Chapter 9. [Early December]
A/N:
To everyone who's story/author alerted this, sorry for the sudden influx of notifications! I re-edited the format of all the chapters and had to re-update them so yeah, that's why that happened.
I also have a couple things to explain. Some plot hole concerns were raised in a review and I just wanted to address some of those issues because I put a lot of thought into this and really want to make this AU fic as plausible and as seamless of an integration into the Glee world as I can.
Firstly, in my 'alternate universe', Puck did not impregnate Quinn, because I assumed they had sex after Finn joined Glee, and since in this universe he wasn't in Glee, he had more time for Quinn, and therefor interrupted that 'night' before it could be consummated. Thus Quinn is not pregnant. I tried to insinuate this in Quinn's flashback but I re-read it and realized how unclear it was. I have since edited that part in the hopes that my 'hints' of the AU backstory are better relayed. And a good way of looking at it, is just think of it as the butterfly effect. Change one thing in the past and a thousand unforeseen consequences can result :)
But as far as the other issues asked about: Emma and Sue ARE at WMHS, they've just had no reason to make an appearance in this story (yet). Sue has no pointless vendetta against the kids because they aren't effecting the Cheerios (yet). As you can probably guess, these two will both eventually emerge.
Also, Shelby implied that she reached out to contact Rachel because she saw Rachel's performance at Sectionals, and obviously as there's no Glee, Rachel never gave that performance, therefor not allowing Shelby to be inspired to contact her (and eliminating Jesse from the picture- yay!). The Kurt/Finn/Carole/Burt stuff will be coming soon (and I did think Kurt's crush on Finn was made pretty apparent during Finn's audition), and there will also eventually be a little Shelby as well, but that's all going to come later.
But yeah, sorry for this novel of an author's note! And if there are any other questions, please don't hesitate to ask because I don't want there to be any confusion or problems with the believability of this!
And to the person who requested cory's funniest interview moment- youtubedotcom/watch?v=eoUiYSys2Mc (and obviously substitute the 'dot' with a '.', ff won't let me post an actual link). It starts around the 45 second mark :)
...
"some were born to sing the blues."
...
[Thursday, night]
Later that night when Rachel's tucked comfortably into her four poster bed, she tries to contemplate the chaos she feels she's been thrust into. She's immensely confused. She doesn't know what in the world is going on between her and Finn, but she's not as sad as she knows she should be. Because even though he didn't kiss her, he definitely wanted to, she could tell.
She's still not going to get her hopes up. She knows that's silly. That thinking Finn Hudson would break up with Quinn Fabray for Rachel Berry is borderline insane. That the whole school would go into a frenetic state of pandemonium if that did somehow occur. That's just not the way things work, not in the real world anyways.
But it's okay. Because now she knows that Finn, he feels something for her too And that's enough for now.
...
[Friday, afternoon]
Finn knows Karofsky's ditching English today so when he walks into 6th period he plops in a front row seat right next to Rachel.
She doesn't say anything to him but every once in awhile he catches her staring at him.
He doesn't want things to be awkward because of yesterday after rehearsal. Does she know he almost kissed her? Could she tell? Was that kinda thing obvious to girls? He's not sure.
He thought about it a lot last night, and decided in the end that he'd pretend it never happened. But he still wanted to be friends with her. Like, a lot. Cuz he liked spending time with her and stuff and being around her. Which is why he was sitting next to her in English class.
When class is over and most of the kids are racing out the door ready for the weekend, he walks over to her and helps her shrug on her backpack.
She turns around in surprise and looks at him unsurely and says, "Yes?"
Finn smiles before walking next to her as she makes her way into the hallway, "I was just wondering if you're going to the football game tonight?"
She looks at him like he's an alien from another planet before replying.
"Um.. football games aren't really my thing."
"Why not?" Finn pushes, "This is the last game of the season, and it's going to be really fun."
Rachel glances around uncomfortably.
"Well, I don't really have anyone to go with."
His brows stitch together. Sometimes he forgets Rachel doesn't have friends, and how hard that must be.
"Weren't Mercedes and Kurt talking about going yesterday? Why don't you just go with them?" he asks as they walk out into the parking lot.
He doesn't know why he wants Rachel to go so badly. But for some reason, he wants her to know him, like, who he is as a person, and football's a big part of that person.
Rachel bites her lip, "Kurt and Mercedes don't really like me."
"Well that's dumb," he replies, cuz it is, "But shouldn't, like, 'stars in the making' be okay being by themselves? I mean, if you really don't want to come you don't have to, but I'd really like it if you did."
He follows her to her car, even though his is on the other side of the lot.
She smiles before biting her lip and nodding her head, "You're right. I have enough self esteem and confidence to be totally impervious to what other people think about me. I think I just might show up tonight."
She puts her books in the trunk of her car and he catches a glimpse of the rhinestoned boom box she brought to his audition.
"Awesome," he grins, "Wait.. what does impervee-"
"Impervious means being immune or oblivious to," she answers, reading his mind as she leans against the back of her bubble gum pink mini cooper.
He laughs a little, "And what does oblivious mean?"
"I'll use it in a sentence for you," she looks like she's enjoying her own private joke or something, "Finn Hudson can be unbelievably oblivious sometimes."
He still has no idea what she's talking about, but she's smiling at him, so he'll take that as a compliment.
"Thanks."
She laughs that infectious laugh of hers and says,"Case in point."
She lost him a few sentences back so he doesn't even bother responding this time. He just smiles at her and hopes that's enough.
She smiles back, and he decides he likes this little friendship they have going. It's comfortable even when it's not. If that makes sense.
"Well, I have to go meet Quinn.."
Her smile disappears and she walks over to the driver's side of the car.
"Of course," she answers shortly, "How silly of me to keep you occupied when I know how busy you must be."
"But I'll see you tonight?" he shouts, but she's already slammed the door.
...
She rests her elbow on the window sill and looks at the sky blue truck parked across the street. She can't help but imagine what Finn's doing with her nefarious neighbor in that big suburban house.
After staring for a few minutes she finally tears her gaze from the still building and stops torturing herself. Finn's allowed to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants because she has no claim on him whatsoever. He may have her heart (chained in an indelible grip) but she most certainly does not have his.
She sighs as she sits on her bed and hugs her knees. No one ever told her being in love hurt so much. It seems all her life all she ever does is hurt.
She's still not sure if she should go to the football game. Finn asked her too, which means the world to her, but he'll be playing
It's complicated because her one true love is also her only real friend. So she has two choices, she can either not go and save herself the heartache of seeing him with his cheerleader captain girlfriend on their turf and be a bad friend, or deal with the 'alone in a crowd' feeling watching the boy she loves in the arms of another and be a good friend.
In the end she decides she wants Finn to be happy, and it seemed as if her going would make him happy, so off to the football game she'll go.
...
"You're late."
Finn puts his hands in his pockets and tried not to look guilty.
Quinn rolls her eyes before opening the door wider so he can come in.
"Are you going to explain why you think it's okay to show up late to a date with your girlfriend? Especially when said girlfriend has told you ahead of time that she has something extra special in mind for them to do on said date?"
She leads him into the kitchen and he sits on one of the stools in front of the marble island in the middle as she prepares him the usual after school snack. Microwaveable pizza bagels.
"Um.. well.. Miss Anderson wanted to talk to me about my um.. late essay," he lies.
Quinn raises an eyebrow.
"Miss Anderson is a total creep who should be fired for the same reason Mr. Ryerson was. Brittany's brother says she totally hit on him when he was in her class three years ago. Watch out for her, she seems to have deluded herself into thinking attractive high school boys find washed out 30 year old women who wear too much neon eyeshadow viable love interests."
Finn nods. Quinn has no idea. Puck's already tapped that twice, and Miss Anderson came on to him on just the second day of class. He's managed to avoid offending her by responding flirtatiously even though he made it clear he's off limits. English is the only class he actually has an A in.
"Oh, and I forgot to remind you, the dress rehearsal for the winter celibacy ball is next Thursday afternoon, have you rented a tux yet?"
Crap.
"Umm.. What time is that again?"
"5," she answers curtly, placing the plate of mini pizza bagels in front of him.
He bites the inside of his cheek as he tries to think of a way to get out of it. Musical rehearsals run until 6.
He shoves a couple of the pizza bagels in his mouth to give him some to think.
"Is it okay if I'm a little late?" he finally asks between chews.
Quinn takes out a piece of celery and starts munching on it aggressively.
"No it is most certainly not okay. Why would you be late? Football season's over after tonight, what could you possibly have to do then?"
He stuffs three more pizza bagels into his mouth and tries to think fast. Just when he thinks he's come up with a good excuse, Quinn says, "And don't say chores for your mom because no chore on earth could take over two hours."
He swallows the bits of cheese pepperoni and bagel in his mouth until he finally gets an idea.
"I have a job interview," he says.
Quinn raises a brow and he runs with it.
"Yeah, gas is getting really expensive and stuff and I want to buy this new video game but I'm like totally broke, so I need to get a job. And I have an interview. On Thursday."
Quinn looks at him suspiciously before asking, "Where are you applying?"
He gets defensive as he polishes off the last few pizza bagels.
"Why are you going all Law and Order on me? It's just a job okay! You don't need to know every detail about my life!"
He doesn't like this. The lying, the yelling, the almost cheating.. He's not usually like this, he has morals and stuff and likes to think of himself as a generally good guy. But being in the musical is making him honestly happy for the first time in his sorry life, and he doesn't want to ruin all that by having everyone find out. Because he knows as soon as his friends do, they'll make him quit and that would really really suck.
"Fine," she says, grabbing his hand and leading him upstairs to her room. Before he can get too scared thinking about what she's about to do to him, she pushes him down on her bed and straddles him on the waist.
"Whu- Whu- what are you doing?" he asks shakily, as she leans her head down to kiss his neck, her short cheerleader skirt running up dangerously.
"I told you on Wednesday, I want to reward your patience," she says in between kisses, "You're obviously unsatisfied in this relationship Finn, and I just want to," she kisses his ear, "help you out a little," her hands roll up under his shirt and rest on his pectorals, "Because we are the perfect couple Finn," she whispers again, "You just need reminding of that."
"Wait," he says heavily, putting a hand on her back to stop her, "Are you saying you wanna have sex?"
She sits up suddenly, obviously offended.
"No!" she yells, but then sees the look on his face (why the hell is she leading him on then?) and tries to make up for it, "At least, not yet anyways. For now, let's just," she leans down again and places her hand on the steadily growing bulge in his pants, "experiment."
It only takes another thirty seconds for him to 'erupt' because, well, he kinda has a problem with that. But Quinn doesn't even care (she's kinda used to it by now) and keeps making out with him.
And it's fun, because, like, making out's fun and stuff, but it's not as fun as it usually is.
As he puts one hand on her butt (over the skirt) and the other in her hair, he can't help but think about how much better Rachel's more.. erm.. filled butt, would fit in his big palms, or how soft her silky long brown hair would feel between his fingers. And that's when he knows something's wrong. And he's suddenly not in the mood anymore.
"I have to go," he says, getting off of her suddenly, "Coach wants us at school by 4:30 and I forgot I have to go home and get my.. my deodorant."
She knits her brows together, "Don't you keep all that stuff in your gym locker?"
"I uh.. ran out," he says, practically speed walking out of her bedroom.
...
Rachel's a little late because she kept changing her mind. But in the end she was brave and just got in her car and drove over. Even though it felt like willingly walking into a cage full of lions.
She arrives right just in time for intermission, or 'half-time' as they call it. As she walks along the stuffed stands she tries to look for a seat but they're all stuffed. She's standing alone awkwardly and people are giving her weird looks so she crosses her arms self-consciously and hurries over the concessions stand. A hot pretzel will definitely make her feel better.
When she approaches the line, she sees Kurt and Mercedes near the middle. When they see her too, they wave her over. She suddenly feels really grateful as she walks over to them, and makes a mental note to be less harsh on their less than fabulous acting skills next practice.
"Hey hot mama," Mercedes says when she reaches them. Kurt smiles and nods his head politely (he definitely has the most problems with her for some reason).
"Hi!" she answers, "Is this your guys' first football game too?"
"Mhmmm," Kurt answers, "We decided we should check it out because we don't want to leave high school with any regrets, and going to a high school football game is an essential component to the mid-western high school experience."
Rachel nods in agreement, and asks where Artie and Tina are in reply. She doesn't even hear the answer though because she's just so glad that she's finally found some form of acceptance with some of her McKinley peers.
She looks around and feels the buzzing energy of her fellow students, and decides it is something of an experience, one she almost kind of likes.
...
Finn's running off the field with the rest of the team for half time and back into the locker room.
His eyes dart across the crowded bleachers on the home side but all the people blend together in a blur of colors. The marching band is playing and the lights are blinding and he's smiling to Quinn as she waves her pom poms to him on the edge of the field and everything's going the way it normally does, but something's different.
He turns his head around and looks over the people by the fence. Nope. No pint size brunette there either. He's been looking for her all night, and she has yet to show.
This really upsets him for some reason. Even though he wouldn't be able to talk to her even if she came, he wanted her here, to see him do what he was good at.
They're actually only losing by 1 point, so the game's not hopeless yet. He scans the crowds near the concession stand this time, and sees her back. She's standing with Mercedes and Kurt (he's glad she's not alone), and he wants her to turn around, he wants to smile at her. And it's as if he's sending her a telepathic message or something because she does turn around, and then he does smile at her, and he thinks she looks like she's about to burst from happiness as this acknowledgment as she energetically waves back.
"Dude what the fuck?" Azimio shouts over to him, "Why is Berry waving at you?"
"Uh.." Finn answers, avoiding her gaze quickly, "I dunno. She's crazy, right?"
He feels terribly the second he says it but it just comes out. It's what he's expected to say, it's what he has to say to not get mauled.
...
There's three minutes left to the game and Rachel's decided that football is impossibly boring. All the players just run around and tackle each other and every once in awhile the stadium bursts into cheers or boos (she can't contribute to these as she hasn't yet figured out the intricacies of the game).
But it doesn't really matter because she spends most of the time sitting on the bench (next to Mercedes and Kurt) thinking about Finn's smile. When she had turned around to see why the people around her were hollering, Finn had been staring right at her, and then he'd given her that one of a kind grin that made her melt. And it had been so amazing, like, that smile had made her feel that for once in her life someone besides herself and her dads found her special.
She was ignoring the fact that as soon as she waved he'd averted his eyes and looked the other way. She knew he was busy and had a lot on his mind, so she wasn't going to take it personally.
All of a sudden everyone around her gets on their feet and starts screaming. She assumes something important is happening. And then she watches Finn (the only player she can recognize, he's #5) throw the ball really really far (wow he's strong) to another player who's running running running and now he's crossed the line and she looks at the scoreboard and the 'home' score is the highest so apparently they've won.
She starts jumping up and down and clapping her hands because Finn's been so worried about this and now he won't have to feel like the football team's a joke anymore.
Twenty minutes later the hubbub's dimmed down, and she's saying goodbye to Mercedes and Kurt (she parked at the lot on the other side of the school).
While she navigates her way through the quieter school buildings she decides she's glad she came. Finn is quite a force on the football field, and there was so much commotion after the win she didn't even have to worry about seeing him and Quinn lip lock in celebration afterwards.
As she approaches the PE buildings, she hears a lot of ruckus and she realizes she's close to the boys locker room.
She wishes vaguely that he would come out, just him, so she could say congratulations to him as a friend and tell him how proud she is of him.
It's as if someone 'up there' is listening because the next second she hears a faint "Yo Finnegan, where ya goin?" and then Finn's voice explaining, "My car, I forgot to bring my shirt," and then all of a sudden he's a couple yards in front of her.
"Finn!" she squeaks, and he turns around in surprise.
She doesn't know what possesses her, but he just looks so.. incredible, standing there under the dim orange glow of the school lamps, his hair all tousled and his face flushed with sweat, with his white thermal shirt and football pants and his eyes so happy from the win. So for some reason when he turns around and looks at her she's overcome with this need to congratulate him and be close to him so she runs up to him and jumps up a little to hug him.
"Whoa, whoa.." he says quietly, pushing her off him, "What are you doing? The guys are right inside.."
She tries to not look hurt, "I know.. I'm sorry, it's just.. you were really amazing out there.. and.." he grabs her hand and pulls her into a shadowed corner, where they're not in broad view.
Her voice trails off. Would it be that big of a deal if one of his moronic caveman buddies caught them talking? She thought they were friends, and she knows he wants to keep his involvement in the musical a secret, but this makes her feel like some dirty secret or something.
"Why are you here?" he asks accusingly, as if he thinks she was stalking him and waiting outside the locker room for him like some pathetic groupie.
Rachel Berry might be a little.. obsessive, but she does have self-dignity. She knows she might be.. less than subtle.. about the torch she carries for him, but that doesn't give him the right to assume she's this desperate psycho stalker.
She looks straight into his barely visible face and clenches her fists.
"Believe it or not I was just walking to my car Finn," she says angrily, "And you were the one who was so insistent I come in the first place if you don't recall. But obviously you're so paranoid that one of your pre-historic imbecile friends will find out you associate with a nobody, that you can't even appreciate the fact that I did something I really didn't want to do for you, as a friend."
He looks guilty, but doesn't say anything,so she storms away in typical, dramatic Rachel Berry fashion. And he doesn't even call out after her to apologize.
She fumes with anger and hurt as she marches to her car. If Finn won't even let himself be seen talking to her, why would he ever actually want to date her?
...
He feels like the biggest jackass on the planet for the rest of the night. He can't even enjoy the free ice cream sundae he gets along with the rest of the dudes at Denny's afterwards. It tastes like tar in his mouth because he just feels so shitty about what he just did. Or didn't do, to be exact.
He hopes Rachel will understand. Understand that this is just the way things are, the way they have to be.
...
The second she gets home she knows exactly what song she needs to sing for her overdue myspace video. Her dads know something's wrong as soon as she walks in the door but she just tells them she's not hungry and had a bad day so they leave her alone.
As she heads up the stairs towards her room, she has to stop to get some air to her lungs. Even though she's in stellar shape, her chest hurts from the deep breaths she keeps taking (they're a well practiced measure to prevent her from weeping like a two year old).
After setting everything up she launches into the most heartfelt song she's sung in years.
"Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl."
The waterworks have officially commenced.
"Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl."
When she finishes recording it, she packs up her tri-pod methodically. The ritual of making these videos calms her.
She heads to her bathroom and draws a bath, deciding that she'll try to wash away her pain with the tub of hot water.
So what if she'll spend her whole life pining for a boy who will never reciprocate her feelings? Always yearning for a love that can never be. There's almost a certain beauty to that: that quintessential tragic story of unrequited love. Maybe she'll write a gripping autobiography about it when she's famous.
...