DISCLAIMER: (insert barfing smiley face here)
Floatzel, Staraptor, Noctowl, and Sceptile stood concealed in the bushes alongside the road that led to May's hotel. Their plan was about to be put to the test.
"(Are you sure this is going to work?)" asked Staraptor. "(What if Drew doesn't decide to walk here, and has his Flygon fly him here?)"
"(Well, if he does, then we're just going to have to use those anti-air missiles we stole from Team Rocket,)" answered Floatzel calmly.
"(WHAT?! Anti-air missiles?! Those are illegal!)" shouted an angry Noctowl.
"(So, what's your point? We did lots of illegal things at the party. Why, we even-)"
"(Quiet!)" hissed Sceptile, interrupting Floatzel. "(Drew's coming.)"
Drew turned around a bend in the road, and came into view of the four observers. He was carrying an absurdly large bouquet of roses that hid most of the upper half of his body. His body seemed to ooze so much overconfidence that the spies thought they could smell it. Then they realized that it was only his obnoxious-smelling cologne.
"(Ugh! That smells terrible! It smells like a Ponyta took a crap, then a Muk ate the crap and vomited it up, and then a pack of Poochyena took a piss on the vomit!)" exclaimed Floatzel while he clamped a paw over his nose.
"(Thank you for that wonderful mental image,)" said Staraptor sarcastically.
"(Both of you, shut up! Drew will hear us if you keep talking!)" ordered Sceptile.
"(Okay, he's approaching the first distraction,)" observed Noctowl.
"(Thanks for that report, Captain Obvious,)" muttered Floatzel. This generated some snickers from Sceptile and Staraptor, which quickly disappeared when Noctowl smacked both of them upside their heads with his wings.
Oblivious to the Pokemon who were watching his every move, Drew walked peacefully along the road. He was staring straight ahead, and didn't see the little scrap of a Pokemon he walked by. Until it gave a whimper.
Spinning around, Drew's eyes swept the road, until they came upon a Cyndaquil lying in a heap a few paces away. The Cyndaquil was bloodied and battered, and appeared to be barely breathing.
Taking a quick glance to make sure no one else was around, Drew pulled back his right leg and gave the Cyndaquil a kick, punting it across the road and into the bushes, right next to where the four spies were watching in disbelief.
Glancing around again to make sure no one had seen what had occurred, Drew resumed walking as if nothing had happened.
Floatzel, Noctowl, Sceptile, and Staraptor were gathered in a circle around Cyndaquil. While they had expected that Drew would try to do something to help Cyndaquil, they hadn't expected that Drew would actually harm him.
"(I-I-I'm f-f-fff-fine guys! R-r-r-really!)" stammered Cyndaquil.
The four breathed a sigh of relief.
"(Who would be so cold-hearted to kick a defenseless, pitiful, pathetic-looking Cyndaquil?)" asked Noctowl in disbelief. "(Err, no offense,)" he added hastily when he remembered that Cyndaquil was listening.
"(Apparently, Drew is,)" answered Sceptile. "(I wouldn't be surprised if he worked for Team Rocket in his spare time.)"
"(Well, at least we have some more distractions planned for him,)" said Staraptor.
"(Speaking of which, we need to go to the next one,)" said Floatzel. "(Good acting, Cyndaquil. Sorry about what happened to you. Go back to the lab and wash off that make-up, and then take a rest. You deserve it.)"
Cyndaquil trundled off in the direction of Professor Oak's lab, and the four observers hustled off to the next trap.
Drew was walking once again when he was suddenly struck by a great gust of wind. Turning his face to avoid the chill, he saw something in the bushes alongside the road: a magnificent rose. From a distance, it would have looked like any other rose, but up close, one could see what truly made this rose amazing: it about five times the size of a normal rose, the color of the petals was a perfect shade of red, and its stem didn't appear to have any thorns adorning it.
He approached the rose, hand reaching out to take it, when it suddenly disappeared into the bushes with a loud rustle. However, instead of giving pursuit, Drew simply sighed and resumed walking.
"(WHAT?! Why didn't he chase the rose?!)" shouted an angry Floatzel, not caring if Drew heard or not. Fortunately, Drew was out of earshot.
"(Either he is extremely intelligent, or extremely lazy,)" said Noctowl thoughtfully.
"(More likely the second one,)" replied Sceptile with a snort.
"(Who cares? We need to see if the final trap works!)" said Staraptor, and all four hastened off to the final trap.
Drew was walking along the road when he saw a mysterious-looking pile of leaves and branches lying in the road. Thinking nothing of it, he didn't break stride as he walked through it, and then turned the final bend in the road to arrive at May's hotel.
Once Drew was out of sight, the four hurried out onto the road to inspect their failed pit trap.
"(I don't get it! Why didn't this work? It's simple physics!)" exclaimed a puzzled Noctowl.
"(Maybe his diet has worked a lot better than we thought,)" suggested Staraptor.
"(Why won't this stupid thing WORK?!)" shouted Floatzel angrily as he jumped onto the pit trap, landing with a THUD.
"(What was that?)" asked Staraptor.
Wordlessly, Sceptile dragged away the blanket of leaves and branches that covered the trap, revealing that the pit was, well, not a pit; it had been filled in dirt!
"(What. The. Fuck.)" muttered Sceptile.
"(ARGH! Those idiots are going to give me a stroke!)" wailed Floatzel as he brought his hands his head. "(They filled in the trap! I told them to hide the dirt they dug out somewhere, but of all places, they put it back in the pit!)"
Staraptor and Noctowl only shook their heads in disbelief at other creatures' stupidity.
Floatzel calmed down. "(But it's okay. All good masterminds have a backup plan. And while Operation Cause-Drew-To-Be-Late-For-His-Date-And-Make-Him-Seem-Like-An-Asshole didn't work, I'm sure that Operation Ruin-The-Date-And-Drew-Seem-Like-An-Asshole will. Even as we speak, the first phase of the plan goes into effect.)"
Drew was walking through the entrance of the hotel when he was bumped into by a short man wearing a trench coat. He was unable to see the man's face because the man covered it with a hat that tilted downward.
"Get out of the way!" snapped Drew.
The man didn't respond, but went around Drew and out the door.
Drew didn't notice that the roses he carried had started to wither.
When he was safely concealed in the bushes, the man took off his trench coat and hat, revealing himself to be Infernape.
"(So, did it work?)" asked Floatzel anxiously.
"(Perfectly. Those flowers will be dead before he steps out of the elevator,)" he answered. "(Who would've thought that Repel actually kills plants?)"
Drew stepped out of the elevator onto May's floor. Walking calmly down the hallway, he soon made it to May's room. He cleared his throat, and then knocked softly on the door.
The door quickly opened, and May walked out.
"Hi, Drew!" Then she noticed the bouquet of roses that he carried. "Um… are those for me?" she asked tentatively.
"Of course. Someone as beautiful as you deserves a beautiful gift," he said as he held out the roses.
"Um… thank you… I guess."
Drew finally looked down at the bouquet of roses he held. To his horror, every single rose had withered and turned a sickly shade of gray.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), the evening only got worse from there.
As soon as May and Drew had left the hotel, it mysteriously started raining, and soon they were both soaked. By the time that they made it to the local movie theater, Drew had even been struck by lightning a few times!
When they finally were in the movie theater, they arrived just in time to see a mysterious man in a trench coat purchase the last of the popcorn. But luckily, May only wanted a soda, which Drew was all too happy to pay for. Neither of them noticed that something was wrong with the drink until May took a sip and discovered that, instead of soda, it was a purplish, foul-tasting slime.
After much apologizing, May let Drew take her into the theater, and just as they walked by the fire alarm, Drew tripped and accidently pulled it as he fell, causing himself and May to be soaked even more than before by the fire sprinklers. Drew managed to explain to the theater's manager that he only pulled it by accident. But the manager still charged $200 to cover the cost of cleaning up the water. Unfortunately, Drew only had $80 with him, so May had to pay the rest.
Being a forgiving person, May allowed the date to continue. Unfortunately, the only theater that hadn't been doused with water was showing a horror movie. While Drew was screaming in terror the whole time, May was bored; the movie had a cliché plot, the characters spoke in annoying voices, and the special effects were lousy.
After the movie, Drew took May to the fanciest restaurant in Pallet Town, only to be refused entry because they were still soaked. They had to settle for a fast food joint, which May hated (but she didn't tell Drew that). To their dismay (and especially Drew's), the food, which was normally greasy and disgusting, was even more disgusting than normal: it was rotten and moldy. They left without eating.
As they were walking back to the hotel, the rain started up again, and Drew was once again struck by lightning several times.
Once they got back to the hotel, they found out that the elevators were out of order, and they would have to take the stairs, all the way to May's tenth floor room. Drew, of course, claimed that his leg hurt, so they would have to say good bye right here in the lobby.
"May, I'm sorry about all of the bad things that happened on our date tonight," he said, trying to sound as apologetic as possible, which was something that didn't happen too often.
"It's okay, Drew. We just had bad luck," she replied, hiding her irritation.
They stood in silence for a few seconds, and then Drew put his hands on her shoulders, and began to bring his face closer… and closer… and closer. May closed her eyes, waiting for the kiss.
But as soon as she closed her eyes, she heard a muffled "Help me!" from Drew, and then felt his hands leave her shoulders. She opened her eyes to find that Drew wasn't there.
Outside the hotel, the four observers were high-fiving.
"(Mission accomplished!)" said Floatzel proudly. "(There's no way that May can have any feelings for Drew after tonight!)"
"(Yeah, but what do we do with him,)" asked Sceptile as he gestured towards the large sack that held a bound and gagged Drew.
Floatzel led them down to the Pallet Town docks, where Sceptile (who was carrying the sack) tossed the sack containing Drew into an empty shipping crate, and closed it shut. Noctowl stuck a label on the crate that read: Destination: Petalburg City, Hoenn. To: Norman Maple, Petalburg City Gym Leader. Notes: Dear Norman, this boy attempted to sexually assault your daughter. Have fun beating him. From, People Who Care.
"(This should take care of Drew for a while.)"