Sorry for the delay, ladies: both London and Klink kept us busy!

"It´s not fair: I didn´t even get to kiss the Colonel!" Denise complained when Langenscheidt returned her to the cell.

Eva sighed with exasperation. "Is that all you can think about? We´ve got bigger problems on our hands."

"Did they convict you, too?" Linda inquired with a mischievous grin.

"Yes. I'm to be tortured, electrocuted, beheaded, drawn and quartered, hung, shot and sent to the Russian front." Denise counted off the sentences on her fingers; then shook her head in mock dismay. "Boy, they´ve thought up a nice assortment, haven´t they?"

"It´s not funny, Denise." Susan frowned. "Would you like for them to put that sentence into action?"

Behind them, Langenscheidt cleared his throat. "Verzeihung, meine Damen. I must take Frau Snooky outside."

Susan paled. "Me?"

"Jawohl. Yes. Kommen Sie, bitte."

"Good luck," Linda wished her with some sarcasm.

With a last glance back at her friends, Susan followed the German corporal outside. Langenscheidt was mollified by her small appearance, and he gave her a hesitant smile. "Sie brauchen keine Angst zu haben, Frau Snooky. Colonel Hogan is not a bad man. Just a little crazy."

Susan sighed. "Yeah. That´s what worries me..."

They went outside in the bright afternoon-light, and Susan had to blink two, three times to adjust her eyes from the dim cooler to the pale wintersun outside. Then she looked around. There were men as far as the eye could see, and she was guided through the crowd as the people were once led by Moses through the Red Sea. Many of the prisoners regarded her with unguarded masculine interest; it made her feel very uneasy, and she kept close to the apparently friendly German corporal.

And there was the table with Hogan and his men. She felt a jolt of happiness upon meeting them again. Or was it fear?

Langenscheidt guided her to the center of the open circle, and took his place behind her. It felt rather comforting – to say the least – to have the nice guard in between her and the hungry mob.

But Colonel Hogan asked her attention. "Mrs. Snooky."

"Yes?"

"We are here to complete the trial you started in the computer, which we unfortunately had to back out of for fear for our very own existence. But now that we´re safely in our own universe, we can finally get to the bottom of this. Mrs. Snooky, do you or do you not plead guilty of causing me and my men insufferable harm on more than one occasion, as well as having us all shot?"

Susan gulped. But there was no denying: "Yes. But I told you, Colonel: I didn´t know my fantasies had such a disastrous effect on the people I wrote about. But I did say I was sorry, didn´t I?" Tears appeared at the corner of her eyes, just like in the courtroom. Though this time, she wasn´t sure whether they were real ones, or just manipulative ones. After all, they worked pretty well back then, too.

And they did again, for Carter spoke up: "That´s true, Colonel. She did say she was sorry as soon as she found out. And she promised never to do it again, remember?"

Hogan nodded. "That´s all very well, but I do think she needs some kind of punishment. After all, her stupid fantasies caused us a terrible lot of suffering and grief. Remember?"

Olsen shuddered. "I don´t want to think about it. Can we just get this over with?"

"Right. Jury?"

"Tortured."

Silence.

"Your turn, you fool!" LeBeau prodded Carter in the ribs. "Or did you forget your line, as usual?"

"No!" Carter reciprocated. "I don´t want to electrocute her. She´s not that bad. And besides, she should get some reward for being sorry, don´t you think?"

Hogan shrugged. "Wilson?"

"Beheaded."

"Drawn."

"And halved."

Susan gasped. "Newkirk!?"

And Kinch raised an eyebrow at him. "Halved?!"

Newkirk gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry luv. I have to play by the rules. But rest assured that I´ve halved my part of your punishment."

"Well, that´ll be a relief..." Carter muttered under his breath.

"Er, jury, can we continue, please? Baker?"

Baker swallowed hard. "Hung."

"Shot." Olsen already shot her a look that could kill.

"And maybe... send her to the mess hall?" Schultz suggested hopefully. "Boy, I'm getting hungry. Being head of the jury sure works up an appetite!"

Hogan sighed audibly. "Later, Schultz."

At that moment there was some commotion in the crowd: someone was clearly trying to fight his way from barracks 2 to the front. "Colonel Hogan!" a young voice cried out. "Colonel Hogan, wait!"

A few seconds later, young Garth came stumbling out of the crowd, hugging their ´borrowed´ laptop to his chest.

"What is it? More trouble?" Hogan asked with a frown.

"Look!" was all Garth brought out as he pushed the computer in Hogan´s hands.

Hogan opened it; the screen showed him a page of the mal famé fanfiction site. "Those We Leave Behind", he read out loud. "By Mrs. Snooky." He looked up. And Susan turned absolutely pallid...

Hogan quickly scanned through the text as he scrolled down, paling a little himself, too. And when he finally looked up, his face was hard, his eyes burning.

And Susan suddenly wished for the ground to open and swallow her. Why, why had she not been able to resist the temptation of publishing that story? Why couldn´t she have kept it to herself, instead of craving reviews from her co-authors? Why...? Why?!

"What does it say?" LeBeau inquired from behind Hogan.

"It´s a story about our leaving the camp after the liberation." Even his voice was hard. "It´s said to be set in an alternate universe, but now that I read it, I remember it clearly. It has been published a few weeks after Fanfic Court ended. And she has me dying of pneumonia on the way to the airport, while all of you are asleep. Only Wilson is awake – but there´s nothing he can do to save me, either."

A collective gasp went through the crowd, and all of a sudden Susan felt no doubt about the tears running down her cheeks being for real. She was so ashamed...

The effect this news had on the jury was instantly visible as well. LeBeau´s jaw had tightened, and he gave the culprit his darkest glare. Kinch had grown even more serious than usual. Wilson had paled and had to steady himself against the table. Baker´s jaw had dropped in astonishment and he stared at the accused in disbelief. Schultz just stood shaking his head sadly. Newkirk muttered a cockney curse, threw down his cigarette and pointedly turned his back on her. Olsen folded his arms across his chest and kept a steady stare on her, as if he were daring her to meet his eyes. And Carter... young Carter simply couldn´t believe his ears. He stared at her in shock and dismay, and then he started with: "Well, that´s gratitude for you, pal! I trusted you! Because back where I come from, a man´s word is as good as his handshake. And that goes for women, too. But to betray us so badly after saying you were sorry...! I really wonder now if you were sorry at all! And you broke your promise, too!" He turned to Hogan. "Colonel, can I change my verdict? I want to punish her, too, now. And she´ll be in for doubles, believe me!"

Newkirk grunted. "Same here, mate. I´ll happily change my verdict to her being drawn and eighted."

"Or perhaps sixteened – even better," Carter nodded as LeBeau paled.

"Allright. So it´s tortured, electrocuted, beheaded, drawn and sixteened, hung, shot and... Schultz?"

Schultz heaved a deep sigh. "I thought just like Carter: that she was nicer than the others. But now... I'm afraid she needs a trip to the Russian front, too."

Hogan hammered on the table. "That´s settled then. Langenscheidt, take her away and get the last one out here."

But before Corporal Langenscheidt could haul her off, Newkirk stepped up to her. His reproachful look held her eyes like a magnet, and Susan shuddered.

Then he opened his mouth. "I´m terribly disappointed in you, luv. Terribly disappointed."

Susan gulped. Once more she had to fight back her tears. For somehow, this quiet reproach of Newkirk´s stung far deeper than all the cruel and deadly punishments the guys had dreamt up for her.

And as Newkirk stalked back to his mates, all she could do was to bow her head in utter shame.

Langenscheidt returned to the open air courtroom with a slightly struggling Eva: "I refuse to play this horrid game until someone finally tells me what this is all about!" she protested loudly.

Hogan smirked. "Oh, that´s pretty easy, ma´am. You´re here to be tried for your outrageous torture of mainly Kommandant Klink."

"But I´ve never tortured anyone! And least of all the Kommandant! Why would I do such a thing?! I´ve never even met him!"

As the discussion continued, and Hogan explained to her what had transpired during the trial in Fanfic Court, LeBeau commented to Carter: "I do not like this one."

Carter looked at her again. "She´s a bit too old to be a real looker, I suppose," he agreed.

LeBeau rolled his eyes. "I'm not talking about that; I'm talking about what she has written."

"Oh! Yeah..." Carter looked pensive. "She was the one who made Klink a hero, right?"

A short nod. "And tortured him beyond imagination. Not that the fool deserves anything better, but she also made the Colonel look really bad. And he may not be a saint, but he does not deserve such slaunder. No. I hate her."

Suddenly a new, rather vexed actor enriched the scene: "Schultz! What are you doing here? Colonel Hogan, what on earth is going on here?"

"Oh, just a little trial, sir. Nothing major."

Klink scowled. "Nothing major, you say? You got about the whole camp attending! So why didn´t you invite me? I'm an expert in court matters, you know that!"

Hogan shrugged. "Perhaps your invitation got lost in the mail."

"Hmpf." Klink turned to go back to his office, but then he noticed the lady standing next to one of his guards.

A lady?! In the camp?!?

He looked her over from top to toe – the American army overalls didn´t exactly flatter her figure, he decided.

Eva gave him a warm smile in return; warm but grave. "Dear Kommandant Klink, would you please do me the great honour of marrying me?"

Klink´s jaw dropped and he promptly lost his monocle – he caught it out of habit. Then he turned back to Hogan: "And who might this be? Not another one of those ghastly Frau Linkmeyer witches, I hope?"

"No." Hogan grinned. "That´s our last accused for today. Miss Seifert, meet our Kommandant: Colonel Wilhelm Klink. Colonel Klink – Miss Eva Seifert."

Klink stretched out his hand in a polite greeting, but then he froze. "Seifert?" he mumbled. "Fräulein Eva Seifert?!" His eyes grew wide with fear as realization dawned on him. And Eva´s expectant smile for her hero didn´t quite help either: in Klink´s eyes, it was the greedy grin of a wolf, about to bite his head off!

And with a shriek of sheer terror he took off towards his quarters, bellowing for Schultz to report to him, and to Hogan to get rid of his nemesis immediately. In fact, he probably broke an Olympic record with this run.

And Hogan grinned at a deflated Eva. "I suppose I´ve made my point?"