A/N: Yeah the end of this chappy gets a little M-ish...don't like don't read that far. You'll be fine and know it's coming...no pun intended. Yeah get ready to tear your hair out and feel free to scream on so many levels. ;) *raises ta'al*

Surak's personal log

S'Vec left the sanctuary some time ago. I cannot ascertain when exactly, he told no one of his leaving and no one saw him. It is troubling. I know T'Lyn and the rest should be here soon, perhaps tonight, and even in my bond with T'Lyn she seems distant, not how it has been since the beginning. I have asked her what is wrong, for I do feel there is a matter that is troubling her, but she will not say through the bond. I am forced to conclude it has something to do with the ramifications of her recent pon farr.

I believe she is with child and while I know a great deal about Vulcan physiology I know nothing of her human half. It seems illogical to think there would be a problem since a full human bred with a full Vulcan, but neither I nor she know the extent medical intervention played a role. It may be that I will not see a child born alive from she who is my wife. Or worse, that her pregnancy with my child might kill her. I am not agreeable to either outcome. T'Klaas has spoken to me of a house of mine that survives even in his time, how great leaders come from that house, and help Vulcan many times over the history of the family.

If that is the case, then I must assume T'Lyn and our children will be fine or something happens to her and I bond with another and produce heirs. I cannot imagine this later occurrence, for if I lose T'Lyn I cannot see myself accepting another bond mate. I must meditate on this matter, for it is clouding my logic. No matter what happens, the needs of the many must take precedent over the one, even if that one is my wife or me.

Work has begun on my secret project as well, and the project I believe might save Vulcan in all of it's energy needs. I estimate that I will be able to share this with all of Vulcan in the next decade, if tests prove me correct, and all goes as planned.

End Log.

S'Vec mounted his riding sehlat. He raised his binoculars and set himself on the path to meeting up with the group before they made it to the sanctuary. As his beast strode he found himself questioning his actions. Why was he doing this? He could find no logical answer. He was looking forward to seeing T'ua again, but he could not say that T'ua was the reason. Part of his mind wanted to say it was logical that a strong warrior assure their safe passage through the forge, there had been raids of late and three women and a man he barely considered such was no match for some of the raiders.

He scoffed at the thought of them against those Vulcans who still held the full boil of their green blood. T'ua and her people were great warriors, but he doubted that even she carried weapons now. He looked down to a pouch hidden under his robes. He had kept several blades and a gun. It was not much, but it was more than any of the others carried. Plus, there was an advantage to his reputation; few would want to tangle with him and the armies at his command.

He grimaced, the armies he had commanded, he corrected. His warriors were laborers now.

He stroked the back of his beast's head, and pushed all his thoughts to the back of his mind. He repressed the emotion threatening to boil up into his blood. He felt a wash of relaxation take his body. If there was an advantage to this way of Surak, that was it, he could have moments of clarity, of total self-control, that if nothing else was agreeable to him.

He checked this scope again to assure himself he had not gotten off track and then spurred his beast onward.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

T'ua poked T'Klaas with her foot, "The evening is coming it is time for us to make our way to the sanctuary. We still have several days walk."

T'Klaas pushed himself up on his elbow and looked around, "Where is T'Lyn?"

T'ua put her hands on her hips, "Where has T'Sai been upon the waking time every morning since our journey began?"

"Behind a rock?" T'Klaas answered looking toward the most likely candidate for her to be hiding her illness.

T'ua nodded, "Why is she hiding the fact she is ill, T'Klaas? There is no shame in being ill, so there is no logic to her hiding it. Does she fear we will see her as weak?" T'ua snorted softly, "She is worthy of my tribe, to journey and do as she has done without complaint. There is no weakness in her. Though I think it is logical to assume if we do not get her to the sanctuary soon there will be. She is losing her weight and looks pale."

T'Klaas looked back at the rock, and then at T'ua. He did not wish to lie to her, it was an illogical thing to do, but he could not let her know the full truth either. Vulcan women had never heard of a condition where one's own child caused the loss of food and the rare water. Neither T'ua or T'hya were grounded enough in their logic to accept that an alien hybrid now walked among them. T'Klaas opened his mouth to speak when they heard the cry of a sehlat in the distance.

T'ua grabbed him up and pulled him to his feet. "Gather T'Lyn, T'Hya and I will stave off the beast." She grabbed up a few rocks, "T'Hya! Sehlat!"

T'Hya rose from her sleep pack into a fighting stance, "Where?"

"It's cry comes from the north." T'ua said handing T'Hya a rock, "Take the high path, T'Hya, and I will attempt to draw it out on the lower path…."

T'Hya nodded, "Good hunting."

T'Klaas looked at T'Hya, who cast him a glance before she left for the high ridge. "Be careful, T'Hya." He said softly. He was not sure if she had heard him, but her pace faltered slightly. He ran around the rock, and found T'Lyn laying on her stomach, a small puddle of sick near her head. "T'Lyn." He said quietly, not knowing if she were conscious or not. He saw her eye open, "T'Lyn what is going on?"

"I do not know, T'Klaas I did not have the benefit of a mother to tell me how my hybrid body would react to pregnancy. I've been…fighting to stay awake, I am so tired, and so sick…" She whispered and tried to push herself up.

T'Klaas pulled her up and put her arm around his neck, "There is a sehlat, T'Lyn, we must go now."

"Leave me T'Klaas, the needs of the many…"

"Exactly, T'Lyn, and if you believe for a moment the needs of the man will be served by me allowing you and your unborn to be eaten by a sehlat, then you have no paid attention to the way Surak looks at you."

T'Lyn blinked, "Some water and I will be able to go." She grabbed his water pouch and took a swig stumbling away from him.

"Your human stubbornness will be your undoing or your salvation, T'Lyn, and I do not know which."

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

T'Hya made a sehalt call from her point behind the high rocks. S'Vec steadied his beast. "Peace and be still!" he called out trying to keep his beast from bolting under him.

T'ua ran toward the voice and T'Hya looked from her hiding spot. S'Vec dismounted, "I know the call of a hunter any place, unfortunately, my beast does not. " he called out still not able to spot the women.

T'ua rounded from the rocks at his left, and dropped her stone, "S'Vec!" she breathed happily, rushing into his waiting arms. "Surak must have sent you."

He wanted to cringe, but kept his face neutral, "Why do you say that Ashal-veh?"

She furrowed her dark brow, "His mate..she is ill. Did he not send you to aid?"

S'Vec gave a small smile, "Of course, I was just overwhelmed by seeing you. I have missed your presence." He said stroking his fingers over her beautiful chocolate skin.

T'Hya climbed down from her higher ground and ran her fingers through the fur of the riding sehelat, "It is hard to imagine me saying this, S'Vec but it is agreeable to see you. It is also agreeable to know I will not need to fight a sehlat with a stone."

"T'Hya, if any women could kill a wild sehlat with a few stones, it believe it to be you and my T'ua." S'Vec said with a full smile over his lips, "Where are T'Klaas and T'Lyn? Do not tell me they sent you both out alone?"

T'Ua shook her head, "T'Lyn as you know is unwell, T'Klaas was seeing to her." She eyed him, something did not seem correct about that question, especially if Surak had sent him to see to T'Lyn.

"Oh," S'Vec said in mock shock, "I did not know she was that unwell."

T'Hya waved her hand, "Come we were just about to break camp and begin another day's trip. Perhaps if you take T'Lyn on your beast we all will get to the sanctuary faster."

S'Vec bowed his head, "I am here to serve."

He followed T'Hya, but T'ua stood there looking at their backs. Something did not seem right about this suddenly.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

T'Klaas was packing up the camp when T'Hya entered, "It was S'Vec on his riding beast." She said neutrally. He is at the bottom of the hill waiting with T'ua. We think it logical that he take T'Lyn ahead on his beast. It will make the journey through the desert safer and faster for all."

T'Klaas paused what he was doing. There was a certain logic to the action, but he did not like the idea of handing T'Lyn over to him. "Surely, I or T'ua could take T'Lyn on the beast and S'Vec could…"

"No, T'Klaas." T'Hya said sternly, "I would speak to you about personal matters an cannot do such when you are no present. I have given this a month, and that is long enough. Unless you wish T'Lyn to be your mate…" She gasped, "Is that it? Is that why you have kept so close to her?"

T'Klaas stood and faced T'Hya, "No." he said without explanation.

"Then why, T'Klaas? Would it loosen your tongue to know I now know I carry your child?" She was struggling to keep her emotion contained, but she could feel her inner beast rumbling in her mouth.

T'Klaas stared at her, his careful constraint was being pressed and pushed by the myriad of emotions that thought of her carrying his child brought. "T'Hya." He managed to say in a whisper.

"I will go with S'Vec." T'Lyn said coming from behind the rock. She looked at T'Hya, "I would never allow such deceit to you T'Hya. I know how your katra stirs for him; if there were a chance he had wanted me I would have told you."

T'Hya looked to her hands, "I did not mean to imply…"

"I know what you meant, T'Hya, and I know your exclamation came from a place of pain and emotion, frustration, which is why we must work every day to repress and contain that." T'Lyn turned to T'Klaas, "She needs you now, I will be fine with S'Vec for the time it takes to get to the sanctuary."

"What of T'ua?" T'Klaas asked softly.

"She was going to leave us to gather some of her family for her bonding ceremony, T'Klaas. Her family roams the outskirts of the desert. We will ask she go now. You and T'Hya need to come to terms, if not it will drive you both into an emotional outburst, and that serves no one."

T'Hya stepped forward to T'Lyn, "If I have caused offense…"

"You have not T'Hya, you are my friend. As I have said, I understand. T'Klaas is protective of me, because we…come from the same clan, and our clan is lost to us."

T'Klaas looked at T'Lyn. He understood the logic of what she said, they were of their own clan in a way, since they were both of a different time. T'Hya looked to him for confirmation, and he nodded, "It is true and she is the bond mate of my teacher, my mentor."

"I did not know." T'Hya replied.

"We do not and will not speak of our past; it is illogical to dwell on what is no more, T'Hya. Your future and your now is what is important. Now, please hand me my water, and I will go with S'Vec." She touched T'Hya's shoulder. "You are important to me T'Hya, you are chosen family to me."

T'Hya bowed her head and turned away to gather T'Lyn's water. T'Lyn walked over to T'Klaas, "What is, is, T'Klaas. May you both find peace in this. "

"What of S'Vec?" T'Klaas whispered stepping closer.

"What do the history books state, T'Klaas? That he betrays Surak only months after joining his cause?"

"No."

"Then we will as my human friends used to say, roll the dice and take the gamble." She leaned into his ear, "Besides, I am not yet so vulcan I do not know how to throw a punch, remember I was a survival teacher as you were, I know how to defend myself."

"Understood. "He said looking to T'Hya, "And thank you."

"Take your time, T'Klaas, you both need to know that whatever choices you make are the correct ones."

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

T'ua was staring at S'Vec who was giving his sehlat some water from a small cup. She looked up and saw T'Lyn coming down the hill by herself. "Is all well, T'Lyn?"

"All is well, T'ua. T'Klaas and T'Hya are going to be speaking of matters of importance for a while. I will be leaving with S'Vec."

T'ua looked back at her betrothed. She was not sure that was wise, but did not wish to express something that was based on pure emotion. There was no fact to back up her sudden rush of mistrust. It could be only some nervousness at the impending bond that had her on edge. "Do you wish me to join the two of you?"

S'Vec turned it appeared as if he might speak, and then lowered his eyes and looked to T'Lyn.

"I see no reason why you cannot gather your family and bring them to the sanctuary as was planned. "

S'Vec raised his eyes, "Agreed, T'ua, I want nothing to hold up our bonding. I am anxious that we be made one."

T'ua gave a reluctant nod, "If that is what you think is best, then I shall do it." She held up her two fingers to S'Vec, and he gently stroked the pads of her fingers with his. She turned and looked at T'Lyn, "Safe journey, T'sai. I wish for you only peace and a long life."

T'Lyn raised the ta'al to her, "A safe journey for you, T'ua, I will see you at the sanctuary, and I will be ready to perform your bonding."

T'ua trotted off into the dark, and S'Vec and T'Lyn watched her until they could not see her.

"It seems you are stuck with taking me to the sanctuary, S'Vec." T'Lyn said carefully walking the rest of the way down the hill.

His eyes raked over her, she had lost weight since the last time he saw her. It was a pity, he thought, some of her curve was now hidden under her robes, or perhaps completely gone. "So it seems good lady." He held out his hand to her to help her the rest of the way down, but removed it when it seems she would decline the offer. "You have been unwell." He stated bluntly.

"I have, but I am fine."

He moved away from the sehlat and pointed to the saddle, "Please."

T'Lyn had not been on a riding sehlat since she was a child, and in her present state wondered how the jostling of the ride would sit in her stomach. She thought back on her father calling her weak, and with a private chuckle mounted the saddle. She felt S'Vec press himself against her, and she began to dismount, but he held her fast into place wrapping his arms around her to get to the reigns.

"Do not worry, dear lady, my beast will be able to handle us both, and with you alone on him, I am afraid he would go quiet wild." He clucked his teeth and the sehalt stood and turned with S'Vec's command, "The old beast is much like his owner, I'm afraid, T'Lyn. Set in some of his ways." Never having been this close to her he discreetly smelled her hair. She smelled exotic, like a strange otherworldly flower, and her golden locks were much softer than any he had touched before. He pushed himself forward so he was touching her from her bottom to her neck, "Forgive the closeness, T'sai, but the back of the saddle would do me a terrible mischief. Are you comfortable?"

T'Lyn took in a deep breath, "As much as can be expected. Let us make haste; I am ready to be home with Surak."

He cringed into her back at the mention of Surak, but managed to sound pleasant, "Your desire is my command, Lady wife of Surak."

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O

T'Klaas watched T'Lyn and S'Vec riding off into the night. His stomach turned. He could not help but feel he had made some kind of mistake. T'hya's voice broke his reverie, "S'Vec is a competent protector, T'Klaas, and most everyone who knows him will not hazard to mess with him. Please, sit and speak with me."

T'Klaas had to deal with what he could control, and now that T'Lyn was out of his sight all that he could control was this moment, and himself with T'Hya. He turned to her, "I will speak with you, though I am at a loss as to what to say."

"I am pregnant with your child, T'Klaas, and I know I did this to myself by using the Hagash, but I also know you desire me. What is it that Surak says, I stir your Katra. You stir mine, and have since I first saw you standing next to the master. I am engulfed by you." She stoked a small fire to begin to make them a meal. "You may say what you will, but I saw the look in your eye, T'Klaas I know you feel for me."

T'Klaas kept a steady gaze on her and he spoke before he completely thought about what he might say, "I am engulfed by you T'Hya, but that is not a good thing." He reached out and stroked two fingers down her cheek, "Within me is a violence that I cannot resolve. The first night you came to me, did you not see me? Did you now feel my hand at your throat? At my first pon farr, I killed the woman who was to help me through it. I killed her T'Hya, with these two hands." He held up his hands to her, his eyes begging that she understand.

"That is why you feared that night? You believed you would kill me?" She said taking his hands into hers and going on her knees before him. "You care for me so much you would protect me from you?"

"Yes, T'Hya, and also why I know I must travel the path of Kolinahr. I cannot be trusted with my lust. I have killed or seriously harmed anyone who ever touched me in such a manner." He shook his head and looked away in shame.

"But you did not when you eat of the Hagash." She said, pulling him by the chin to look at her again.

"I know, but are you willing to gamble your life on a piece of fruit when my time comes upon me? And worse, since you are with child leave you child in my hands after your death at my hands." He frowned, "I am not to be trusted."

"T'Lyn and Surak say that bond mates can draw on each other's logic and control. Does it not seem that if we are bonded that I will be able to calm you?"

T'Klaas had not considered that, but his logical mind already had an answer, "Yes, or you might be consumed by my beast, and become violent yourself which, would only fuel my violence. I would not risk your life for my sake, T'Hya." He pulled away from her and sat closer to the fire, "I have been to healers, to those experts of the mind, and they said they could not help me, if they could not, then how do I justify the risk of it all?"

T'Hya stared at the fire, "So you are set, you will become this Kolinahr master, forsake all ties and shed all emotions so that no one will be harmed, and you will be at peace with your beast at last?"

"Yes, T'Hya, it is the only way for me. Before I knew you this was an easy choice, now, I struggle with it, but the fact remains that is where my path should take me."

T'Hya's eyes softened, "Then so be it, T'Klaas, but I will not let you do this alone. Grant me one favor, T'Klaas."

"I do not understand, T'hya, what do you mean I will not do this alone?"

"I mean I want to be with you all of my life, and if that means following you into this state of Kolinahr then so be it. I will walk this path of Kolinahr with you." She sat next to him and touched his cheek.

"What of the child you carry within you?" he asked staring at her incredulously, "One must leave even their children behind."

"Surak and T'Lyn," she said thoughtfully, "I will ask them to raise the children so that when they return to my clan they can teach Surak's ways. And when it is time that I take over as clan matriarch, I will not have my judgment clouded with all the emotion I have and fight now. I can make my clan great in Surak's name."

"You would do this for me?" T'Klaas asked softly.

"I would do this for us, T'Klaas, and for Vulcan." She replied and then looked deeply into his eyes, "But I would ask you one favor."

T'Klaas thought his heart might break, "Anything."

"I brought some hagash, let us have one night together before we begin this journey. "

"I will do better than that, I will be at your side until the birth of our child and we will leave for Gol together when you have recovered. The adapts of Gol will help us on our way."

"Then I can ask for no more." She leaned over and pulled out two pieces of dried hagash fruit. She placed one in her mouth and ate it and the other between her lips and leaned in to T'Klaas.

T'klaas wrapped his arms around her carefully, and took the fruit from her mouth in a tender kiss. He felt her pull away from him and stand next to the fire. As he swallowed he saw her begin to disrobe before him, until she was bathed only in the light of Th'Kut and their modest fire. He watched her take down her hair, and let the dark locks cascade over her milky white skin. He could feel the fruit hit his stomach with the warmth and it spread over his body. He tried to move, but she pressed him backward into the sand.

Her hands worked swiftly opening his layers of robes until he was completely exposed to her. He saw her look over his form, and run her fingers through his sparse dark chest hair. He leaned forward and watched as her hand ran over his taught stomach and over his groin. He looked up at her and she placed her finger to his lip, "No words, T'Klaas."

She lay over the top of him and began kissing softly over his lips as she let her soft skin rub gently over his exposed skin. Her lips nibbled over his jaw, as her hand began gently coaxing his manhood to life. She ran her tongue over the ridge of his beautiful long ear and began sucking teasingly at its tip. As he sprang to life she moved her mouth from his ear to the meat of his shoulder. She knew she would not be his mate in the traditional sense, but he would bear her mark for all of his life. She licked his shoulder as she began pressing herself onto him. When they were completely joined, she bit him hard until she could taste the copper of his blood in her mouth.

As she began to move over him she tore at her bite, she would make sure the scar would be there for any to see. T'Klaas was hers, no matter the state of their emotion, no matter their bond or not. She heard him groan, felt the pads of his fingertips tracing up and down her spine. She could feel his emotion, his pleasure and his fear running into her nerves. She moved from her bite and looked down into his eyes. She pistoned over him, deepening their dance, gracing his thin lips with feathered kisses. "Bite me T'Klaas, "she moaned, and she pressed him into her harder and faster, "Just once, let me…wear your mark."

T'Klaas's back arched and he grabbed her hips firmly, helping her take him with even more fervor. "My control…" he whispered.

"I don't care." She growled, matching his growing movements with more zeal than he could take, before he rolled over on top of her, pushing harder.

He was pressing the limits of his control, his mind was raging inside of him, but the fruit helped to ease the beast. "Anything you wish." He said and began moving harder and faster. She opened her neck to him and he bit down against her smooth skin. He licked and nipped at her skin, her taste was as intoxicating as the fruit. He moved with an uncontrollable urgency as he began to cinch up in pending release. He looked into her eyes, and felt her nails digging into his back. As he began to crash, he felt her begin to as well, she leaned up in the throes of their shared passion and whispered, "I love you now and always."