Author's Note: Sorry about the long break between this chapter and the last. School got really busy, then I was uninspired, then I sort of forgot about having to finish this. Thanks goes to Lady Nightwisp for encouraging me to keep working on this!
"Hawkeye, catch up!" Flamepelt growled over one shoulder for what must have been the eleventh time.
Hawkeye reluctantly picked up his pace. A heavy stone of dread rested heavily in his belly. His paws were taking him closer and closer to battle, the thing he despised most of all. And I'll have to fight! It's not like Korea, where at least I would be focusing on helping wounded... Memories of blood soaked soldiers, the look of fear in their eyes flashed through his mind, closely followed by the memory of the skirmish he had witnessed the other day. Horror rose in his chest as he imagined himself in the thick of battle. Blood… pain… screams of pain…torn flesh… I can't do that! I can't! I have to get away! I can't fight, and that's that. I could never… He shuddered as an image of himself swiping at a RiverClan warrior, their blood staining his claws… I have to get away! I have to escape! But how? Flamepelt and Flowershine had stayed at the back of the main patrol of warriors, and constantly threw suspicious glances back at Hawkeye. If he disappeared, they'd know almost instantly, and he didn't want to fight with them either. I'm trapped! I can't escape without having to fight, and I can't stay without being led into a battle!
He heard screeching up ahead. I guess it's not over yet… That was my last hope.
Graystar gave a ferocious battle cry as they burst onto Sunningrocks. Every cat but Hawkeye threw himself into battle. Hawkeye froze, transfixed. The rocks were covered in the writhing masses of cats locked together in combat. Caterwauls of anger and agony drowned out the noise of the nearby river. He spotted a black cat running across the rocks, her shoulder fur wet with blood. A RiverClan warrior fled into the river, making the water around him crimson. Is it over? Are they leaving? But the battle continued, loud and fierce as ever. Maybe I can leave then, too. I have to. I can't battle. I won't battle. I… I'll have to leave the Clans. I can't live in a society where everyone's expected to fight. I'll have to live on my own. With a pang of longing, he remembered moonlit evenings snuggled close to Belle, bantering with Trapper in their tent (usually at Burns' expense), laughing at Klinger's next scheme to get out of the army, and sharing a drink in Henry's office. I think I want to go back. The war will end, and I can go home to where fighting is practically illegal. I can be with Belle, my love; and Trapper, my best friend, not to mention Klinger and Henry and Radar. But here the fighting is a way of life, and it would be expected to be my way of life.
"I can't believe it," he murmured to himself. "I want to go back."
Suddenly, the weight of a body slammed into Hawkeye, bowling him over. Hawkeye stared up in shock into the snarling face of a RiverClan warrior. He's going to kill me. I'll never see Belle, or anyone, ever- His thoughts were interrupted when the warrior started dragging his claws down Hawkeye's side. Hawkeye yowled in pain and struggled frantically under the big tabby cat's grip.
"Help! He's going to-" Hawkeye was silenced by a fluffy softness in his mouth.
He's suffocating me!