Chapter 10:
Frigga sits up straight in her seat when the door opens, and she sees the doctor come back through, holding a chart and looking over it.
Her hand automatically finds Odin's and squeezes down on it, painfully tight, even as her eyes shift to Loki.
Her sweet boy had finally fallen asleep in just the last few hours, and she can't help thinking what awful timing this is then. She wants Loki to rest as much as possible, and depending on what Dr. Strange has to say, he might not be able to again.
She tries not to think about her own fear now, even as her mouth feels dry, looking back to the doctor and trying to glean what it is he's thinking, if she can tell anything by his demeanor.
She doesn't know what she'll do if... if Loki's been infected with... with HIV or something similarly incurable. After everything her son has been through in his life, she doesn't... she doesn't know if she can handle him endure another tragedy. She can't bear anymore to see him suffer, not anymore than he already has.
Finally, Dr. Strange looks up from his charts, smiling tightly at all of them.
"Good morning." He says gently, and Frigga can't tell if he's trying to prepare them all for some awful news or not. She can't tell anything.
She squeezes Odin's hand tighter, and is grateful for the way he doesn't complain.
Thor stands along the other side of Loki's bed, looking towards the doctor with as much open nervousness as she herself feels.
"I see he's resting now." Dr. Strange goes on, nodding towards Loki's sleeping form. "But I have his test results back, and I thought we should go over them together."
Frigga forces herself to nod, blinking back the tears which threaten against the backs of her eyes.
"Of course." She says. "I'll wake him."
She stands, moving over towards her son and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, nudging him as softly as she's able.
"Loki, sweetheart..." she says quietly, leaning down close to him. "baby..."
After a few moments, he stirs, his eyes blinking open blearily and staring up at her in sleep addled confusion.
"Mm.. Mom..." he starts, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper.
She smiles down at him, swallowing against her throat closing up. God, she can't bear this. She just wants to wrap him in a hug and tell him everything is going to be alright.
"Morning sweetie." She says instead, forcing her voice to hold steady. "I'm sorry to wake you darling, but the doctor is here. He has your... your test results, and he wants to go over them with you and all of us."
Loki continues staring up at her for several seconds, seeming not to understand, before at once his eyes clear, comprehension coming into them, and for a moment, she sees raw fear flash in them, before he stamps it down and turns away, nodding.
"... Okay." He says, almost too softly to hear, beginning to push himself up.
Frigga rushes to help him, getting her hands under his arms and helping him to sit, trying to be careful of his bruises.
Loki looks everywhere but at the doctor and the rest of them, keeping his eyes trained for only moments at a time on any one spot.
Thor steps closer, putting an arm round his brother's shoulders.
"It's okay Loki." He tells him quietly, and Loki just nods, still looking away.
Dr. Strange steps up to the foot of the bed, pulling up a chair and sitting down on it. He smiles at Loki.
"How're you feeling today son?" He asks gently.
Loki shrugs, keeping his gaze now on his lap.
"... A little better." He answers weakly.
"Yeah?" Dr. Strange goes on.
Again, Loki nods.
"That's good." The doctor continues. "I know you're still in a lot of pain. I promise that won't last."
Another nod from Loki.
Dr. Strange sighs, and Frigga feels slightly nauseous with anticipation of what he's going to say.
"So I have your test results here Loki. I don't know if you want your family here while we go over them or not. Obviously, some of it may be a little embarrassing to you. So if you want them to leave, you just tell me, okay?"
Loki swallows visibly, his frame winding tight.
"... Th-they can stay." He answers softly after a moment, voice wavering audibly.
"Okay." Dr. Strange goes on. "That's fine. So... good news right off the bat. You've tested negative for any of the really serious STD's, like HIV, Herpes, Syphilis, etcetera. You don't have anything incurable."
Frigga feels like she might collapse from relief.
"Oh, thank God." She breathes, unable to help herself, her hand finding Loki's and squeezing it tightly.
She can feel the tension in his own frame go out, his body slumping slightly where he sits, even as he continues to tremble under her touch.
He nods, not saying anything.
"So what's the rest of it?" Odin steps in then, businesslike as ever, but Frigga can detect the emotion in his voice.
"Well," Dr. Strange breathes in deeply, keeping his eyes on Loki, directing his answers towards him. "that's the good news. The bad news Loki is that you are suffering from several bacterial infections, which we already pretty much knew, from some of the symptoms you described to us as suffering, and also from the physical examination we did of you. So I'm talking about the burning sensation when you urinate, the itchiness and irritation you've been experiencing around your genital area, the rashes, the unusually colored discharge from your penis, as well as the swelling of your testicles and around your anus."
Whatever tension Loki had let go before, Frigga can feel it build back up in an instant, and she feels her heart sinking into the pit of her stomach.
She knows this is humiliating for him, and she feels awful. She wants to tell him he has no reason to be ashamed, nothing to be embarrassed over. That this isn't his fault, that none of these things say anything about him. They're just a part of his body, just a reaction. But she knows a mother trying to explain that to her son, particularly a boy as private and withdrawn as Loki is, wouldn't have the desired affect.
Instead she just squeezes his hand more tightly and prays he knows none of them are judging him right now.
"So," Dr. Strange continues when no one says anything. "you've tested positive for three different sexually transmitted diseases. Again, nothing incurable. But you've tested positive for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, and pubic lice. You're also suffering from a pretty severe Urinary Tract Infection. Everything else you're clear on."
Loki nods, and then suddenly he's crying, turning his face away and covering it with his hand, shaking pronouncedly.
Frigga bends down and wraps her arms around him, pulling him against her chest in a hug.
"It's okay baby." She says softly to him. "It's okay."
Dr. Strange waits a few moments, allowing her to comfort him before he continues.
"All of these are treatable." He says gently. "It's pretty common for people who have contracted Chlamydia to also have contracted Gonorrhea, so that's not at all strange, and we can get rid of both by putting you on a broad spectrum antibiotic, and also knock the UTI out with the same. I'm going to prescribe you an antibiotic called Doxycycline. Now those are going to be 100 milligram tablets, which you'll have to take three times a day for fourteen days, since your infections are pretty severe and I don't want to take any chances of a relapse. Okay?"
Loki gives a weak nod after a few moments, saying nothing.
"Now for the pubic lice, I'm going to prescribe you something called Malathion lotion, which is basically just an insecticide for the body. You're going to need to use the lotion at least twice a day for about a week, and not just on the infected area, it's got to be your whole body. So you can't just use it around your genital area, but all over, okay? And you need to wash it all off after the prescribed time. They'll be instructions on the bottle."
"... D-do... do I nn-need to sh... shave or..." Loki starts quietly, his face noticably red with embarrassment.
Dr. Strange shakes his head.
"No. There's no need to shave the infected area at all. Just use the lotion for a week, twice a day, and that should take care of it."
Again Loki nods.
"... Okay." He says.
He won't look at anyone.
"And these antibiotics should take care of the bacterial infections, including the urinary tract infection?" Odin asks again.
"That's right." Dr. Strange tells him. "Just make sure he takes the pills with food and water, as they can cause some nausea. Otherwise, there shouldn't be any real side affects, and the infections should start to clear up in the first day or so."
"And he doesn't have anything else?" Thor asks now. "Nothing more serious?"
Again, Dr. Strange shakes his head.
"No. He tested negative for every other known STD. So again, to clarify, negative on HIV, Syphilis, Hepatitis, Herpes, etcetera. It's just the Gonorrhea, Chlamydia and pubic lice, as well as the UTI. And then he's suffering from just some superficial things, like the bruising and swelling and the cuts which we already took care of with stitches. The rest is just going to require some ice packs and some time. And the stitches will dissolve on their own in about a week"
Frigga breathes out, standing and reaching a hand out to the doctor.
"Thank you Dr. Strange." She tells him sincerely. "You've been an incredible help."
"Of course." Dr. Strange tells her, taking her hand and shaking it. "It was my pleasure. Now, I'll want to see him back here in a week, just to recheck everything and make sure everything is going okay. I also have the name of good, on duty psychiatrist, if Loki wants to talk to anyone before he's discharged. I would recommend seeking out a therapist either way, if Loki doesn't already have one."
"He does." Odin supplies. "Dr. Banner. He sees Loki twice a week."
Dr. Strange nods.
"That's good." He says. "I can send Dr. Settler in here if you like. Loki, would you like to see anyone before you go?"
Loki exhales shakily, tears still streaming from his eyes. He wipes at them clumsily before shaking his head.
"You're sure?" Dr. Strange presses one last time. "She's very nice, and I think she could maybe help you."
Loki just nods, not saying anything.
"Okay." The doctor concedes. "Well, if none of you have any other questions, I'll have a nurse give you those prescriptions. You should be able to pick them up at any pharmacy. In the mean time, Loki, you can get dressed, and you should be out of here soon."
Frigga and Odin gives their thanks one last time, and then the doctor is gone, off to see to other patients.
The room falls silent for several minutes then.
Frigga knows how hard that was for her son, how humiliated he feels. Still, it does nothing to prepare her when she says his name, intending to ask if he's alright, to reassure him that what the doctor said had been good news, and the first thing Loki says is an apology.
"I'm sorry." He blurts, his voice thick and broken.
Frigga blinks, pausing.
"Loki, don't..." she starts, horrified.
"I... I know I-I-I'm an e-embarrassment t... to you. To... to all of you. I know that and... a-a-and I'm sorry. I'm s-sorry. You t-tried to tell me and I w-wouldn't... I wouldn't listen and now, now you have to deal with this, w-with me and..."
"Loki, no, oh... please don't do this." Frigga begs, her heart shattering into pieces. "Odin, tell him, please..."
"Loki," Odin starts, stepping forward and reaching down, taking hold of Loki's hand.
Loki stiffens visibly for a moment, keeping his face turned away.
"Son, this isn't your fault. We mean that when we say it. Alright? This isn't your fault, and we don't blame you for any of this. You... you aren't an embarrassment. You haven't... haven't brought shame to me or to any of us. Listen, I know..."
Odin pauses, looking away for a moment, and Frigga knows this is hard for him, that he's struggling. He's never been good at expressing his emotions. He's always been so bottled up, himself raised by a father who never showed him any, real affection. He's always struggled with Loki's need for proof, with his youngest son's longing to be shown he's loved. Odin has never been any good at that sort of thing.
It's why she can't help but feel proud of him now, and grateful. Because Loki needs that reassurance now more than ever. He needs to know he's loved.
"I know I haven't always been the best father to you." Odin continues finally, looking back towards Loki, and Loki is wound tight as a bowstring where he sits, still unable to look at his father. "I know we've had our difficulties, mostly... mostly due to my own pig headedness and pride. I know I haven't... I haven't told you enough, not nearly enough, that I love you. But I do Loki. I love you. You're my son, and I'm proud of you. You've never given yourself enough credit. But I'm proud of how brilliant you are. And how strong. How you've always been so independent, not giving a damn if you had anyone's approval or not, mine included. I get angry at you Loki because I worry about you. Like any father does for his son. I want you to be okay. And you're so difficult to talk to sometimes, for me anyway. But I care about you and Thor and your mother more than anything in the world, and that's why. It's never been... never been because I'm ashamed of you. It's never been that."
For long seconds then, Loki doesn't move, doesn't say anything, only continuing to sit there, tears now streaming down his face, until at last he lifts a shaking hand to wipe them from his cheeks, to wipe at his eyes.
"... I love you too Dad." He says, his voice a trembling exhale. He looks up at Odin, eyes red and watery, young face lined in so much pain and fear, Frigga can hardly bear to look at him.
Her husband bends down then, and wraps his arms round Loki, pulling him into a hug, and Loki hugs him back, burying his face against his father's chest, looking so much like the little boy Frigga remembers raising.
"It'll be okay son." Odin tells him softly, bending down and kissing the crown of Loki's head. "I promise. It'll all be alright."