Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm not making any money on this... yadda yadda.
Summary: Jack continues the dark spiral into depression during the return to Earth, whilst Kael tries to reason with Ali'ki for the safe return of Bel'an. Sam realises how alike she and Bel'an really are and the similarities are quite disturbing.
A/note: This chapter is shorter, hence it breaks the 6k routine. The reason for this is that some of the future chapters will be longer; I'm just balancing the books. Thanks for the fantastic response to this story guys! I've put a lot of time into writing this, including the stuff that got deleted (because it was kind of crappy) and my brilliant beta has spent a lot of time editing (thanks Adi!). So thank you guys, and keep 'em coming! Slight filler chapter, but you gotta have those here and there. Enjoy!
~ 10 ~
The heavy seal of the sarcophagus split down the middle and opened dramatically. Two Jaffa stood at its base, armed with staff weapons and bulging muscles. Kael waited at the head of the sarcophagus, arms folded across his chest and a thoughtful scowled etched into his brow. He hated this room. Ba'al's torture chamber reminded him of an abattoir.
It was taking over an hour to revive Ali'ki and Kael was fighting the painful urge to pace. It had taken almost a day to revive Bel'an's host after she had been left dead for so long; an extended session for Ali'ki was to be expected. But the sarcophagus was taking longer and longer to revive its users. Kael knew he ought to be concerned that the device appeared to be malfunctioning, but as long as it fulfilled its purpose today, he would be content. He shifted his weight from foot to foot impatiently, stopping as he remembered the calm and confident persona a servant of the royal family needed to present. He pulled his shoulders back, slowed his breathing and let his eyes droop lazily.
At the sound of a waking groan within the sarcophagus, Kael smirked and stepped up to the side of the elaborate device. He looked down at his revived lover as she pressed her hand over her heart, feeling the repaired skin.
"Kel ma mik'ta..." she grumbled. Kael's eyebrows lifted and he tilted his head like a curious puppy at Ali'ki. "Unbelievable..." she growled as she sat up, her body stiff from the extended period spent in the sarcophagus.
Kael bowed his head to hide his cheeky smile as Ali'ki extricated herself from the golden casket. He remained by the device while she stretched out her muscles and massaged the back of her neck, looking to the ceiling with her eyes closed tightly. She paced the room – much like her father did – and Kael stepped off the stairs of the sarcophagus as it closed.
"I sincerely hope they were apprehended. That is the second time the Tauri have infiltrated this ship." Ali'ki's chin dropped to her chest. She noted Kael's silence and turned to her family's most loyal servant. Her hand continued to knead her neck and Kael made the terrible mistake of avoiding her eye.
"Jaffa!" Ali'ki's hand fell to her hip. "Leave us!" Kael was restless in the feeling of déjà vu. Ali'ki was so like her father. Had he not heard that same order barked just over an hour ago?
The four Jaffa quickly left the room as directed. Ali'ki stared harshly at Kael, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.
"What happened?" she asked, her tone laden with uncompromising authority. Kael lifted his chin proudly and met her eye.
"They went after the queen's host. One of them, O'Neill, did not take kindly to the kidnap of Colonel Carter. I arrived on the bridge as they were beamed off the ship with Asgard technology," Kael revealed, thankful his voice was steady. But his calm demeanour had little effect on Ali'ki.
In the blink of an eye, Ali'ki's hand closed on his neck and Kael was slammed into the wall behind him, his body a rag doll in her grip. He was rudely reminded that that Ali'ki was vastly stronger than him. One second she was soft clay in his hands, the next, hard as stone. He made no attempt to reach for her. Ali'ki's forearm ran down the centre of his chest and her grip was unrelenting: strong enough to hinder the flow of oxygen, but not enough to deprive him of it.
Her body language reflected her conflicting emotions, and Kael could read her like a book. While one hand harassed the muscles of his neck, the other tickled his ribs in a somewhat sadistic caress. Her breathing was ragged in barely controlled fury, but her eyes searched his intently, hoping that he was lying and everything was okay.
"My father?"
"He is safe..." Ali'ki's grip loosened on his neck as her shoulders slumped in relief. "He is determined to retrieve the Queen... but..."
"But?" she ground out.
"The Tauri are receiving assistance from the Asgard. I fear they will manage to forcibly remove the Queen from her host and kill her." Ali'ki paled at this notion. She released Kael and stepped back.
"I do not believe they have any intention of allowing her to live. They despise our species," Kael continued. He stretched out his hand and touched her elbow. Ali'ki turned back, the gears slowly turning between her ears.
"If my lord can convince the queen to leave the host undamaged, the Tauri may be willing to exchange the life of Colonel Carter for the Queen. We cannot win in a conflict with the Asgard... You know that... You must convince him that it is the best way to recover the queen. I would not stand to see any of your family harmed," Kael dipped his head and whispered intimately. He was right. Ba'al had a lot of advanced Goa'uld technology at his disposal, courtesy of his wife, but his army had diminished to only a few hundred Jaffa.
"I believe you are right. We cannot afford any more bloodshed," Ali'ki nodded her head. "I will convince my father to negotiate," she relented and pushed past him, quickly walking towards the exit. Kael watched the heavy doors automatically close behind her and was now alone in the torture chamber as the dim torchlight flickered across his figure. The heavy metallic crash bounced off the walls of the room. Kael closed his eyes and clenched his hands together behind his back.
When he opened them again, Luke found that they were still alone in the room that smelled of rancid blood and he fought the urge to vomit when he considered the lives that had been ruined in this place.
~ SG-1 ~
"You are too good at making us worry, Sam," Daniel smiled sadly as he leaned on the glass of the medical pod that encased Sam's comatose body. They were a day into their return to Earth and Daniel sought the comfort of being at Sam's side.
"You gave us a hell of a scare," he chuckled, shaking his head.
"Would you like to know what's been going on while you were away?" Daniel asked and canted his head, looking down at his friend with affection.
"We went to your funeral. Your brother came along. I'm not sure how we are going to explain your sudden revival..." Daniel sighed and then scoffed, "We got a call from the Tok'ra. Can you believe it? I was sure they had been wiped out. We haven't heard from them in a long time."
"Vala has been worried about you. I reckon you would be proud of her; she took up the ribbon device to help us get to you... um, what else... Oh! Jack has been spending more time at the SGC than in Washington. Sorry you missed out." The corner of his lips rose.
Slowly, that smile faded as Daniel remembered Jack's predicament. Jack had his own indiscretion to deal with on top of the fact that Ba'al had been intimate with his Queen using Sam's body. Daniel hated to admit it, but those incidents may be enough to drive a permanent wedge between Sam and Jack. But blame would play little part in such a division. It would take a miracle for Jack to forgive himself; Daniel was convinced that Sam could, but if Jack couldn't come to terms with his mistake, there was little hope on that account. Sam had a similar problem. Daniel couldn't think of many people who had more self-respect and sense of dignity than Sam. How would she deal with the events of her capture? She had shared the bed of Jack's enemy. Against her will, of course. But would the memories of the past few weeks affect the way she saw herself?
"Oh, Sam," Daniel sighed morbidly, "I want all this to be over... but I'm worried that you and Jack won't be up to the challenges that you guys need to overcome. I haven't seen Jack like this in ten years. I mean, he had lost his son... Charlie was his life. You gave him a second chance, but now... now, that had been taken from him as well." Daniel dropped his head onto the glass with a little thump. His eyes became heavy and he allowed them to close.
"Please, Sam... Forgive Jack and love yourself. You'll both be destroyed if you can't..." Daniel rolled his head from side to side and scrunched his eyes. He feared that this was one mission Sam and Jack could not walk away from without suffering immensely.
As Daniel mourned for his friends in the darkness of the sleeping bridge, he was unaware that he was being watched.
Jack stood in the open doorway, his presence shrouded by the shadows of the hall behind him. He cupped his hands over his mouth and shifted his weight between his feet. This was as close as he had gotten to Sam since they had rescued her. He was afraid to be in the same room as her. How pathetic was that?
~ SG-1 ~
Sam listened to Daniels voice as it echoed in the recesses of her mind. Something had happened to her body. As soon as she and Bel'an had gone at each other, both had lost control of Sam's mind and been left with nothing to do but listen to the sounds of the outside world. Actually, it was quite a relief. Sam had absolutely no control, but neither did Bel'an, and she was unable to suppress or hurt Sam. Unfortunately, it left the two 'women' in each other's company.
"What is he going on about?" Bel'an asked. Sam ardently wished that she could at least block the Goa'uld's existence out and be left to enjoy Daniel's company. She shook her head.
"I don't know. But it's hard to love myself when 'myself' consists of a Goa'uld symbiote," Sam replied disdainfully. Bel'an simply scoffed.
"We need hosts to live. What alternative do you propose?"
"Don't give me that bull! You've lived for years without a host!"
"You would condemn my species to the life of an animal? The race that saved your father's life?"
"Gladly," Sam snapped. "The Tok'ra were different. They don't oppress their hosts; they have rights."
"Do not get high and mighty on me, Colonel. You know the line between Goa'uld and Tok'ra is blurry at best. They are as cunning and untrustworthy. You had those doubts yourself."
"But they didn't enslave an entire race of people," Sam referred to the Jaffa and the Unas. Bel'an's silence confirmed her statement. Sam wondered if that was one reason Bel'an had once despised the Goa'uld. Sam had learned that Bel'an was still displeased with the Goa'uld's practices.
"Why chose this life? You actually comprehend the difference between right and wrong. Why live the life of a Goa'uld if you still hate some of the things they do?" Sam asked, sitting down on the floor. It felt like soft wood, but was warm and comforting.
Suddenly, Sam was confronted with a lengthy stream of memories, all belonging to Bel'an. All containing Ba'al. Sam became overwhelmed with an anxiety and became restless as the images faded away. When she had recollected herself, Bel'an was shaking her head at her.
"Why did you betray the replicator?"
"Fifth?" Sam asked, caught off guard by the sudden change of conversation. Bel'an nodded. Sam frowned and tried to articulate an answer. "General O'Neill ordered me to lie to him," Sam replied with the confidence of a soldier you trust her Commanding Officers decision.
"But you disagreed..."
"Yes," Sam confirmed, "I did. But Fifth kidnapped me and tortured me..." Sam began to chuckle. "...not too differently from the way you torture me."
"You hated him for that..." Bel'an hypothesised. Sam shut her eyes and shook her head.
"No. I didn't agree with Jack at the time but-"
"You did. You won't admit it, but for the briefest of moments, you hated that part of him. You still do." Bel'an lowered her voice and narrowed her eyes, "And yet, you love him."
Sam stared at the image of her captor. She looked into her blue eyes and no longer saw her own. Would she ever be able to look at herself in the mirror again without seeing Bel'an?
"I do," Sam surrendered. It was easier to give Bel'an what she wanted: surrender and the offer of her deepest and darkest secrets. Sure, it was slowly eating Sam alive to do so, but she lived for the day she could send Bel'an to her grave with all the knowledge she had acquired.
"I think there are a lot of things that you can't stand about your General," Bel'an prodded, "parts of him that constantly rub you the wrong way..."
"And if there are? It doesn't change what we feel. There are things that I do that annoy the hell out of him. We deal with it and look past it. I wouldn't change my life. I'm happy. At least I was happy..." Sam growled angrily.
"Neither would I..."
Sam stopped and wondered. It took her almost a minute before the truth dawned on her and the idea was almost laughable.
"You chose this life because of Ba'al..." Sam concluded. Bel'an smiled warmly to her.
One of the things that Sam had learned very quickly was that Ba'al had been a part of Bel'an's life for a very long time. Sam had felt that kind of strong attachment when she had met Martouf. Sam was honest enough to admit that the bond between Bel'an and Ba'al was far stronger than the one she had shared with Jack. But hundreds of years will do that, won't they?
"Love is more than blind, Samantha," Bel'an smiled almost sadly, "and it may come as a surprise to you, but I can understand what you felt when he asked you to betray the replicator."
"I doubt it." Sam was disturbed by how humanising the idea that Goa'uld could feel love was. She knew that Bel'an loved Ba'al. Why, she was yet to comprehend.
"Many years ago, I had to betray a loved one because Ba'al asked me to, before I had married him. I may be the oldest and most intelligent of my kind, but I was still the servant of a rising System Lord. His word had more weight than mine... so I complied with the order of my master."
Bel'an allowed Sam to search her memories.
"You betrayed Egeria," Sam stared incredulously.
"I saw her in much the same way as you saw the human replicator: an abomination. But despite what she represented, I made her what she was and I felt responsible."
Sam considered the new information. It was the good in Bel'an that made her regret the betrayal of her daughter. Was there still a part of her that allowed compassion to thrive? She regretted her actions as much as Sam did.
"Dammit... We are alike." Sam dropped her head until her chin touched her collarbone. Bel'an offered up another memory to her. Sam lifted her head and stared widely at Bel'an.
"You let her escape."
"How could the Tok'ra exist without their queen?" Bel'an offered Sam a smile that looked nearly affectionate. Did Bel'an still have that streak of humanity in her? If so, Sam may have a chance. If she could appeal to the Tok'ra part of Bel'an, she may convince her to release her; leave and go back to Ba'al.
"I paid dearly for my daughter's life. I was exiled to my planet and stripped of my host, forced to writhe in the mud like a worm. I was fortunate to be found by a man named Tr'gar.
"Tr'gar was a Tok'ra, wasn't he?"
"Sadly... yes. He was my friend for several of your years. Not a very long time by my standards. That was when I committed my own act of betrayal on my betrothed. I knew no good could come from an affair with Tr'gar, but he believed as the mother of Egeria, he could appeal to that part of me."
"He guessed wrong?" Sam knew the answer but wanted to see her reaction.
"Naturally," Bel'an replied calmly. "It wounded Ba'al deeply to find that I had shared the bed of another, but he was not entirely innocent. We moved on. Tr'gar left when Ba'al took my hand in marriage and I have learned to live with our differences. As has my husband."
"My god," Sam shook her head in disbelief, "I think I have to agree with you. We are alike."
~ SG-1 ~
ETA to Earth: Six hours, 21 minutes.
Jack sat on the floor against the side of his bed in the dark solitude of his room. His elbows were resting on his knees and his head had fallen back onto the mattress as soon as he had sat down three and a half hours ago. The soles of his feet had grown cold and numb on the metallic floor and the pale light from the window made out the major features of the room. Not that there were many to be seen.
Why couldn't life be as simple as the decoration of the room? A bed to lay in with the one you loved, that would welcome two happy lovers for as long as they wished. A simple dresser with which to organise your possessions; such a thankless article that existed to only make things easy to find. Or how about a large window? Everything would be crystal clear and you would be able to see the world outside and it could see you. Walls were for hiding, windows were for seeing.
No offence to Forrest Gump, but life is not like a box of chocolates.
Jack rubbed his eyes and yawned. He had become so tired over the last few days. Jack was embracing the freedom of sleep and enjoyed gambling with the subject of his nightmares. It was only in the last two years that he was able to enjoy a good night's sleep and not be plagued by the misfortunes of his past. Sam's infrequent presence in his bed had done wonders and her absence was responsible for the revival of pleasant dreams.
Now he neither dreamed nor endured horrific nightmares. He just slept.
Jack had been craving beer since he had left Earth. He was beginning to like the oblivion that intoxication created. When he had had enough sleep, alcohol was an excellent substitute.
"Oh god, I miss you Sam," Jack sighed wearily.
'But she's right down the hall. She has all the time in the world to listen to your rambling. We have her. I won. Ba'al lost,' Jack thought.
"Huh. How do you like that? You take my girlfriend, I take your wife. When will you learn?" Jack huffed in feigned humour.
'But we don't have Sam back, do we? She still has a snake in her head doing God knows what. She won't leave Sam without a fight. Even if we can extract the symbiote, the Sam you know may be dead...'
"God dammit, when did I start talking to myself?" Jack muttered angrily, heaving his tired body off the floor and onto the bed. He ran his hand through his hair and yawned again.
He still felt the sting of his own betrayal. If they could find a way to extract that damn snake from Carter's head, Jack would tell her. Everything. No excuses. No more giving into fear and running away. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than him.
Jack owed it to her to at least tell her what had happened. That he let his guard down at the worst possible time. That he loved her and he mourned for the future that had been destroyed by Ba'al and Jack's own weakness. He owed it to her to get her out of this in one piece.
He owed Sam that much, at the very least.
Jack lay down on top of the blankets, still in his black BDU uniform. There once was a time that he despised this get-up. Now, he had gotten used to his Dress uniform and the BDU was a pleasurable novelty. Although, to be fair to his Service Dress, he had many fond memories of weekends with Sam in which he had worn either his uniform, or nothing. The best part was when Sam had taken his uniform off of him. Those were very exciting memories.
But he had plenty of other agreeable recollections featuring his beautiful partner, many of them consisting of honest and emotionally raw conversations. And they had made Jack feel alive. He had been relying on the adrenaline and fast pace of his job to make him feel anything during his years on SG-1. Sam had poked and prodded at his feelings in that time and he started to breathe again. It was like he had been holding his breath since Charlie had died and then, maybe once a year, she would breathe a little more life into him.
Then he got promoted again. Moved on up to Washington. Chased Sam to Nevada and somehow convinced her that she should take on a cynical Major General sixteen years her senior. In the beginning, the age difference had worried him. Would they be compatible? Could she handle it? But now, their age difference worried him for a different reason. What if his plan had panned out? What if he and Sam had stayed together for the rest of their lives? He couldn't offer her a family. His own biological clock was entering his twilight hour. Not to mention the fact that he would die long before her.
Jack wondered if it was a mistake. All of it.
Not that he wanted to give into the use of such a clichéd expression, but perhaps he really wasn't good enough for Sam. What could he offer her? He should have pushed her away a long time ago and let her live her life with someone who could offer her more.
Maybe he should have lied during the Za'tarc test and let them experiment on him. But that would have killed him.
Maybe he shouldn't have kissed her during that time loop and gotten a taste for her. But she didn't remember that anyway.
Maybe Pete was the right guy for her. But it was her decision to break up with him.
Perhaps he should have tried to stay with Kerry, denied her accusation that there was something between him and Sam. But she was no fool.
Jack probably should not have pursued Sam. They were separated by half a country on some days and half a galaxy the rest. He should have let her forget all about him.
But that was not how fate worked. Not that Jack really believed in those kinds of things. In some circumstances, maybe.
Always maybe.
~ SG-1 ~
Ugh, such a short chapter! But have no fear, whilst posting this, the next chapter is open in another window :) We get Sam back to Earth and the plot starts to really heat up! As always, reviews and constructive feedback is always most welcome and appreciated.