Chapter 10

Chakotay awoke in the dark room and looked at the chronometer. It was only 0200 hours, and Kathryn was still sleeping soundly. He lay there for a few minutes until he decided he was thirsty. He eased out of bed, felt his way to the dresser, and pulled on a pair of gym shorts and belted his robe tightly around him. He left the door cracked on his way out so he wouldn't wake her and made his way to the kitchen, trying to decide on water or tea. He halted abruptly when entering the kitchen. "Gretchen, I'm sorry to disturb you. I was just coming for some tea."

She was sitting at the table with her hands wrapped around a cup. "Please, come on in, Chakotay. I'm just sitting here."

"Trouble sleeping?" he asked.

"No more than usual. I often find myself awake around this time of night. I seem to sleep in shifts."

"Ah, yes. I've been sleeping in shifts for years," he said. He went to the replicator and ordered chamomile tea, then sat down at the table with Gretchen. "Kathryn is still asleep."

Gretchen smiled at him and said, "I am happy you are here with her, Chakotay. I can tell that you two love each other very much. I'm glad she is not alone."

"I have loved your daughter for a long time, Gretchen. I want you to know that. Being the Captain and Commander, we could not share those feelings while trying to find our way back from the Delta Quadrant, but we always shared a deep friendship."

"Kathryn has told me about the feelings she had for you," she said. "You two did what you thought was right for Voyager, but you still loved each other just the same."

Chakotay stared into his teacup for a moment before looking back at her. "I plan to ask Kathryn to marry me," he said.

Gretchen smiled and touched his arm. "I think that's wonderful, Chakotay! You make my daughter happier than I have ever seen her."

He placed his hand lightly over hers before clasping his cup again. "I was hoping that while we are here, you might help me find a ring for her. I don't know where to go to look."

Gretchen looked thoughtful for a moment. "I would be delighted. We will try to plan something tomorrow."

They heard Kathryn scream from the bedroom. Chakotay vaulted from his chair and through the kitchen door before Gretchen was even on her feet. She followed as quickly as she could behind him. When she reached the room, the light was on and Chakotay was on the bed holding Kathryn's arms, but she was obviously asleep.

"Kathryn! Wake up!"

She screamed again in a voice that chilled their blood. "No! Stop! We were supposed to move them, not slaughter them!"

"Oh, gods, the memorial," Chakotay groaned under his breath. "Kathryn! Kathryn!"

Her eyes flew open and she struggled against him, but he held her in his strong grasp. "It's me, Chakotay. Wake up!" She stopped fighting him but still looked wildly around her. "It wasn't real, Kathryn. Remember? We did not kill those people. It was the memorial. We arrived over 200 years after the colony was gone."

Gretchen seemed to cower against the door, terrified for her daughter and not understanding what they were talking about. Kathryn threw her arms around him and sobbed into his neck. She was still nude and Chakotay said, "Gretchen, her robe is hanging in the closet. Would you mind getting it?" Gretchen quickly found the garment and brought it to him. He pulled it around Kathryn's shoulders and then wrapped her in his arms again, gently caressing her hair. "Shh, love. It was just a dream. We didn't hurt those people. Do you remember?"

"It was so real!"

"I know it was. We all lived it, but it was the memorial technology left on the planet. We fixed it so that maybe it would not do to others what we experienced. We weren't really a part of the relocation. The changes to our memories made it seem like we were there."

She started to quiet down. Chakotay pushed his legs out from under him so that he was sitting on the bed and reached under her knees to pull her onto his lap. He arranged the robe over her again so that she was covered and gently rocked with her. Gretchen still stared in horror, but she began to calm as she saw the tenderness and care that he showed. He continued to soothe Kathryn, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair back from her face. "It's okay. You are safe. I'm here."

When her breathing slowed and her crying stopped, he brought her hand up and kissed it, holding it tightly. "That was a bad one, huh?" he said quietly. She nodded her head against his shoulder, then raised it to look at him. He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers and wiped the tears from her face. Gretchen found a box of tissue in the bathroom and brought it to her.

Kathryn hadn't even known she was there. "Mom!" she gasped. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I woke you."

Gretchen kissed her forehead. "You didn't wake me, honey. Chakotay and I were in the kitchen."

"Would you like some tea?" Chakotay asked Kathryn. She nodded her head and slid off his lap, realizing that the robe was only draped over her shoulders. She quickly pulled it closed around her and said, "Let me put something on. I'll be there in a minute."

"I'll stay with you," Chakotay said.

"No, I'm okay now. I will join you in the kitchen." She leaned down and kissed him then went in the bathroom and closed door. Chakotay rubbed his face with his hands and took a deep, shuddering breath. He noticed that Gretchen was still looking very uncertain, so he reigned in his own emotions and stood up to put a hand over her shoulder. "Come," he said quietly. "I will explain what happened."

She followed him to the dining table and they sipped their tea again. Chakotay told her about the alien memorial monument that made the crew think they had taken part in the slaughter of innocent colonists that were only supposed to be temporarily relocated. He left out the worst of the details, but told her the whole crew had been traumatized and experienced nightmares for weeks after.

As he finished the story, Kathryn came in. He quickly stood up and hugged her again, then got her tea. She still looked haunted, but her eyes were dry and she had put on a pair of pajamas and soft shoes. She took the tea from him and sat down across from her mother, Chakotay between them. She glanced at him first and asked, "How much did you tell her?"

"Enough," he said softly.

She just nodded her head. "I don't know why I would dream about that now."

"Maybe seeing your father's memorial stone today jogged your memory. Your subconscious mind confused it with the alien memorial in your dream."

"Maybe," she whispered. She saw her mother slumped in the chair and tried to smile for her. "I'm okay, Mom," she said.

Gretchen said, "There is so much I don't know about what you have been through. I know it is all in the past now, but clearly there are things that will be with you for a long time. It is a scary thing for a mother not to know how to help her child." She glanced at Chakotay. "I would not have known what to do, what to say, if you weren't here."

Chakotay looked at her and said, "I tried to protect Kathryn for over seven years. It is a job I don't plan to give up." He turned to Kathryn and gazed into her eyes, and she wrapped her fingers over his on the table.

Gretchen's face softened at his words and she sat up a little straighter. She saw the emotions passing between them and the somber mood lifting. She said, "The man has reflexes, I'll give him that." Kathryn quirked an eyebrow at her. "We were in here at the table when we heard you scream. He was out of his chair and through the door before I could uncross my legs."

He grinned and Kathryn laughed softly. Gretchen said, "Strong grip, too." This time they both looked at her questioningly. She glanced at Kathryn, her eyes twinkled, and she said, "I saw that hand print on the back of your thigh." Chakotay ducked his head into his hand and they both turned red as Kathryn screeched, "Mom!" Gretchen just laughed, and Chakotay started chuckling with her. It took Kathryn a little longer, but soon she was giggling, too.

They drank their tea and Chakotay told Gretchen about the incident not long after the alien memorial when they discovered a scam being run by humanoids posing as Kathryn, Tuvok, and himself. At the time, Kathryn had not found it to be amusing since Voyager's reputation was being damaged, but now she was able to appreciate the ridiculousness of it.

By the end of the tale, the laughter and the chamomile tea had helped to calm everyone and they retired once again to try to sleep. Chakotay held Kathryn in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. He did not drift off to sleep until he saw her eyes close and felt her heart beat slow, and then he slept only lightly. Every time she shifted he jerked awake, and he was glad to get up when three hours later she sat up and stretched. He had circles under his eyes and his body was tired, but his mind refused to relax his concern for her. "Did you sleep at all?" she asked him.

"I did, a little. I'll be fine after some coffee and a shower."

She hugged him and said, "I'm sorry."

He touched a finger under her chin and lifted her gaze to his. "I'm not," he said. "We are in this together, remember? A little lost sleep is nothing compared to knowing you rested without the nightmare returning."

She kissed him and said, "Why don't you take that shower while I go make the coffee? We can sit outside at the table when you come out."

He pressed his lips to her forehead. "That sounds nice." He headed to the bathroom while she slipped on her shoes and went to the kitchen.

Gretchen was already there in front of the coffee pot. "Good morning, Mom," Kathryn said. "Please tell me you didn't stay awake the rest of the night, too."

"No, honey, I slept as much as I usually do. Were you up all night?"

"I slept fine. Chakotay didn't fare so well."

"He was worried about you. He's a good man, Kathryn."

"Yes, he is," Kathryn said with a smile.

"Should I cook breakfast?" Gretchen asked.

"No, I don't think so. Chakotay usually eats light, maybe some fruit or something. When he gets out of the shower, we are going to sit on the porch with our coffee. You can join us."

"You two go ahead and enjoy a quiet morning," Gretchen said. "I have some things to do upstairs."

Kathryn carried two cups of coffee back through the guest suite and onto the side porch. The morning air was cool but comfortable, and she could smell rich earth, dew on the ground, and wildflowers. It smelled like home. She sipped her coffee and watched the insects collecting water from the blades of grass until she heard Chakotay behind her. He ran his hand under her hair to the nape of her neck and leaned down to her in a slow, deep kiss. When he sat down, she said, "You look a little refreshed."

He sipped his coffee and said, "I feel better. It's strange. We went for days on little to no sleep on Voyager. Now, a couple of lost hours and I feel like I've been phasered."

She said, "Would you like me to find a Borg drone to chase you around a bit and wake you up?"

He chuckled. "No, but thank you for the offer. I like the caffeine idea better." He looked around and said, "It is a beautiful morning, isn't it?" She scooted her chair over to his and he put his arm around her, her hand resting on his knee. When she finished her coffee, she went to take her shower.

Chakotay remained at the table until Gretchen came out a couple of minutes later. "Chakotay, there is a subspace transmission from Trebus. Should I get Kathryn out of the shower?"

She saw him wince as he said, "No, it will be for me."

"You can take it in the office." Gretchen sat at the table while Chakotay went inside. When he returned, he looked troubled. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes. That was my sister. The mother of a childhood friend passed away last night. We were very close when I was growing up, but I have not seen her in years."

He looked guarded, his eyes hardened. She said, "Chakotay, I have been around Captains, Admirals and Ambassadors for most of my life. I did not know you are from Trebus. That tells me all I need to know. I'm old enough to remember."

He turned to her and she watched a sadness pass over his face. "My sister and her family are all I have left."

"I assume you are the Maquis leader Kathryn was sent into the Badlands to find?"

He nodded his head and his eyes dropped to the table between them. She clasped his arm and said, "Not everyone in Starfleet disagreed with the principles of the Maquis."

He tugged at his ear and took a deep breath. "I resigned my commission to take up my father's cause and protect my people when he was killed. I wasn't in it just for the fight, I swear."

"Chakotay," Gretchen said softly. "I don't know much about you yet, but I know my daughter, and I can see that you are an honorable man."

Kathryn stepped out onto the porch and paused when she saw them, her brow furrowing as she noticed his bowed head and her mother's hand on his arm. Chakotay said quietly, "My sister contacted me."

Kathryn glanced at her mother and said, "Oh."

"I may be old Starfleet," Gretchen said, "but I've got my own mind and my own opinions." She squeezed his arm and then leaned back in her chair and almost imperceptibly nodded at Kathryn.

Kathryn placed her hands on Chakotay's shoulders and kissed his cheek. "Is Sekaya okay?" she asked.

"Yes, she and the kids are fine," he said as he reached back to grasp her hand. "An old friend passed away last night. She was a sort of mother figure for me growing up."

Kathryn leaned down and slid her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she said.

"I haven't seen her in years. She had lived a long life. She raised six children of her own plus half of the colony. It is sad that she's gone, but I think the Spirits will honor her." He finally raised his eyes to Gretchen and said softly, "So, now you know. I am the reason your daughter ended up lost in the Delta Quadrant."

Gretchen smiled at him. "No, Chakotay, that alien caretaker is the reason she was there. You were just a bonus." His cheeks dimpled and his eyes softened again to a dark chocolate brown.

Kathryn picked up her cup and said, "I need more coffee." They all made their way to the kitchen and Chakotay comfortably leaned against the counter nibbling on a strawberry while Kathryn poured them more coffee. Once again, he had been forced to face the ghosts of his past, but their haunting was fainter in the light and love of Kathryn and her family.