Chapter 10 – One Steps Forward, Two Step Back

Author's Note: Here is the next chapter. I think it, and the one that follows may be a little melodramatic, but you guys will just have to put up with it. Thank you to those who continue to read and have reviewed. There will be another chapter fairly early next week.

After a couple of people picked me up on some errors on Chapter 4, I am working on fixing the errors. I have borrowed a friend's copy so I will try and update that next time I post. For those who have read it, there will not be any major changes, just error correction.

Please read and review, but most of all, enjoy!

*

Irina knocked quietly on the door. "Remus, it is Irina. May I enter?" The sun had been up for two hours and that was more than enough time for the Werewolf's transformation to reverse. Now she only had one small task to perform, and that was to convince him to join her for breakfast. It wouldn't be easy though, most of those who went through the process preferred to spend a day or two recovering, away from prying eyes, before returning to the world at large. Many found it difficult to reintegrate themselves with society at all and ended their days as loners, and it was for this reason that Irina wanted to draw him out. She wasn't sure if the difficulties experienced were due to embarrassment or fear, but thought that it was likely to be both. Sighing at memories of a time long past, Irina was about to knock again when she heard his answer quietly from the other side of the door.

"I can deny you nothing Tsarina."

Irina realised just how weak he sounded – it was clear he was suffering badly during his transformations, even with Wolfsbane. It wasn't a good sign. She pushed open the door and entered the dimly lit room.

Moving calmly to the bed, knowing only to well from past experience how intensely he could still react if startled, she sat by the chair and regarded the weary looking man. "I have come to take you to breakfast, if you feel up to it."

The mere thought of breakfast made Remus feel ill. "I don't think I do I am afraid. Would you mind terribly if I declined your kind invitation?"

Irina smiled gently and took his hand. "I would mind terribly Remus, but I would also forgive you. I understand how difficult it is for you on the first day, and often even the second, but I assure you that things will be better for you if you if you make the effort to escape your shackles today."

Wolf hormones still running free within his veins, Remus failed to control the anger that rose in him. "What would you know? You don't understand, no one does."

Irina ignored the attack, and continued to hold his hand, even as he tried to pull it away. "I understand that you are frightened and confused, perhaps even a little embarrassed, but there is no need for such feelings. You are safe here Remus; you are amongst friends. I will be with you to protect you and we can return here if you feel it is too much for you. I know that you are still feeling weak, I can feel that, but rather than staying here and allowing the wolf to linger and control you for a little longer, you will find it much better to drive the last of him away and emerge again into the world as a human. I know it is difficult, but you should try." Her words had been calm and quiet, encouraging but not insistent. She waited.

Remus nodded slightly, not entirely convinced, but willing to try. "How can I not accept then?" Irina's face lit up, and the thought that he had made her happy cheered him. "I must change though, I can hardly accompany you dressed like this." He indicated his ragged flannelette pyjamas.

Irina laughed, "I can imagine that some would find it rather astonishing to see you sitting in the Great Hall clad in pyjamas, however I do not want to tire you out unnecessarily." Irina drew her school wand. "Adornus."

Remus found himself wearing comfortable grey robes, of a soft fabric he couldn't identify. Unlike his normal robes, these didn't irritate his skin, which was still sensitive after his time as the wolf. They were also in much better condition than any he owned – they were actually new he decided after a couple of seconds of investigation. "Amazing."

Irina laughed at the surprised look he suddenly wore, and shook her head. "No, merely an undemanding trifle. Surely they teach this simple spell here?"

Remus shook his head. "I haven't heard of it before."

"Oh, it is quite elementary. Most first year students would be able to do it I expect. I will teach you when you feel up to it." She paused, looking at him thoughtfully. "You may keep the robes, you look particularly elegant in them."

Remus blushed at the complement and shook his head again. "I couldn't."

"You must," she responded simply, "they were created for you." Irina was polite enough not to say that they were far better than those he already owned, knowing only too well that that comment would only upset him.

"Thank you."

Irina bowed her head. "I have done nothing special, my friend." She stood and offered him her arm for support. "Let me help you up."

Blood rose to Remus' cheeks again, and he looked away embarrassed that she had offered him assistance for such a simple task. What embarrassed him more though was the fact that he would probably need it.

Irina noticed his discomfort. "I am sorry."

He shook his head. "No, you are right. I am the one who should be sorry. You have done nothing but help me."

"And you have done nothing but be burdened by a cruel illness that steals the vitality of those affected. You are ashamed, but have no need to be – it is not of your doing."

Remus took Irina's arm and stood, slowly and unsteadily. Irina wondered if he was actually ready for this, he was far weaker than she had expected, and it worried her. It would be a problem for them all if he were unable to fulfil his part in the final act.

"Who is it?" Remus' words were slightly breathless from exertion.

"I beg your pardon." Irina looked at him quizzically, hiding her concern quickly.

"I was wondering who it was. It is clear that you have had dealings with Werewolves before; you seem to know exactly what to say and do to put me at ease and make it all more bearable. You know a Werewolf don't you?"

"I know you Remus," Irina paused. "But you are correct," she admitted. "A very old and close friend suffers as you do."

"Your husband?"

"No, no, none of my family are inflicted, he is simply a childhood friend. So, as yo see, I have had some experience." For a moment, Remus noted that Irina looked sad, but the look quickly disappeared, and she smiled brightly at him. "Now, I believe we are ready to join the others for breakfast."

*

Breakfast during the school holidays continued to be in the Great Hall, however, it was a much less formal affair than it was with the students present. The head table was set with simple cutlery and crockery, and provision of food was only sufficient, rather than excessive. It was a far more relaxed atmosphere than was normal, and a general feeling of cheerfulness permeated through the small number of staff in attendance.

Irina, and Remus who was still leaning too heavily on her arm, moved slowly, almost regally along the rows of empty student tables. Well, they weren't quite empty; they were adorned with wonderfully scented, decorative floral arrangements that served only to add brightness to the hall. It was almost too much for Remus, and he would have faltered had it not been for the woman at his side. "Be calm Remus. You are safe and secure. There is nothing to be fearful of or embarrassed about. You are not out of place here."

Remus sighed, and squeezed her arm in quiet gratitude.

Reaching the head table, they moved to the empty chairs next to Alastor Moody. There were three, one each for Remus and Irina, and one for the absent Potions Master. Remus sank gratefully down next to Moody, before reaching for a slice of toast to add to his plate. He would have preferred not to eat at all, having learned long ago that his stomach tended to be quite rebellious for the first couple of days after a transformation, but he had come this far so he threw caution to the wind.

Nibbling on the toast, hoping that simple food in small amounts would cause him less difficulty, he jumped, startled, when Dumbledore's hand arrived without warning on his shoulder. Looking up, Remus saw that both he and McGonagall were standing behind him, smiling enthusiastically.

Moody, too, looked at him pleased – of course they would be sharing the Defence classes – but his pleasure was derived from more than that. Moody had long ago realised how challenging the younger wizard's life was, and he was amazed at his resilience and willingness to take on further burdens. Working for the Order was not easy; the tasks involved were often quite complex, but in the small period since its re-instigation, the young Werewolf had shown himself to be an indispensable and tireless worker for the light.

"Ah, Remus, it is good to see you have managed to join us. It is an unexpected, but quite pleasant, surprise." Dumbledore's eyes shone with delight, but there was just a hint of worry lurking in their depths. It was clear that he understood how difficult it was for Remus to be there.

Remus swallowed the small mouthful of toast he had managed, almost choking on it as his throat constricted. "Thank you Headmaster. It is due in the main to Professor Ivanov. She has been very supportive."

The old wizard chuckled softly, knowing only too well just how supportive she had been, and grateful for her efforts. His eyes shone with gratitude, glad that she had come and that she had already had such a beneficial effect on one of the staff. He only hoped that she would be able to reach another, knowing only too well how much more difficult it would be. "Yes, I am sure she has." He patted Remus' shoulder gently in support. "Regardless of the reason, I am still glad you felt capable of joining us."

Dumbledore directed his attention to Irina, who was enjoying a plate of summer fruit. Even as Tsarina, such delicacies were difficult to obtain in her own country, and she intended to make the most of the school's abundant supply. "Thank you so much My Dear."

"Not at all Headmaster."

Dumbledore returned his attention to Remus and engaged him in conversation, McGonagall, too, was chatting quietly with the pair.

Irina was about to reach for another fruit, one she could not identify, clearly something exotic, when the doors to the Great Hall opened again and Snape stalked in, dressed in his usual black robes, but looking almost as ill as the man beside her.

Snape looked at the head table and stopped as he saw the Werewolf in place, surrounded by his enthusiastic admirers. Quickly, he considered turning and leaving for the privacy of his own quarters, there was clearly no place in that cheery gathering for his dark presence. As everyone seemed ignorant of his arrival, quite content to stroke the ego of the creature, he was about to turn and leave when he became aware of one pair of eyes watching him closely.

Irina watched as the Potions Master stopped, before stiffening and continuing more slowly. She could almost sense his feeling of isolation from across the room and her heart went out to him. Snape was tall and rather daunting, normally, but at that moment he seemed so lost and alone that it was impossible to believe it was the same man that held such an important position within the school and the Order. To her, he looked as though he had nothing and knew that no one cared, and that his crimes had condemned him to a lifetime of separation from those who dwelled wholly within the light. Of course, the truth was quite different, but in his state, he could not see that more people were worried about him than they were about what he had done.

Knowing only too well that seeing Remus surrounded as he was by the other Professors would only increase Snape's feelings of aloneness, Irina smiled encouragingly at him as he drew closer. He didn't return the smile and hers faded at his words.

"Ah, Lupin, how pleasant. I see the Werewolf appreciation society is in place too." His words were icy.

Out of the corner of her eye, Irina noticed that Remus grew paler. She placed her hand on his and squeezed it in support. Moody had stiffened too, and Irina noticed that his hand had moved to his wand. The Auror/Death Eater dynamics clearly still clouded the two professors' relationship – like so many other things, that would have to change if they were to defeat Voldemort, they couldn't afford division within the group.

Remus tried to calm his nerves, knowing full well that he didn't have the energy to flee. "Good mor-" He began.

"Don't bother, there is nothing good about it when an abomination such as yourself is allowed to wander around without restraint." Snape spat the hurtful words, knowing only too well the effect they would have on their victim. What he hadn't anticipated was the affect they would have on the other staff members present.

Dumbledore straightened. "Severus," he warned gently, "I think you should stop, now." His blue eyes blazed with anger that was just barely controlled. He understood Snape's discomfort, but he would not condone such rudeness.

Snape ignored the interruption. "So, I have been meaning to ask if you miss it?"

Remus, pale and shaking now at such a stinging verbal attack so soon after a transformation, struggled to speak, confused by the question. "Miss what?"

"The taste of human flesh of course. It must be so much more palatable than that piece of toast you are picking at." Snape didn't wait for a response; he simply turned quickly and stormed back down the hall.

Moody stood, angered as everyone else was, and drew his wand, pointing it at the retreating form. "Filthy Death Eater scum." He swore under his breath. "I know exactly –"

"No." Irina's quiet, but insistent voice stopped the angry wizard from using all his years of Auror training to punish the Potions Master. She placed her hand on his, gently coaxing him into lowering the wand, still threateningly pointed at Snape's back. "I will deal with this. He is acting like this for a reason, and simply punishing him will do no good. We must find out what is troubling him before we punish him, but he will be punished."

Reluctantly, anger still burning fiercely within him, Moody returned his wand to his robes and returned to his seat. "As you wish Tsarina." He answered in clipped tones. It was clear that he wasn't happy with the arrangement, but he would, for the moment at least, allow her first crack at him.

Irina watched as Remus slumped in his chair, motionless and floundering at the attack. She knew he needed help, Snape's words had undone all her hard work, but she had to trust the others to render the assistance he required. Knowing full well that the damage done was more emotional than physical, although both were closely linked in the recently transformed man, she knew the gathered professors were more than capable of providing the support he needed.

Irina had another more pressing matter to attend to – she had to make Snape realise that his cruelty had been inappropriate, and if possible, that he was not alone. Her own anger would make the second part difficult, and she wondered if she would be able to overcome her own feelings to facilitate the two conflicting demands.

Giving Remus' hand another squeeze, Irina stood, a look of anger that none of the gathered professors had seen before, burning in her eyes. "Do not pay any attention to him Remus, his behaviour is unacceptable. I am sorry to leave you like this but I must deal with this before it gets out of hand."

Remus nodded, barely capable of more, and without further explanation, not that any was needed, Irina moved quickly from the hall in pursuit of the angry man.

*

Snape looked up, surprised, as the door to his office slammed open – he hadn't expected anyone to have the courage to follow regardless of their house loyalties. "Get out!"

Irina, already furious, ignored him. "How dare you do that to him? He already feels guilty enough about what happened! Your behaviour is intolerable."

Snape turned, but it wasn't just anger that burned in his eyes, there was something more. "That – that thing should be locked up where it can do no harm."

"I will not allow you to call Remus a thing. He is as much a human as you are. I must point out that the evil he carries within him is the result of a terrible accident in his youth over which he had no control; the evil you carry within you is a result of your own choices." She paused, "His almost killed him," she looked at him angrily, "Yours might still kill you - particularly if you continue as you have this morning. It was all I could do to stop Alastor from cursing you – do you really think you are ready to take on an hostile ex-Auror?"

Irina stopped, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, in an attempt to fight against her anger. She realised it would only make things worse, and that there was a reason behind the haggard man's attack. She wanted to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand so she softened her tone and tried logic as her weapon. "We both know Remus is not dangerous, not with Wolfsbane."

Snape looked at her as though she was the most foolish person he had ever encountered. "And what if Wolfsbane fails? He will kill before anyone realises." Snape stopped; horrified that he had just indirectly admitted his weakness – his fear of the wretched creature that dwelled within the quiet Defence professor – fear of facing those golden eyes again, as he had once in life, but which still haunted his dreams. His admission infuriated him more than the fear itself.

Irina watched as his anger increased. "You still fear him?" She asked quietly, realising her mistake as soon as the words had left her lips.

Snape's reaction startled Irina – he moved so quickly and with a look of such intense fury on his face that she had no time to react. Reaching her, Snape did the unforgivable – he hit her across the face with his fist.

Caught off guard by his sudden attack, Irina was knocked off balance, and she fell, striking her head on his desk. She could feel the blood that started to trickle down the side of her face from a cut above her eye, and struggled to regain her composure before the situation degraded further. Breathing heavily, she watched as Snape froze, mouth agape, horrified at what he had done. It was clear that his actions had thrust him into a different reality, and she had her suspicions which one.

Irina rose, slowly and a little unsteadily. "I am sorry, I should not have said that." She moved forward and touched his arm, but he moved away quickly, unable to face her. She watched him as he withdrew into himself again. "Your father hit you."

Snape looked at her startled, wondering how it was that she seemed to know everything. He nodded. "Is it that obvious?"

"No, but it is not unusual for children treated with violence to become adults that react with violence. The cycle of abuse is difficult to break, but it can be broken." Snape nodded, but Irina wondered if he had truly understood her words – he still seemed disconnected somehow from the reality of the current situation.

Snape watched her closely, waiting for more, waiting perhaps, for an offer of help, or for the punishment he deserved, at least. He was horrified when what little colour she had drained from her cheeks. Moving quickly, he reached her before her legs collapsed under her. Surprised as he was to be suddenly holding Irina's unconscious form, he recovered quickly and carried her carefully from his office to his private chambers and laid her gently on his bed. His anger now replaced by worry.

Horrified at what he had done, knowing only too well the implications of such behaviour, he moved to the fireplace and threw in a pinch of floo powder. "Headmaster, I am afraid we have a problem."