A/N: Hello! I have returned! Sorry about the slow update, I've been really busy but to make up for that this is one of my longest chapters. I really hope you enjoy it. I would like to thank PieceOfMetal who followed this story. Thanks to Ja for reviewing the prologue. Thanks to Ellie for reviewing and I'm so glad you liked it! And of course thanks to the epic Sapphire Roz for reviewing. Thank you lovely people!
Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or Linkin Park (You'll understand after you read it)
~I've been Jotunheim Storm
Thanks xoxo
Chapter IX
(Loki's POV)
"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."
I knew first-hand the price of secrets. The way they wormed their way into your heart. Eating away at you until you could no longer keep them in. Telling anyone, no matter how much it would hurt them. Another great thing about secrets is, if it's about you, you will always be the last one to know.
I held the tablet Zara gave me in my hands, I disabled all of the firewalls and security precautions, granting easy access to any file I wanted to view. I simply had to guess the password for the level ten file. I had already started to decrepit the password and it was more than half way there. Now it was a matter of waiting.
It was pathetic really, these mortals tried so hard to keep their secrets under lock and key. But secrets were not meant to be kept, someone always found out. It was only right, the person who had been deceived all these years, saw the truth behind the mask of lies.
The truth, was a cruel mistress. The thing most people seek throughout their lives. Human or not. But once the much needed truth come into your life, it destroys all the sense of belonging. For you finally know who you are, but you no longer belong.
(Zara's POV)
I awoke from a troubled sleep, dragging myself out from under the warmth and comfort of my bed. I brushed all the knots and tangles out of my unruly hair. Yawning while doing so. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a blue t-shirt garnished with the red rose of England. I walked out of my room and into the lounge of Stark tower. I sat myself in between Steve and Bruce.
"Morning Zara," Steve said, he was remarkably chipper today, a grin set upon his face. I had no idea why.
"Hey," I mumbled. He looked at me, clearly not understanding why I was so deflated.
"Are you okay?" Bruce asked, for the first time looking up from his work. Pushing his glasses further up his nose.
I nodded, not wanting to explain myself. I didn't feel it necessary to burden them with my troubles. Steve shot me a quick smile before leaving briskly. I leaned back into my chair, looking blankly at the wall. My fear had been eating away at me for the past few days. I had always tried to deal with fear, but sometimes the pain was too overwhelming to deal with.
Clint walked in and plonked himself next to me, he eyed me up and frowned slightly.
"What's with the gloom fest everyone?" he asked.
I smiled weakly before leaving, I couldn't handle any more questions. I opened the door to my room and sat on the bed running my fingers through my hair, sighing.
"JARVIS?" I said nervously, unsure how to address Tony's computer system. Well, at least that's what I thought it was.
"Yes Miss Haley, how may I be of assistance?" he enquired me. He? Well, it sounded like a man.
"Can you make sure no one bothers me for the next few hours, tell them I'm busy or something," I asked.
"Of course Miss Haley, may I ask why you wish to do so?" I gritted my teeth as he requested an answer. Even computers were trying to get me to talk.
"No, no you can't," I professed my rage by yelling at a computer. Not my finest moment.
After that JARVIS didn't ask me anymore questions. I felt slightly guilty. I fell back on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to block out everything and everyone.
(Loki's POV)
11 o'clock at last. Zara sat down in the wooden chair that always stood outside of me cell. After the spider left, she turned the chair around to look at me. She grinned slightly.
"So… Did you do it?" she asked, her eyes seemed to light up with joy.
"Of course, your pathetic technology is nothing compared to the mind of a god, child," I stated, trying to keep a straight face while saying it.
We both broke out into a spontaneous fit of laughs. I passed the tablet through the hatch, and she took it and smiled.
"Thank you, Loki, it means a lot," she said, still smiling but her eyes filled with an expression I knew: hurt.
She began scanning the tablet, reading all the information SHIELD had collected about her over the years. It seemed SHIELD had eyes everywhere. They had collected data on everyone, even myself. How they did that was beyond me.
(Zara's POV)
I grasped the tablet from Loki's hands. Desperate to know, needing to know who I was. I skimmed through various pages of things I already knew about myself. It had everything in here, my birth date, my first job, my salary and even details on my first boyfriend. They'd been more thorough than I expected.
Something caught my eye. Experiments.
"Experiments?" I asked breathlessly.
I looked over to Loki who didn't meet my gaze, he just looked down at the floor. His emerald eyes cloaked by dark eyelashes.
I began reading the section titled experiments aloud.
"The experimental subject was subjected to many forms of tests and research. The test subject was twenty five years old and female, carrying a six month year old baby. The baby, however was not her own but an embryo placed into her by SHIELD scientists. The genetics of the child were that of her mother; Vera Michaels and through tests and trials; James Buchanan Barnes," I read through all of the information confused.
"Experiment 1.04 later Christened as Zara April Barnes, became exposed to many untried procedures. Such as genetic reversal and the embryo was injected with telekinetic powers harnessed from unknown sources."
"Three other experiments like this were carried out by SHIELD. The first in 1946 shortly after the end of the Second World War. The efforts to try and recreate the super solider serum failed. The test subject and his mother both died during the trials. The next test took place in a remote inland of the coast of Madagascar named Reunion. The same effects happened causing the death of mother and child. The next trail was issued in 1965 instead of testing on an unborn child SHIELD scientists tested the formula on a child of six weeks named Samuel Forest. He managed to control his powers for a short amount of time before being announced unstable, he no resides in a SHIELD mental facility. He mind is scrambled as are his powers. He is no longer in control of the elements as his younger self once was."
"The last experiment took place in 1991. It was successful in bringing about the first man made superhuman in over fifty years. But due to multiple procedures Experiment 1.04 birth mother died in child birth, she is no buried in a small cemetery in New York, her place of birth," I finished reading the information in front of me.
My eyes were clouded by tears and my heart blinded by rage. My mother died. I'm the reason she is dead. I tried to swallow but a lump in my throat prevented me from doing so. A silent tears fell from my eyes.
"Zara, I'm so sorry," Loki apologised softly, his face filled with an expression I had never seen on him before remorse.
I ran out of the room crying, not looking back, and not listening to the screams from Loki. Pushing past Natasha and Clint. I just carried on running until I got to my room. I fell to my knees sobbing. My heart crying out. My whole body felt numb and weak. You're an experiment. Face it, you don't deserve to live.
(Steve's POV)
Maria Hill walked in to the tower and stood in front of us her arms crossed over her chest.
"Did I say you could enter my tower?" Tony questioned cockily.
"Did I say you could hack into top secret SHIELD files?" she retorted.
Steve looked up from his book confused, as far as he was concerned Tony hadn't hacked into any files since the Battle of New York. But how would he know. Tony did a lot of things, and he didn't ever confine in Steve.
"What?" he asked.
"No one else here has the intelligence, tech or stupidity to hack into level ten files. Any way the signal came from one of your tablets," she declared.
"Maybe I did, I hack a lot files from a lot of places, and you expect me to remember?" he laughed.
If he was trying to plead his case he wasn't going the right way about it.
"Which file?" Bruce asked calmly.
"That information is classified," she dodged his question.
Steve sighed, standing up, stretching slightly. He met Maria's cold stare. He hated how every time something involving SHIELD turned her from a person he consider a friend to a cold spy.
"If you wanted us to help your gonna have to tell us what the file's about Maria," Steve said, trying to spread diplomacy between his fellow Avengers. She sighed before answering.
"Zara. Zara's file," she answered bluntly.
Zara? He thought to himself. Clearly everyone was confused. Everyone gave Maria blank faces, it was clear no one thought of her as a threat but a friend.
"Do you think she's read it?" Bruce asked.
"Maybe. She pushed past Clint and me crying. Unless Loki said something really awful, it's possible," Natasha said.
Steve felt a sudden blast of anger running through his veins. If SHILED or Loki had hurt her in any way he had to know why.
"What's in that file," Steve demanded sharply.
"Whoa calm down big fella, just hacking it as we speak," Tony said.
Maria tried to grab the tablet from Tony but he lifted it above his head and tutted disapprovingly.
"Did anyone ever tell you snatching is bad," he said pulling a sad face.
Tony carried on typing and swiping while Clint stood over him trying to help. Natasha took a seat next to Bruce. Steve didn't dare take his eyes off Maria, he continued glaring at her.
"Hey, Tony's unlocked it," Clint called to Steve.
He walked over, his stance stiff and regimented, glaring at Maria one last time before reading the file.
Steve skimmed through all the unnecessary information until he got to a text about experiments. He read through it. It was a lot to take in, mostly about trying to recreate the super solider serum. There was one part that worried him. There was a small bit of Zara's file concerning Bucky. Bucky was Zara's dad?
Steve looked up in rage and hurt. As did his friends. Clint, pushed past Maria storming off to find Zara, Bruce quickly followed him. Natasha looked disgusted and sat down on the sofa running her fingers through her red hair. Tony's face didn't show any expression but his eyes told it all. For a second he laughed.
"All this time, you claimed to be the good guys, looking out for everyone. You're all hypocrites. Just as bad as HYDRA," Tony said.
"Get out of my tower," Tony said. Maria nodded before leaving turning to leave.
"Wait!" Natasha called.
Maria turned around to look at her. Natasha stood up, putting her gun in her holster.
"Take Steve and me to Director Fury," she commanded.
"Fury's dead," she wavered slightly.
"O c'mon we all know he isn't. You are taking us to Fury. Now," she spoke calmly but with an air of authority.
Maria turned on her heels and Steve and Natasha followed after her.
"I didn't know you cared about her," Steve whispered to her.
"You don't know everything Rogers. All I see is a young girl who needs answers. Any way, you care about her," she answered. Those last words lingered in Steve's head for the rest of the day. You care about her.
(Zara's POV)
There was a knock at the door, I ignored it. Again there was a knock and I refused to open the door. I couldn't let anyone see me like this.
"Go away," I croaked, my voice dry and horse from all the crying.
"Zara? It's Clint and Bruce. Let us in," Clint called.
The door opened anyway, and in walked Clint with Bruce following shortly afterwards.
"You okay?" Clint asked kneeling in front of me.
I nodded unconvincingly. Clint sighed sadly and hugged me. I rested my head on his shoulder my closed my eyes, letting tears again fall from them. He stroked my hair softly.
"You know, I didn't do hugs until I met you Zara," he joked slightly.
I attempted to smile but it was weak. Bruce stood awkwardly by my bookshelf. He smiled slightly, his eyes sympathetic. I pulled away from Clint and sat up straight.
"Go away please," I begged, my voice breaking.
Clint stood up, brushing his trousers and leaving silently. Bruce smiled again, leaving shortly after.
My phone rang. It was on the bed side table and I grabbed it and touched answer.
"Hello?" I fumbled, sniffing.
"Zara, it's me. It's your mum," my mum's voice sounded happy but I knew it was an act. Just like the day dad died, hiding her pain with false smiles.
"Did you know," I asked whimpering slightly.
"Oh Zara, you have to understand…" She began
I have to understand?! What's there to understand?
"No! No! You listen to me! For once you're gonna listen to me!" I shrieked down the line.
"Why didn't you tell me? You could have told me, from the beginning," I said my words caught up in my tears.
"I didn't. Your father and I didn't want you feel different," she tried to justify her actions.
"Not feel different!" I screamed.
"I've always felt different, from the first second. Always different. Am I damned, cursed?" I asked, almost breaking into tears.
"No, of course not darling. You're my daughter," she cried.
"No I'm not. I never have been. But it makes sense now. Why you never treated me the same as Harry. He was your real child and he is a real person. Not a damned experiment! But no matter how much you claim to love me, you could never care for an experiment!" the last words dripping with pain and tears.
I hung up, sick of her excuses. I took the picture of my mother, father, Harry and I kept by my bed. I felt the frame under my fingertips, feeling the intricate detail of flowers. I stoked each one of the faces in in the picture until I got to mine. I took the picture out of the frame. Ripping the part of the picture which I was in. Tearing it into tiny pieces and throwing it out of the window. Watching it fall into the road. Next to took the frame and dropped it, the glass broke slightly. I picked it up again and carried on shaming it. Screaming and crying all the while. Until there was nothing but shattered glass.
I touched my iPod and began playing a song, I played it as loud as I could to drown out my cries.
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you.
I screamed a last time, pulling my hair and crying. After that my pain became too real. I couldn't feel, I didn't want to feel. I was numb beyond anyone else comprehension. I crawled into my bed and wept until I fell into a dark sleep.
(Loki's POV)
I felt every cry, every scream, and every tear. In my heart, it was ripping my broken heart apart. I felt all the emotions she thought she had to bare alone. Not only had I lived a similar fate, I felt her pain. The bond through telepathy was too strong. For I had let my feelings get afar. I know had her dreams and pain. It had already gone too far, but there was no going back now.
(Steve's POV)
Steve was awoke by quiet sobbing. He crept out of his bed and followed the source of tears. Fury, as ever was unavailable but Steve was going to get answers, one way or another. He stopped outside Zara's door and opened it crack. And sure enough there sat Zara weeping. He walked in the room and sat beside her. She looked up at him. Her once radiant face was blemished by tears.
"Zara," he said softly.
She didn't reply and didn't even look at Steve. He embraced her tightly not wanting to let her suffer alone. He kissed the top of head lightly. He pulled away and went to leave but then Zara grabbed his hand. Making him blush slightly.
"Don't leave. Please. I can't face the nightmares alone," she begged.
Steve looked at her, her eyes crying out for him. Steve knew it was the wrong thing to do, in the 1940s if he ever did anything like this he would be in a whole heap of trouble. But this was different, she needed him. He sighed quietly and climbed into the bed next to her. She curled up next to him and he put his arm around her. Her watched her sleep for a while before falling asleep too.