White Blank Page

by beavoicenotanecho

They say that your Imprint is designed for you in every single way. Paul doesn't believe this or the fact that Bella Swan is his Imprint. Watch as these two seemingly ill-matched, but fated persons struggle with the ties that bind them together.

10. Chapter 10

A/N: Here it is.

Better late than never, right?

Sorry.

Again.

Hope you all enjoy it.

Let me know what you think.

R&R

I don't own any of it; S.M does.

Chapter 10: Tape Song

Speaking my mind was extremely difficult, especially because I was dealing with Paul. I knew I was sharing a lot here, with him, but I knew that it was the only way I could get through this. I needed Paul to know why I was struggling so much, why this was so freaking hard for me. Not that I owed him an explanation, because really, at this point I would feel perfectly justified in never talking to him again. But somewhere deep, deep, deep down, I knew that I could only stay away from him for so long. It wasn't even a matter of choice, I felt this pull, this animalistic urge to be close to Paul.

Looking over at him from my spot on the bed, I had never felt more intimidated in my life. I knew that he would judge me and I knew that he was going to claim that he did all of this for my benefit; but I wasn't really benefiting, now was I?

I open my mouth to speak before closing it, I do that again, and take in a deep breath when Paul squeezes my hand, "Speak."

I blush, nodding, "I just...I don't know, this hard for me to say. I need you to know that I lacked in self confidence before I met you, and that it was very difficult for me to like myself."

Paul nods, "I'll keep that in mind."

"You made my life hell, Paul," I begin. "It's bad enough that I had a hard time at school before you...but you made all of it worse. It's even more sickening because the people who tormented me before, they didn't know the full extent of the damages, but you did, you do, and you still pulled that shit with me."

I get off the bed, putting some necessary distance between the two of us. Paul gets up as well, standing on the other side of the mattress. I feel my anger burning in my gut, the disgust on my tongue and I want to really lay into him, condemn him for how he has sinned against me.

"You showed no mercy the entire time either, not even when I endured two mother fucking panic attacks! Anxiety like that is not something I was or am familiar with! Do you know it feels like? I thought I was going to die when they happened! It felt like I couldn't breathe, Paul!

"The panic attacks weren't even the scariest part of those few months, though, or the worst. I found some peace when you stayed away from me for that little stretch of time; I found a real friend! Eli was so nice to me and he listened and damn it, he liked me for who I was, Paul!"

My tears blur my vision and I clench my eyes shut, willing them away.

"He liked me, Paul, just the way I was. He liked me -"

"He didn't have the right!" Paul bellowed. "You are mine and he was looking at you like you were his! You're mine, when the fuck will you understand that, Swan!"

His violent outburst shocks me and I spew fire, "I'll never understand it because I'll never be yours!"

He is right in front of me now, chest heaving.

I decide to twist the blade a little more.

"Eli kissed me, Paul," I said, a snarl curling at my lip. "Pressed me up against me up against the wall..."

A growl rips through Paul he backs me up against my bedroom door. His two arms on either side of my head contain me and his chest brushes against mine.

"I liked it." No, I didn't.

Paul's fist hits the wall beside my head.

I wasn't scared of him; Paul may be angry but he'd never harm me physically, I knew that.

"His lips were soft." They were chapped, from what I can remember.

"Shut. Up." Paul growls through clenched teeth.

"Softer than yours."

"Shut the fuck up, Swan!"

I go silent and for a while all I can hear is my own heart beat in my ears. I didn't know why I was playing such a dangerous game with Paul. I wanted to hurt him and this was the only way how. I was throwing the one thing Paul liked about our bond in his face.

Telling him it didn't fucking matter.

"You like my lips on yours, Swan," Paul whispers huskily in my ear. "I know you do because your heart beat gets faster and I can smell you. I know you get all wet for me when I'm close enough; your panties were drenched that night I took you out."

I whimper, the sound helpless.

I was a fool to try and play.

"Take it back."

I shake my head.

"Take it back, Swan."

"Fuck you."

"Not until you take it back."

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"No."

"I'll make you."

"I'd like to see you try."

Paul chuckles darkly, running the tip of his nose across my temple, down my cheek, "It's not too late. One last chance, babe."

My heart thuds.

I can't breathe properly let alone make a decision when he is this close.

The mood between is playful but could turn volatile at any moment.

I could feel it in my bones.

I tremble and Paul smirks.

I feel his hot breath on my lips.

My lungs shrink.

Breathing is a little bit harder right now.

His lips press to mine firmly and my mouth falls open. He groans and crushes me against him, wrapping a toned arm around my waist. My hand climbs up his hot chest and into his hair, grabbing a fistful to hold on to. His teeth scrape against my bottom lip and I press closer, laying a hand on his chest. I pull back and his teeth sink into my lower lip, as if to remind me who is in control.

His lips crash against mine.

He kisses me hard.

Teeth clicking.

Tongues dueling.

Lips bruising.

I groan when I feel Paul's hands on my hips and I swear he is setting me on fire. My nipples are hard enough to burst through my bra and I am pretty sure there is a hot spring is between my legs.

"Are you wet for me?" Paul whispers against my lips huskily, brutally thrusting his hips against mine.

"Are you hard for me?" I counter, rolling my hips against his.

Paul groan-growls and shoves his hands into my hair, tugging at it to angle my head so he can kiss me deeper.

This had stopped being about taking it back; we were communicating everything that we felt over the past few months. We were punishing each other with our sharp bites and harsh lips. It was unhealthy and wrong but it felt so fucking good.

It was basic and primal.

I dig my nails in, dragging them down his chest, "I hope it leaves a mark."

Paul laughs before tugging at my hair hard, arching my neck so that he had all access. He drags his teeth across the length of it, stopping at the base to suck and bite, "I hope Eli sees this."

A snarl curls my lip and I yank his head away from my throat, "Why do you ruin everything with that mouth of yours?"

"I could say the same for yours." Paul snaps.

I silence him, slamming my mouth against his. He grinds against me, pressing his hardened length against my hot core through my sweats. I moan into his mouth, pressing my hips against his, rolling them to a beat I can't hear.

I know it is wrong to be kissing Paul.

He had hurt me.

Played me for a fool.

He is going to hurt me.

Make me into a fool again.

But if you can't be them, you join them, right?

My brain was telling me to push him away but my body was clinging to his form and my heart was somewhere caught in between.

I didn't understand why we did this to each other. We both didn't want what the other had to offer, yet we collided time and time again. It was as though we couldn't help ourselves, we just kept on coming back for more.

I feel his hot hand climb its way up my waist so that it is just under the swell of my breast. I chuckle darkly into his mouth, placing my hand over his, guiding it downwards ,whispering, "I don't think so, Paul; what kind of girl do you take me for?"

He pulls away, kissing his way up my jaw, nibbling on the corner of it, "You're a tease."

I feel all hot under his lips, under his hands, and I bite on my lower lip, "I am not a tease. You just don't like that I'm not giving you what you want."

Paul grinds into me hard, grabbing the juncture of my leg and drawing it up to his hip, "Keep it there."

We both pant out sounds of approval at this new angle and our lips meet again.

Again.

Again.

And again.

Somewhere along the line the kisses lose their sense of urgency, their need to punish, and I draw away from him. Paul presses his forehead to mine, releasing my leg so that it can return to its normal position.

"What are we doing?" I whisper, staring into his dark eyes.

He sounds so pained. "I don't know...I can't fight it, Swan...I need to be close to you and fuck I just can't control it."

It was in this moment I felt sorry for Paul. He was forced into wanting something his mind didn't. At the end of the day, Paul and I were in the same boat.

My hand cups his jaw, "I'm sorry."

Paul's eyes widen, "Why are you apologizing?"

"Because...I know how you feel," I murmur. "I can't fight it either, Paul. No matter how mean you are...I just come back for more."

"What are we going to do?" He asks, softly brushing away a tear that escaped from my eye.

I close my eyes and lean against him, hugging him tightly. He wraps his arms around me, playing with the ends of my long hair.

We were both helpless to it.

I swallow around the lump in my throat, "Do you think this would be easier if I wasn't, as you put it, fat?"

Paul sighs heavily. "I want to be mean and say yes, but I just don't like the idea of the Imprint, period. It's not all about the attraction, Bella."

I lean back, looking into his eyes, "What don't you like about the Imprint?"

"It makes me weak." Paul growls. "Needing something, needing someone. I look at Sam and Jared and they weren't as strong as they were before."

"How so?"

"They're all sensitive and shit, unwilling to fight."

"I don't think that makes them weak." I mumble into his chest. "They are fighting, just not how you want them to."

Paul lets out a growl, "You don't know shit about the Pack."

I roll my eyes, pulling away from him. "That may be true, Paul, but you're not weak just because you feel things, especially not love."

Paul just rolls his eyes at me in return and snaps, "Whatever."

I close my eyes before opening them again, "I am going to ask you a question and I want you to answer honestly."

Paul faces me, a single brow arching.

"Do you truly regret what you did to me? The pain you put me through? How you made me feel like I was losing my mind?"

"To some extent yes, but it made you stronger. When I first met you, you couldn't say two words to me without falling apart, now look - you can actually fight me."

"Made me stronger?" I yell shrilly. "Oh, gee, congratu-fucking-lations! You put me through hell for your own benefit!"

"No!" He roared. "It was for your benefit! You would not be able to survive in my world one second if you didn't have a back bone! You were pathetic, Bella! You were so insecure you could barely function!"

"Look at me now!" I shout. "You call this functioning, Paul? I call this just getting by! It's all I can do not to pack my shit and leave!"

"Don't you dare try to leave me!" Paul clenches his jaw. "I will find you, Swan, there's no escaping this!"

"Hah!" I cry. "Big threats coming from the kid who can't leave La Push! You think Sam would let you leave, Paul?"

"Only to drag you back here!"

I am trembling with my anger as I shout, "I hate you!"

"Hate me all you want, Swan," Paul growls, grasping my jaw in his large palm. "But you're mine."

I wrench myself away, "Don't touch me."

"You didn't seem to mind before," He teases. "You liked it."

My chest heaves and I turn away from him, "Oh my god, oh my god..."

The tears trickle down from my eyes and I am gasping as I try to pull in air. I could feel the panic rushing through me, filling my lungs as I tried to calm down. This was all too much for me. My reality was setting in and I didn't like it: I was going to be stuck here with him for the rest of my fucking life. I feel the sweat on my brow and my heart is slamming against my chest. Nausea rolls through my and I bolt for the bathroom. I end up crumpling around the toilet, hugging it as I hurl into it.

I wipe my lips with a groan, before arching up again to empty the contents of my stomach.

"Jesus," Paul mutters from what can only be the doorway of my bathroom. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

He grumbles as he pulls back my hair and I shudder, my gut churning, "Go away."

"You shouldn't have drank so much."

My stomach turns inside out and I heave again, "Shut the fuck up."

I hug the porcelain bowl and Paul rubs my back gently, "Done?"

I nod, spitting into the toilet as I reach up and flush it.

"Where's your tylenol?"

"Cabinet. Top shelf."

I watch as his brilliant muscles ripple and stretch under his black shirt and I lower my gaze when Paul turns around, popping out two into his palm.

"Cups?"

"Kitchen."

He disappears for a few moments and I get up splashing water across my hot face. I brush my teeth, trying to scrub out the taste of my regurgitated beer. I am just rinsing when Paul returns with a tall glass of water. He hands it over to me along with the pills and I shove them in my mouth, taking a quick sip of water.

I swallow the pills, chugging the rest of the water down.

I close my eyes, leaning back against the cool sink.

"I can't keep on doing this," I mutter weakly, feeling the tears pressing against my eyes. "I can't anymore, Paul. I can't handle another round."

"Round of what?"

"Of this!" My voice is thick. "I can't handle being pulled in only to be pushed away! Or called fat! Or yelled at or...or..."

He remains silent and my voice tapers off.

"But you don't care though, do you?"

His eyes meet mine, "No, I don't."

I feel my chest tighten.

It was obvious.

Paul didn't care.

He never would.

We'd be stuck like this forever.

Chained together and unable to break the steel that bound.

"Did you even mean what you said that day in class?"

"What will my answer get me?"

I bite on my lower lip to hold it in.

It feels like someone punched a whole through my chest.

My blood runs cold in my veins.

"That's what everything is to you: a game and you'll do just about anything to win."

Paul slowly claps his hands, mockingly, "Finally, she's catching on."

Rage floods through me, "Bull shit!"

"Excuse me?"

"Bull shit!" I say again, narrowing my eyes. "You are a liar, Paul! You...you liked what we did out there! You told me you thought I was beautiful and you meant it! You meant every word you said that day! You're just afraid of the fact that you like me; that you actually feel -"

"You don't know shit about me." Paul snaps. "How do you know that I meant it, huh? What if I was just saying it? What if I said it so I could get a little physical gratification?"

"Because the boy I knew for three weeks would never do that." I whisper.

Paul snorts, "I'm sick of this, I don't need it or you."

He begins to back away and I follow him, hot on his heels.

"Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"

He ignores me and I let out an aggravated huff as we both thump down the steps.

His hand is on the door knob when I ask, "What is stopping you from liking me and not being ashamed of it?"

Paul stiffens and then he lets me have it as he spins around, "You really wanna know?"

I simply stare at him, passively and wait for the words that I know aim to hurt.

"I shouldn't want you!" Paul seethes, snarling. "I shouldn't like you because you're everything I don't want! You are weak and pathetic and fucking needy! I just can't believe I got fucking stuck with you: a shit for brains fat chick that eats her emotions!"

My lower lip trembles and the tears rise up, spilling over as I howl, "You bas-t-tard!"

"Oh my fucking Christ," Paul rages. "You asked the question and you're hurt when you get the answer you don't like!"

"I may be a lot of things," I begin. "But I am not that girl! And I am done being the girl who lets douche-bags like you drag her through the mud in the vain hope that'll be different next time!"

Paul stares at me like I am the gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe before turning away and leaving.

I flinch with the slam of the door and a tortured sob bursts from my lips.

I felt so dirty, so unclean in light of what he had said.

I let out an anguished sound and in the distance I swear I hear a howl.

I let the tears fall as I stare at the door, wishing I could undo everything that had transpired between us.

I sniffle and blink away the tears, climb the stairs and enter into the bathroom. I turn the water to a scalding heat and rip my clothes away from my body as I try not to fall apart. The tub fills quickly and I lower myself into it, ignoring the pain and salty tears that drip from my eyes.

I sob as try to scrub away where his hands had been.

But I still feel them.

So I cry some more.

My skin turns a nasty pink.

But I kind of like it.

It takes the pain away.

Makes me feel something I understand.

P ~ B

Monday rolls around and I look like death warmed over and feel like it too. My entire weekend was spent trying to flush Paul out of my system. No matter how hard I tried he was there; in my thoughts, in my mind, anywhere I looked I saw Paul. It pissed me off to no end.

I don't even know why I had the hope that Paul would even be able to listen to me, never mind understand. I was a fool to even try explain what was going on inside to him. It's not like he cared, anyway, right?

My mother came home on Sunday night and didn't say anything when she saw my blotched face. My Dad didn't ask either, in case you wanted to know. I wondered why they even had me. I mean, what the hell was the point? It's not like they enjoyed having me around, I think, in there eyes, I was just another furnishing, another thing expected of them.

"Swan!" I hear, and I turn to see who calls upon me as I close my locker. I see Leah walking over to me, a grin on her face.

"Hey," She says when she gets to me, tucking some hair behind her ears. "Where'd you go on Friday? You just bailed."

"I couldn't find you," I say, staring over her shoulder at Paul who was leaning on the wall, watching me. "Paul drove me home."

"Oh," She says, a blush staining her cheeks. "Sorry, um, me and Caleb went on a walk."

I smirk at her, "Just a walk?"

Leah giggles, "One of the best walks I've ever been on."

"I'm sure it was," I notice that Paul is gone and my thudding heart relaxes. "But thanks, again, for you know, taking me out."

"No problem," Leah smiles. "Wanna walk to class together?"

I am kind of taken back by her and just how nice she's being to me. Kindness was not something I was familiar with and it must have showed on my face as I asked, "Why?"

Leah shrugs, a frown puckering her brow, "Why not?"

"I don't want to sound weird or anything, but why are talking to me? Being nice? I thought you were just doing me a favor on Friday."

"Why shouldn't I wanna chill with you? You seemed cool drunk, so I mean, you gotta be cool while you're sober?"

I simply stare at her and she laughs, "Come one, Swan, we have classes to get to."

And just like that Leah Clearwater became my friend.

We had been 'chilling out' as Leah had put it for about a month now and I was more than grateful for her presence. She provided the perfect distraction from Paul. That's not to say that I didn't notice him.

Or cry over him and his cruel words.

Or stare at him.

Or plot his slow death.

Kidding.

P ~ B

I knew that Leah knew something was up with Paul, and that thought was only confirmed today at lunch. I was sitting in the cafeteria when Paul walked by our table and Leah watched him with me.

"Okay," She says, licking the pudding off her spoon. "What's the story there? Every time we see him you either look like you want to rip his balls off or like you're going to burst into tears."

"Nothing." Is my quick answer.

"Bella," Leah whines, dragging out my name. "Come on, I'm your friend, and secrets don't keep friends."

She's only teasing (I'm now used to her directness).

But I also know that she actually wants an answer.

"It's hard to explain."

"Aren't all relationships?" She smiles, scooping up some more pudding.

"We never really had a relationship," I sigh, pushing my plate away. "I don't know, he showed interest but he was just playing with my feelings. He's complicated and confusing."

"Did he hurt you, dude?" Leah's eyes narrow.

"Let's just say the last time I saw him he called me a 'shit for brains fat chick that ate her emotions'".

"No way!"

"Yeah." The lump at my throat swells.

"What a dick!" Leah exclaims.

This is what I liked about Leah.

She was simple and straight forward.

She demanded answers but knew when to stop digging.

I wasn't used to her friendship but I liked having her around.

She made me laugh and gave me less time to cry over Paul because she was always dragging me somewhere. She told me I needed to let loose and make this year count.

I was beginning to agree with her.

Except one person was holding me back.

(Stop your eyes, I know they're rolling) Paul.

He made me so angry.

I didn't understand how he could be so focused on how this affected him.

Everything was about him.

How he felt.

How this wasn't what he wanted.

What the fuck about me?

What about how I was stuck with him?

What about the fact that I was still drawn to him?

What about the fact that my life was tied to his wagon?

What about me?

I wanted shout all this at him, scream in his face. But I couldn't because that would mean giving him the satisfaction of knowing he bothered me. I didn't know how we were going to carry this out. I mean, we couldn't go around ignoring each other forever, now could we? The way Paul had described the Imprint to me that day at his house implied that we relied on each other. That obviously meant that we couldn't go on for much longer.

But I was so hurt.

So angry.

So done with it all.

P ~ B

"So where are we going again?" I ask with a smirk, just to tease her. I clip my bangs back, looking in the mirror.

"To Caleb's," Leah smiles, watching me through the mirror from my bed. "It's going to be a blow out! I am so excited for this party."

I knew she was. Leah had been talking about this party for just about two weeks now, ever since Caleb invited her. She was vibrating with excitement that day, talking about how sweet Caleb was. I had to stop myself from gagging; Leah was head over heels.

"How do I look?"

"Like one sexy mama!" Leah sings, getting up from my bed.

Leah had done my makeup and hair, claiming that all the guys would be all over me. I rolled my eyes at that comment when she said it. She told me it was a way to get over Paul, to get him out of my head.

I hoped it worked.

Paul had gone back to observing me quietly and his silence hurt me. I don't know why but this seemed so much more worse than the other times he had lashed out. Almost always, in the past, Paul would return with an apology, explaining how he didn't mean it. Now, though, he had yet to even attempt to apologize, leading me to believe he truly meant every single word he said.

I couldn't seem to get rid of him. My whole body seemed to ache with my heart, as if it missed him. I wondered if it had anything to do with the Imprint bond...

The worst part was that I was still so torn up over everything.

I still cried over the cracks, hoping to seal them.

I still could hear his poisonous words.

I could still feel the whole he punched through my chest.

And it only seemed to get bigger with each passing day.

With each tear that fell.

With each sob that escaped.

I tried to put on a brave face for Leah.

She thought I was really done with him.

Lord knows she wanted me to be.

She reminded me on a regular basis of what a tool Paul was and how he didn't deserve me if he couldn't see me for who I was: a beautiful woman. (Leah's words not mine).

Leah draws me back into the present, "Are you thinking about Paul again?"

"What?" I scoff. "No."

She gives me a disbelieving look, "Yeah, okay."

I shake my head at her and say, "Let's go, I'm sure Caleb is wondering where you are."

"You think so?" Leah blushes.

I chuckle, "I think so."

With the necessary motivation Leah is out the door and we are in my truck on the way over to Caleb's. We pull up to the house that is positively shaking with the music that I can already hear. Leah wiggles in her seat and turns to me when I stop the car, "Do I look okay?"

I smile at her, "You look like one sexy mama!"

Leah laughs and says, "Okay, Swan, let's do this!"

I wasn't going to be drinking tonight, I still remember the effects of my last night out. I don't wish to revisit how to worship the porcelain god. I follow Leah in through the crowd and as soon as we walk in through the door I know that Paul is here.

My body gets goose bumps all over and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I look around trying to find him but my eyes don't turn up any results. Leah turns to me, shouting, "Let me know if you see Caleb!"

I nod my head and try to ignore the writhing bodies around me as we cut across the living room-dance floor. I observe my peers who appear to have no shame. Kids are on top of each other, grinding or making out, practically doing the deed on the dance floor. There are rooms people, I think as we past a couple who are playing a game of intense tonsil hockey.

We make it into the kitchen and see Caleb in the middle of it, surrounded by a group of guys.

"I see him!" Leah smiles and it only grows wider when Caleb leaves his audience to pull her into a tight hug.

Leah smiles at me from older his shoulder and I giver her a thumbs up.

Leah sticks close to Caleb and I try find a place to sit down. The only reason I came out with Leah tonight was because she wanted to see Caleb. Leah was a good friend, but once a boy came into play, she had tunnel vision. I figured that I would just wait until she was done and then give her a ride home.

The party is in full swing and I am leaning against the wall, waiting on Leah when I finally find Paul. He is standing off to the side with a few of the guys from the Pack and their respective partners. My heart thumps off time at the sight of him and the whole in my chest flares with pain. I know it shouldn't. I know that I shouldn't miss him but damn it, I did. My toes fidgeted in my shoes, trying to drag me forward but I refused to move. I shouldn't be feeling this way.

A thirst for something spreads throughout my body and I am absolutely horrified, knowing what it craves. This had everything to do with the bond and there was nothing I could do about it. I gasp as a wave of the yearning rolls through me and clutch to my bag. I wondered if Paul was feeling this too.

I feel weak and my stomach clenches violently as I leave the wall, in search of Leah. I find her with Caleb in the kitchen and I quietly explain that I wasn't feeling well and gave her money for a cab.

I am making my way through the crowd when I look back to see Paul staring at me. For a moment the whole world falls away and it's just Paul and I. I hear my heart beat in my ears as I look into those dark orbs. A single tear rolls down my cheek and I see Paul take a sharp breath as I break eye contact.

I burst from Caleb's house, shoving past my peers. I get the sensation that I am being followed and just about die when I see Paul exiting the house, eyes set on me. I move a little bit faster, and in my hurry I slam right into some girl. Her beer splashes all over me and her own shirt and I curse, "Shit!"

"I'm so sorry," I ramble. "I'll pay for the dry cleaning."

"This can't be dry cleaned!" She snaps, scrubbing at her top.

"I'm sorry, just, uh, find me at school and we can work something out."

I don't wait for her answer, I just push past her, looking over my shoulder. Paul is nowhere in sight and I breathe a sigh of relief.

I make it to my car without further incidence and let out a shriek when I see Paul leaning on my truck.

"Avoiding me?"

"Yes."

Paul clicks his tongue, "That's not very nice."

It feels like we've reverted back to those earlier months when Paul was only my tormentor.

"What do you want?" I ask tiredly, fishing around in my bag for my keys.

"I..."

"What, Paul?"

"I want to talk."

"Hah!" I shout. "You want to talk now? Well, I'm not going to listen. I'm done listening to you."

I move to unlock my car and my body practically hums in happiness at our proximity. The thirst flares within, though, demanding for release. I wince and Paul does too.

"It's what happens when we're apart for too long." Paul mumbles.

I remain quite and am beginning to pull my door open when Paul closes it, putting his hand over the door.

"Why won't you listen?"

"Because there is nothing," I say around the lump in my throat. "That you could ever say to make me forgive you."

P ~ B

I am in the school library a few days later when Sam Uley approaches me. The only reason I was on my own was because Leah was on a family vacation. Sam sits down in the seat across the desk from me and looks at me with a serious gaze. I want to yell at him, scream my questions as to why he didn't intervene. I was too scared though. I was intimidated enough by the fact that he was here.

"You're all he thinks about, you know." Sam says.

I don't look up from my Law textbook. "I doubt that."

"You shouldn't," Sam insists and I almost believe him. "It's a fact."

I look up this time, "And just how do you know what he is thinking?"

"When an individual Phases, their mind is no longer their own. It's a sort of Pack-mind whenever two or more wolves are together."

"Why should I believe you?"

He looks confused and I immediately sense he's not used to people mistrusting him.

"Why shouldn't you?" Sam counters.

"Because I don't trust you. You did nothing to help me. You let him do what he did."

"I did intervene at one point, I ordered him to stay away from you for that month."

"Gee, thanks, it made all the difference." I snap bitterly, slamming my textbook closed.

Sam sighs, folding his arms over the table, "I know I should have done more, but I didn't know what exactly to do. I had never seen an Imprint go so badly. The purpose of Imprinting is to bring people together, not tear them apart."

I just stare at him.

What did he expect me to say?

"Well, clearly you were underprepared." I snap.

Sam clenches his jaw, "The past is the past. All I can do is try for a better future."

We are silent for a few moments and I cradle my head in my hands as I whisper brokenly, "I can't even look at him without feeling sick."

Sam sighs. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your doing. Its Paul's."

"He's my responsibility, though."

"Do you always take on the blame for everything?" I joke weakly.

Sam smirks, "It's what I do. I am Alpha. The Pack is my responsibility."

I nod and the silence stretches before us once more.

"I can't stay away though," I confess. "I am feeling worse and worse with each day that passes. I feel jittery and I always feel tired. It's like I can't even function without him."

"That's what happens when a mated pair are separated for too long." Sam supplies.

I nod my heavy head and close my eyes for a moment or two.

"What will happen if I stay away?"

"You'll get worse. You two will break though, at some point."

"Not me."

"I know." Sam says. "But if you two don't get your shit together soon I will intervene. I will force you two to sort this out."

I chuckle mirthlessly, "You can't control me like you do them."

"You'd be surprised," Sam chuckles. "You're apart of the Pack now."

I narrow my eyes, hissing, "I am not in that fucked up group of yours."

Sam's eye brows shoot up into his hair. "Excuse me?"

"Your group is an accident waiting to happen. You all think you know each other, but it is clear that you don't. Sure you may know each other's history and the day-to-day surface value shit, but do you all really know each other? You all feel like a group because you have to. You're programmed to. But at the end of the day, that isn't all that comforting if you ask me."

Sam takes a deep breath, "You're angry, I see that I shouldn't have come to talk to you."

"Piss off," I huff angrily. "It's not about me being angry and taking it out on you. It's about the fact that all you people assume things. Kim and Emily assumed that a simple explanation would make everything okay. You assume that I am willing to do things for Paul. Paul assumes that I will forgive him all the time."

"I'm sorry that you feel this way." Sam says, looking shocked.

"I don't need your apology." I grab my books and begin to shove things in my bag.

I am shrugging my bag over my shoulder and Sam is still here, looking contemplative.

"Before I leave, you need to know that Paul has reasons for hating the Imprint bond."

"Other than the fact that he has Imprinted on a beached whale?" I snap bitterly.

"He's scared." Sam says. "He doesn't understand what he's feeling. He doesn't know what to do with you. He doesn't know what he should do or how to handle any of it. So he gets angry and he lashes out on the person closest to him in more ways than one, you."

I let out a mirthless laugh. "I am scared. I don't know what to do. But, fuck, I don't..."

"You don't what?"

Standing there before Sam I knew, right here in this instant, that it wasn't all on Paul. I carried just a little bit of the weight here. I knew that he started all but I fight back and egg him on and try to hurt him every way I can. I'm no better than him, when I really think about.

"Never mind," I breathe in shakily.

Sam nods and begins to back away, leaving me there on my own. I feel rattled by the realization that I sit on Paul's level and leave the library in a sort of haze. I am at my locker when Emily skids to a stop in front of me.

"Paul," She pants. "You gotta stop him, he's fighting Sam."

"What?"

"He's fighting Sam, he's gone crazy, you have to stop him, Bella."

"I won't be able to." I frown at her. "I'm nobody's keeper."

"I know he fucked you over, I know he messed with you, but if Paul revolts like this -"

I close my locker, "Where is he?"

I didn't know why I kept on doing this to myself. I don't know why I was even agreeing to help, but there was this need inside, this desperate urge that I couldn't resist. I didn't owe him anything, but I knew that if he got angry enough he would Phase and put the Pack at risk.

She leads me to the school parking lot, where Sam and Paul are circling each other. It's late after school and only a few students are present. The Pack blocks the view, surrounding Paul and Sam. I walk closer, Emily at my side as I push into the circle.

"You had no right!" Paul roars at Sam.

He looks fierce in his anger, darkly beautiful and something flares inside me.

I edge closer to the action and flinch when Paul tackles Sam to the ground.

"Bella," Emily whispers urgently. "Do something."

I take in a deep breath and whisper, "Paul."

He freezes for a second and just like that Sam rolls him over, landing a punch to the jaw.

Anger runs through me and I yell, "Get off of him!"

They both ignore me and Paul growls as he flips Sam off of him. Paul straddles Sam's waist and I see the tremors rippling through him as he raises his fist and strikes Sam.

"Paul!" I shout, stepping towards him.

He ignores me, landing another punch.

I run over and grab his arm, shoving him off of Sam as I order, "Stop it!"

Paul resists but gets off Sam, his chest heaving as he, growls, "You had no fucking right."

I am leading Paul away when Sam shouts, "You're done, Paul. You're out."

We make it to my truck and Paul gets in still trembling. I turn to him from the driver's seat and grasp his head in my hands, "Look at me."

His eyes meet mine and he is panting, 'sorry', over and over again. I had never seem him so undone before and I knew I had to help him. Somewhere deep down I knew that Paul needed me right now and even though he had hurt me, it was time for one of us to be the bigger person.

"Calm down." I breathe, softly brushing my thumbs along his temples back and forth.

He closes his eyes and once he's gotten his breathing under control I pull away, starting the car. We pass by the Pack as we pull out of the parking lot and they watch us go. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, knowing something big had just happened.

Paul is just as quiet as I am on the ride to my house and we pull into the driveway just as silent. I glance at him from the corner of my eye, seeing him cradle his head in his hands. I place my hand on his back and whisper, "What just happened back there?"

"I've gone rogue."

"What?"

"I'm not apart of the Pack anymore."

"Why? Why would you do that to yourself?" I demand.

"I...I was angry and he overstepped, he approached you and told you how I felt."

"Fuck, Paul!" I shout, getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. "You can't do this anymore! You can't just get angry and act out like that! You've got to start thinking!"

Paul follows me up the steps and into my house, "It wasn't fair, he told you things that were private."

"He was trying to help you, Paul." I turn to face him once we're inside.

It's so hard to be this close to him.

"He was trying to explain why you hurt me and said what you said."

"It wasn't his place."

I sigh and say, "Fine. It wasn't his place. But did you really have to attack him?"

Paul just grunts and mutters, "No."

I slump down onto the couch and draw my knees up, hugging them to my chest. Paul sits down next to me and I shudder as pain rips through me. We had been apart for two months now and the whole in my chest throbbed in agony with each beat of my heart. I feel Paul shudder beside me, his arm bumping into mine.

"Can you feel it?" He asks huskily.

I clench my eyes shut, "Yes."

We remain sitting there.

So close but so far away.

Able to help each other.

But so unwilling to.

A/N: So...

What do you think of Paul going rogue?

Think he deserved to be kicked out of the Pack?

Leah and Bella's friendship? Like it?

What do you think of Bella now?

What did you think of their fight (at the beginning)?

What do you think of Paul now?

Worth the wait?

Thanks for reading, as always.

Playlist:

Tape Song - The Kills

Last Day of Magic - The Kills

Cheap and Cheerful - The Kills

Wicker Chair - Kings of Leon

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

Cosmic Love - Florence & The Machine

Until next time readers!