Total Drama Action Redux
a Total Drama fan fiction story
by Lord Akiyama
Author's Note: This is an alternate universe story based around my idea of how the series would have gone. It begins from the episode Alien Resurr-eggtion onward. Some elements are the same as in the show, but the rest is taken in a different direction.
Total Drama and its characters are copyright © of Fresh TV, Teletoon and Cartoon Network. This story was created purely out of sheer enjoyment so please don't sue. Or throw me off a thousand-foot high cliff into a shark-infested lake. That would so smarts.
Chapter Ten
Full Metal Drama
(Narrated by Chris McLean)
Last week on Total Drama Action...
Our competitors took it on the chin as they faced an all-you-can-eat buffet of deadly natural disasters. It started with the inclusion of a new awesome cook in Ricardo Balbone Montez de la Vasquez Asa Loca and his fine delicacies. Then the kiddies were pitted against a wicked obstacle course that had them rocking and rolling.
That is, until Duncan hurled Chef Hatchet's memoir onto an unsuspecting Harold in reaction to Justin's lack of commitment to the team.
Ah-ouch!
With poor Harold on the shelf, the Gaffers were given the advantage going into the next challenge while the Grips continued to fight among themselves.
But the Your-Own-Worst-Enemy Award clearly goes to LeShawna. Eating the new cook's beans caused her to rip one so nasty it melted the vital clue they received to win the day. Better call the fire department because LeShawna's pants were seriously on fire. Luckily, we had a submarine tank simulator full of water to douse the flames in a water-logged event that had all our competitors gasping for air.
Unfortunately, the hired helpers that tagged along with Ricardo were inept and nearly cost the boys and girls not only their lives, but ours as well. Believe it or not, those kids dying is something even I would never want to have on my conscious, and not just because me and the producers would have been sued until kingdom come. While scrambling to get Chef Hatchet out of his punishment, the two teams instead impressed the hell out of me by managing to figure on their own how to escape.
Nevertheless, we still needed to send someone home. And though Harold managed to make it back negative for a concussion, his lady-love LeShawna was given the boot, leaving him not only with broken bones, but now with a broken heart.
Sound tough? Get used to it! Because this week... it's all out war!
It's a desperate battle for survival on...
TOTAL... DRAMA... ACTION!
(Cue Theme Song)
Everyone awoke suddenly to a loud thumping sound. Curious, they all slowly slipped out of bed and looked outside to see a butcher knife lodged onto the side of the boys' trailer. They stared at the discovery for a moment before they realized that there was more noise to be heard. The sound of two men yelling and arguing at the top of their lungs. One voice they could clearly understand. The other was utterly incomprehensible.
"HOW DARE YOU COOK IT LIKE THAT!" the recognizable voice of Chef Hatchet was heard. "YOU RUININ' THE TEXTURE BY ADDIN' SALT LIKE THAT! YOU SUPPOSED TO USE VINEGAR, NOT WHITE WINE!"
"Why is Charlie yelling?" Lindsay asked, speaking in a worried tone.
"Who is he yelling at?" Geoff questioned, raising a confused brow.
"Oh, this I have got to see," Gwen proclaimed, a smirk forming on her lips as she started to make her way toward the Craft Services Tent. She turned briefly to explain to the others. "Chef is arguing with that new cook."
"I'm definitely in for this," Duncan chuckled, hopping out of the boys' trailer to join Gwen.
"You sure you want to get that close to the action?" Trent asked with concern, catching up with the other two so that they could hear him. "I mean, they might continue to throw stuff."
"Trust me, babe," Gwen responded with a laugh. "Seeing someone get under Chef Hatchet's skin this bad is well worth the risk of receiving bodily harm."
"This is a pay-per-view quality fight, man," Duncan added with a grin. "I'll gladly take advantage of a free viewing no matter the consequences it might bring."
It wasn't long before everyone was positioned near the entrance of the Craft Services Tent, making sure that they set to move quickly should something be thrown in their direction. They looked in to see Chef Hatchet and Ricardo Balbone Montez de la Vasquez Asa Loca literally going at one another verbally. They were nose to nose, their eyes inflamed with fury, veins popping out of various body parts, and their fists clenched good and tight.
"THAT AIN'T NO WAY TO COOK MEAT!" Chef yelled while Ricardo argued back non-stop in his own Spanish language. It appeared that Chef was doing all he could to outdo the other in terms of who could speak nonsense harder and louder. "YOU SHOULD BE USIN' RAT, NOT SNAKE! HOW ARE THEM MAGGOTS GONNA BE ABLE TO TASTE IT IF AIN'T LIQUIFIED?"
"That's just not right, bras," Geoff muttered, his face contorting into a squirming look with each sentence Chef yelled.
"I don't know how much longer I can handle listening to this," Bridgette noted, looking very uncomfortable. "I don't like the thought of what exactly they've been using to make our food."
"This is revolting," Justin complained quietly. "Isn't there some way we can sue over our food being a health hazard?"
"Yet another reason to always read the fine print before signing any contract," Gwen replied with a sigh. "If this is how those two go about making meat dishes, I shudder to think how they make their idea of a vegetarian dish."
"Gwen!" Bridgette nearly cried.
"Sorry," Gwen responded.
"WHO TAUGHT YOU HOW TO COOK?" Chef continued to yell at Ricardo. "STEVIE WONDER? I BET YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROAST DOG AND ROAST CAT! HOW DARE YOU NOT MAKE THAT SALAD CRISPY ENOUGH!"
"I do not see how this could be all that exciting," Harold noted. "They are just yelling at each other, which could go on for a very long time. There really is not anything else happening."
"Are you kidding?" Duncan questioned, as if in disbelief over what he had just heard. "This is just the warm-up. Ten bucks says they'll be throwing fists within the next hour."
"So what is the point of watching them argue if this is supposed to be some great showdown you are making it out to be?" Harold asked back in retort. "All it is doing is revealing what we did not want to hear about what we have been eating."
"Look, no one is making you stay and watch," Duncan stated. "If you wanna take off and find something else to occupy your time, be my guest. I ain't gonna stop you."
"Guys, can we please not fight?" Bridgette begged. "It's bad enough to see Chef and Ricardo arguing in there, but for it to spill out here amongst us is too much to bare."
"Especially after what we went through in the last challenge," Trent added. "You would think our nearly drowning to death and having to work together to survive would make us less snippy with one another."
"Hey, I've already eased up on my pranking his sorry butt and apologized for knocking him cold the other day," Duncan said in response. "You two seem to forget that he and I are on opposite teams. At the end of the day, he's my competition. I have no reason to be civil with him any more than I have to."
"Oh, so now I am your competition all of a sudden," Harold immediately retorted. "That is supposed to excuse you for all the bullying you have done not just here, but back on that stupid island when I your teammate?"
"Here we go again..." Gwen muttered with a sigh, shaking her head before burying her face in one of her hands.
"Guys, come on!" Beth pleaded. "Let's not do this now. Not when the next challenge could begin at any minute."
"Perhaps you should have been a real man and come after me instead of getting my Princess booted unfairly!" Duncan stated, completely ignoring the others as he focused all of his attention on Harold.
More would have been said between the two had it not been for the sudden sound of a whistle blowing. One that was being blown into a megaphone, which apparently had the volume dialed to maximum. All of the contestants immediately covered their ears, desperately trying to block out the sudden attack on their hearing. Once the whistling died, a new voice sounded.
"A-ten-hut!" Chris McLean announced through the megaphone. His exact location was unknown, but they were pretty sure he was where the next challenge would be. "All cadets are to report to the eastern side of the film lot! On the double!"
There was a collective moan of relief and dread that was let out from the competitors. Soon enough, they began to sulk their way toward their assigned destination, looking to get through the day as quickly and with little suffering as possible. Before they moved, Duncan and Harold each gave the other one last death glare.
(Make-Up Confessional)
Duncan - "You bet your bottom dollar that I'm starting to lose it here. With the She-Male still managing to survive the cut, I badly need to let off some steam. And now that LeShawna is gone, Dork Boy is ripe for the picking."
Harold - "If Duncan thinks he can keep pushing me around without fear of the consequences, he has got another thing coming. LeShawna is no longer here, so it is no more Mr. Nice Guy. Duncan is going to be so sorry the next time he messes with me."
Bridgette - "What is it about a million dollars that brings out the worst in people? Sure Duncan and Harold were hardly on friendly terms back on the island, but it's like the intensity between them has tripled in the short amount of time we've been here. And there's no sign of it easing down any time soon."
Geoff - "Bridge isn't liking how all this is going down between Duncan and Harold. And when my Surfer Chick is not being mellow, it makes everything all uncool and stuff. I'd do something if I could, but Duncan hasn't been in a happy mood lately. And he won't chill out when he's like that, no matter how hard I try to cheer things up."
Moments later, the contestants gathered around as Chris McLean paced before them. They could see that he was wearing what was obviously an army helmet. To their surprise, Chef Hatchet was not only also present, but he had already changed into his drill sergeant attire. They could almost guess immediately what this was going to be about.
"Today, we're all about war movies," Chris announced while he was still pacing At the same time, Chef kicked Geoff so that he would be lined up properly with the others. "So, look lively, you..."
"Buckets of horse doo-doo!" Chef suddenly stated, finishing Chris' sentence for him. Almost like it was planned to be that way from the start. Nevertheless, it succeeded in shocking the teens into attention.
"So, get ready for the first death-defying challenge, you..." Chris began to continue.
"Disgusting, slimy crustaceans!" Chef finished.
"Move it, privates!" Chris proclaimed. "Fall in!"
"Sir, yes sir!" all of the competitors responded.
(Make-Up Confessional)
Duncan - "I've always wanted to be a marine. They're rough, tough. They wear rad boots and say 'Hoo-hah!' No clue what that means, but it sounds so cool. Hoo-HAH!"
"I am so pumped!" Harold proclaimed, pumping his fist with excitement. "My squad in Battlefront has won ten online gaming titles. The secret to our success? Teamwork."
"This is the real world, Virtual-Loser," Duncan snorted in response. "Once I get my Marine on, it's game over for you. I'm the main course, the rest of you are gravy. As in on the side."
"Don't you two have anything better to do than bicker at each other?" Trent asked, letting out a heavy sigh along with the others.
"You won't be saying that when I bust out my deadly Nun-Yo," Harold stated to Duncan, completely ignoring Trent. "No longer must we live in fear of ninja attacks. Not when I'm carrying this bad boy." Quite suddenly, we whipped out two pairs of yo-yos attached together on an independent line. He began spinning them, creating what appeared to be a vortex that surrounded him. "I will defeat all enemies and smite them with dishonor!"
Harold began showing off his Nun-Yo skills regardless of whether or not any one else was watching. It took a grand total of one second for Duncan to officially get bored. Rolling his eyes, he picked up a stick, walked calming over to Harold, and dropped the stick in the middle of Harold's Nun-Yo. As one would expect the results found Harold quickly tangled up with the added insult to injury of one of the yo-yos connecting rather hard below the belt.
"My nether-regions!" Harold cried before falling onto his face.
"Harold just took a Nun-Yo in the Nun-Yos!" Duncan laughed heartily. "What a loser!"
"Not funny, Duncan!" Harold tried to yell, though his voice was unnaturally high pitched and horse with pain.
"Okay, people!" Chris announced. "Remove your blindfolds." The contestants did so, and thus found themselves inside an airplane. One that looked suspiciously empty. The handsome host continued to speak. "When it comes to making a war movie, jumping out of an airplane is the most dangerous stunt there is." He opened case he was standing next to, revealing a collection of parachutes inside. He then chuckled as he opened the door leading outside of the plane. "So naturally, it's out first challenge!" As expected, there was a gasp of horror that emanated from all of the contestants.
"Dude, we barely survived the last challenge with our lives!" Geoff cried.
"Now you want us to jump out of a plane?" Bridgette questioned frantically. "Are you insane?"
"Just chill out, dudes and dudettes," Chris stated calmly, though having to raise his voice so that he could be heard over the wind gushing through the door. "Everything is under control-"
"Bullsh-/censored/!" Gwen yelled. "There is no way this could possibly be under control! Not with how this whole goddamned show has worked since day one!"
"And that's not even taking into consideration whatever sick twist you probably threw in!" Trent stated rather sternly. "What's the deal? We're supposed to jump without parachutes?"
Chris made no immediate response to Trent's question. As a matter of fact, he was sheepishly looking from side to side before taking a quick peek out the door. "Drop zone approaching!" he proclaimed in a poor attempt to skirt the issue. "Form a line! It's time to par-tay!"
"You mean we really are going to have to jump without parachutes?" Beth screamed in dread. "You are insane!"
"Oh hell no!" Duncan angrily declared. "We are not doing this!"
"Not to mention it's highly illegal to make us!" Harold stated.
"My modeling agency will sue your ass from here to kingdom come!" Justin threatened vehemently. "For endangering my life without a photographer present to capture my last one-shots!"
"I don't wanna die!" Lindsay cried, tears flowing out from her eyes like waterfalls. "I'm too young to die! I haven't even had a chance to tell Tyler that I love him!"
"O-kay..." Chris muttered when he finally had a chance to speak. "If you scaredy cats would give me a minute to explain what it is that we're actually doing-"
"What is there to explain?" Bridgette asked in frustration. "You're making us jump out of a plane without parachutes!"
"And this after we almost drowned inside a submarine!" Geoff added.
"You really want a fatality to spike the ratings, don't you?" Gwen demanded firmly.
"This is absolutely not worth a million dollars!" Trent stated.
"I hope you burn in Hell for all the mean things you have been doing to us!" Beth screamed.
"I have no qualms with going back to juvie if it means choking you to death to save my hide, Chris!" Duncan roared.
"When the lawyers are done with you, you'll be choking yourself to death to escape the debt you'll be in!" Justin proclaimed.
"This is totally bogus!" Harold declared.
"Tyler!" Lindsay cried. "If I live through and I get a million dollars, I'll marry you!"
"You'll what?" nearly everyone uttered in shock, turning their attention to the Lindsay. While she could hardly be regarded as the smartest tool in the shed, she was able to recognize what she had just said that caused everyone to look to her in surprise. As such, she began to blush madly and shrink into herself with embarrassment.
"Alrighty then..." Chris managed to say, breaking the silence that had occurred for a moment. "Tell you what, you guys figure out what the beauty queen is talking about and I'll just step out here for a minute. M'kay? Great." Before any one else knew it, Chris took one giant step out of the door and disappeared out of the plane.
The sight of the handsome host exiting the plane as he did caused everyone to gasp in horror. In fact, they honestly did not know what to think or what to do. They were paralyzed with shock and confusion.
"Di-Did he just do what I think he did?" Beth gasped in question.
"What the hell is going on here?" Gwen asked in disbelief.
"Surely he wore a parachute before he jumped out, right?" Bridgette suggested, though it sounded as though she was hoping for it to be the case as opposed to be convinced that it was so.
"I didn't see him grab one before he left," Trent noted.
"And he was not wearing one underneath his clothes," Harold added. "Otherwise, we would have looked as though he had a hunchback."
"I'm just trying to figure if this is a good thing or a bad thing," Duncan proclaimed, his lips flinching slightly as if it was hesitating to form a smile or not.
"How can this not be a bad thing, bras?" Geoff questioned. "What's gonna happen to us with the host gone?"
"Clearly we should be able to get out of this stinking place, right?" Justin tried to declare. "Chris obviously jumped to his death, so that's the end of the show and we can all go home."
"But who's flying the plane?" Lindsay asked.
Initially, everyone was surprised that it took Lindsay of all people to come up with that question. Once they let that register, they then turned their attention toward the cockpit. Who indeed was flying the place if Chris wasn't? Was there any one in there at all? As if to answer their question, the plane suddenly began to tip to one side. Specifically tipping so that the door leading out was positioned near the bottom. And it was sucking out everything violently.
All tried to scramble and grab onto something, but the sudden movement of the plane had caused them to lose balance. Sure enough, everyone began to tumble about before finally falling through the door and out of the plane screaming for their lives.
It was a merely a second later when they all realized that they were already on the ground. In fact, they were all lying on top of a soft spring mattress that had been laid out directly below the plane door. The dust started to settle and they could see that the gust of wind that had been blowing was the result of the Tsunami Maker 5000 being operated by a chuckling Chef. Still further confused, everyone looked around before finally spotting Chris leaning up against the plane with his arms across his chest and shaking his head as though he was disappointed in them.
"As I was going to say before you people rudely interrupted me," he began to announced. "This was to be a simple racing challenge that began with you hoping out of a plane that was no more than three feet off the ground. Three feet off the ground! From there you would have tackled the typical obstacle course used for those training to join the military just over yonder with the first team to finish receiving an advantage going into the next round. But since you kiddies were so sure that I would be stupid enough to force you to jump out of a plane without a parachute after what you went through the last time, I imagine we'll just have to figure some other way to make things interesting for you guys to deal with."
"You... have got... to be kidding me..." Gwen muttered with anger under her breath.
"This bites..." Duncan added in frustration.
"Let's roll, soldiers!" Chris proclaimed. "Because the second part of this challenge is gonna blow your minds! And everything else within a fifty foot radius!"
(Make-Up Confessional)
Lindsay - /Pauses sheepishly for a moment./ "... Daddy? I hope you like Tyler. I really think he'll be different from all those other guys. You know, the ones that disappeared after I said that I could, like, see myself marrying them."
Chef removed the cover to a large mound that revealed a hefty cache of bombs and grenades. Various shapes and sizes in numbers so great that a few of the boys actually whistled how impressed they were. Most of the girls merely groaned with displeasure.
"Are those... paint bombs?" Bridgette asked curiously after inspecting one of the bombs.
"We've divided the camp into two halves," Chris began to explain. "Most creative and controlled splatter wins."
"Talk about a challenge custom-made for me," Duncan declared, rubbing his hands together with delight before diving right in to pick up as many bombs and grenades as he could carry. "I'm all over this."
"Might I suggest you consult your friendly neighborhood chem-expert?" Harold questioned to his teammates. "Because what is an explosion? Other than the chemical reaction of trinitrotoluene, decomposing as C7H5N3O6-3N2 + 5H2O + 7CO."
"Dude, what's that in English?" Geoff asked, rubbing the inside of an ear with his pinky.
"You guys really considering letting four-eyes lead on this one?" Duncan noted. Before long, he was on the ground howling with laughter. "That's rich! Taking orders from him on a challenge like this. I'll smoke him before he even gets a chance to even take one step onto the battlefield."
"It is brains that wins battles, not brawn," Harold stated. "I bet that I am much more attune with developing battle strategies and modifying them on the fly to adapt to changing situations than you are at simply being able to use bombs."
"Oh sure, just because you played a few video games that makes you an expert on how to plan and attack in combat," Duncan said sarcastically. "Face it, Dweeb, you flat out suck at real life and only manage to skate by on dumb luck."
"Again with the disrespect!" Harold yelled in anger. "You and your precious princess have belittled my talents and abilities from day one. Yet ask any one from our old team and they will tell you that it was because of me that we were able to achieve victory on several occasions. As a matter of fact, you have yet to be responsible for winning a team challenge either back then or even now. You are the worst team player on the whole show!"
"Dudes, let's just calm down, alright?" Geoff said, trying to ease the tension that was quickly building.
"You really wanna go for it, Twinkle Toes?" Duncan demanded in a huff. "I don't see your precious LeShawna around to protect your worthless little hide now. How's about you man up for a change and walk the walk instead of talking the talk."
"I am sick and tired of your endless abuse!" Harold responded in kind. "It is time that you are paid back what you are owed!"
"Bring it, Nerdling!" Duncan declared.
"That is it!" Gwen screamed from the top of her lungs, causing everyone to jump slightly and bring their attention to her. "I have had it with the two of you bickering at one another like you're in kindergarten!"
"Same here!" Trent stated in equal frustration. "It's like it only takes one little thing to set the two of you off into a verbal assault on one another. It's driving everyone else crazy!"
"We are not going to sit idly any longer," Gwen proclaimed. "I swear to God, whatever it takes, one of you two is going to get sent home next. We cannot deal with this crap for another f-/censored/-king minute!"
"Say, that doesn't sound like a bad idea," Chris interjected excitedly. This followed with a chuckle that sounded rather sinister to some of the contestants. "In place of whatever it was we were going to do for whichever team had properly won the first challenge that you kiddies screwed up, we're going to spice things up a little for the rest of the day. Duncan will now captain the Killer Grips and Harold will captain the Screaming Gaffers. And we're going to live by the old saying that the captain goes down with the ship. The captain of the losing team at the end of the day will be outta here! No votes, no second chances! You either win or you go home! Comprende?"
"Just so long as it stops this whole thing for good, I can accept that," Gwen said.
"Me too," Trent responded with a nod.
"Harshness," Geoff muttered. Nevertheless, it appeared that everyone else was fine with this new development. In particular Harold and Duncan, who each gave the other a determined glare.
"For once, I'm actually glad we have Duncan on our team," Justin proclaimed to Beth and Lindsay. "Vandal Boy beats Big Chem Nerd. It's a simple equation. And with us up five to four, this challenge will be a cake walk." As if to further illustrate his point, Justin had suddenly step up a hammock and hopped on for a relaxing nap.
"Oh, you're not getting off that easily, She-Man," Duncan stated. He spun the hammock hard enough for Justin to spill out onto the ground. "Since I get to be running the show for this team, that means you have to do whatever I say, no questions asked. If I tell you to pull your weight, you're gonna do exactly that. Got it?" Justin glared up at Duncan with immense hatred in his eyes, but said nothing in return.
"I really hope for your sake that your talents are as good you say they are," Bridgette said to Harold. "Because you know Duncan will have free reign to bury you at every turn if you lose this."
"Sh'yeah, man," Geoff noted with a nod. "Everything is gonna be on your shoulders, bra. You think you can handle it?"
Harold opened his mouth and was about to respond, but then stopped himself. In that instant, he displayed a slight bit of hesitation. One that the others in the Screaming Gaffers immediately picked up on, resulting in their becoming quite concerned about how this day was going to go for them.
(Make-Up Confessional)
Gwen - /In a huff./ "I have nothing more to say about the issue. I could care less which one gets the boot so long as it stops all this insufferable drama they have with one another."
Trent - "You think it's bad during the competition, you should see what they're like in the boys' trailer. It's only by luck the rest of us aren't caught in the middle. We can't take it any more and something had to be done to put an end to all of this."
Geoff - "Duncan is a cool bra and all, but so is Harold. I mean, we're not on the same wavelength and all, but that's not to say he's any less cool, you know. Really bums me out the way they go off on each other constantly. Brings the mood down and all."
Bridgette - "Harold does rub people the wrong way sometimes, but he's no less of a nice guy. I mean, he hooked up with LeShawna. That's a plus. Duncan is intolerable with how he treats everyone like they're inferior. to him in every way. I would like nothing more than to see Duncan go, but I'll accept Harold leaving if it means the end of all of this fighting they have."
Justin - "Despite the fact that he's a strong competitor, and I will admit that he offers the best chance for us to win this challenges, I would like nothing more than to see Duncan get humbled by Harold. I mean, take one good guess as to who he targets when the Nerd is not around for him to pick on."
Beth - "What is Duncan's problem? Why does he have to pick on people for no good reason than to make himself feel all high and mighty? It's just too bad that he is as good as he says he is from time to time, because I would love to see him go over Harold. And besides, if Harold is gone, he's going to unfairly go after Justin."
Lindsay - "I really don't like it when Harry and Devon fight all the time. It's like they have to fight because it is in their BMA, or something. You know, Body Moving Action. It's all sciency and stuff."
"Grips, are we ready?" Chris asked as he handed Duncan a detonator.
"Time for a little punk rock," Duncan declared as he pushed the handle down to activate his bombs. The explosions were strategically placed and when all was said and done there was a giant paint splatter in the shape of a skull. A rather obvious, yet admittedly impressive, insignia from the delinquent.
"And who says vandalism doesn't pay?" Chris commented with a chuckle.
"Try and top that, Harold," Duncan said as he walked past his competitor. To add insult to injury, he poked Harold in the chest rather hard. "This is my world you're living in, Dork Boy. Give up now and I just might show you a little mercy." Harold merely responded by grinding his teeth when Duncan was not looking.
"Are we ready to blow it up?" Chris asked the Gaffers with a curious brow raised in anticipation.
"For LeShawna..." Harold muttered quietly to himself. He took a deep breath and then pressed down on the handle to activate his bombs. Only nothing happened. The other members of the Gaffers groaned in disappointment while Duncan was already laughing.
"Well, folks," Chris began to say. "We seem to be having some technical-"
The explosion caught everyone, even Harold, by surprise. Whereas Duncan had set off a series of bombs to create his splatter image, Harold set everything off in one gigantic go. And it was quite the impressive sight unto itself. The end result was a paint splatter in the shape of a heart. One could argue that it was of equal size to the image Duncan had made. Aside of the shape, the other noticeable difference was how much cleaner Harold had made his to appear.
"How about that," the handsome host uttered with a chuckle. "It was explosive, it was creative, and it was just a tad bit more controlled than the Grips. Well done, Harold. You just won this round for the Gaffers." The Gaffers cheered with excitement and disbelief, though Harold merely sighed with relief. The Grips looked far from pleased.
"Are you kidding me?" Duncan complained. "How can a heart be as creative as that wicked skull I put together?"
"Nice going, Duncan," Justin said, crossing his arms in frustration. "This was a challenge tailor-made for you and you still blow it. Some great leader you turned out to be."
"Test my patience again, Pretty Boy," Duncan growled. "I dare you."
"It is my honor to present your prize," Chris further announced to the Gaffers. "The Big Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets!" The said prize was rolled out by Chef for the others to observe. The Gaffers looked at it curiously, wondering whether it was appropriately named. "You'll be defending it with your very lives in the grand finale of today's challenge. It's a giant game of capture the flag. Except in this case the flag is... the Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets! There's only one way to learn what's in the trunk and that's to win the challenge. As a reward, you'll send the other team's captain packing and we'll give you a peek inside. But be ready. The secrets inside will blow your brains to bits!"
"I don't want my brain to be blown to bits," Lindsay gasped. "It would make me all icky and stuff."
"Not to worry," Chris stated, holding up a roll of duct tape. "A roll of tape will be provided so you can tape the gray matter back together." He let out a chuckle while most of the contestants merely rolled their eyes.
"Gaffers, this is your base camp," Chris said to the team in question, directing them to a tent Chef was standing next to with their insignia present over the outside flaps. Geoff and Harold were carrying the Big Trunk of Mind Blowing Secrets behind Gwen and Bridgette. "Our set decoration team wanted to build you guys a towering castle full of defensive possibilities. But they went to see a movie instead, so we're gonna give you this." Chef removed the tent cover to reveal an extremely broken down tool shed. "I think it's a tool shed." The small building structure then collapsed upon itself rather suddenly. "Was a tool shed. Good luck!" And with that, Chris and Chef quickly exited the scene, leaving the Gaffers to plan their strategy.
"Guess I'll ask the obvious question," Bridgette stated. "How are we going to defend this big old trunk of secrets with no fort?" At once, everyone turned to Harold.
"We will put our heads together and come up with a group plan," Harold answered. He then proceeded into the tool shed wreckage and removed four shovels that just happened to be sticking out enough for him to pick up. "In first World War movies, they always have underground hiding places. Foxholes."
"Don't get me wrong Harold, your plan is better than nothing," Gwen said as he was handed a shovel. "But you can bet that Duncan will take one look and whatever you set up and tear it apart before you even had time to react."
"I am counting on that, actually," Harold responded in a rather confident manner. One that caught the others by surprise.
(Make-Up Confessional)
Harold - "I have had it with Duncan. I have been giving my all since day one. Then Mister 'Too Cool to Care' suddenly wakes up and everyone falls all over him? He might be standing tall after that first challenge, but the taller the Mohawk, the harder it falls."
"It would appear that Four Eyes is having his team dig up a foxhole or two," Duncan noted, watching the opposing team through binoculars. "This is going to be like snatching candy from a baby."
"That's not very nice," Lindsay pouted. "Why would you want to steal candy from a baby?"
"I was speaking metaphorically," Duncan responded, rolling his eyes before turn his attention to his team.
"So, fearless leader," Justin said, emphasizing the given title for Duncan sarcastically. "How do we go about winning this challenge for you?"
"It should be pretty straightforward, really," Duncan answered with a confident chuckle. "They're digging up a foxhole over there, so it would be easy to assume that they are going to try to hide in there and catch us in a surprise attack."
"But even if Duncan did not know that, it would still be a mistake to try to actually hide in the foxhole as we have limited moving space and they still have one more body than us," Harold explained while he and the other Gaffers were digging up the foxhole. "Therefore, we are merely using this as a decoy."
"The foxhole is gonna be empty," Duncan explained. "Which means they will likely be setting up hiding positions about and around the foxhole to catch us off guard."
"He will be expecting us to hide in places around the foxhole," Harold noted. "The belief being that we would watch and wait for them to see if they would check the foxhole."
"Chances are that they will try to booby trap those so-called hiding positions," Duncan said. "Diverting our attention away from what is otherwise hiding in plain sight."
"Duncan is probably guessing that any hiding position we set up will be booby trapped," Harold stated. "He is going to set his sights on the trunk hidden within the foxhole."
"Of course, leaving the trunk all alone in the foxhole means that it is probably surrounded by all sorts of booby traps," Duncan noted. "Depending upon the circumstances, someone may need to bite the bullet and set off those traps so as to give the rest of us a clear run at nabbing the trunk."
"Knowing Duncan, he would be more than willing to sacrifice a teammate to set off the booby traps," Harold said. "But then, who is to say that the trunk itself is not booby trapped."
"There is the possibility that the trunk itself would be booby trapped or another decoy," Duncan explained. "Given its size and shape, I doubt even with Geoff they would be able to move it very far."
"He will be considering the option of whether or not the trunk itself may actually be a decoy," Harold stated. "He is also going to think that we would not be able to move the trunk too far, even with Geoff to help carry."
"Dude, that's harsh," Geoff commented. "He should know I can lug stuff here and there with no problem. Sure I'm not Eva or DJ, but I got the strength, yo." He started to flex his muscles a bit, which caught the giggling attention of Bridgette for a moment.
"This has been very informative and very enlightening, Duncan," Justin said sarcastically with a yawn. "But would you mind telling us essentially how to capture the trunk and beat the other team?" He received a death glare from the punk for a moment, though it would appear that the male model really did not care.
"The busted up tool shed," Duncan answered in a growl. "They're going to hide the trunk in there."
"We set up the decoy in the broken down tool shed over there," Harold proclaimed, rubbing his hands together gleefully. "I doubt Duncan will realize that there is another good place to hide the trunk until it is too late."
The Killer Grips cautiously made their way through the clearing where the Screaming Gaffers were last seen. They began to carefully examine their surroundings, keeping an eye out for anything that might look to appear out of place. Of course, not everyone was to follow the team strategy, let alone remember it.
"Hey, look!" Lindsay declared. "There's, like, loose soil over here. Maybe this is where they hid the trunk." Absentmindedly, she made her way over to the loose soil on the ground.
"Lindsay, wait!" Trent called. "That's a-"
Too late. The second Lindsay made contact with the soil, in collapsed downward, taking the screaming blonde with it. When the dust settled, the Grips looked over to find her next to a hefty mound of soil, tangled up in a net and covered with mud.
"Gross!" Lindsay cried. "I'm all dirty!"
"Well, there goes our one body advantage," Duncan muttered with a sigh before turning the others. "How about this time you guys remember to do as I say, okay?" He received no objections from them before they proceeded to leave the area.
"Wait!" Lindsay called out, watching the rest of her team go. "Isn't someone going to help me? Beth? Justin? Trent? I've got mud inside my boots and it's all icky!" A few moments later, she began to notice the mound of soil next to her started to stir. Sure enough, it suddenly rose in place, causing her to scream. "There's something down here! It's gonna eat me!"
"Not really, dudette," said the mound that had a rather familiar voice to it. "Was just waiting to see if someone would set off this trap and you did. So I'll be seeing you." The mound then shook off all the soil, revealing the shape of a certain party dude, who then took off out of the foxhole.
"Oh!" Lindsay whined. "Somebody get me out of here!"
"You sure leaving Lindsay behind is such a good idea?" Trent asked curiously. "Shouldn't we be trying to help her or something?"
"Not enough time," Duncan replied. "The sooner we get this over with, the better. Besides, we would be left open to get picked off by the other team. And I'm not going down without a fight."
"Some teammate you are," Justin muttered under his breath.
"Oh, like you're any better, She-Male?" Duncan responded.
"Stop picking on Justin!" Beth yelled. "He hasn't done anything to warrant you going after him like you do."
"How many times do I have to say it?" Duncan groaned. "That's exactly why I'm on his case. He doesn't do squat! I may be a solo player for the most part, but at least I'm doing something constructive."
"Can we just get back to the task at hand before we give the other team all the time in the world to neutralize us?" Trent demanded sternly. There was a brief moment of silence before the rest begrudgingly continued onward toward the broken down tool shed.
"So you believe the trunk is hidden in this mess?" Justin asked, looking quite pained to be anywhere near the pile of debris.
"Well, it certainly wasn't in the foxhole," Duncan replied. "And we all saw how that was the case. How about you make yourself useful for a change, Justin, and retrieve the trunk. And don't even think about trying to back out of this. You're getting your hands dirty because I, the captain in this challenge, said so."
"I knew you were going to say that," Justin squirmed quietly. He turned to Beth and put on an award-winning smile. "Beth, dear. I would appreciate it if you helped me recover the trunk." As expected, his smile had the exact affect he wanted.
"Anything for you," Beth responded breathlessly.
The two made their way into what was once a tool shed and began digging through. Suddenly, they felt a slight tremor that made them stop dead in their tracks. Seconds later, the ground beneath them collapsed. Their screams were quick and short, meaning that they did not fall very far. Duncan and Trent looked in to find that Justin and Beth were themselves trapped in nets and covered in dust and small pieces of debris.
"Oh my God, I think I have a splinter!" Justin gasped. "It's right there on the tip of my pinky!"
"Help!" Beth cried. "Get us out of here!"
"Okay, I certainly wasn't expecting this," Duncan noted in a curious manner. "Seems Twinkle Toes managed to outwit me on this one and now we're back to having to figure out where they hid the trunk."
"Perhaps it would help if I went down and got the rest of our team free while you work on where to go from here," Trent suggested, crossing his arms over his chest and raising a brow.
"Fine, fine," Duncan muttered, waving his arms up slightly. "Cut the others loose. Gives me the chance to solve this problem alone, which I'm better at doing any way." As Trent hopped down into the newly discovered hole where Justin and Beth await, Duncan made his way out of the debris and back into the clearing. Only to freeze in place and suddenly run back over. "Wait! They probably have another-" He was cut off by the sudden sound of a trap being activated and leaving Trent in the same predicament as the rest of the team.
"Well, this is just peachy," Trent sighed.
"Duncan, you have got to get us out of here!" Justin yelled in a panic. "I need to make sure this splinter is not infected!"
"Will you cut it out with the splinter?" Duncan retorted in frustration. "Besides, they clearly have it set up so that any continued attempt to try to free you guys activates more booby traps. Looks like I really am on my own with this one." With a slight wave, he turned and took off away from the others.
"But you can't just leave us!" Beth cried.
"He has to," Trent stated. "He's starting to realize that Harold is much smarter at these kinds of things than he's ever given him credit for. So he's right to believe that there's probably some more traps set up to prevent him from helping us out."
"This is a travesty!" Justin whined. "My modeling agency will not like to hear what has happened to me!"
"God, I can't even walk ten feet without hearing him complain," Duncan uttered under his breath. Then he sighed and started to think aloud. "Okay, they dug up a foxhole, only for it to be a decoy. That would have left the broken down tool shed as an obvious hiding spot. Yet that ends up getting booby trapped as well. So where else would Dork Boy hide the trunk?" He stood in place and tapped his toe for a moment. When a conclusion was reached, he snapped his fingers. "Of course! The most dangerous place in this Hell hole."
"Explain again why this is such a great hiding place," Bridgette whimpered while trying not to breath in through her nose.
"Because if the four of us end up getting neutralized, the other team still has at least one other obstacle to deal with," Gwen responded, jerking her thumb behind her.
"AND MAY I REMIND YOU THAT THEM KIDS ARE A BUNCHA WHINY LITTLE SPOILED BRATS THAT WANNA HAVE IT THEIR WAY!" Chef yelled at Ricardo. "THE FOOD IS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THEM FEAR AND RESPECT YER AUTHORITY! YER REVOLTIN' SLOB DOESN'T DO NONE OF THAT!" Ricardo responded as he had always done since first appearing, argue back nonstop in incoherent Spanish with the same amount of intensity as Chef had displayed.
The two colorful characters where going back and forth with one another while perched atop of the trunk in the middle of the kitchen in the Craft Services Tent. Both were also bearing a variety of utensils and cooking gear in each hand. It was just a matter of time before they started throwing their chosen weapons out of frustration.
"No one in their right mind would ever want to get within ten feet of those two for any reason," Gwen noted with a slight laugh. "I must say, it's quite ingenious of Harold to come up with that."
"WHILE WE ON THE SUBJECT, WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YER SO-CALLED ATTEMPT AT EGG DUMPLIN'S?" Chef continued to holler at the arguing Ricardo. "THEY CALL THEM DUMPLIN'S FOR A REASON!"
"Can't we just leave so we won't have to listen to any more of the revolting things they're saying?" Bridgette pleaded.
"Sorry, Babe," a cleaned up Geoff answered. "We need to stay here to defend the trunk despite how gnarly it is having Chef and Ricardo sitting on top of it. Duncan may still be able to get past them, you know."
"And the challenge is not over until we have neutralized all of the opposition," Harold declared. "So it is better to wait for him at that which he seeks."
"HOW DARE YOU USE PIGEON TO MAKE BEEF CASSELROLE!" Chef continued to bark at Ricardo, who in turn was still arguing back at him in rapid, uninterrupted succession. "YOU SUPPOSED TO BE USIN' LADYBUG AND COCKROACH!"
"I think I'm going to be sick if I stay here any longer," Bridgette uttered. She swallowed in an attempt to keep her stomach down.
Soon enough, the silhouette that formed the familiar shape of Duncan entered though the entrance flap of the Craft Services Tent. The delinquent slowly made his way inside to face the entirety of the Screaming Gaffers while in the background Chef and Ricardo continued to verbally assault one another with no end in sight.
"I gotta say, Harold, I am impressed," Duncan said with a smug look on his face. "I thought for sure you would be so gullible that you would think the tool shed would be the best place to hide the trunk. But you managed to outsmart me on that end. Bravo."
"Are you finally admitting that I am a skilled and talented competitor like I have always been since we first arrived on the island?" Harold asked calmly.
"Not in the slightest," Duncan replied with a laugh. "It's still dumb luck that you beat me at something I figured you to be a moron at. But you can bet that there ain't nothing you can do that will stop me from getting that trunk from underneath those two excuses for cooks and sending you packing." The delinquent cracked his knuckles and proceeded forward.
"Your arrogance will be your downfall," Harold proclaimed, pulling out his yo-yos and combining them to form the Nun-yo.
"I've been itching to finally put you in your place, Loser Nerdling," Duncan stated.
"THAT AIN'T NO WAY TO MAKE A DECENT PLACE OF SPAGETTHI!" Chef yelled at the arguing Ricardo. "BY FRYIN' THE WORMS YOU TAKE AWAY THE SLICKNESS SO THEY CAN SUCK THEM DOWN THEIR THROATS!"
Duncan charged forward, only to receive a yo-yo hit to the forehead, causing him to back up slightly. Harold continued to spin the Nun-yo in a defensive stance, waiting for his opponent to make his next move. Duncan charged again, this time dodging the incoming yo-yo. Yet he did not take into consideration how quickly Harold could retract the yo-yo, causing it to smack against the back of the head of the delinquent. Duncan started to growl over the apparent easy hits he was taking.
"If you think you can beat me with a buncha yo-yos, then you got another thing coming," Duncan roared before charging again.
Gwen, Bridgette, and Geoff watched in awe as Duncan and Harold engaged in combat. Harold using his Nun-yo to deflect the incoming attacks and nailing Duncan whenever an opening presented itself. To his credit, Duncan managed to land a smack or two the closer he got to Harold. The speed at which they were moving was so fast the others barely managed to keep pace so that they could see every move that was being made.
The finale came when Duncan threw the hardest uppercut he could. Harold just managed to weave himself out of the way and using the opportunity to launch the Nun-yo at the delinquent, causing him to be tied up. Duncan struggled desperately to get out, but ultimately fell to the ground without success. Bridgette and Gwen quickly grabbed a net and tied it around him, thereby trapping him for good. Duncan let out a painful roar of disbelief.
"You have got to be kidding me!" he cried.
"Yes!" Harold cheered, pumping his fist in the air. The rest of the Screaming Gaffers celebrated along with him as Geoff hoisted him in the air. "We won the challenge!"
"Time's up!" Chris announced as he walked into the Craft Services Tent. "The Gaffers have defended the chest, putting them in the winner's circle. That means the Grips will be sending home one of their own, in this case Duncan, tonight." The handsome host chuckled at Duncan, who rolled his eyes in disgust. "And now it's time to reveal to the winners... the mind blowing secrets within this trunk. But first..." He turned his attention over to the two cooks arguing on top of the trunk. "Hey Chef! Mind freeing the kiddies that are all tied up around here?" Chef turned to glare at him for a moment before looking back at Ricardo.
"We ain't done with this yet, Señor Stinko," Chef threatened in a low voice as he hopped off the trunk. "Not by a long shot." Ricardo continued to argue nonstop at the departing Chef while he himself displaced himself from the trunk and returned to his cooking. He was still arguing even after he looked away from where Chef left through.
"Here is what you have been fighting for, team," Chris declared as he gathered the Gaffers around the trunk.
And then, the trunk was opened.
"Nothing!" Chris proclaimed to the crestfallen contestants. "Absolutely nothing!"
"Are you kidding me?" Bridgette asked.
"We went through so much effort for an empty chest?" Harold questioned.
"Dude, this is so not cool," Geoff pouted.
"Why am I not surprised?" Gwen grumbled.
"Yep, this baby is empty," Chris said, closing the trunk and wiping his hands together. "Turns out that the bonus money we paid to get Chef back on the show meant that we couldn't pay for the sweet prize we were thinking of giving you guys for winning this challenge. Oh well, them's life. But hey, look on the bright side? Duncan's going home!"
(Make-Up Confessional)
Harold - "It was quite the letdown that we did not really get anything for all the work we did to win the challenge. But I must admit that Chris was right. Duncan is leaving and I was responsible for his defeat. That itself makes it all worth it. And it was for you, LeShawna. I did it for you."
Once again, the Killer Grips were forced to sit through and endure the sheer terror of the sequence introducing the Gilded Chris Award Ceremony. And this was in-spite of the fact that it was already established that there was no need for a vote as everyone knew who was going to be leaving. Nevertheless, they watched as Chris walked out in his signature light blue tuxedo and red bow tie. Once he reached the podium, he cleared his throat and began to speak.
"Tonight, we have a very special award ceremony to conduct," the handsome host began to announce. "In today's challenge, we had one clear winner and one clear loser. No if's, and's, or but's about it. I have to say, though, it's a little disappointing that you Grips managed to successfully squander your opportunity to really give the Gaffers a run with the one person advantage. Then again, you guys have never really been on the same page from the beginning."
"You don't need to tell me how much this team sucks," Duncan stated aloud. "Even without the fart machine and crazy girl, She-Male over here continues to not do anything, Beth unwisely tries to defend him at every turn, and blonde is about as sharp as a ball."
"There you go again, always complaining about the faults of other people," Beth coldly responded. "Well guess what, Mr. Tough Guy. Today was all on you and you lost. So this time you have no one else to blame but yourself."
"And I'll glad take the fall tonight," Duncan said. "But that does not excuse the fact that this has and will always be a terrible team. Emphasis on team, here. And you know what? I find it really sad that this is the case. Because Trent has been one hell of a stand-up guy from day one and is a far superior leader than our results have shown." This caused the whole team, and even Chris, to perk up in interest. "He was immune from elimination for the first several days. But he never stopped trying to push us to work together and make some sort of attempt at succeeding. Hell, even after he gave up his immunity, he still did all he could to inspire us to unite. It really sucks that we have been letting him down time after time for all of the nonsense we put him through. I swear to God, if you idiots try to bump him at the next voting, there is definitely going to be hell to pay."
"Thanks," Trent managed to utter in surprise.
"Someone's gotta recognize and appreciate the hard work you're doing," Duncan said in return. "Might as well be me."
"I guess if there is nothing more than needs to be said about the disaster that is the Killer Grips," Chris stated when the others fell silent. "Right. So the Gilded Chris Awards tonight go to Trent, Lindsay, Beth, and Justin." The four named contestants were managed to catch the awards thrown at them with little trouble. "Which means we say sayonara to Duncan!"
Before Duncan could even move to stand up, Chef grabbed him roughly from behind and threw him very hard across the Walk of Shame and into the Lame-o-sine. The punk barely had anytime to recover before the door was slammed shut and the vehicle sped off out of the lot and into the night. Chef wiped his hands together and chuckled in a sinister manner.
"Well, the hits just keep on coming," Chris proclaimed. "One of the toughest hombres in the competition, Duncan, is going home this soon in the game. Goes to show that you can never tell who will stay and who will go. Heck, we might even see a comeback. Who knows? All you have to do is keep it dialed here and we'll catch you next time on..." He brought his right hand up for a salute. "Total... Drama... Action! At ease."
Voted Off – Owen, Heather, Izzy, DJ (Withdrew), LeShawna, Duncan
Sorry it took so long to update this story. But hopefully it was worth the wait.
One of my biggest gripes with the original version of Total Drama Action was how it never really took advantage of really sizzling up the Harold and Duncan feud by actually letting them go all out on one another. In fact, I am still of the opinion that the second season should have paid a great deal to the conflict between Courtney and Duncan against Harold and LeShawna, which I ended up doing in Total Drama Academy. Pushing that rivalry was one of my primary goals with Redux and was the key factor in having the teams set up the way they were. There should have been little chance for Duncan and Harold to be on the same team as a result of the intense hatred they had for one another.
So with this chapter wrapped up, it means that the next update will be the Aftermath. Due to the long delay in getting the chapters written, chances are good that most of you folks either don't know or don't remember about the forum I had set up for you to submit characters for fan participation. With that in mind, you guys can go ahead and do so through the reviews. I would still prefer that you guys do them in the forum, but there hasn't been enough to my liking at the moment. So review the story and then develop a character with their question to ask any of the contestants on the Peanut Gallery or has been eliminated up to this point. The more the merrier.
DON'T FORGET TO SEND IN THE REVIEWS!
Next Up: The Aftermath II