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Chapter 10: Assumptions

BPOV

I blinked and stretched; my foot bumped into something warm as my legs extended fully in the bed. I stopped suddenly, and carefully pulled my body back into a 'closed' position. I'm in Edward's bed. I remembered back to the previous night, and was overcome with a sense of peace and contentment in the step we'd taken. Things had started out manic and rushed, but ended up so sweet. He'd cuddled me as we fell asleep and even kissed my forehead. I'd never been with a man who seemed to enjoy the afterglow almost as much as the main event. It had been really…nice.

I slowly rolled over, trying not to jostle the bed and wake him. When I was lying fully on my side, I opened my eyes slowly, carefully, as if even that movement would somehow wake him. I breathed a slight sigh of relief when I saw that he was, in fact, still fast asleep. I raised myself slightly up, trying to peer over his muscular shoulder at the alarm clock. 4:15 a.m. My eyes drifted from the clock to the slumbering form of Edward beside me. God, he looked so sexy lying there in just his black boxers, his taut muscles on display. He really is perfect. I imagined what I must look like next to him. I thought of the fairy tale where the ugly duckling turned into a swan. Well, in our case he was the swan, beautiful and elegant, and I was the one with the plain brown feathers waddling along after him.

The panic began to rise in my chest, making me feel nauseous. I could only imagine how Edward would react when he saw me for who I really was: the ugly duckling. Once he really got to know me, there's no way he'd want anything to do with me. There were loads of women more beautiful than me out there who would be better for him than I would; I had nothing to keep him. There was absolutely nothing desirable about me. Not to mention that these women would be able to satisfy him in ways I never could. Jake's words echoed in my mind once again. You'll never be good for any man, Bella. You're cold, stiff and god damn frigid.

Although I knew that wasn't true, last night with Edward had proved that, I still knew that Edward wouldn't keep me around for long though. This time it was Alice's voice I heard, confirming what I already knew. No one makes it past the second date with Edward, Bella.

I did, though. I did make it.

Have you slept with him yet?

I have now, I thought miserably.

That's how you're different.

But I'm not different anymore. I'm just like all the other women.

The realization of what I'd done hit me like a ton of bricks. Their weight felt real and it pressed down on my chest, making it difficult to breathe. I clutched at my chest and tried to calm the panic attack I could feel approaching. I took in a few deep breaths and as the panic receded, reality set in. I'd thrown myself at him and now I was just another notch on his was no way he'd want anything to do with me anymore. I'd caved, failed; let myself down in the worst way possible. I'd tried to resist him, and had been successful for seven weeks: the six that he was my patient and the one since we'd started dating. Dating? Is that what we'd been doing this whole time? I'd heard it for myself, though: Edward Cullen didn't date. He'd surely just been keeping me around until he wore me down enough that I'd sleep with him. And I'd lasted a week. One measly week. You're pathetic.

I could just imagine the awkwardness that would ensue in the morning when Edward awoke. I couldn't bear to put myself through the humiliation of watching him make excuses, of how he was 'busy' this week. Or say that he'd call, when deep down we both knew that he wouldn't. I have to get of here, now!

I carefully stretched up again, peeking at the clock once more. It was now 4:20. I had to get a move on if I was going to somehow manage to leave before he woke up. I scoffed internally. After the night we had, he'll probably sleep until noon. I still didn't want to risk being here when he woke up. There was no way in hell I could deal with the rejection in person. It was bad enough that I'd lost my self-control; I wasn't interested in facing the consequences of my actions. Not yet, anyway.

I cautiously rolled back over and shifted, lowering my feet to the ground first, before sitting up. When I'd successfully managed that feat, I rose ever-so-slowly from the bed, again being overly careful not to jostle Edward. I was grateful he'd released me during the night. It had been nice falling asleep in his arms, almost as if he actually wants me, but if I'd had to pry myself away from him now, that would've been disastrous.

I looked around the room for my panties. Whoa, déjà vu, I thought, remembering the first time I'd woken up in the same apartment as Edward. At least this time, my underwear problem came from the amazing sex we'd had the previous night instead of an alcohol-induced stupor. I much preferred this sex-induced stupor over the other kind. In the grand scheme of things, though, it didn't matter in the slightest. All that mattered right now was finding the freakin' scrap of fabric and getting the hell out of here.

I carefully picked my way around the room, moving things and trying to find my underwear. The rest of my clothes were still on my body; I remembered that I hadn't let him undress me fully. I was kind of glad now that I was still fully clothed. It would make my getaway much easier. I glanced over at Edward and gasped slightly at the sight of him. As attractive as I'd thought he'd been every other time I'd seen him, none of those visions held a candle to what I was seeing now. He looked very innocent in his sleep, but that was a given; everyone looked innocent as they slumbered. There was really no way not to; that was just a characteristic of humans. His attractiveness now was something more than that, something I couldn't quite place my finger on. Stop ogling him and get moving! The voice in my head was loud and insistent.

I spotted my lace panties at the foot of the bed, near Edward's left foot. I snatched them up quickly and slipped them on underneath my skirt. I hadn't kicked my shoes off until we'd come into the bedroom, and I found the black, strappy sandals quickly and slung them over two fingers, not wanting to put them on and risk the clicking sound waking him up before I was gone. The only thing worse than facing Edward's sure rejection of me when he woke up would be him catching me half way out the door. I had to be careful. I paused a moment, trying to remember whether I had anything else here. The only thing I could remember was my purse; I knew I'd brought it, but where was it now?

I tiptoed toward the door and somehow managed to trip over something on the floor. I caught myself before I fell all the way down, but not before I made a lot of noise. My heart felt like it stopped, and I turned back to the bed to make sure I hadn't woken Edward. I watched, horrified, as he stretched and his eyes fluttered. Move! Run! I couldn't, though. My feet felt like they were glued to the floor. Edward sighed and rolled over; he was now facing away from me, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. I looked down at my feet and realized that the something I'd tripped over was, in fact, my missing purse. I scooped it up quickly and made a hasty retreat. After closing the door as quietly as I could manage, I scurried down the stairs and out the main door. I wasn't sure whether I should feel relieved or not at having made it out undetected. I slipped my sandals onto my bare feet as soon as I was outside, hobbling first on one foot, then the other as I put them on without stopping.

One thing I knew for sure was that I didn't want to be alone right now. It didn't matter that it wasn't even five in the morning yet; I couldn't go home right now. I didn't want to hang around here, and I didn't have my car, so I quickly started walking away from Edward's building. When I was what felt like a safe distance away, I ducked into a twenty-four hour cafe and called a cab; I decided that Emily and Leah's place would be 'safer' than home. I needed both of them right now, and I was glad that they still lived together. A waitress approached me then, and even though I knew I would be leaving just as soon as the cab showed up, I ordered a cup of coffee. Fortunately, she was quick, and returned about a minute later with the steaming mug. I downed it quickly, the hot liquid searing my throat on the way down, and by the time I set the cup down and peered out the diner window, there was a yellow cab just pulling up to the curb. I left a few dollars on the table and hurried outside, climbing into the cab and giving the cabbie my friends' address.

As soon as he pulled into traffic, I realized it would probably be a good idea to let Leah and Emily know I was on my way, so I dialed first Leah's number, which went to voicemail after four rings, then Emily's, which did the same. I continued to alternate between their two phones until finally, Emily answered hers after my fourth of fifth attempt. "Hello?" She sounded groggy. Of course she's groggy, you idiot! It's the butt-crack of dawn.

"Hey, Em, it's Bella."

"Bella? What's going on?"

"I need to come over. Is that okay?"

"It's the middle of the night, Bella. Can't this wait until morning?"

"The sun's nearly up, Emily, it's not the middle of the night. It's almost five."

"Five? For a Sunday, that's the middle of the night."

"I can't go home right now. Please let me come over."

"What do you mean you can't go home right now?"

"I'll tell you when I get there. I'm five minutes out."

"Wait, Bella. What's going on? This isn't like you."

"I'll explain everything when I get there," I repeated.

"Fine. I'll start a pot of coffee."

"Thanks Em. You're the best." I hung up my cell phone and spent the rest of the journey thinking about what Emily had said. This isn't like you. I wasn't sure whether or not that was true. Maybe it was exactly like me, I just hadn't ever been in a situation that warranted the kind of behavior I'd just exhibited. There was no way to know, because I never intended to be in that situation again, with Edward or anyone else, even if that meant I had to be celibate for the rest of my life. Celibacy was a small price to pay to avoid the humiliation I was sure to experience should I ever have sex again. The cab pulled up outside the house that Emily and Leah shared, I took a few deep breaths before quickly paying the cabbie and hauling my pathetic behind up the walkway. I knew I'd have to explain myself as soon as I entered the house, so I walked deliberately slower than normal, not looking forward to the barrage of questions that I knew awaited me on the other side of the door.

I had a thought about halfway up the path, and reached into the depths of my purse, extracted my cell phone, and turned it off. Not that Edward's going to call me anyway. He got his conquest. Better to be sure, though. He's the last person I want to talk to right now. I dropped the phone back into my bag and finished the walk up to the door.

My hand was poised to knock on the door when it was suddenly flung open. I expected to see Emily standing behind it, since I'd talked to her on the phone, but it was Leah. She reached out with one hand, grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me inside. I felt almost like a cartoon character and I imagined my legs flying out behind me in some sort of comedy routine.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her once we were standing in the foyer with the door shut firmly behind us.

"I could ask you the same question," she spat back. "Calling a zillion times in the freakin' middle of the night? What the hell is going on?"

Her tone sobered me and not only erased my irritation at the way she'd unceremoniously pulled me into the house, but made me feel ashamed about what I'd done, both last night with Edward and here and now, imposing on my best friends in the wee hours of the morning. "It's not the middle of the night," I mumbled feebly, offering the same defense I'd given Emily over the phone. I knew she was right, though. I'd seriously overstepped the bounds of our friendship.

"Seriously, Bella? You know what, whatever. Fine, it's not the middle of the night; it's sunrise. I'll give you that. It is much too early for company, though. What gives?"

"Let's go in the kitchen. Emily told me she was making coffee. We can all talk there." Leah eyed me speculatively, almost as if she didn't believe that I would talk to them now. "I promise I'll tell you; I just want some coffee first," I assured her.

"Fine. Let's go." We walked together to the kitchen where Emily was just pouring the steaming black liquid into mugs.

"Just in time," she said, seeing Leah and me. She smiled warmly, and I was instantly reminded of why I liked Emily. "Here you go." She handed each of us a cup and took the third for herself, then we all moved to the dining room table.

I didn't want a repeat of the last time we'd been together, which had also been for an intervention that I requested, thanks to Edward—Jeez, what is that man doing to me?—so I spoke up before Leah could harangue me again. I had no idea of how to approach the subject subtly, so I just blurted it out. "I slept with Edward."

"What!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"Yeah. Last night. I spent the night at his place and everything."

"Wait. You spent the night at his place, and yet you're here at five in the morning? Why aren't you there, asleep in his bed?" Leah asked.

"Leah, hold on a minute," Emily said before I could answer. "Bella, are you sure that was such a good idea?"

"Of course I'm not!" I practically wailed. "That's why I left before he woke up. I know that now he's gotten what he wanted out of me, I'll be thrown out like yesterday's trash."

"What are you talking about?" Leah asked, looking confused.

Oh, yeah. I didn't break the doctor/patient confidentiality clause before; they don't know why he'd been coming to therapy in the first place. I thought for another minute, wondering how much I could get away with telling them without breaking the code of ethics. Not bloody much. Although, I thought, so long as I don't mention anything about a sex addiction, I should be in the clear. It's not like Em or Lee would tell anyone, anyway. And based on the way I'd had to practically force him the previous night, I was more confident than ever that he didn't have an addiction to sex. "Edward sleeps with a lot of women," I began delicately. "And I'm pretty sure that was the only reason he wanted to see me; so that I'd sleep with him. I'd been doing a pretty good job of holding myself together, until last night that is."

"What made the difference last night?" Emily queried.

"It was more what happened the day before, actually. Fridays are my half-day, remember? Well, I was having breakfast at that little café right by my apartment, and his sister recognized me and insisted on spending the morning together."

"Okay," Emily said slowly. "I'm not sure I see the connection between spending a few hours with his sister and sleeping with him, Bella. You're going to have to enlighten me."

I glanced back and forth between the two of them, almost hoping Leah would intercede with one of her witty comments. No such luck; she looked like she was trying to figure out my rationale, too. I took a deep breath and continued. "Alice said that Edward doesn't have female friends, and that she was, quote, surprised I'd lasted a full week with her brother." I made those little air-quotes with my fingers when I was repeating Alice's words. My friends still didn't look like they understood what had propelled me to take the step I'd taken the previous night. "Well, isn't it obvious?" I asked, then went on to answer my own question without giving either of them a chance. "I could either have sex with him, or lose him. There were no other options. It didn't make sense that he was with me in the first place, and—"

Emily cut me off, which was really something; she was always more a listener than an interrupter, so if she was interjecting, it had to be important. "What do you mean, there were no other options? Why couldn't things just continue the way they were going, Bella? I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't your biggest supporter when you decided to date him in the first place, but you did, and it seemed to be going well. Why change things?"

"Were you not listening to her?" Leah asked. "She didn't think he'd stick around if she didn't."

"That's not a good reason to do something," Emily said, and her voice had a hint of sadness in it. "This is why I didn't think it was a good idea for you to date a patient, Bella."

"Ex-patient," I contradicted meekly.

"Whatever. You're a sex therapist, Bella; you may not have told us Edward's problem specifically, but it was obviously sex-related or he wouldn't have been seeing you. I could tell by the way you were talking about him last weekend that you already really liked him. That's why I tried to discourage you from dating him. I just had a feeling you would end up in his bed."

"That's not the only reason, though," I added quickly, feeling a need to defend my decision. Emily eyed me almost suspiciously, waiting for me to continue. "I just..." I trailed off, trying to form my words. "I needed to prove to myself that I could be with a man and enjoy it, you know? I mean, you guys are two of only five people on the planet who know what Jacob said to me, and more importantly how it affected me. I haven't been the same since that, and I'm ready to move on."

Emily face softened. "I can see that, now that you explain it that way, Bella. But you still shouldn't have rushed things. And you can't convince me that you didn't hurry this."

"You know what, Emily?" Leah cut in. "None of that even matters anymore. The real issue now is, why did you leave?"

I hated this feeling of being put on the spot; I was supposed be the therapist, not the patient. "Because as soon as he woke up, he would've just told me he was done with me anyway."

"How do you know that?" Leah demanded. "That's an awfully big assumption to just force on someone. Did he tell you that?"

"No, but, he's been with lots of girls, and I have it on good authority—from both Edward and Alice—that no one lasts more that two dates with him."

"But you've already lasted more than two dates, haven't you?" Leah pointed out, as blunt as always.

"I've been out with him twice and I helped him unpack his boxes. Oh, and he took me to lunch earlier in the week, so I guess four dates?" I'd started out simply stating the facts, but it turned into a question by the end.

"Four? So double the average?" Leah clarified.

"Yes?" I still couldn't lose that questioning quality to my voice.

"Yes. That's right, double the average, Bella. That's gotta count for something, right?"

I frowned. She may have had a point, but I still wasn't convinced. There was no way he'd see me the same way now. How could he?

"Listen," Leah interrupted my thoughts. "If you ask me, I think it was petty and childish of you to run out on him. And honestly, I bet he worries about you when he wakes up and finds that you've ditched him."

"Do you really think so?" I felt hope for the first time all morning.

"I don't know him, Bella, so I can't tell you for sure, but if he's worth anything, then he'll at least call you."

"He won't be calling me," I said quietly.

"How do you know? That's an awfully big assumption," Emily said, speaking again for the first time since Leah had interrupted her.

"I turned my phone off."

"Are you flippin' kidding me?" Leah screeched. "For crying out loud, Bella, why the hell did you turn your phone off?"

"I don't want to talk to him. Plus, that way when he doesn't call, I won't be disappointed."

Leah closed her eyes, and I knew from experience that she was counting to ten in her head. I'd frustrated her to the point of anger and she was reigning in her temper before speaking to me again. I tensed, knowing that I was going to get the tongue lashing of the century when she finally spoke.

But she surprised me. Very calmly, with her eyes still closed, she asked, "Was he that bad, Bella?"

"What?" I couldn't hide my shock.

She opened her eyes slowly and gazed at me. "Seriously, he must've been really horrible in the sack if you won't even talk to him a few hours later."

"No! Jeez, it's not like that. He was…actually really amazing. The sex was mind-blowing." My cheerleaders roused from their slumber at the memory, stretching and yawning as they awoke. I silently told them to go back to sleep.

"Then what is it? I'm trying to be a friend here, trying to understand where you're coming from, but I'm failing. You're gonna have to do better than that if you want me to continue this conversation."

"Let's just say he's been around the block a few times," I replied. "And, well, I haven't. I can't imagine that I was as good for him as he was for me last night."

"So you're judging him based on his past, then," she said, stating a fact more than asking a question.

"I suppose so," I said; I thought I knew where she was going to go with this, and my suspicions were confirmed when she spoke.

"What about your past, Bella? Have you even told him about all the shit you've been through?" I sat silently, tears forming in my eyes as I dropped my gaze from Leah, staring into my coffee cup. "I didn't think so. It's really unfair of you to judge him based on his past; would you want him to do the same thing to you? Make assumptions?"

I couldn't respond. I didn't want to think about my past; I wanted to move forward. That was the whole point behind pushing him last night. I didn't want my past to determine my future anymore. I needed a fresh start, a clean slate. But I didn't know how I was ever going to get that. Did I even deserve one, though? By leaving this morning, I didn't offer Edward that same opportunity to start fresh. Why should I get another chance when I hadn't afforded him the same luxury?

I watched a tear drop into my coffee with a plop.

"Now look what you did," I heard Emily hiss at Leah. "She's crying." A warm pair of arms surrounded me, and while I knew Em was trying to comfort me, all I could think was that I wished I'd get to feel Edward's arms again. I knew that was never going to happen, though.

"I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry. I only told her what she needed to hear," Leah said, defending her actions. "What she's doing to that guy is deplorable."

"Leah," Emily started.

"And you," Leah interrupted, speaking to me now, "You need to get your crap figured out and figure out how to live again. You've been a shell of your former self for the past seven years. This week, you were actually starting to act normal again, and it was nice. Then you come here today and it's as if you were with James again." I winced when she said his name. "Look, Bella, I care about you, okay? I wouldn't be telling you all of this if I didn't."

"I know," I whispered. I deserved everything she dished out to me, too, and I knew that as well. Knowing it didn't make it any easier to listen to, however. "So, I think I'm gonna go home and get some sleep. I'll call you guys later, okay?" I stood without waiting for either of them to respond. With my purse slung over my shoulder, I left the room, hopefully looking purposeful and resolute in my decision, although I doubted it.

I was as far as the sidewalk outside when I realized that I'd taken a cab over. "Shit!" I muttered under my breath. I'd have to call another one to take me home. This stupid day was getting really expensive, and it was barely seven o'clock. I turned around to find my friends watching me from the front door. "Come on, I'll take you home," Emily said gently.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

-x-

By the time she dropped me off at my door, I was exhausted; I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. The few hours I had slept had been amazing, some of the best in recent memory, but they were still few. I let myself into my apartment and collapsed onto the couch. I needed some sleep, but I didn't want to waste the entire day, so I turned my cell phone back on to use its alarm clock. That turned out to be a big mistake. As soon as it found cell service, it started vibrating like mad with incoming text messages and calls that I'd missed during the hours it was off. All of them were from Edward.

Hey, where'd you go? Call me.

Bella? What's going on? Where are you? Call me.

You're scaring me! Please call me so I at least know you're safe.

Hey! I don't know what I did to piss you off, but please call. If you don't want to call, at least text me back and let me know you're okay.

They got more and more urgent as the time got closer and closer to the present, and the one request that was omnipresent was to return his call. I couldn't, though. I knew he was just calling and texting to be polite, and there was no reason for it. He didn't actually care about me, he just wanted to be sure I didn't cause problems for him with his father. Don't worry, Edward; I won't mention it to anyone. Well, to anyone else.

By the time I'd read all of the text messages he'd sent during the time my phone was off, there were two new ones from him. I realized that I wouldn't get any respite if I kept the phone turned on, regardless of the reason I had it turned on. So I pushed the power button again and watched as the screen went black. I lay down on the couch, tears streaming down my face, and pulled the quilt that I kept on the back of the sofa down over me. I squeezed my eyes shut and cried myself to sleep.

The very next sound I heard was a sharp rapping on my door, followed immediately by Edward's voice. "Bella! Are you in there?"

Thanks to everyone who sent us questions for our Edward interview, it'll be posted on our blog on Monday. Also stop by the blog and check out E & B's character bios that posted this week. Remember teasers post on there on Mondays too.

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