soaking up the dangerous heat and scorching fire.
She dashed forward and made to grab at Sesshomaru's arm, which was holding old Totosai around the neck in a vice-like grip. But Sesshomaru moved before she could reach him, pulling Totosai with him.
"Speak, fool." he threatened as he threw the weight of the old youkai against the wall of his cave, never loosening his grip about the pyromancer's throat. "Tell me what I wish to know."
"SESSHOMARU!"
Sesshomaru finally acknowledged the miko when she loosed an arrow to land only inches from his head. "Do not interfere." He growled out at her, the piercing gold of his eyes bleeding in wisps of terrifying crimson in his building anger.
"I'm not going to let you hurt him!" Kagome screamed as she notched another arrow. "Let him go!"
Sesshomaru snarled viciously, pulling his lips back to give the young miko a full view of his deadly fangs. He dropped the old youkai to land in a heap on the ground and turned fully to face her.
"Your disrespect has gone on long enough, miko." He growled out as he advanced on her purposefully. "You will learn your place."
In a blinding flash of speed, Sesshomaru was on her. He passed right through the burning red of her barrier, and had her held tightly in his claws before she could even register the movement. He used his size and his strength to back the young miko against the opposite wall of the cave, stopping only when she could move no further and was forced to look up at him as he towered over her.
Kagome met his hardened gaze unwaveringly. She had been expecting him to react with violence ever since he had removed himself from her that morning. And though she was slightly surprised that he had been able to pass through the barrier surrounding her, she had somewhat expected it after the meeting with Tsukuyomaru that she had suspected was not coincidence and the way that he had so willingly given her back the amulet.
Even being held with his sharp claws resting so dangerously by her delicate throat, Kagome did not falter once. "Sesshomaru," her voice was strong and sure. "Let me talk to him. I've gotten answers from him before and I can do it again. I know more about what we are doing here, and I know more about what things he will hide from you at any cost. He will serve us no purpose if he is dead."
Sesshomaru growled deeply as he let the miko's words sink in. He knew what she said to be truth, and that was why he had thought to bring her with him in the first place. The old youkai was loyal to his father, so loyal in fact, that even after his father's death the old retainer would keep what knowledge was granted him till his dying breath. The girl truly believed that she could coax from him the answers they needed, and it was time for her to start providing some service to him.
"Do not waste time," he bit out coldly as he stepped back from the girl.
Kagome gulped nervously, praying silently that she really could get the answers she needed from Totosai, because she got the distinct impression that Sesshomaru would give her no more grace if she were to fail. She stepped around Sesshomaru slowly and made her way over to the old youkai.
"Totosai," she called his name softly as she knelt down next to him to help him sit up.
"Do I know you, child?" Totosai asked as he let his old eyes focus more clearly on the young woman who had just spared his life from Sesshomaru.
"Not yet, old man," she sighed. "I am a miko. I am the miko Inu no Taisho sent to aid Sesshomaru in finding the third fang you crafted for him."
"Hmmmm…" Totosai drifted into his memories, bringing his hand up to stroke his small twisted beard. "I recall something about a miko…But there were only two fangs."
A low growl from behind her forced Kagome to take more drastic measures; she grabbed Totosai by his shoulders and forced him to look at her. "Totosai, think! Both of our lives are riding on this! Inu no Taisho had you craft three weapons for him: Tenseiga, Tetsusaiga, and one other item. Where do we go to find the third item?"
"You don't look much like a warrior priestess." Totosai commented as he took in the sight of the young woman before him.
"Totosai!"
"Fine, fine," he grumbled in annoyance. "Only one clue exists as to the location of the final weapon. 'He shall be blind, whilst only her eyes will see; on earth, in sky, in time shall I be.'"
"Another riddle? What does it mean?"
"Haven't any idea." The old youkai replied. "The master didn't want just anyone to be able to find his legacy. Only Sesshomaru will know the answer, and only with the Warrior Priestess by his side will he ever find it."
"Miko," Sesshomaru's voice from behind her made Kagome turn to face him. "We leave."
Kagome stared after Sesshomaru's departing figure in dumb shock for a moment, but she soon realized that whatever the old youkai had said had meant something to Sesshomaru. She bid a hasty farewell to Totosai, collected herself from the ground, and hurried to catch up with Sesshomaru.
When she made it out of Totosai's cave, Kagome found Ah-Un waiting for her. Un grunted impatiently and gestured his head towards a white blur on the horizon. Kagome caught on very quickly what the dragon was tying to tell her, and she mounted the best swiftly, urging him into the skies to follow after Sesshomaru.
They flew for hours, so long that Kagome began feeling the painful stiffness of her muscles from riding and the unsettled rumblings of her stomach as it nagged at her to be fed. But she resolutely ignored the pain and discomfort and focused all of her energy on keeping up with Sesshomaru's lead. He hadn't wavered from his course the entire time, and he hadn't allowed the distance between them close in the slightest. He remained to her nothing but a flash of white light against the horizon, and the longer she followed the more and more she could feel the terrible rift that had formed between them.
She wanted so desperately just to be able to talk to him, to find out something of what had caused this sudden withdrawal. But at the same time, she feared what that confrontation would result in. She knew more than anyone what Sesshomaru was capable of, and now with no way to protect herself against him, she didn't know what she could do to that wouldn't anger him to the point where her life would be the only thing to pay for peace.
It was late in the afternoon and the sun had already begun its fast decent towards the horizon when Sesshomaru finally landed.
As Ah-Un drew in for his landing, Kagome took in their surroundings carefully. Directly in front of them stood a massive jutting of jagged stone stretching high into the sky and far off into the distance. The treacherous rocks were wrapped heavily in a blanket of fog so thick the deadly peaks could hardly be seen. Howling winds could be heard tearing across the mountain range but carried upon those winds, mixed in with the deep, whistling howls; high-pitched screeching could be heard ringing out from all directions. This place, these misty mountains, it was a place of terrible danger. Kagome could feel the darkness lurking here and it chilled her to the bone.
But it wasn't simply the treacherous peaks or the howling winds or the blood-chilling screams echoing against the rocks that made this place so dangerous, it was the heavy mist that blanketed everything that gave her the most cause to worry. In the mist Sesshomaru would have no sense of smell, and his hearing would be thrown by the echoing effects of the towering cliffs; in this place he truly would be walking blind. That was the message that the riddle had conveyed, it told Sesshomaru that he must walk into this place where he could not trust his senses; leaving only her for him to rely on to identify the dangers.
Kagome's thought were pulled away from what lay ahead and focused on the problems of her present when Ah-Un touched down gently on the ground not far from where Sesshomaru had landed. She climbed down from the dragon's back and began collecting her supplies, but Sesshomaru's voice made her pause.
"You will camp here tonight."
With that said, he started moving away from her, but Kagome couldn't hold it in any longer.
"Wait, Sesshomaru," she called after him. "We need to talk."
Sesshomaru paused but still did not look back. "There is nothing to speak about, miko. Gather your required rest. We depart first thing in the morning."
And then he left, not waiting to hear anything she would say.
TTTTTTTTTT
Kagome sighed for what must have been the hundredth time. She had gone over the day's events in her mind so many times that everything was beginning to blur together. She had hoped that she could find what it was that she was missing, hoped to discover what she had done to make Sesshomaru remove himself from her so drastically; but she couldn't come up with anything.
She sighed again as she poked at her small fire with a stick. Nothing was making sense to her anymore. How was she supposed to help Sesshomaru if he wouldn't even speak to her? How was she supposed to lead him through the dangers of the mist if he couldn't trust her? How was she supposed to make him understand that she only wanted to help?
She sighed again and threw the stick she had been holding angrily into the flames, watching as small sparks lifted away from the fire to be carried towards the sky. She followed them, seeing them fade from glowing red to merely dust upon the winds, watching as their fire died. For a moment she wondered how something so small could give off such brightness in one moment but have its light stripped away into nothing but memory in the next. Their light…but what if the memory could be rekindled, she wondered? What if the light still lived within the saddened ashes?
What if she could make her light be seen one more time?
Kagome got up quickly from where she had been seated. She gave a quick look to Ah-Un, and once seeing that he was sleeping peacefully, she picked up her bow and quiver and walked away from her small fire and the shelter of trees she had been camping in. She stopped once she had passed the line of trees and was standing upon the rocky ground leading towards the jagged peaks. Out in the open there would be no mistaking her or what she was about to do.
Kagome reached down deeply within herself, ripping apart the barriers holding her powers at bay. Around her the light of her aura exploded in a brilliant wave of blinding light. It shifted around her, moving in gentle waves like ripples across a pond, spreading ever further to cover the world around her in a soothing blanket of pure light, warming to the touch and filled with the deepest of feelings.
In the night, she was a beacon of light, a totem of power, a brilliance, a radiance, that warmed the earth she touched with her gentle hand.
And then it hit her. It was anger and fury, it was hatred and loathing; it was power so dark and so filled with malice that it shook her to her core. She knew it was him, she knew that he had come to her summons; but she had not been prepared to face his wrath.
Her resolve faltered, and her shimmering light faded back into the night.
But with the fading of her powers, she had given him the chance to move in on her, and he lashed out at her for her bold display, striking her hard across the face and sending her tumbling to the ground.
"Wretched human! Your stupidity knows no bounds."
Kagome grit her teeth as she pulled herself from the ground and raised herself to face Sesshomaru. She licked her lips and turned her head to spit out the blood that had collected in her mouth from his gentle treatment of her, the straightened and faced him. She wouldn't back away.
"You can call me whatever you want, Sesshomaru, but that's not going to change what's happening here. You need me if you're going to find that weapon and nothing you do is going to change that. So the sooner you get past whatever it is that has wedged itself up your ass then the sooner we can start working this out!"
"Listen closely, miko, because I will only say this once. This Sesshomaru has no need of you or any other of the disgusting, pathetic creatures you share affinity with. The only reason that I have let you live thus far is because of the knowledge that my father would have in place a safeguard to ensure your passage. But once you have served your purpose, I will rid myself of you and of any further thought of your pathetic attempts to lure me into your company."
"If you don't want my friendship, that's fine with me. But if you think that I don't know what going into those mountains means for you, Sesshomaru, then you are wrong. I know what the mist will do to your senses. I know that if you walk in there you will be blind of anything beyond a few feet of vision. I know that you will need my strengths if you ever hope to walk out of that place alive. So you can throw the friendship I offer you back in my face, but you can not deny that you need me!"
"You give yourself too much credit, miko. No strength you possess will ever be of any use to this Sesshomaru. You squander what meager abilities you have by throwing power recklessly into battles that are not your own, and by drawing in enemies that you can not even see!"
"You think I don't know that?! You think I don't know what risks I was taking to call you here to me? I know that there is something in those mountains, but if it meant that I would finally be able to speak to you, then I was willing to take the risk! You can't keep hiding yourself from me, Sesshomaru! You can't keep blocking yourself away! I can't help you if you won't let me close enough to know that you need help!"
"And what help do you think that someone as worthless as you could give to a being such as myself? What can you do miko? Can your arrows clear a path through that mist? Can you distinguish an aura so clearly that you can hit it without ever seeing? Can you find the way clear of those treacherous peaks through the fog; find the opening where the weapon rests? Can you do anything that would be of any use? What can you do but to slow me down, get in my way, burden me with your pathetic human weaknesses, and keep me from fighting my way clear when I have to go back to pull your worthless self from whatever it is that would think to make you their dinner just so that I can fulfill the requirements of my father's will? Tell me, miko! What is it you think to accomplish here?"
"Do you think that I wanted this, Sesshomaru? Do you think that I asked your father to send me to you? Do you think that I enjoy spending my time with someone that I know hates me and that would give just about anything to see me dead? Do you think that I asked for my life to be nothing but one impossible task after another? I don't know what I'm supposed to do here. I don't know what your father saw in me that made him do this. I don't know how I'm supposed to help you, but I do know that I'm doing everything that I can to see that it is done! Can't you see, Sesshomaru? Can't you see that I'll do anything to make you trust me, to make you believe that I'm not a complete burden? Can't you see that I'm doing everything I know to do just to make you open up enough to let me help you?!"
"It matters not, miko. I do not want your help."
"Fine! Then I'll do it myself!"
Kagome retrieved her bow from her shoulder and walked away from Sesshomaru, entering the churning mists at the base of the mountain.
TTTTTTTTTT
The mist swirled around the young miko in an endless sea of white haze. It was all around her, covering everything, keeping what secrets it would hidden beneath the chilling white blanket. It had only taken moments for the moisture to seep into her clothing, carrying with it the terrible chill settled upon the air. She shivered violently against the cold, but she could not stop walking; if she did her body would succumb to the elements.
All around her, sometimes far off within the cloud and sometimes so close she could feel the vibrations of the rock walls, the shrill screams of the creatures living in the mountains reached her ears. Their cries lifted into the night and echoed across the vast reaches of the mountains, chilling the blood running through her veins. They seemed to be screams of horror, like banshees slinking through the mist, calling out for other lost souls to join them in their torment.
But still she walked. There was nothing for her to go back to. Sesshomaru had given up on her, he had turned away from her offer to help, and now she was alone. She tried to keep herself from feeling the pain of her isolation, she tried to keep her emotions in check so that the barrier around her would keep steady; but the longer she walked, the more the mist drew he into its madness. And as her will began to falter, the barrier around her began to give way.
When the last of the shimmering light of her barrier gave way, Kagome collapsed to ground. She couldn't go any further. Sesshomaru had been right; she was nothing but a weak and pathetic human. She had no strengths to offer him. She had no power that would be of any use. She had thought that he would see what his father had seen when she released her aura into the night, but all he had seen was a foolish human trying to get his attention. And maybe he was right. Maybe it was just foolishness for her to be here. Maybe she was wrong to believe that she could offer him anything. Maybe she had placed her faith in the wrong things.
As she knelt against the broken rocks, what was breaking inside of her tore so much more than those sharp edges did against the skin of her hands.
She realized then that she had failed. She had failed Toga; he had placed his trust in the wrong person. She had failed Sesshomaru; he would never find the last piece of his father's legacy. She had failed her friends; they would never complete the Shikon without her there with them. She would die in this place because she was too weak to do all that had been asked of her. She could no longer think of herself as a miko; a miko would have known how to stand against the madness of the mountain. She could not see herself as a friend, because what kind of friend would give up before they saw the final wish of the one they thought of such completed.
She had failed them all, and there was no one to blame but for herself, but for her own weakness.
"I give up," she whispered softly into the night. "I can't do it any more." Her tears dripped down to the ground below her, but she couldn't see them; she couldn't see anything but for the darkness in her soul. "I don't have what it takes to do this. There's nothing more for me to give. There's nothing…."
She gave in to the sobs that racked through her body. She had no more strength to fight them off. And even when she felt the demonic aura approaching her, she did nothing to stop it.
"You were right," she said to him in a broken voice, never lifting her eyes from the ground. "I can't be the one to fulfill your father's legacy. I'm not strong enough for any of this. I just want to go home. I want to go back to when I didn't know anything about magic and demons. I just want it all to end…"
Sesshomaru looked down at the sobbing girl. The fire in her spirit had died, the conviction she had of her quest, the faith she had in herself and her abilities; all of it had been ripped away from her. He had broken her. With nothing more than a few harsh words, the girl had fallen apart before him. He couldn't understand. He couldn't see how something so trivial could strip her bare and leave her as this sobbing wreck of human emotion. What had happened to her quick temper, her unrelenting stubbornness, her faith in what had led her here, her resolve to see this mission succeed?
He had broken her and he had hardly lifted a hand against her. She was dying, but not from any wound of the flesh, but by something so much deeper and so much more painful. And he had done it. He had taken her fighting spirit; he had robbed her of her resolve and her pride. She had come here for no reason but to help him, and in return he had fought against her generosity, resented the necessity of her aid, given her nothing but hatred; and all the while she had stood up to him, challenged him, fought against him, tried to convince him that she could be more than he was seeing. But he hadn't listened, he hadn't wanted to.
And now, as she knelt brokenly at his feet, finally giving in to things that he had thought insurmountable, finally seeing the futility of what she had set out to do, finally understanding how useless it was for her to believe she had the strength necessary to see this trial through to the end; he found that he hated her for it more than he had ever hated her for anything she had ever done.
He hated that she had given up. He hated that she would allow herself to break so horribly. He hated that she would allow herself to show such weakness.
But more than any hateful feelings he had towards her, he hated himself for being the one to bring her to this end.
It went against everything that he had ever believed. She was finally showing him all the weaknesses of her humanity, but it was not her weakness he saw; it was his own. It was because he had not been strong enough to hold heart she had given him, it was because he had not had enough courage to believe when she had offered him her faith and her trust, it was because he had allowed his doubts and his biases to corrupt his vision that he could not see that all along she had been everything he had been told she was; it was because of his own weaknesses that he had not been able to see that her strength didn't come from her power or from her abilities but from somewhere he had never been able to see until now: her strength came from her heart.
And it was her heart that he had broken in his foolishness.
"Stand."
Kagome shook her head. She couldn't abide by his order. There was nothing that she thought she could do but to stay where she was, shedding the tears of her failure. But Sesshomaru would not allow it. He reached down and pulled the sobbing miko to her feet. She didn't fight against him, but she didn't move to help either. She was like a rag-doll in his hands, allowing whatever movement he would give to her but never creating any on her own.
"Look at me," he ordered sternly, but all she did was hang her head, shadowing her eyes behind her mane of hair.
"Please don't," She choked out between broken sobs. "Please don't make me. I can't…I can't bear to see it. Please…."
Sesshomaru reached out, taking hold of her chin and turning her head forcefully to look at him. But still she would not.
Kagome closed her eyes, unwilling and unable to look into his eyes. She feared so much the hatred and the resentment and the disgust that she knew she would find there. She couldn't take it. She had given everything she could think to give, and it hadn't been enough. There was nothing more she could give, nothing more he could take from her. And she knew that if she looked into his eyes now, that what she saw there would make it so that she could never go back. He hated her, and she knew it. He despised her and her kind. He resented that his father had chosen her to lead him on this quest, and he held no trust that she would be able to bring him through it. She couldn't face it. She couldn't bear to look upon him and see such a terrible truth.
"Please," she whimpered, "Please just let me go."
"Kagome."
Her shock was so great when she heard her name flow from his lips that she snapped her eyes open to see that what heard had been false. He had never, he would never…But when she looked into his eyes, what she saw there was not anger or hatred or resentment. She saw confusion and uncertainty; and she saw pain, the pain of knowing that it had been his wrongdoing that brought her such suffering.
"Do not cry anymore," He told her softly as he moved his hand from where he had been holding the set of her jaw, allowing it to travel gently across her cheek to brush away the moisture of her tears. "You are stronger than this."
Kagome drew in a shaky breath as she let his words sink in. The haze of uncertainty and doubt began to clear from her vision and she could see her way through again, and what she saw was him. She sobbed once more, but this time in relief, and collapsed against him, burying her face against the soft fur of his pelt. Sesshomaru allowed it to happen, and he lifted her into his arms and began making his way back out of the mists.
As he walked, he knew that her tears still spilled from her eyes, but those tears were no longer filled with her pain and heartache; those tears carried with them her renewed sense of faith and understanding.
Tears of the hopeful.
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I am officially running out of things to make Kagome cry about…or at least words to describe her tears. It was a nice idea and all, but the longer I write, the more I curse myself for ever thinking that it would be possible to pull this off. Not that it isn't possible, but I really don't like writing chapters this long. Longer chapters just means that it takes longer to get them out. Sigh. What to do what to do….
Anyways, that is all for tonight. Even Shadows need their rest.
Disclaimer: Don't own it, never will. Too bad because I could think of some great ways to entertain myself if I did have some of the cast of Inuyasha at my disposal. Oh well, I guess I will have to settle on writing fanfiction.