Okay so I'm not too sure what year the books take place since it never says, I know it most likely goes off of the 'present time' but to make it fit the story I decided to go with 2003 which was when Twilight was published. But it is taking sometime in the beginning of Eclipse. And technically her name has changed to Nizhoni, by legal standards. But she still feels like 'Amanda', so when I do the POV changes I will still write it as Amanda.

Thank you all for your reviews and feedback, it makes me happy :)

Changes

I was frozen, literally frozen. I was dead? My parents had buried me? They moved back to Virginia? It was all a tangled mess that was jumbled up in my head. A total of a month had gone by in my unconcious mind and it had only felt like a day. Now I stood face to face with Sam who had filled me in on it all and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. But it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I shouldn't have gone out into the woods knowing what could have lurked there. But why couldn't my parents be told what had happened? To keep the Quileute secret. To keep some stupid secret.

Paul reached out to touch me and I swatted him away

"Don't touch me!" I snapped. "Don't you have Reachel to fawn over?!" Storming out of the house I broke away, fuming and burning on the inside, Paul trailing after me. "Stop following me Paul." I said but less forcibly, I had no energy to spare on yelling at him since I had done most of it in the house.

"No." Huffing, I continued on and ignored him, not wanting company. Paul was just as stubborn as I was, probably more so and if he was dead set on following me around then so be it.

I had found myself at the cemetery after walking aimlessly for a while, staring down at my headstone. I wasn't sure what had lead me here, since I had wanted to avoid the place altogether. I had travelled towards the back of the graveyard and found myself staring down at a pristine stone still adorned with fresh flowers and an unlit candle that had burned down to a nub. Mom and Dad had made sure to put Lilys on it, my favorite flower.

Amanda Fischer

1986-2004

Forever Loved and Missed

The words were foreign to me. My whole life was gone and there was nothing I could do but hop around as a wolf and protect people I had begun to hate. It was a hard thing to embrace and I felt utterly bitter about it. Why should I care about people who didn't have a care in the world if my parents had suffered so long as their stupid secret was safe?

If I had been awake I could have stopped it, I wasn't bound to anything like everyone else was. My heart ached longingly when I thought about the change I could have brought had I not been unconcious. I swore if they ever came back I would show them that I was alive and I'd leave this place forever. For now I had to learn to control myself and keep the wolf at bay.

"Did she suffer badly?" I whispered knowing Paul was close by. It took him a long time to answer and when he did my heart clenched,

"She started seeing a shrink and had been crying a lot. Your Dad never left her side though." This much I knew and I felt some relief that Dad would be there for her, he was a strong person and had always held us up. I would miss him so much. I wish I had waited for him to come home from work before I had left.

I managed to drag myself away and walked around for an hour, ending up at Sam's place. Allison was outside waiting for me. Paul had filled me in on Allison finding out and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she was waiting for me. We greeted each other awkwardly and I tried to joke to make the air around us lighter,

"You're supposed to get all pale when you see a ghost." That was the worst joke...ever. But Allison laughed and patted my thigh, motioning to sit with her.

"How are you?" It was a simple question, but it held a lot of meaning. "Pissed." She nodded her head, and continued to wait for me to talk. "It's just, I had plans. I was going to go some where. And now I'm stuck here." I let all my emotions roll off my tongue, and spilled the ugly truth about how things had been the past few weeks. Keeping secrets could be one of the most damaging things you could do to yourself.

I told her about how angry I was, about the hurt I was feeling, and the sense of loss that I didn't think I could ever fix. And lastly I told her about Paul. Despite everything this had been the thing that was itching at the back of my mind the most, wanting release. Allison had remained quiet through the whole thing, listening patiently and when she was sure I was done talking she said,

"Love can make you or break you." Allison was in a faraway memory as she spoke. Her face distant and clouded. "Don't let it destroy you. Like I said if he loves you he'll open his eyes and see. He will come back if he does."

Allison glanced at me then, "If he can't move on then you are not his imprint and you can wait until your mate does come." Her words made sense and while I could say she didn't understand, I knew that she did because she spoke from experience. "

I was wondering if you would be okay with me staying with you?" I asked suddenly, "I don't want to be here. I need to be away from everyone." Allison's face brightened and truthfully I felt happy too.

"Of course you can! Sam's room is empty, excluding the bed. Come whenever you feel like you're ready."

And just like that I set a whole new chain in motion. Sam argued that I was taking a risk, and I replied that the only risk was me staying here where I was more likely to blow up in people's face. Besides, I blatantly told him that I refused to be apart of his pack. This upset him even more, and we continued to argue all throughout the house.

"Look Sam, I just want my own space." I sighed, tossing my crap in the back of Allison's truck. It seemed like everyone owned trucks here.

"Paul! Say something!" Sam threw his hands up and was glaring at Paul who was unusually quiet.

"What do you want me to do? She's your sister." He replied lazily, his bad boy demeanor back on his face.

"You're her mate!" Sam growled, whipping around to glare at me.

"He's not my mate Sam." I replied softly, heading out the front, feeling Paul rushing behind me.

"What do you mean I'm not your mate?" This cat and mouse game was getting so old. I took my time in responding and I could feel his impatience bubbling around him. Turning I looked him dead in the eyes "You can't decide, you don't even know. I'm not going to sit around and just hope. I think if I was really yours you wouldn't need to make a decision."

Paul's face was dark as he gripped my arm. "I am your mate." He breathed out in a slow hiss that was restraining whatever emotion he was feeling. A part of me wanted to just agree and let go but I wasn't going to let that happen. Not until I was sure.

"No Paul. You're not. I think I was just a rebound. But don't worry Jacob said his sister was coming back in a month." Pulling free of his grip I hopped into Allison's truck and we pulled out of the driveway.

When I was alone in my new room which still had traces of Sam I let my body flop against the squishy bed. I let all the events sum up and play through my head like a bad movie. My leg and arm were completely healed and I managed to escape with only a small scar on the side of my neck that curved down to my collar bone. I did admit that the fast healing thing was a perk I liked. With only a few yellowing bruises you couldn't really tell I had nearly been mangled to death. But my physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt. I missed my parents and the fact that there was little chance I'd be able to see them again. I never got to say goodbye and this was something that bothered me greatly.

To the right of me was a packet with all my information. The elders had managed to pull some strings and had set up a whole new life for me. Nizhoni Rayen Uley. The name wasn't bad, I liked it and while it was kind of like a jab at the outsider name I had been given I knew apart of me felt a little closer to who I was born to be. "Nizhoni..." It definately sounded strange on my lips and I would have to get used to it. My name was easy to change, but my appearance would take some work. I figured Allison would help me with that and wondered how drastic my looks would be.

SAMS POV

As soon as Amanda had left Paul went into a ballistic frenzy, dashing for the trees as he phased. I didn't really sympathize with him, he had it coming for not making a choice. Still, I didn't like the idea of Amanda refusing what she was. It was playing with fire and she would lose control of it at some point.

Every day I sent Jacob to try and convince her otherwise but he always came back alone. When I went she would refuse to come out of the house. Leah tried dragging her back but that didn't work and Amanda phased, darting away. Eventually I gave up and started telling my mom to urge Amanda to at least get more familiar with her wolf. I worried that she would not have said anything but a few nights later when we were patrolling I saw Amanda. Her wolf was slender and always avoided us with ease. She never allowed me to access her mind and if I did I could still feel her loss burning brightly inside of her,i t was too much. Sometimes she forced it on me to get me to back off.

Paul would constantly go after her, trying to reason with her and it never worked. He came back with some form of bite or scratch.

"Just give her space Sam." Emily said one night. "She needs to get better before anything else." Grudgingly I left her alone and when two weeks went by without a word from her or mom I was ready to go back to nagging but she showed up looking not like herself. Everything about her appearance had experienced changes. She wore a hello-my-name-is... sticker with Nizhoni scribbled on it.

"I thought it would be kinda funny." She admitted with a shrug. Her hair had been cut short and dangled just below her jawline with the bangs sweeping across her face, creating a messy layered look. "I can't start school yet, because of the wolf thing. But when I do I'm going to go to Forks Highschool. Billy said nobody would recognize me." And it was true, I hardly recognized her at all.

Now that she didn't need the extra heat from a jacket she wore loose fitted jeans and a plain white tank top. Over it, I guess to hide her scar better, was a green plaid button up-shirt that was slightly too big for her. She no longer bared her scruffy sneakers and had acquired some hiking boots. She actually looked like she was born and raised here.

"After that I'll probably go stay in Seattle and study there at a community college or something." It was a far cry from what Amanda had wanted to be and it made me grimance but I decided not to comment on it and invited her inside.

She declined saying she was stopping by to say hi and that her and Allison/Mom were going out to eat. I was disappointed but at least she came by. As we were saying our goodbyes Paul was shoving past me, bounding off of the porch to greet her.

AMANDAS POV

I was staring up at Paul as he took me in.

"Where are you going? Don't you want to come in? Emily's cooking something, it smells good." His excitment was like a kid in a candy story. The only time Paul and I had interacted was when we were changed and even then that was limited. I really didn't know how to respond to him.

"Uh, no I was going home." His shoulders dropped considerably before snapping back to attention. He grabbed my hand with this childish grin, "Well, I'll walk you home then."

"Paul I really don't need to be walked home." And I really didn't need to explain why either. I mean I could change into a giant wolf, that alone would scare any sane person away. But Paul wasn't exactly a sane person and even though I was faster he was stronger by a mile. My open statement didn't seem to affect him and he started leading me away.

"What you been up to these past few days?" Avoiding you an everyone else. I thought not answering his question. He glanced back at me

"You can talk you know." He was smirking and I wanted to smack it right off his face because I had no idea what the hell he was smirking for.

"That haircut makes you look like a kid." I was glaring at him now, only Paul would try to break the ice by insulting you. "Well my hair isn't any of your business and if you're going to make fun of me go home." He plucked a piece of hair into his fingers,

"I didn't say it was bad looking." He was smelling it, "Stop that!" I swatted at his hand and moved away, feeling slightly creeped out.

"Why? You smell nice." Because it's wierd...I thought squinting at him. Even if you do turn into a wolf. You don't just go around sniffing people.

"So...Nizhoni huh?" He fingered the peeling sticker on my shirt, "Well yeah, I can't be Amanda anymore." Allison's house was coming into view as we talked and I noticed that her truck wasn't there.

"I like it, because you are beautiful."

His compliment made me flush and I looked away from him to stare at some deep green moss that hung from the tree's canopies.

"You shouldn't say things like that." I muttered, feeling embarassed.

"Why?" We were standing at the front door facing each other and I could feel the body heat coming off of him

"Because. It's just weird okay?"

Paul looked like he truly didn't understand and this made it so much harder to just slam the front door in his face.

"Why is it weird that I said you're beautiful?" Sucking in a huge breath air I sighed loudly.

"Because Paul, when Reachel comes back you'll be all over her. Don't get my hopes up for nothing. Just let me accept the fact that you made a mistake and let me move on with my life and have a chance at finding my own happiness."

I had been turning away from him but his hand flew out to catch mine, wrenching me into his hard chest. Paul's arms were like corded muscle that blocked out everything around me, making it impossible to not feel safe. Just this once... I thought sadly, Just this once I'll let myself live in a dream.

"I don't know what I feel." He whispered, "But I know I don't want to let you go."