I want to thank you all very much for your lovely reviews! It's a little hectic lately and I don't have the time to thank you personally, so I hope this will do it as well. I love it when a review turns a smile on my face. So keep going.
Just one little thing. Dear guest reviewer who is hating my story so much, no one is forcing you to read it!
You would think that your birthday is a happy day but nothing is more wrong then that. Or it is while you are lying in the hospital giving up. And no one visiting you on your birthday. My father has called me to wish me a happy birthday and excusing himself that he couldn't come today.
And next to my father I have no one actually. My mother walked out of my life and Dimitri is a whole other story. I have to admit that I still want him and I still keep looking at him when he isn't looking at me. But those night when he sat by my bed are over.
One of the nurses brought me a cupcake this morning with a little candle on it. Together with two other nurses she sang happy birthday and let me blow it out. And what did I wished for? For Dimitri to kiss me. I am hopelessly.
Today I turned nineteen and I have never kissed a boy in my life. So many first times I won't be having now and I cried about it. I have never found love. I never found someone who loved me. And for once I wishes that there was someone. Someone who would hold me and who would kiss me.
'Rose?' Dimitri's voice pulls me out of my thoughts. He is standing in the doorway in normal clothes, his ridiculous duster wrapped around his body and a small box in his hands.
'May I come in?' he asks me and I nod. Moving a little to give him space to sit with me. It has been a while since he has come here without being my doctor. So I am wondering why he is even here. After he begged me to live for him I haven't talked to him.
'What did you brought with you?' I ask him with a smile. It is already dark outside and with only the nightlight on it is like we are sitting in our own little bubble. He gives me a smile and hands me the box.
'It is a small present for you. Happy birthday Rose.' he says. A smile on his face but it doesn't reach his eyes. I start to unwrap the gift and as I open it I have to laugh. A real and hard laugh and it makes my whole body move. He has packed a donut for me. It has been the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
'I am glad you like it.' he says with a smile on his face. This time it reaches his eyes. I reach out and take his hand, giving it a squeeze. He takes both of my hands in his big hands.
'I love it Dimitri.' I say and have to bite my tongue. I love you Dimitri. I am madly in love with you and if you would tell me that you love me too I would fight for myself. Don't Rose, don't. His smile falters and he just stares at me.
'I am leaving.' He says and moves his eyes down. He is looking at our entangled hands instead of my eyes and it bothers me. My heart is breaking when he tells me that he is leaving. My whole world starts to crumble down.
'Why are you leaving?' I ask him and I can't hide the sadness in my voice.
'I can't keep watching people die.' He says. He can't watch me die, I think. He looks up again and the emotions are clear in his eyes. Sadness, anger and something I can't describe. It's something I will learn to call love.
'You are running.' I say and he chuckles.
'Yes, I am. You want to run with me?' he says with a twinkle in his eyes. 'We could live in a tree house in the middle of the woods.'
His response making me smile and making my heart ache. How I wish I could run with him to the middle of the woods. Forget everything that has happened and pretend to be happy together. But I know better than to wish that.
'Can I do anything for you?' he asks me with a hopeful look in his eyes. Will you kiss me? I think it but won't say it. I can't say it. I shake my head no.
'Nothing? Nothing I can do before you…' he doesn't finish his sentence. But he means die. Anything he can do before I die.
'Will you kiss me?' I ask him and his brows raise up in surprise. Maybe he expected me to ask him to stay. Maybe he expected me to ask him to stop by sometime. He looks at me for a couple minutes, not saying anything.
Then his eyes go from me to the door and back to me. He stands up so quickly and walks to the door. He is going, I went too far. But he doesn't go away. He closes the door and walks back to me, sitting next to me again.
He cups my face with his hands and caresses my cheeks with his thumbs. His eyes go from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes.
'You are sure?' he asks me while he bites his bottom lip. I nod at him and bend my head a little backwards, looking up at him. He bends a little forward and I bend a little forward. Our heads, our lips, our noses, only a couple inches away from each other.
He bends further and his lips brushes against mine. My breathe hitches. His aftershave prickling my nose and filling all the air around us. He pulls back a little and looks me in the eyes. Brown eyes meeting brown eyes.
He rubs his nose against mine before bending forwards again. His lips meet mine again and this time in an actual kiss. My lips move with his and I close my eyes, enjoying this moment. I place my hands on his elbows.
His tongue traces my bottom lip and in a reaction I open my mouth. His tongue slides into my mouth and starts battling with my tongue. It's is the pleasant thing I have ever felt and the most weird thing at the same time.
Butterflies moving in my stomach and my whole body starts to feel alive again. It is like a battery slowly going empty and then you put it on a charger. That is how I feel in that moment.
He pulls back and stares at me for a moment. The tenderest look in his eyes. He gives me a quick kiss before he stands up and leaves the room. He doesn't even look back. My hand go up and I place my fingers on my mouth.
If this is how it feels to love. To be loved. If this is only the slightest bit of how love is like I am not done with it. I want to feel this. I want to love and to be loved. I want to live to find love.
I am just putting my jeans back on after going to the toilet when my eyes fall on something. I grab it in my hand and stand there with my jeans still on my ankles and the small box in my hands. Shit, shit, shit. I can't believe this.
In a quick motion I have pulled my jeans up and tossed the box in a corner. I don't want to look at it. I thought I was screwed before but this is even worse. It has been five weeks since I walked out of Dimitri's apartment with the idea of never seeing him again.
I pace around in my room until I make a decision. I live with four girls in one apartment, they must know what I should do. Walking downstairs I knock on everyone's door and tell them to go downstairs.
It takes only a couple of minutes for them to join me and they look at me with questioning eyes. Even Adrian and Christian are here. I wish I could do this without they here.
'Rose, are you going to tell us why you needed us?' Lissa asks softly, taking my hand in hers and I look at her. Focusing on her. I take a deep breath and make myself ready for what I am saying and what I am thinking.
'I didn't get my period.' I say and am greeted by silence. I bite my lip and wait for their reactions. I am so screwed. I knew it. What do I have to do with a child? His child.
'Are you pregnant?' Mia asks. The first one to recover.
'I don't know. I haven't taken a test yet.' I answer her and let Lissa take me in her arms, hugging me close to her.
'Jill, we are going to buy pregnancy tests.' Mia says and she and Jill leave us. I am so glad for them to do this for me.
'It's going to be alright Rose. I promise you.' Lissa says and smiles at me. Trying to be happy and not show me her concern. It isn't working.
'Is it Dimitri's?' Sydney asks while sitting on the other side of me. Wrapping me in her arms. Now I am a sandwich between Sydney and Lissa. I just nod at her and try to hide the tears that are forming. How can I be pregnant from his child?
It takes Mia and Jill only twenty minutes to buy the pregnancy test and they shove them into my hands. They sent me to the bathroom to pee on them. First I had to wait until I could pee again and now I am waiting for the tests to show me the results.
'Lissa, will you look for me. Please.' I say and look at her with pleading eyes. I can't watch it. It can't be happening. I can't be pregnant. What do I do when I am pregnant? I am twenty-five, single and don't have a job.
'It positive.' Lissa says and we are all silent for a moment. Then a loud sob escapes my body and I start crying. No, no, no.
'Oh sweetie. It isn't the end of the world. You will be a good mother, you know that.' Lissa says and hugs me close to her. I won't be. I know that I can't be a good mother. Look at the person who was supposed to be my mother. How can I do better when I had a terrible example.
'Rose?' This is Christian. I look up at him and see him sharing a look with Adrian. 'Do you want us to kill Dimitri?'
Christians question makes me laugh and now I am laughing and crying at the same time. I try to catch my breath but just give up after a moment. Hiccupping and laughing and crying. I shake my head no to them. How much I would like to hurt him in this moment I know that I can't. That they can't do that.
After all Dimitri is the father of this child. And how scared I am at this moment and how scared I am to be a terrible mother. I know that I could never give this baby up. Knowing about his existence only for a couple minutes and already feeling protective about him.
'You know that I am just as guilty for getting pregnant as he is, right?' I ask him. He makes a gagging gesture.
'I don't want to picture you having sex Rose.' He says, making me laugh again. I dry my eyes and look at them. Looking at every one at them and sigh loudly. Dimitri is going to be a father. Now I have to see him again. Even when I don't want to.
'I have to tell him, right?' I ask him and I hear 'yes' and 'yeah' from them.
I am nervous and a little trembling when I am standing in the elevator that goes up to his apartment. I am going to tell him that he is going to be a father. And secretly I am hoping that he is going to like it and that he will be there for me and for our child.
I talked for a couple of hours with the girls and Adrian and Christian. They reassured me that I would be a good mother and that they will be there for me. Lissa made me even promise that she is going to be the godmother of my unborn child.
And even when Dimitri doesn't want me and he doesn't want our child. I have six people standing behind me to help me with this baby I am going to have. I place my hands on my still flat belly and smile a little. I am going to have a baby.
I stand in the hallway of his floor and stare at his door for a couple of minutes. I am afraid to ring that bell. I am afraid that he doesn't want me and he doesn't want our child. I am afraid that he won't believe me that it is his child I am carrying. And I am afraid that he does want me.
I take a deep breath and ring the bell before I can chicken out and run out of this place. It is tempting, I have to admit. I hear moving on the other side of the door and the following moment the door opens. But it isn't Dimitri or Ivan opening the door.
No, instead of that a tall woman is standing in front of me. She is thin and has raven black hair. There is a large scar on the side of her face. But I can still see that she is a very pretty woman. Beautiful even.
'I am looking for Dimitri.' I tell her. Feeling a little weird under her stare. Her eyes changing and her whole body changes. She wraps her arms in front of her chest and glares down at me.
'So you're the girl who is sleeping with my husband.' She says.
So, Rose is pregant? What do you think will happen now that she is pregnant?
And now we all know Dimitri's secret!
And last thing... This chapter had the last flashback/memory in it! I hope you have liked those too.