Chapter Eight- The Fine Art Of Sharing Deadly Secrets

"Secrets. Funny how, when you're about to be given something precious, something you've wanted for a long time, you suddenly feel nervous over taking it.
Everyone wants more than anything to be allowed into someone else's most secret self. Everyone wants to allow someone into their most secret self. Everyone feels so alone inside that their deepest wish is for someone to know their secret being, because then they are alone no longer. Don't we all long for this? Yet when it's offered it's frightening, because you might not live up to the desires of the one who bestows the gift. And frightening because you know that accepting such a gift means you'll want-perhaps be expected- to offer a similar gift in return. Which means giving your *self* away. And what's more frightening than that?" Aidan Chambers

Brooke sprawled out on the silk bedspread, her head pounding with the memories of the cabin. Rachel had allowed her to choose the first bedroom and although she her heart had ached for her to choose the room she had once shared with her boyfriend her head knew that she couldn't handle it.

"Brooke, are you coming out? Lucas made lunch," Haley knocked at the door to Brooke's room, awaiting an answer.

Brooke rolled over, on to her side, clutching her stomach as she felt the familiar pains. "I'm fine Haley, I already had lunch," She called back, waiting for Haley to walk away before slipping out the room to fetch her pills.

"Alright, but you will eat something later," Haley's maternal instincts kicked in and she stayed by the room for a few minutes before heading back to the kitchen.

After she could no longer hear Haley's footsteps, Brooke slipped off of the bed and grasped the handle of the door quietly, making sure it didn't make a noise as she opened it.

All in all, Brooke was happy for the trip away, but what she hadn't accounted for was that they were all together for two nights, alone and with issues to talk about. Issues she wasn't ready to talk about.

Creeping softly down the hall-way, Brooke stopped by the bathroom and turned the handle, ready to enter. However a laugh stopped her. In fact several laughs stopped her; Loud belly-laughs that shook the structure of the house with their rumbles.

Brooke wasn't jealous but she decided to investigate what was happening in the dining room. She hadn't laughed in a long time, let alone a raucous belly-laugh.

Envy hit her in waves as she approached the end of the hall. Flattening herself against the wall, Brooke peered round the wall, catching sight of a few heads.

Currently all she could see was Haley; she was sitting at the table her fair locks framing her face as she looked down at the ground, it was clear (even from Brooke's distance) that she was blushing, as a rosy pink tinge slowly faded from her neck.

'What did they do to embarrass Haley?' Brooke craned her head slightly trying to see more, but hands on her shoulders make her shriek and her cover was blown.

"Well, well what do we have here?" The hands, marched her forward and from the sharp red claws digging in to her shoulders Brooke could tell it was Rachel.

"Ouch!" Brooke wiggled under Rachel's grip, feeling bruises coming on.

"Is it, I think it is a rare Brooke Davis bird." Peyton joked playing on.

Brooke hung her head as she felt the weight of her audience's stares on her; So much for 'staying hidden'.

"Hey Brookie, I made omelette's," Luke waved a plate of hot cheesy omelette in front of her and watched as she crumbled.

Grabbing a hold of the hot plate, Brooke sat herself down at the table, digging in to the home-cooked meal. The others followed suit and soon the only sound was of cutlery scraping against plates and mouths chewing.

"Thanks," Brooke addressed Lucas as she brought her plate up to the sink and placed it in the warm washing up water to soak.

"You're welcome, so are you going to join us?"

Brooke raised an eyebrow not too sure about what he was talking about. Whatever it was she was probably going to decline anyway, feeling drowsy and a little sick after stuffing herself.

"We're um, watching a movie," Brooke watched Lucas stumble over his words and giggled to herself. It was cute. Lucas was cute. That was the problem.

"Sorry Luke, I feel a little tired, I think I'm going to go lay down," Brooke gestured to her room and turning around was about to head off but a soft hand clutching her wrist halted her steps.

"Please come, you can lay on me if you'd like, just like we used to, if you're tired."

Brooke stared in to Lucas's pleading blue eyes and felt drained of all her energy. Since when did rejecting become so hard? 'Since you met a certain blonde haired, blue eyed boy'

"Lucas, I'm…" Brooke didn't know what to say, she felt as if she was going to collapse in to his arms then and there. She wanted to.

"Please, then after you can go and lay down, please Brooke. I know I haven't been a great friend lately, but I want to change that," Lucas was practically begging.

"You want to be friends?" Brooke's eyebrows shot up, not used to the term coming out of Lucas's mouth. When had they ever been 'just friends?

Lucas paused before answering Brooke's question," If that's what you want, then yeah, I want to be friends."

"Alright," Lucas reached a hand out to Brooke unsure as to where they stood on the friendship scale yet.

Brooke however didn't hesitate to pull Lucas in to a hug, wrapping her slender arms tightly around his neck and playing with the strands of his hair.

Lucas breathed in deeply, inhaling the sweet scent of Brooke, cherry blossom and vanilla.

"You need to get a hair-cut," Brooke murmured in to his ear, as she let go of the blonde strands and stepped out of his arms.

"I'll make you a deal, if you stay and watch the movie, I'll get a hair-cut," Lucas compromised, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around Brooke as she cuddled up to him on the couch.

"Can I cut it?" Brooke's face brightened up at this remark and her expression became hopeful.

"Um, er, well I think it'll be better if I get it down by, um, professionals, don't want to be looking bad beside you,"

"You think I cut hair badly?" Brooke's expression dimmed and hurt was written clearly across her face.

"No! God, no Brooke don't cry, I didn't mean that."

"Does that mean I can cut it?" Brooke's smile re-appeared and Lucas decided that making her happy would be the best choice.

"Yeah, Brooke you can cut it," He surrendered.

"Can we do it now?" Brooke clapped her hands together excitedly.

"You said you'd watch the movie remember," Lucas reminded Brooke of his compromise.

"What? I never…oh, yeah I suppose I did, do I have to…really?"

"Yes, really, come on it will be fun! The girls are picking the movie." Haley bounded up to Brooke having been waiting patiently for the two to finish their conversation.

"Really? I guess I'm in then," Brooke let Haley lead her away, the arms linked, chatting happily amongst themselves.

Lucas loped over to his brother, who had a gooey look on his face. "Seriously, the girls get to choose?" he chided him.

"We're outnumbered brother, four to two, and beside Haley is just too irresistible, the way her pouty lips are so soft and supp—"

"—Ew, brother that's my best friend you're talking about!"

"Well she's my wife!" Nathan retorted, joining the girls in the living room.

He immediately, caught his wife in a hug and she squealed happily as they eased down on to a sofa, limbs entangled.

Lucas looked at the remaining options to sit down; there was a large red arm-chair, another sofa and a love-seat.

"I'm taking the chair!" Peyton headed over to the arm-chair and plonked herself down. She was avoiding him, Lucas knew that for sure.

"Well then I guess I'll sit here," Brooke curled her legs underneath her as she lay down on the sofa.

Lucas headed over to her, ready to bask in her warmth, but Rachel's nails stopped him.

"You're sitting with me," She grinned viciously, pulling him down on to the love-seat.

"Hey! But…" Lucas protested, but Rachel dug her claws in tightly.

"Nu-uh, lover boy you're sitting with me," She smirked smugly as he obeyed and released her grip, letting him sink deeper in the chair.

"So what are we watching?" Lucas asked, praying that it was nothing that could worsen the day.

"Well, there's a choice," Haley beamed, holding up three DVDs'.

"What have you got?" Peyton asked, leaning forward in her chair to scan the DVD's Haley was holding.

"Number 1, is The Vow!" Haley waggled the DVD holding up the cover for everyone to see.

"I love that film," Brooke spoke up from her place on the couch, snuggled deep under two thick blankets.

"Are you cold Brooke?" Nathan asked worriedly realising that it was almost summer-time.

"Only a little, nothing to worry about," Brooke's smiled at us all, convincing us she was fine.

"Just shout if you need anything," Lucas called over to her, as she lay her head down on a mountain of pillows. She had tried to tell him she was tired and he hadn't listened. Of course she was tired. She was sick!

"I'm fine, really," Brooke burrowed deeper as Haley announced the next film.

"The second is Legally Blonde," Haley waved the movie in the air.

"Discrimination against Red-heads!" Rachel cried out.

"Shut-up, you're a natural brunette!" Brooke responded

"Moving on, the last DVD is a favourite of us all, A Walk To Remember!"

Underneath the blankets, Brooke froze, her body went rigid and her hands gripped the edge of her covers tightly.

"Brooke are you alright?" Lucas asked, wondering if she was feeling sick.

"Fine, just excuse me please," Brooke stood up, her body straight and walked out of the room, her movement's soldier like.

"Is it more of her symptoms?" Haley looked to Lucas, wondering if he knew the answer.

He shrugged and was about to go and follow the brunette, but Rachel stopped him

"Let me go," She pushed Lucas back down on the couch and ran out of the room.

~O0O~

"Brooke, are you alright?" Rachel knocked on the door to the bathroom, hearing sounds that sounded a lot like vomiting.

There was silence and Rachel rattled the door handle again.

"Brooke, answer me? I may not want to know what sluttish things you're doing in there, but I do want to know your ok."

The door flung open, "If it's anyone doing whorish things, it's you biatch."

She held a smile on her face, but her colouring was all wrong; pale with a sickly greenish yellow tinge.

"As f I didn't catch you 'brooking' yourself last time you were here." Rachel retaliated, and Brooke flushed, a rare thing for her to do.

"So, are you ok?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Brooke looked at Rachel, feigning confusion.

"Because you just threw up in there," The fake red-head pointed back to the toilet.

"Just an added bonus with the….." Brooke didn't say the word but saw Rachel nodding and knew she understood.

"Yeah, but that wasn't the reason, was it?" Rachel's eyes narrowed as Brooke looked up surprised.

"I saw your face when wifey told you about the last film, and I know why,"

Brooke looked down, "Do you think I'm being wimpy?"

"Wimpy? Brooke you have cancer, it makes sense that you don't want to watch a film where a girl around your age dies of cancer. Brooke I understand and they will too. No matter how annoying, immature and whiny that bunch are they will take care of you and they will understand. So get your arse back in there before I kick it!"

Rachel shoved Brooke, softly though, reminded that she was still fragile from the vomiting incident only a mere few minutes before.

~O0O~

"Are you ok?" Peyton questioned Brooke as she re-entered the living room and sat down on her couch.

"Fine," Brooke nodded her head, using the fake wig to hide her face.

"So what film do you want to watch, I personally think A Walk To Remember is the best choice," Peyton persisted in her questioning.

Rachel nudged Brooke, urging her to speak up.

Drawing in confidence, Brooke straightened up, "Actually would you mind if we didn't, I mean watch that film."

"Why? It's your favourite Brooke?"

"Used to be," Brooke muttered her eyes never looking at the plastic DVD case lying on the table.

"Brooke, you can tell us," Haley's orbs met Brooke's encouraging her to share.

"It's just, she has, you know and she you know." Brooke said softly, as the others craned to her.

"No, we don't know," Peyton joked but Rachel shut her up with a glare.

"She has, s-she h-has, c-c-c-cancer," Brooke stuttered,"

"Brooke! I am so sorry," Haley shot out of her chair, rushing to give Brooke a hug as her stupidity kicked in.

"I don't know what I was thinking, we can watch Legally Blonde eh, or maybe The Vow?"

"Thanks TutorGirl," Brooke's arms left Haley's as the girl returned to her seat.

"I honestly forgot," Peyton leant over to Brooke to give her a hug too and the vulnerable brunette let the blonde wrap her skinny arms around her.

"Can we choose the movie now?" Nathan cried impatiently, noticing that Brooke's expression as the blonde clung on for a little longer that usual.

"Brooke, your choice?" Haley looked to the brunette who in return grinned impishly and shouted "Legally Blonde!" Haley smiled at her and knelt down to place the DVD in to the player, turning on the t-v as she did so.

For the rest of the film, it was as if nothing had ever changed but it had and everyone felt the air shift a little as the credits came to an end.

"Well that was good," Lucas broke the silence and his brother gave him a horrified look.

"Seriously dude? Are you kidding me right now?"

"Ok, so maybe it wasn't that good, but the girls enjoyed it," Lucas crept a glance over at Brooke who had fallen asleep half-way during the movie and was now napping peacefully, her chest rising and falling slowly.

"Well at least some of the girls."

"So, what should we do now?" Peyton asked the group and the room once again descended in to quietude.

"Oh, come on guys, can we just remove the elephant in the room, wake up Brooke and talk about what is bothering us all. Brooke has freaking Cancer!"

Rachel stood, hand on her cocked hip, her cobalt blue eyes flashing.

"We can't wake her up, she's tired." Lucas stated and Rachel fixated her eyes on him.

"She's always gonna be tired Luke and we might as well get this over and done with, I'm tired of people pretending everything is ok. Because it's not! It's not okay."

Nathan admired the red-head's guts, for saying the words everyone was thinking and being there for Brooke when they weren't. However he still didn't agree with waking Brooke up.

"Rache, she has radiation in three days and she's tired. She needs to catch up on her sleep, her doctor says she hasn't been sleeping properly the last few days." Nathan reached out a hand to Rachel to calm her down but she shoved it away angrily.

"You are such a bunch of pussies. I don't care whether Brooke is tired right now because we need answers and we are damn sure gonna get them. We have been waiting long enough." She stomped her to Brooke, her high-heels sinking in to the carpet.

"Wake up!" She touched Brooke's shoulder and the girl woke up with a start.

"Rache go away," The girl moaned quietly, her eyes fluttering open for a mere second.

"Get up," Rachel rubbed her shoulder again and Brooke's eyes opened once more.

"Leave me Whore."

"No, get up,"

"Fine, what is it?" Brooke grumbled, positioning herself up on the cushion before taking in the eyes of her friends.

"Oh, crap, did I miss the movie?" She questioned, glancing at the blank screen and realising she was right.

"It's ok, Brookie you were tired, you go back to sleep." Haley's voice was silk softly crooning to Brooke who felt her heavy lids shutting.

"Haley!" Rachel's voice was lower as she snapped at the girl before lightly shoving Brooke's shoulder.

"What!"

"We want to talk!" Rachel helped Brooke re-settle herself as she crouched down beside the sofa.

"About what?" Brooke asked irritably.

"About you having cancer."Rachel spoke the words simply enough but they hit Brooke like a freight train and her pulse accelerated, her breaths shorter and faster.

"She's not ready," Lucas's eyes grew wide at his ex-girlfriends reaction and wanted more than anything to sooth her.

"She's fine…she's tougher than you guys give her credit for." Rachel replied softly and the others watched as Brooke slowly calmed herself down.

"So," the red head tried again.

"So what?"

"Brooke, stop being difficult!" Rachel groaned, her temper level rising again.

"Why do you want to know?" Brooke sighed exasperatedly, wishing she could put this conversation off to…never.

"Because we're your friends, Brooke and we want to help you," Peyton joined in the conversation.

"I thought we talked about this goldilocks? We're not friends anymore!" Brooke glared at the blonde who shrunk back in her seat.

"Peyton's just trying to help you Brooke, we all her," Haley soothed sweetly, from her place opposite Brooke.

"I don't need your help, I know what I need to do, and I'm doing it." Brooke shrugged as if that was the end of the conversation but Nathan spoke up.

"But don't you want someone to hold your hand whilst you go through your treatments and tell you everything's going to be ok? Don't you want someone to be there with you and for you? Don't you want to be able to share how your feeling and what you're doing with your best friends? Brooke we're here for you, we will always be here for you and if you're not going to let us in we're going to keep banging down the door until you do, because that is unacceptable, Brooke Penelope Davis."

Brooke's body shuddered as Nathan's words rang inside her head.

"I have medulloblastoma cancer which is a brain tumour." These were the first words spoken by Brooke about her illness.

After this the words poured out, as Brooke informed the group all about her disease, telling them what was to be expected and what it would mean if she were cured.

"But how are you feeling Brooke?" Lucas eyed the usually cheery girl.

"I'm coping," She did a famous Brooke Davis shrug which Rachel wouldn't fall for.

"Coping my ass, Slut!"

"I'm fine really, it's stressful and hard sometimes but I deal. I have been dealing,"

"How long have you known?" Peyton queried, wondering how long she had kept the secret.

"Not long," Brooke shrugged again.

"But when did you have the first scan?"

"The day before your rehearsal dinner," Brooke answered truthfully.

"You were smiling, and laughing before I," Peyton looked lost in thoughts as she re-called the night, her face stricken.

"It's whatever Peyton," She waved away Peyton's badgering thoughts.

"You did that whole play and arranged our wedding, and you knew you were sick!" Haley's face crumpled, as she ran over to Brooke and gave her a hug.

"I'm so sorry." She sobbed in to her shoulder.

"It's okay, TutorGirl, I wasn't sure then,"

"So when did you find out for real?" Haley brought her face back to look at Brooke.

"The day after my birthday,"

"When you were late, and I went on about missing your birthday and you said you didn't want a party. Of course you didn't want a party. Oh God Brooke I'm so sorry. I should've known."

"You didn't have any reason to suspect, Hales, it's cool."

"All this time, all this time you were pretending, so that time when you were with Mouth, it wasn't his uncle was it?"

"No!" Brooke answered truthfully.

"Or that time,"

"Haley just shut-up, I lied to you, ok I get it, stop trying to make me feel guilty, because I don't,"

She threw off her covers and wobbled as she stood but managed to plant both feet firmly on the ground.

"I'm not trying to make you feel guilty Brooke; I just wanted to know—"

"You don't need to know!" Brooke screamed the words and pushed off Rachel's grip on her waist.

"Just leave me alone, all of you!" Tears streamed down the girl's face as she ran from the room.