AUTHOR'S NOTE AND DISCLAIMER:

Stephenie Meyer is the author of Twilight. She owns the characters, and the Twilight Series. I'm just offering an alternate possibility.

I am eternally grateful to Jmeyer for acting as my beta.

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Bella's POV-

When I opened my eyes the next morning, James was no longer on the cot with me. I frowned, glancing around the cabin.

He had told me he wasn't going to leave. I tried to stop my anxiety from rising, but I couldn't help it. I pressed my hand to the base of my throat, feeling my own pulse begin to flutter out of control.

"In the shower." I heard his voice call from the bathroom, answering my wild heartbeat, startling me at the same time that it calmed my fears.

I hadn't heard the water, but then again, it was raining harder than I'd ever seen it rain when I looked out the cabin windows. The sound echoed throughout the tiny cabin, and when accompanied by the howling wind outside the door, it sounded incredibly eerie and very loud.

I hated the rain. I sat up on the cot, wrapping my arms around my knees and resting my chin on one knee. Looking out the window, contemplating the storm. No wonder James hadn't wanted to leave me. If the rain kept up at this pace, I was going to be surprised if the cabin managed to not float away. The image of the little cabin floating along the water through the forest made me laugh. I still didn't know where we were, so I didn't know what major waterway such floating would lead us to, but the adventures would surely be epic.

"What's so funny?" James whispered into my ear. I screamed, jumping into the air. Stupid vampires and their silent movement.

"Dammit, James!" I complained, picking up my pillow and hitting him on the head with it. "You scared me."

He just grinned back at me, looking entirely unapologetic, and then shrugged his muscular shoulders.

"Your turn in the shower. You might want to hurry; the water will start getting pretty muddy before long. No fancy city water out here," he teased, leaning forward to peck me on the forehead.

I didn't know whether to glare at him, throw my arms around him, or laugh, so instead I slipped off of the cot and walked over to where I could gather a new outfit.

I pulled out a pair of jeans and a simple black tank top, before turning to the bag of lingerie. The clothes James had been stealing had not been all that bad, but some of the lingerie made me blush just thinking about wearing it.

I could feel his gaze on me as I picked through the bag. Feeling mischievous, I plucked out the tiniest pair of red lace panties, followed by the matching push-up bra. Let him think about that the entire time I was clothed.

I gathered my clothes in my arms and stood, turning on my heel to head in the direction of the bathroom.

As I reached the doorway, I heard James's low voice call my name.

I turned my head, peering at him over my shoulder. "Yes?"

"Good choice."

I just smirked, blushing lightly as I walked deeper into the little bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

The next few days were already shaping up to be very, very interesting.

************

I grinned at the sight in front of me when I emerged from the bathroom. James was laying on the cot reading. He wore jeans, like I did, and a plain white t-shirt, but he looked better than any model I'd ever seen. He raised one hand to wave lazily at me, his eyes flickering to mine for a second before traveling the length of my body then returning to his book.

I laughed softly, shaking my head as I walked into the kitchen. He had picked up more food for me, so surely there was something I could eat for breakfast. I opened cabinets, the little fridge, settling eventually on just having cereal. I was taking my first bite, hip propped against the counter, when James appeared in the doorway. He had the book in his hands and was looking at it in disgust.

"How do you read this? It's so boring," he complained, tossing the book into the corner and strolling towards me. I shrugged, smiling at him as I ate another bite. I didn't need to justify my love of literature to him, and I knew he wasn't really asking me to.

He tugged me forward by a belt loop, using the opportunity to slip behind me and wrap his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder, and his voice was rough and quiet in my ear when he spoke. "That's entirely too boring. We'll have to find another way to spend our day."

I felt my heart beat increase, trying to not look at him and nonchalantly continue eating my breakfast.

"It's useless pretending I don't affect you, Bella," James whispered, his cool lips pressing a kiss below my ear. "I can hear your heartbeat."

Then he kissed the shell of my ear, and my heartbeat continued to spiral out of control. My hands were shaking, threatening to spill my breakfast everywhere.

"Vampire, remember?" he teased, echoing my sentiments from days earlier, as his teeth nibbled softly at the edge of my ear.

I couldn't help my reaction. My hands let go of the bowl, my eyes fluttering shut as my heart stuttered and tripped over itself in its rush, and I sighed, tipping my head towards him. James chuckled, moving quickly enough that he caught the cereal bowl.

We both just stood there for a moment, allowing my body to return to normal. Finally, I realized what he'd said.

I turned around, my hands on my hips. "We can't just have sex all the time, James," I pointed out.

He laughed, gathering me in a hug after depositing the cereal bowl in the little sink.

"Well, speak for yourself. But that wasn't all I meant. Don't normal people talk sometimes?"

I arched an eyebrow at him, wondering what part of our situation was normal. Unquestionably seeing the doubt in my eyes, he leaned forward to kiss me softly.

It was nothing like the hard, punishing kisses of before. These kisses reminded me of flowers, poetry, and love. The feel of sunshine on your face on the first nice day of the year. These kisses reminded me of Edward, of the way I felt when I was with him.

When I thought of Edward now, in the middle of James's careful kiss, it felt like my heart was shattering.

I pulled away, smiling softly at James. "Will you tell me about yourself?"

I had meant it as a diversion, as a way to stop his gentle, heart-breaking kisses.

His reaction surprised me. His lips tightened, pressing into a thin, annoyed line, his eyes hard and almost angry as he looked at me. Something intangible flickered in his eyes, like he was warring with himself. Then, as I watched, I saw something else enter his gaze. This look I'd seen before; it had confused me, at first. It was a look that was almost tender, affectionate even.

He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily. "Alright. C'mon, I'll tell you."

I resisted the urge to grin triumphantly as he led me back into the main area of the cabin. It surprised me when we went to the door, but he opened it and stepped through, waiting for me to come with him.

The rain still poured, thunder crashing as I hesitated in the doorway. Although the little deck on the cabin was dry, it was so wet everywhere else. With a frustrated noise he scooped me into his arms, settling me in his lap as he sat down on the porch.

"Don't be a chicken," he chided, grinning. The momentary darkness from before was forgotten, or at least it appeared so. We sat there for quite awhile, with James rocking me slowly in his lap, the two of us just watching the rainfall, before he spoke.

"What do you want to know?"

I blinked, thinking about it. What did I want to know? I glanced at his face, smiling as I saw his impatience growing. It had only been a few seconds since he asked me the question, and I was struck by the urge to remind him of that. I didn't know how long this would last, and I wanted to ask only the most important questions.

"When did you become a vampire?" I asked, hoping he would answer. I was so curious about this vampire who had seemed so evil and simple at first but revealed himself to be more and more complex with every interaction.

He appeared to think about it for a second, likely pondering whether he would answer me or not, before he began talking.

"In 1849. I was heading across the continent for the gold rush. I always liked a challenge and money. It seemed perfect. I was going to make a fortune out of nothing. A fortune greater than anyone else's. I wanted that power." He glanced at me, smiling softly before he continued, his voice occasionally getting lost in the noise of the storm.

"I was an asset to our group, because I was an excellent hunter. I always had been from childhood. It came naturally to me. I just seemed to know what to do without even thinking about it. So we never went hungry, and people were glad to have me around." He paused again, and despite the lengthy silence, I knew he had more to say.

So I waited, snuggling against his chest as I listened for the deep rumble of his voice. Thinking about what he'd said. It made sense. His affinity for a challenge, his knack for hunting. He was an excellent tracker, one who thrived more on the game than the endpoint, now that he was a vampire.

After a few moments, his voice called me back from my thoughts. "We were almost there when I was attacked. I was out hunting, trying to get some meat to take back to the group. The vampire came out of nowhere. I didn't even see their face. My group thought it was just a fever, at first. Then as I got worse, they didn't know what it was- some strange, Western disease, obviously."

When he laughed, it was harsh, different from his usual chuckle. "When I woke up three days later, I killed them all." His gaze slid to meet mine, waiting for the judgment, waiting for the screaming. He looked surprised when I just nodded and allowed myself to absorb what he just said.

"I'm used to vampires," I assured him, smirking and ignoring him when he rolled his eyes at me. "I'm not going anywhere," I added, before lapsing into silence.

I bit my lip and tried to think of what else to ask him. He had answered much more than just my question last time. I'd just wanted to know the year, but he'd given me actual insight to himself. He had answered my next few questions without any prompting.

It was nice to not have to pull every shred of information from him, I realized. Not like Edward.

"How old were you, when you became one?" I felt bad for not knowing. After all, we'd gotten rather close, and I didn't even know how many years he'd spent actually alive.

"I was twenty-one when the vampire attacked me," James answered. I nodded again and thought about that. He had gotten four more years of life than Edward had. Not to mention, he'd been a vampire longer.

I knew what I wanted to ask next, although I was hesitant. I didn't want to remind myself that this was just a game to him, a challenge. But...

I bit my lip, brows furrowed as I looked at him. My arms wrapped around him seemingly of their own volition, and I buried my face against his shirt. "What draws you to tracking? Why do you love the hunt so much?"

He didn't answer immediately, and I didn't look at him. I kept my face pressed into his chest, inhaling the sweet, natural smell of him, my eyes shut.

"I've said I like a challenge. And that's really what fuels it. Being able to prove that I'm the strongest, the most capable. Proving that there isn't anything I can't do. No prey I can't catch. It's all a big game to me, honestly. Part of it is strategy, where I can prove my brain. Part of it relies on brute strength, so I can prove myself there. I really don't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't know the feeling. I don't have the words.

"For me, it's the absolute greatest thrill in the world. I will never get tired of hunting, tracking. Of the game. Everything is some sort of game, some sort of challenge, for me. It's as much a part of me as needing blood to survive." I felt him struggle to express exactly what it was to him, heard the deep rumble of his voice reverberate in his chest.

I tried to ignore the tug in my heart when I thought about what he'd said. Everything was a game to him. He was always looking for the next, bigger challenge, and really, I knew that's what I was.

I was stupid to let myself feel more, let myself believe he could feel more. I felt my heart wrench at the thought, and I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts.

In that moment, I felt every bit as fragile as Edward thought I was. My heart was shattering, and I was overwhelmed with need.

The need to prove to James that there were more important things than games. The need to show James that I cared for him. The need to prove to James that he could care for me too.

I had to find a way; I didn't know how, but I knew that there was no other choice.

James's voice shocked me out of my thought process. "Enough about me. It's my turn to ask you questions."

*************

We eventually went back inside. The storm just kept getting more and more ferocious.

James asked me all sorts of questions. Serious ones, light ones, pointless ones. I tried my hardest not to be reminded of Edward's questioning after he'd given up trying to stay away from me, but it was pointless.

If I really thought about it, I suppose I had earned the pain caused by thinking of the two different vampires I loved. After all, if I'd been a decent enough person to not fall in love with two different men at the same time, I wouldn't be having the problem. So I answered James's questions and kept my pain to myself.

"Bella?" I heard James ask, and I blushed, realizing I'd zoned out. Missed a question.

I turned to look into his ruby colored eyes, smiling softly. He was sitting next to me on the little cot, his eyes intently focused on me.

"Sorry. The rain is getting to me."

I saw his gaze shift out the window, where the rain showed no sign of slowing. With a low sigh, he gathered me into his arms, kissing my forehead. The affectionate gesture never failed to shock me.

"We've got at least another full day of this, Bella. Are you going to be alright?" He was genuinely concerned, and it showed through in his voice and eyes. I couldn't help but want to reassure him. I smiled warmly and curled against him, leaning up to kiss him before I spoke.

"I'm just thinking too much," I admitted.

He seemed to think about this for a second, his mouth tight; he wasn't dumb, so I figured he knew what I had been thinking about. Suddenly, his grin turned devilish, and in a blur of motion he shifted so I was sitting flat on the cot with him leaning over me, his arms strong on either side of me, caging me in.

"Well then, we'll just have to stop you from thinking," James murmured as he dipped his head, capturing my mouth in a kiss. He plunged right into it, as was his tendency, his tongue slipping in between my lips, although it was slower, lazier than usual.

I sighed happily against his mouth, winding my fingers in his hair. This was a perfect distraction. It was easier to not think of E- him when every one of my senses was completely consumed by James.

I wrapped one leg around his narrow hips and gave myself over to the kiss. This was different from before. I wasn't caught up in any frenzy, and James wasn't moving fast enough. My mind was completely clear, although I was focused on James.

This wasn't what I wanted.

I nipped at his lower lip and tugged his hair, trying to hurry him. He groaned against my mouth then chuckled, his kisses trailing off. He kissed my forehead, both of my eyelids. Along my cheekbones. Down my jaw line. The tip of my nose.

"We can take our time, Bell. We have all day," he murmured in between kisses.

I didn't know how to tell him I wanted it faster, harder, more, so that it became mindless. I couldn't hurry him, though. Of course I couldn't make a vampire do something he didn't want to do.

His lips were gentle as he continued to kiss my face, eventually drifting over to my ear. One kiss at the soft spot below it, a little flick of his tongue on the curve of cartilage. When he got that close to my ear, I heard a low hum, like he was speaking very quickly.

I caught a few words that made my heart sing. Words like "beautiful" and "love" and my name, repeatedly. I realized he'd been talking to me the entire time, too quiet and too fast for me to hear. Positive, loving things, from what I could gather.

I smiled slowly, humming contentedly as his kisses continued.

James's hands traced along the curves of my torso, over my tank top. I couldn't help but shiver at the feel of his cold hands moving over my skin, even through the tank top. He cupped one breast, squeezing slightly, raising his head to watch my expression. I blushed under his gaze and tried to turn my face away.

"Look at me." I heard his rough voice insist.

My eyes met his, the blush still burning on my cheeks. As we looked into one another's eyes, his thumb rubbed slowly over my nipple through the double layer of fabric. His leisurely pace was driving me absolutely insane. This was entirely new for me.

After a few moments, he danced his fingers up to the neckline of my shirt, grinning down at me as his hand slipped in below the red lace of my bra.

I gasped and arched my back in an attempt to force myself more into his hand. His eyes darkened as the muscles in his face tightened. Apparently whatever he saw in my face, he liked.

He seemed to war with himself- like he wanted to go rougher, to hurry, to achieve the final goal, but like he wanted this for us, this slow, consuming lovemaking. I rolled my hips against him, hoping to make the decision easier for him.

Instead he slipped his hand from my bra and began slowly dragging my tank top up. Every other time, we'd shed our clothes quickly. The anticipation was killing me, but it was all worth it when I saw the appreciation in his gaze as he focused on the bare skin of my belly, then my ribcage, then the hint of lace as he got to the bottom of my bra.

"Lean up," he instructed before peeling the tank top completely off of me.

Then he just looked.

His gaze raked hungrily over my bare skin, the contrast of the red lace and my pale skin intriguing even to me.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, with me laying there, and James just looking while trailing his fingertips delicately across my chest, down my rib cage. When his head dropped to my chest, I thought he was going to listen to my heartbeat like Edward had done, and I didn't think I could take it. When his lips met my skin, I realized he was following the path of his fingers with his lips, albeit at an excruciatingly slow pace. His kisses went along the line of my collarbone. Across the curve of my breast. Down my rib cage. The hollow next to my hips.

His fingertips undid the button on my jeans deftly, the rasp of the zipper echoing in my ears.

My pulse thundered out of control, and I almost jumped out of my skin when James pressed an open-mouthed kiss right above the line of my panties. My blush only deepened when I remembered he could smell my arousal from outside the house, let alone right near the center of it.

His hands moved to my hips and began tugging my jeans down slowly. Kissing the skin he exposed. His lips were cold, a shock to my skin, but as he continued I noticed they got warmer. From the contact with my skin, I assumed.

He continued to move down my body, pressing those tender, icy kisses along my thigh to the inside of my knee. Down my calf. The arches of both feet each got a soft brush of his lips.

When James finished with his kisses, I felt like I was boneless, incapable of moving. My breathing was quick, as was my heartbeat, and my blush seemed to perpetually exist on my cheeks. He stood at the end of the cot, just looking at me.

My hands twitched, yearning to cover myself. The red lace didn't offer much coverage. But it wasn't really anything he hadn't seen before, so I just looked up at him and did my best to wait for his next move.

"Come here," I whispered, reaching my arms out to him. Under my careful gaze, he pulled his shirt over his head and shucked out of his jeans slow enough that I could watch. My mouth went dry at the sight of him.

He was perfect.

Finally, he climbed back onto the cot and spread my legs so he could place himself between them.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured before claiming my lips again. It was slow, teasing at first. He would pull away just to let me reach for him again, over and over. Then his tongue traced along the seam of my lips, slipping into my mouth when I parted them. Our tongues danced against each other, and I could taste his sweet breath in my mouth. I hummed against his kiss, pressing my body against his, searching for the friction I knew would make this anxiety go away. His cool hand slipped down my body and pressed against the red lace that helped to separate us.

"Please," I managed to mumble against the kiss, shifting my hips against his hand. He hadn't moved his hand, just held it against the lace, feeling me through the fabric.

"Please what?" he questioned, easing out of the kiss. He remained very close; his eyes peered at me. I groaned in exasperation, moving my hips again.

"Please. You know what." My voice was low, breathy. I struggled for air. Every nerve in my body was alive, waiting, tingling.

"Please what?" he insisted again, his gaze burning into mine. He wasn't going to give in.

"Touch me," I sobbed, craning my neck so I could press my mouth to his, my tongue flicking against his lower lip, edging just barely inside. I knew I had to be careful. He was of course a vampire, with an entire set of sharp, venom-coated teeth.

With a low groan, his hand finally slipped beneath the elastic holding the lace to my skin; he wasted no time in plunging one finger into me. I gasped and writhed against him.

"Like this?" he growled into my ear, his hand moving against me, still at that incredibly slow pace.

I nodded, unable to speak as I rested my cheek against his, my eyes drifting shut. Focusing on the feel of him touching me. I could feel the muscles in his body begin to tense. I knew his refusal to hurry would get to him eventually. Slow for me must seem like eternity for him.

He managed to get another finger in me, putting more force behind each movement, the pace only increasing slightly. "You're so wet for me, Bella. For me." His low voice continued in my ear, "Don't ever forget that."

Then he was gone.

I opened my eyes just in time to see him shed his boxers then come closer to draw my panties down my legs.

He was back between my thighs before I had even counted to three, although he didn't push into me. I looked up to find him gazing down at me, the same tenderness from before evident in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful, Bella. God. So beautiful."

His voice trailed off as he finally slid into me, slowly, letting both of us relish in the feeling. He pushed as far as he could, then he waited, his eyes on my face. When I began to look impatient, he shifted so he could pull out of me, thrusting back in with more force than before.

The pace continued like that. Hard, but slower than ever before, with him looking down at me with some emotion in his eyes I just couldn't quite get a handle on. I couldn't look away. I was spellbound, completely wrapped up in him. I could feel the pleasure begin to build; I saw it in his face, and I know he saw it in mine.

But we didn't hurry. We just... focused. It was quickly all becoming too much. Too many emotions, too many sensations.

This was something more than before, something I wasn't sure I was ready for. The storm raged outside, the lightening illuminating the room in erratic flashes, and I felt like electricity was crackling through the air. I strained against him, trying to urge him to hurry. I needed the release; I didn't know how much longer I could wait.

His hand slipped in between us again so he could use his fingers on me. Bringing me quickly to the edge before his hand slowed or still completely, backing me away without the release I so yearned for. Then he did the same thing again. And again.

When his fingers started moving again, I moaned, expecting the same thing. But his fingers moved quickly, expertly. He hurled me into my release with little warning, and it was more brilliant than I'd ever experienced.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," I murmured, my mantra, my head was spinning, I was crying, still thinking "too much, too much, too much" and I clung to him, my arms and legs wrapped tightly around him as his hips worked between my thighs.

I vaguely heard him shout my name as he came, filling me with himself. As he collapsed on top of me, not worried about my fragility, he moved his mouth to my ear.

"I love you too, Bella," he whispered, wiping my tears away carefully.

When I felt like I could actually move, I turned my head so I could look at his face. I knew my expression was wary.

"You love me?" I asked, cringing when my voice shook.

He nodded, a smile curving his lips slowly.

"Are you just saying that?" I asked next, unable to accept that he loved me.

He chuckled, wrapping his arms tightly around me and tugging me against his body as he rolled to his side.

"I love you, Bella Swan. Really. Honestly. And you love me too." He said the last bit smugly, so sure of himself.

Well, I supposed I had said it, repeatedly.

Guilt twisted my stomach as the image of Edward's beautiful face flashed in my memory. James' next words surprised me because they seemed almost in response to that image, although I knew he didn't know what I was thinking.

"And I've got news for you, Bella." He paused to kiss me, every bit the hard, passionate, claiming kisses I'd come to expect from him before continuing with his sentence. "You're all mine."

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