Chapter 10: To Trust Again

'So he stays here often then?' Sirius asked Beth when they were in the kitchen.

'Oh, he drops in from time to time,' she answered vaguely, pulling a saucepan out of the cupboard and filling it with water from the tap.

Sirius moved to face her. 'Beth, he must stay here quite a bit. There were several changes of clothes in the cupboard he opened, and the guest room is decorated to suit a teenage boy's tastes.'

She didn't say anything, so he went on. 'His relatives are nowhere in sight despite the fact that their nephew was just badly injured. On top of that…' Sirius paused, looking pained. 'On top of that, I saw Harry – in my vision or whatever it was – tied to the bed by his wrist. It doesn't take a genius to work out something is seriously wrong, and when it involves my godson, I think I have the right to know.'

There was a moment where neither of them moved nor spoke. Beth fidgeted with the edge of the pasta bag. 'You're right.'

Sirius pulled open the cutlery draw. 'I sense a 'but' coming,' he observed, picking up three sets of knives and forks.

Shooting him an irritated look, Beth ripped open the pasta bag and dumped the contents into the saucepan. 'I can't say anything without his permission.'

'For Merlin's sake, Beth! He's a child; we're the adults!' snapped Sirius, all but flinging the utensils onto the table. 'It's our responsibility to look out for him!'

Beth's eyes flashed angrily. 'Yes, he's a child,' she snapped, 'but he's been through more than you know. He finds it almost impossible to trust adults. I'm not about to risk destroying the trust he has in me. Do you have any idea what that would do to him? Very few adults have his full trust. You can't just come bungling in and try fix his life for him!'

'If you care about him so much, why haven't you done something?' Sirius shot back without thinking. As soon as words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back.

Beth's anger instantly faded and she looked thoroughly dejected. 'I have tried,' she said quietly. 'I've reported the Dursleys to the authorities more times than I can count; I've gone to their house and tried to talk them into treating Harry better – but nothing works. The authorities can't do much on my word alone – I guess no one else cared enough to get involved, or perhaps they didn't notice. I heard a Social Worker paid the Dursleys a visit a few years back but she didn't find anything wrong – apparently someone let slip to Vernon that she'd be coming. Harry told me about it afterward – he knows I made the reports.'

Beth finally raised her eyes (although Sirius noticed she was careful not to look directly at him). 'So, tell me, Sirius. What else could I have done? I did all I could. I tried to get him out of there. When that failed, I provided a safe place, offered my friendship – It doesn't seem nearly enough… but it's all I can do for now. In the meantime, I'll keep pestering the authorities.'

Sirius ran his hands over his face wearily. 'I shouldn't have said that,' he said regretfully. 'I was angry at myself and took it out on you. I'm sorry.'

'May I ask why?' Beth asked. 'You don't have to tell me,' she added hurriedly, 'but I thought it might help for us to get to know each other… since we're both looking after Harry.'

Sirius rubbed his freshly-shaven cheek thoughtfully. 'Do you know how Harry's parents died?' he asked.

'Yes, Harry told me Voldemort killed them,' Beth answered. 'But what has that –'

"I'm getting to that," Sirius assured her. 'Well, I went to school with Harry's parents. I became good friends with his father and two others, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. We were inseparable, the four of us. We did everything together. James and I were particularly close – as good as brothers. I was best man when James married Lily. Then they named me godfather to Harry.' He smiled reminiscently before turning serious. 'During those years Voldemort was at the peak of his power; he went after the Potters. Dumbledore, who was then working tirelessly against Voldemort, had a number of useful spies. One of them tipped him off, and he alerted James and Lily at once. He advised them to go into hiding. Well, of course, Voldemort wasn't an easy person to hide from. Dumbledore told them that their best chance was the Fidelius Charm.'

'What does that do?' Beth asked in a hushed tone.

'It's an immensely complex spell," Sirius explained, 'involving the magical concealment of a secret inside a single, living soul. The information is hidden inside the chosen person, or Secret-Keeper, and so is impossible to find – unless, of course, the Secret-Keeper chooses to divulge it.'

'So you were the Secret-Keeper?'

'No,' Sirius said. 'They wanted me to, but I thought it'd be too obvious; Voldemort was sure to know James and I were close. I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment; at the risk of sounding bigheaded, Peter wasn't in our league, talent-wise. I thought I could fool Voldemort by persuading them to use him as Secret-Keeper instead of me –'

Absorbed in Sirius' story, Beth was not aware of the exact moment her eyes had wandered upward to meet his. One moment she was looking into his anguished grey eyes, the next she could see the memory play out before her, like a gigantic movie screen. A ruined house… bodies… a child's shrill cry…

Letting out a horrified gasp, she tore her eyes away from his, ripping her conscience from his mind. His mind. His personal memories, emotions, regrets, successes and so much more… His mind… which she had just invaded.

'I – I'm sorry!' she stuttered, backing away so quickly she banged into the counter. 'I didn't mean – I had no right –'

Sirius blinked dazedly. 'What happened?'

Beth gave him a fearful look. 'I'm sorry!' she repeated. 'I can't always control it – sometimes it just happens and I can't stop it! I'm sorry, I know it's disturbing – I only did it to you that one time in the kitchen just to make sure you wouldn't hurt Harry – You were demanding to see him and I didn't know what else to do – I'll try not to do it again but I really can't –'

'Bethany,' he said softly but firmly, stopping her short. 'Is this why you never look me or Harry directly in the eye?'

She remained silent, but nodded infinitesimally, still staring fixedly at her hands. Seeing her look so vulnerable stirred something inside him, something that he hadn't felt for a long time.

'You have nothing to fear from me, you know that, right?' he said quietly.

'Yes,' she whispered. 'Yes, I know I don't.'

'Will you look at me?'

She stiffened. 'What?'

'Look at me, Beth,' he repeated gently.

Very slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. He didn't look away.

Once again, her mind filled with images. Once again, she saw the derelict cottage… It was as though she were floating beside Sirius's younger self as he ran up the front path and saw the door hanging from its hinges. His anguished cry echoed in her ears as she watched him kneel beside the dead form of… no, it couldn't be. Her heart constricted horribly as she saw a young man dead on the floor, a man who looked so much like Harry… but no, Harry was safe in her home -

The memory dragged on. Sirius moved further into the rickety house. A beautiful woman lay crumpled upon the floor, her auburn hair cascading onto her shoulders like a waterfall of glowing embers. Sirius collapsed white-faced at the woman's side, sitting motionless as tears ran down his face… A child's shrill cry made Beth look up with a start. Sirius instantly leaped to his feet, shoving aside debris until he found a black-haired baby lying in a cot. There was a ceiling beam miraculously placed across the top, saving him from being crushed by debris.

Sirius lifted the child into his arms, only to give him to a large man with a thick black beard mere minutes later. He watched as the man took off on an enormous motorbike and into the moonless sky. Beth turned to face Sirius and cringed at the murderous gleam in his eyes. He abruptly twisted on the spot. Their surroundings disappeared in a swirl of colours. They reappeared outside another house. Sirius charged inside and searched it like a man possessed, only to exit a moment later. Again they disappeared and reappeared in a different place…

It seemed like hours passed. Now they were on a street. Small crowds of people bustled around, absorbed in their shopping, oblivious to the horrors that had happened only the night before… Before Beth could properly orientate herself the scene seemed to burst into chaos. Angry incoherent yelling… terrified screams… explosions… blood… more bodies…

Beth watched, horrified, as Sirius was dragged off by a group of robed people, taken to a place where despair was thick in the air. He was thrown into a filthy cell. Voices were in his head… Murderer, they said. Coward. Betrayer. No, pleaded another voice. I'm innocent… innocent…

Murderer. Coward. Betrayer… The voices rose in volume and insistence, pounding against the inside of his mind, relentless... Unconsciousness came as a welcome relief…

When the memory faded, Beth didn't immediately move, paralysed by the horrors she had witnessed, by the horrors Sirius had lived through.

'Is that where you've been?' she asked when the silence became too much to bear. 'All these years?'

'Yes.' Sirius looked disgusted with himself. 'There I was, wallowing in my own misery while Harry needed me. His parents would be furious… they only asked me to do one thing: to look after their son if anything happened to them… and I failed.'

'You didn't fail. You're here aren't you?' Beth said quietly.

'More than thirteen years late,' he said bitterly.

'Harry doesn't seem to think you've failed; on the contrary, you're one of the best things that has ever happened to him. He understands, Sirius,' Beth said emphatically. 'He understands that your grief was so intense that it clouded your judgement. Do you think that the knowledge that you loved his parents would upset him? Of course not! In fact, I'm convinced that is exactly why he has become so close to you in so little time.'

Sirius was silent for a long time. 'You might be right,' he murmured thoughtfully.

'Of course I'm right,' Beth teased gently. She glanced toward the stove and quickly lifted the lid as she saw the saucepan about to boil over. Feeling a change in subject was in order, she asked, 'Is there anything in particular you'd like to do this afternoon? Harry will need to take it easy but there's no reason why we can't enjoy the weather. Do you think it safe for you to go outside? I've got a really dense garden out front with lots of places for a dog to hide, and my backyard joins onto a protected park. It's really quite secluded.'

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

Beth looked at him nervously. 'Should I answer that?' she asked.

After a moment of thought, Sirius nodded slowly. 'Go ahead. I'll stay in here.'

'Okay,' said Beth as she moved reluctantly toward the door, 'but if that's Dave again I'm going to set my dog on him.'