He had just touched the apartment doorknob when he heard the twins speaking over one another before he heard a patient sigh and soft voice tell them "One at a time guys." Before chuckling softly. The sound cut through him and chills ran down his spine before he thrust the door open quietly and finally saw her.
She sat in a crossed legged position on the floor with the twins who were bouncing around, unable to contain their excitement. She paid unyielding attention to the twins' report of the week as they tried their best to speak one at a time without interrupting one another, it was a skill they were still working on. She laughed again when Wyette said something about Alfred and again the sound ate away at him, her gaze met his briefly just before looking away expertly. He closed the door to apartment and the twins whipped their heads around before hopping off the floor to greet him.
"Dad, Mom's home!" they shouted as they ran over to where he stood.
Alfred stood at the kitchen counter wearily, but before he could make out anymore of the situation his eyes flew back to her as she stood up from her crossed leg position. Her raven locks were pulled back into a ponytail, she wore a loose white blouse with no sleeves, denim shorts and a pair of white sneakers. Her rosy red cheeks were flushed with color and her lips looked just slightly uneven; her lower lip just slightly swollen from bringing them just under her teeth when nervous, her cyan blue eyes were steely; guarded and lightly rimmed in red from what he knew could only be excessive crying.
He managed a smile for the twins and scooped them up in his arms. "I can see that." He said walking over to where she stood.
"Welcome home." He said warmly as he stopped two feet in front of her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her deeply, he wanted to lift her off her feet to spin her around to make her laugh, the way he always did whenever they got back from being apart for more than full day. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was and wanted to know what she was thinking, he wanted to let her know how much he missed her. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her but he didn't, couldn't.
He was still struck that she was standing before him, that she'd even left in the first place. It felt like a daze, like a dream that would disappear if he was too advancing. A tentative look in her eye told him she was uncomfortable with the situation especially with John and Wyette between them and she was nothing if not a doting mother.
"We missed you mommy, a lot." Wyette said interrupting her as she was just about to speak.
"A lot, a lot." John echoed.
"A lot, a lot, a lot." Dick finished slowly.
Zatanna laughed and her face slipped into a pout, "So you guys aren't mad, I didn't have time to say goodbye?" she asked.
"I think I heard my fair share of complaints about that." Alfred said walking into the living room.
"Not anymore," Wyette said quickly, "We forgive you, just don't do it again." She ordered
"Ever." John added suddenly.
Zatanna laughed and watched as the twins hopped down from Dick's shoulders (with his assistance), she held out her pinky and the both of them rushed to meet it with their own pinkies.
"I promise." She said.
"Now," Dick said, "Go get cleaned up for dinner."
John's face slipped into a pout, "But mom just got here, I wanna hear about her mission."
"Me too," Wyette agreed easily, "Plus I'm not even hungry yet." She said proudly.
Zatanna ran her fingers through Wyette's long wavy silk black hair. "Common guys, you heard em', wash up for dinner." She said. "I'll tell you stories later."
The twins groaned but dragged themselves up the stairs obediently and the minute they did, everything in her being wished they hadn't. The tension in the air was stifling and she walked pass both men and into the kitchen without saying another word. She ducked down and pulled open the cabinet doors of the kitchen island to look for a pot she knew was there.
Panic coursed through her veins as she heard their trailing footsteps.
"Zee?" Dick called.
She popped out from behind her ever-penetrable fortress of solitude and looked at both weary men.
"Can I help you with anything Ms. Zatanna?" Alfred asked as the silence had grown uncomfortable.
Zatanna turned to face him, her face beat with chagrin, "Alfred you've really done far too much as it is. I couldn't ask you to lift another finger, I'll take care of dinner tonight if you don't mind."
"Don't be ridiculous, dinner's already in the oven and the only thing I'd mind is if you let the quiches burn while I pretend to go pack to give you two some privacy." He said seriously.
Zatanna smiled in spite of herself, "Thank you Alfred," both she and Dick said, as he disappeared into the hallway.
Dick stood at the kitchen entrance and leaned against the wall, in an effort to keep himself from running over to her. "You're back?" Dick asked cautiously.
"For now, for them." She said quietly.
Dick took a deep breath through his nose and she dropped his gaze. "What can I say to make you stay?" he asked. "What can I do? Let me make this up to you, Zee."
"Honestly Dick, I think you've done enough. I really just want to have a quiet, normal night at home with Wye and John."
"Then don't go again." He pleaded as he walked over to the kitchen island a few feet from where she stood. "I don't want to have to lie to them or pretend that everything is okay when it's not. They missed you like crazy, they ask about you morning noon and night, and all I can do is watch them be miserable about something that's my fault."
"What do you think I've been doing for the past year Dick?" she asked in a hard-angry voice as she glared up at him.
"You lied to me for a year," she reminded him her voice breaking, "lied to them for a year, and I stood here every day feeling like an inadequate mother and partner, while you played hero and let me feel that way. For a year." She said emphasizing her last sentence.
His breath caught as he went to speak, and she continued.
"Didn't you care at all how I felt? How they felt? Did you even notice-" her words stopped cold as she heard the twins scurry down the hallway above them. She let go of the breath she was holding, "We can't do this right now," she said.
"Please, I'll do anything, I'll sleep on the couch, in the twins' room, anything. Just stay, I know you're mad Zatanna and you have every right to be, I know I messed up but please just stay." He whispered. "We can work it out later, when Alfred's gone and the kids are down."
Hot tears started to prick her eyes and she shook her head, "I don't know if we can Dick and I don't know that we should." She said her voice breaking.
Shock ripped through his features as her words tore through the tension between them.
"Of course we can Zee, I love you and I'll do anything to fix this, to fix us, I swear." he started saying as he began walking towards her.
"Please don't." She put her hand up in warning and looked him in the eyes though her unshed tears were starting to blur her vision. It was then that he noticed her naked ring finger and his heart began to sink.
"I don't know that we're on the same page anymore Dick," she muttered.
"Zatanna, please" he said, his voice pleading now, "I fucked up, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry but think about what you're saying, we've been through worse, we'll get through it -"
"This isn't an argument Dick," she said dejectedly, "I'm not debating with you, I'm telling you that I don't know that this…us…is working for me anymore and I'd really like to think it over…alone."
She looked up at him and he looked like he had been punched in the gut, breathless and slightly dazed.
"So you're leaving?" he asked hollowly.
Tears fell from her eyes as she closed her eyes and nodded, she couldn't bear to see him so crushed and again she wondered how he could possibly watch her go through the same thing for a year and not feel so overwhelmed.
"What about Wye and John?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.
"They won't even know I'm gone." She promised. "I'll be here when they are, when they wake up, when they're home from school…. but once they're asleep I'm going back to Shadowcrest."
"I'll know." He said.
Just then they heard the twins running down the stairs. She quickly spun to open the sink and rinse her face of the salty tears and heard Dick clear his throat. She gripped either side of the sink and tried to swallow the sobs she could feel rising from her throat.
She looked over her shoulder just in time to see Dick leave the kitchen to stall them in the living room.
Just as she patted her face dry and they walked into the kitchen, Alfred's timer went off and she pulled the quiches out from the oven. Alfred walked into the kitchen and cleared his throat exaggeratedly, Dick and Zatanna looked at him questionably.
The twins excitedly ran to the fridge and pulled out a tray of cupcakes covered in frosted letters that spelled "Emoclew Emoh Ymmom".
"Surprise!" they shouted in unison as they brought the cupcakes to the table. "Welcome home mommy."
Tears sprung to her eyes again and she let them flow freely now, Alfred handed her a handkerchief and she thanked God that she went makeup free today.
"I love it." She rushed to explain as the twins looked at her perplexed. "Thank you so much you guys."
"It was dad's idea." John beamed.
Zatanna turned to look at Dick in surprise.
"Welcome home." he said, his eyes heavy and voice low.
"Welcome home," Alfred echoed.
"Welcome home!" Wyette and John finished.
Zatanna smiled meekly and forced a laugh through her tears, "Thank you." she whispered.